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concrete steps towards living life to the fullest
untangle your emotions and live life to the fullest
the art of conscious living
1. Why this book? 2. Basic Theory - A, 3. Basic Theory - B
4. Phase 1, 5. Phase 2, 6. Phase 3, 7. What can you expect from PRI?, 8. Good luck!
The first phase in 'PRI and the art of conscious living'...
is to learn to recognize when our emotional brain is activated.
Of course we all know that wisdom begins with self-knowledge...
ultimately the thing that can really make a difference in our lives...
that will help us live our lives fully, that thing lies within us, it's not somewhere else.
So in this first phase, that is the most important thing.
The goal is to install a so called Inner Observer.
It means that at some point you automatically, continuously...
effortlessly will be aware of what you think, what you feel, what you do.
Well, that inner observer, at some point it will be installed and it will be effortless...
but to get to that point, of course, that takes a while. That's what Phase 1 is all about.
So how to get there? It consists of two parts.
The first part, or the first thing you do to install the inner observer...
is making sure you always have a small notebook...
or some post-its, or sticky notes in your pocket, and a small pencil...
and to make sure your clothes have pockets, so you can always reach for them...
because the idea is that throughout the day, wherever you are, at any given time...
the moment you recognize any of the five defensive reactions...
okay, I feel like, I'm afraid and there's nothing to be afraid of, or I feel bad about myself...
or I, I'm annoyed, I'm angry or I'm stressed, I'm really doing my best...
or Denial of Needs the last one...
I really don't feel that much, it's all a bit flat and a bit plain...
in those moments you take the post-its out of your pocket...
and you briefly, in a few key words, describe the situation in which you've noticed those defences.
So it needn't be a comprehensive analysis, in fact, don't do that...
because that's just going to get in the way and interfere with you living your life.
So you just want to write down one or two or three words...
based on which you, later in the day, you do that once a day...
for 15 minutes, fill out forms to analyse your observations.
So you have to write enough keywords down on your sticky notes...
to fill in that form later.
On the sticky notes, the less words the better.
Do this throughout the day and remember, that's really very important...
that the more situations, the more you recognize defensive reactions during the day...
the quicker you will master PRI.
I mean, we all have defences, we all have them, all 5 of them.
It's continuous, so look for more rather than less.
It may be that people think:
oh, I only wrote down one defence today, gosh, that's great, I don't have that many.
Well, unfortunately, especially in the beginning, this is absolutely not the case.
The less defences you recognize, the harder it will be to apply this method.
Worse still, the less defensive reactions you write down...
the fewer the number of situations you think you have a defensive reaction...
the bigger, the stronger the Denial of Needs defence, in your case, probably is...
and the Denial of Needs defence is a defence...
that, certainly in the beginning, is the most difficult to work on...
because when you are in Denial of Needs, you simply are very unaware of what's going on.
And if you have very little awareness of what's going on...
well then you can't really do much about it.
So the more defensive reactions you notice throughout the day, the better it is.
Sticky notes! Fill them up, fill them up, with key words, all day long.
Then, if you have done that throughout the day...
try to find a set time in the day, that's important, that you find a set time.
For most people this will be somewhere in the evening after dinner...
only not just before going to bed because most people feel too tired...
make sure you still have enough energy.
Sit down with the form you can find in the books...
you can also find it on the web site, you can download it, self-observation form Phase 1.
Look at it and grab your sticky notes and fill out each situation one by one.
Well you'll see that the first thing you are going to fill out...
when you noticed a defensive reaction, you will ask yourself...
okay, in what situation did it occur?
What, what happened, what was the situation that triggered that defence, in my case.
Then you describe briefly what behaviour you displayed in this defence...
so what you did and which category it belongs to.
Was it Fear, Primary defence, False Hope or False Power of Denial of Needs.
Make sure you do this every day.
It's preferable you don't skip a day.
Even if there is some special circumstance, or if you don't feel like it...
or when you go on holiday, you name it...
it takes 15 min, yeah, you're doing 15 min of writing down your sticky notes...
so you might not be able to write them all down...
that's not a problem, but devote 15 minutes a day to it.
And if you do that every day...
then you will find that it becomes anchored in your system at some point...
and then you get that inner observer who truly automatically, is continuously conscious.
By contrast, if you do three days out of seven...
then you can go on a very long time before you will really have internalized it.
So that's just a shame, you just hurt yourself. It is difficult in the beginning...
of course many people struggle with it, to do it every day, they will say:
then I was just tired, then I was away, and then I was on a holiday.
But do yourself a favour, really try to stick with it for a few months, every day...
and then you will see you will get good results fairly quickly. Then it's in your system.
The sticky notes help you to, at some point, become very alert...
in those moments a defensive reaction is triggered...
so the writing down of those moments on sticky notes...
serves to anchor your experience in identifying the defences.
Because if you just say to yourself, oh yeah, this was a defence...
then you anchor it much less, the identification process...
than if you take your sticky notes and a pencil and you just write it down in a few key words...
it anchors the recognition of the moment...
that you were taken over by a defensive reaction or a defence was triggered.
And that is so important! Because it is the anchoring of the recognition...
that enables a firm installation of the inner observer...
and at one point will notify you continuously, while you are living your life.
Suddenly, you will hear a bell going off, ring:
ah okay, defence occurring, what is happening?
So do yourself a favour, fill those sticky notes every day...
once a day, the self-observation form associated with Phase 1...
of the book PRI and the art of conscious living...
and then you will see that your inner observer will be firmly installed.