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I WANT TO GIVE UH COMPLIMENT
ON THAT.
REMI -- BILL, CAN YOU DO YOUR
FAILED ACCUSED BIT ONE MORE
TIME?
>> NO.
>> AND THIS TIME CAN YOU DO IT
SHORTER AND EFFECTIVELY?
>> THAT WAS NOT A BIT.
IT IS TRUE.
SHE FILMING A MOVIE IN
CANADA.
THAT WAS BREAKING NEWS.
>> AND IN CLOSING, DANA
VACHON, I LOVE YOUR COMMENT,
IRAN REALLY GETS ME DOWN.
MY GOD IS THAT A UNIQUE
PERSPECTIVE.
YOU MARCH TO THE BEAT OF A
DIFFERENT DRUMMER.
MY HAT IS OFF TO ALL OF YOU.
>> THANKS, JOE.
>> WELCOME TO THE "RED EYE"
ROAST APPARENTLY.
>>> COMING UP, CAN THE PIGGY
BACK BANDIT BE STOPPED?
GOD I HOPE NOT SAID SOMEBODY
WHO WAS DEF
>>> IF CHILDREN CRY SHOULD
THEY GO BYE-BYE.
THEY BANNED THE BLUBBERING
BABIES ADDING A DISCLAIMER
THAT READS IN PART, QUOTE, GCP
IS PROUD OF THE REPUTATION AS
A FAMILY RESTAURANT.
UNFORTUNATELY A NUMBER OF
DINERS POSTED UNPLEASANT
EXPERIENCES BECAUSE OF CRYING
AND UNSUPERVISED CHILDREN.
TO ENSURAL DINERS HAVE AN
ENJOYABLE LUNCH WE ASK THEY
TEND TO THEIR TOTS OUTSIDE.
MOST WERE OKAY WITH THE QUIRKY
RULE UP TO A POINT.
>> I CAN UNDERSTAND IF THEY
SAY I WANT TO SAY THE HERE AND
RELAX.
I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW IT WOULD
INCONVENIENCE OTHER PATRONS.
BUT I GIVE THEM A PASS IF THEY
ARE UNDER 3.
>> I'M WAY OVER 3 AND I BURST
INTO TEARS ALL THE TIME.
AGEISM.
REGARDLESS THIS SOUNDS LIKE A
STORY BEING COOKED IN A
KITCHEN I CALL --
>> LIGHTNING ROOOOOUUUU IN D.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> ANTHONY AS SOMEONE WITHOUT
KIDS THIS SOUNDS AWESOME,
DOESN'T IT?
>> IT SOUNDS FANTASTIC.
I CAN'T STAND LITTLE KIDS
CRYING IN A RESTAURANT OR
AIRCRAFT IS ANOTHER HORRID
PLACE.
IF I WANT TO SEE HORRIFIC
PARENTS AND CRYING CHILDREN, I
WILL WATCH A TODDLERS AND
TIERRAS.
LIE LIKE YOU WATCH EVERY WEEK
--
>> LIKE YOU WATCH EVERY WEEK.
>> IS THIS UNFAIR?
KIDS SOMETIMES CRY.
>> YES, KIDS SOMETIMES CRY.
>> IT TAKES TWO.
>> LOOK, DISCLAIMER, I HAVE NO
CHILDREN YET.
BUT I THINK THERE IS NOTHING
WRONG WITH THIS RULE.
IF YOU GO TO THE MOVIE AND
YOUR KID STARTS CRYING YOU
WOULD TAKE THAT CHILD OUT OF
THE MOVIE THEATER.
IF YOU ARE IN A COURTHOUSE, AS
I AM IN ALMOST EVERY DAY, IF
YOUR CHILD STARTS CRYING YOU
TAKE THEM OUT OF THE
COURTROOM.
I THINK THE SAME THING SHOULD
HOLD TRUE IN A RESTAURANT.
I DON'T SEE THE HARM IN
ALLOWING EVERYBODY DINE IN
PEACE.
>> WE GET IT, YOU ARE A LAWYER
AND HAVE A LAW DEGREE.
WHATEVER.
COULD THIS DISCOURAGE FAMILIES
FROM GOING TO RESTAURANTS?
>> HOPEFULLY.
ALL RIGHT I ASKED A QUESTION
AND I GOT AN ANSWER.
>> BILL, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN
ONE OF YOUR SIX I WILL
LEGITIMATE DAUGHTERS STARTS
ACTING UP IN A RESTAURANT?
>> I TELL THEM SHUT THE F UP
OR THE BOUNCER WON'T LET US
IN.
I DON'T GO TO RESTAURANTS.
I GO TO CLUBS, ANDY.
IF THEY CAN'T GET ME IN, THEY
SERVE NO PURPOSE.
I AM ALWAYS LOOKING OUGHT FOR
NUMBER SEVEN.
>> YES.
NEXT TOPIC.
A 28-YEAR-OLD WASHINGTON MAN
HAS BEEN BANNED FROM HIGH
SCHOOL SPORTING EVENTS DUE TO
HIS COMPULSION TO MAKE
ATHLETES GIVE HIS 5 FOOT 8
FRAME A PIGGYBACK RIDE AFTER
VICTORIES.
SHEER WIN, AKA, THE PIGGYBACK
BANDIT, HIS USUAL MO IS TO OFF
TORE HELP THE TEAM WITH
TOWELS, WATER OR CREEPY
MASSAGES, AND THEN ONCE THE
GAME IS OVER HE BEGS FOR SOME
SHOULDER.
HONESTLY THE WEIRDEST THING IS
HOW MANY TIMES THE PLAYERS
HAVE COMPLIED.
WHEN REACHED ON CELL PHONE HE
HAD THIS TO SAY, QUOTE, I
PREFER NOT TO COMMENT, IF
THAT'S OKAY.
YES, IT IS FINE TO JUMP ON A
GUY'S BACK, BUT YOU DON'T WANT
TO COMMENT.
THAT MAKES SENSE.
DANA, ON A SCALE OF ONE TO
AMERICAN HERO HOW MUCH DO YOU
LOVE THIS GUY?
>> AS LONG AS WE CAN PRODUCE A
PIGGYBACK BANDIT, WE ARE
FINE.
>> REMI, IS IT EVEN REMOTELY
POSSIBLE THIS IS NOT SOME KIND
OF DEVIANT BEHAVIOR, AND MAYBE
HE REALLY LIKES PIGGYBACK
RIDES.
>> I WOULD NOT BE THE BEST
PERSON TO ANSWER THAT, BUT I
THINK THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY
NO.
I HAVE HAD CLIENTS WHO HAVE
DONE FAR LESS WITH CHILDREN
WHO GET ARRESTED AND NEEDING
THE ASSISTANCE OF A CRIMINAL
DEFENSE ATTORNEY.
THIS GUY BETTER WATCH OUT.
>> YOU ARE SHOPPING YOURSELF
OUT FOR THE PIGGYBACK BANDIT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU RIGHT
NOW.
DON'T CALL HER PIGGYBACK.
>> AFTER THE GAME THEY FOUND
HIM IN A SAW LEWDED
IMMEDIATE -- SECLUDED MEADOW
WITH THE BODIES OF TWO SMALL
GIRLS AND HE THOUGHT -- THEY
THOUGHT HE KILLED HIM, BUT HE
WAS TRYING TO BRING THEM BACK
FROM THE DEAD WHICH WAS
APPARENT WHEN LOCUSTS FLEW OUT
OF HIS MOUTH.
>> THE PIG GAY MILE.
THE PIGGY MILE.
>> HE ASKED FOR PIGGYBACKS AND
HE WENT AND CLIMB OWED ONE
DUDE'S SHOULDERS.
DOES HE NEED TO BE PUT AWAY?
>> YEARS AGO THIS WOULD HAVE
BEEN A NEWSREEL THING.
HE SURE LOVES IT THE TEAM.
>> NOW WE LOOK AT EVERYTHING
LIKE IT IS SOME KIND OF
PERVERT.
I DO THINK HE IS SOME KIND OF
PERVERT.
>> BUT YOU CELEBRATE THAT
FACT.
>> I DO CELEBRATE PERV-OSITY.
>> BILL, YOU ARE THE SAME
HEIGHT AS SHERWIN.
YOU ARE A 10th OF HIS
WEIGHT.
IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR YOU TO
GET PIGGYBACK RIDES.
>> I DO IT LESS FOR ***
GRATIFICATION, BUT MORE
BECAUSE I AM LAZY.
BUT YOU FINALLY SAID SOMETHING
SMART AFTER FIVE YEARS ON "RED
EYE."
MASCOT.
WE SAW TWO PROBLEMS WITH ONE
FREAK.
THAT TEAM NEEDS A MASCOT.
THEY ARE IN WISCONSIN.
THEY CAN'T AFFORD ONE.
WHAT WE SHOULD DO --
>> THEY ARE WASHINGTON STATE.
>> WASHINGTON OR WISCONSIN,
ONE OF THE W'S.
THEY ARE ALL POOR.
WHAT YOU DO IS YOU MAKE HIM
THE PIGGYBACK MASCOTS.
HE HAS THE HEAD OF A PIG AND
THE REST OF THE BODY IS A
MASCOT AND YOU PUT HIM OVER
THE SHOULDERS OF THE GUYS
AFTER THEY WIN.
HE GETS TO HAVE FUN AND THE
AUDIENCE GETS TO HAVE FUN.
KITS DON'T KNOW THEY ARE
LOOKING AT A PERV AND
EVERYBODY WINS.
>> SOUNDS LIKE A SHOT FROM
"THE SHINING."
>> I DON'T FEEL LIKE EVERYONE
WINS IN THAT.
I FEEL LIKE SOME LOSE REALLY
BADLY.
>> DEROSA WILL CHECK THAT FOR
US.
>>> LAST TOPIC, THE INTERNET
HAS BEEN SET A BLAZE OVER A
RECENT 116-40POINT DRUBBING
FEATURING TWO HALL TEAMS IN
WISCONSIN RAISING QUESTIONS
OVER THE UNIVERSAL DEFINITION
OF MERCY, SPORTS MAN SHIP AND
GENDER NORMS.
THAT LAST ONE IS A PERSONAL
QUESTION.
SAID THE LOSING COACH, QUOTE,
THEY HAD MORE DUNKS IN THE
FIRST HALF THAN WE HAD
POINTS.
YOU DON'T NEED FULL COURT
APPRECIATOR AND FAST BREAK
DRILLS WHEN YOU ARE AHEAD BY
51 AT THE HALF.
COUNTER THE TRIUMPHANT COACH,
QUOTE AGAIN, I DON'T APOLOGIZE
FOR ANYTHING.
I WOULD DO IT AGAIN, BUT THIS
TIME I WOULD SCORE 130 OR
140.
I LIKE A MAN WHO APOLOGIZES
FOR NOTHING.
ANTHONY, IS THIS GUY A JERK OR
DID HE TEACHERS AND THE LOSING
TEAM A AVAILABLE LIFELESS
SON?
>> THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS
HAPPENING A LOT THESE DAYS.
THERE IS NO LOSERS, ESPECIALLY
IN A CHILD SPORTS LITTLE
LEAGUE AND WHATNOT.
THEY WILL PULL THE GOOD
PLAYERS OFF A TEAM IF THEY ARE
TROWNSING THE OTHER TEAM.
IT TEACHES THEM.
YOU WILL GET CRAPPED ON,
KIDS.
ENJOY.
HAVE FUN IN THE WORLD.
IT STINKS.
>> YOU PLAYED TENNIS IN HIGH
SCHOOL, I BELIEVE.
>> YES.
>> YOU CAN'T RUN UP THE SCORE
IN TENNIS, BUT WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF WHAT THIS COACH DID?
>> I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH
IT.
I AGREE WITH ANTHONY.
>> THE PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS.
>> KIDS ARE TREATED LIKE
DELICATE LITTLE FLOWERS.
AND I KNOW WE NEED TO BE
SUPPORTIVE, BUT THEY HAVE TO
LEARN THE LESSON THAT THERE
WILL BE AIN WNER AND THERE
WILL BE A LOSER WHEN YOU PLAY
A SPORT, A MATCH, A GAME,
WHATEVER IT IS.
THEY ARE LEARNING HOW TO DEAL
WITH THE LOSS AND THAT'S PART
OF GROWING UP AND PART OF THE
SPORT.
SHOW THEM YOU ARE BETTER.
>> I GREW UP WITH COMPETITION,
AND I ENDED UP WITH HORRIBLE
ANXIETY.
>> I DON'T THINK IT PROVES
YOUR POINT.
DANA, THOUGHTS?
>> IN CHINA DURING THE
CULTURAL REVOLUTION -- NO,
THIS SIPPETTING.
THEY DIDN'T KEEP INDIVIDUAL
STATISTICS IN THE BASKETBALL
GAMES.
ALL THAT MATTERED WAS THAT THE
TEAM WON.
I DON'T KNOW THAT HAS ANY
BEARING ON THIS, BUT IT IS AN
INTERESTING BASKETBALL-RELATED
FACT THAT TELLS US THERE IS
SOMETHING ABOUT THE INDIVIDUAL
IN THE COLLECTIVE THAT COULD
BE A PLUS.
>> THAT WAS PERFECT.
>> THAT WAS THE BEST NONANSWER
EVER.
>> BUT WE LEARNED SOMETHING.
>> BILL, DO YOU BELIEVE YOU
NEED A MERCY RULE FOR EVERY
ASPECT OF YOUR SO-CALLED LIFE
YOU SUE PIED LITTLE FREAK?
>> NOT A FREAK.
>> NOT A QUESTION FROM BEGIN
TOING RESULTING END -- FROM
BEGINNING TO INSULTING END.
TWO IN ONE SENTENCE.
I WOULD SAY THIS.
YOU DON'T DO THE MERCY RULES
FOR THE KIDS.
YOU DO IT FOR THE PARENTS.
THESE ARE NOT LIKE PAID
TICKETS C AND YOU CAN LEAVE A
GAME IF IT IS AWFUL.
THESE PARENTS HAD TO STAY
THERE BECAUSE THEIR KID IS ON
THE FLOOR.
AFTER A SHALACKING YOU WANT TO
GO HOME.
STOP IT.
THIS IS WHY I DON'T GO TO ANY
OF MY DAUGHTER'S GAMES NOR DO
I PAY FOR THEIR EQUIPMENT.
>> PARENTS SHOULD KNOW IF
THEIR KIDS BLOW.
>> THEY KNEW BY HALF TIME.
EAT THE ORANGE SLICES AND GO
HOME.
>> LOOK, I AGREE WITH
EVERYTHING ABOUT THE
COMPETITION AND IF ONE TEAM IS
BETTER THAN THE OTHER TEAM,
THAT'S GREAT.
BUT REPORT YOU SUPPOSED TO
LEARN SPORTS MAN SHIP AND
ISN'T THERE SOMETHING UNSPORTS
MAN LIKE OF RUNNING UP THE
SCORE?
>> YOU ARE TEACHING -- YOU
SHOULD BE TEACHING LESSONS,
SOME KIND OF MORAL VIRTUE AND
IN LIFE IF YOU GO ABOUT
TROWNSING PEOPLE WHEN YOU
DON'T HAVE TO YOU WILL MAKE
ENEMIES AND YOU WON'T GO AS
FAR.
>> AND ONE DAY THE TROWNSER IS
THE TROWNSY.
>> NAME OF YOUR NEW SELF-HELP
BOOK.
>> IT IS TIME TO TAKE A
BREAK.
FIRST, ADMIRE THIS WIDE SHOT
OF OUR TEMPORARY STUDIO.
>>> CAN YOU PLEASE USE IT IN A
SENTENCE.
JOY IN GAIL HAD NOT SEEN THE
HARON SLIDE DOWN FROM THE TREE
--
>> HERON.
>> WHAT IS THE WORD AGAIN?
>> HERON.
>> HAIRINK.
>> HARO.
>> HARO.
>> HAIR LINE?
>> HERON.
>> HAIR ONE.
>> HERON.
>> HERON.
>> PLEASE REPEAT THE WORD
HERON.
>> PLEASE GIVE ME THE
DEFINITION.
>> A WAITING BIRD THAT HAS A
LONG NECK AND LEGS AND LONG
TAPERING BILL WITH A SHARP
POINT AND SHARP CUTTING
EDGES.
>> HERON.
>> HERON.
>> WHY DIDN'T HE JUST ASK HER
TO SPELL IT?
THAT WOULD HAVE SOLVED
EVERYTHING.
>> THAT WAS PAINFUL.
>> ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY
ABOUT THAT?
>> I LIKED EVERYTHING ABOUT
IT.
>> ANYTHING FROM THE HISTORY
OF THE INDIAN REVOLUTION THAT
MIGHT APPLY?
>> IT SHOWS HOW INADEQUATE
LANGUAGE IS.
>> AND YET WE STILL NEED IT TO
GET LAID, DON'T WE?
>> SORT OF LIKE HOW HUG GEE
BEAR.
>>
>>> WE WILL CLOSE
>>> DON'T FORGET TO WATCH US
ON SATURDAY AT 2:00 A.M.
EASTERN TIME AND 11:00 P.M.
PACIFIC TIME.
A NEW "RED EYE" RETURNS.
MARTHA McCAL WILL YOU PLEASE
AND -- McCALLUM AND ANDREW
WK.
>> IT IS TIME TO GO BACK TO
JOE DEROSA FOR THE POST GAME
WRAP UP.
OH, JOE.
>> OH, ANDY.
REMI, WHEN CAN WE SEE YOU ON
THE WILLIS REPORT?
>> THANKS FOR ASKING.
IT WILL BE WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON
5:30 WITH GERRI WILLIS.
THE WILLIS WATCHDOG SEGMENT.
>> YOU ARE WELCOME FOR
ASKING.
ANTHONY, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR
UPCOMING VACATION.
>> WELL, AS WE WERE SAYING
HERE AMONG OURSELVES.
OURSELVES I HATE PEOPLE AND I
HATE LEAVING MY HOUSE SO I AM
GOING ON A CRUISE WHICH SHOULD
BE A LOT OF FUN.
I HOPE THE CAPTAIN WANTS TO GO
HITTING GARBAGE PALES ALONG
THE COAST WHILE WE GO.
I LIKE THE ITALIAN CRUISE
THING.
THE WHOLE TIPPING OVER.
I HOPE THAT HAPPENS.
CRUISES WOULD BE GREAT IF THE
SHIP HALFWAY SINKS.
>> VERY GOOD.
DANA, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH
YOU?
>> I'M EMPTY AND ACHING AND I
DON'T KNOW WHY.
>> I KNOW Y. WE WILL TALK
ABOUT IT AFTER.
ANDY, BACK TO YOU.
THANK YOU.
>> THANKS, JOE.