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Want to know when it hits you that you’re getting old? When games like this come in,
based on popular things, and you’ve never even heard of them.
Also, when your *** start to lower. Your testicles.
So I was kind of surprised to learn that Poptropica is a thing. It’s some kind of website for
children to make avatars and socialize. They claim it’s created more than 60 million
friendships around the world between actual children on a safe and secure network. Whatever
helps you sleep at night, Poptropica.
Remember, kids. ASL’s not a question about Pokemon.
So I guess it’s for the better that Poptropica would come to the friendly confines of the
Nintendo DS. I have no idea if it’s similar to the website, because I’m not registered
at Poptropica. And I’m not going to register at Poptropica, because the FBI knows when
28-year-olds register at Poptropica.
But for what it is, Poptropica Adventures isn’t a bad little game.
So you start off by choosing whether you’re a boy or a girl. The boy icon has short hair,
the girl icon has long hair. Hey, Poptropica—next time, how about next time you just use the
words boy and girl? Alright? I have long hair and a maiden slayer, and I’d prove it to
you...but I’m not entirely convinced this whole game isn’t just...like, entrapment.
Afterward, you customize your little character and the game beings. This is basically a really
simple puzzle/platformer. So you go to a location, there’s a problem or a mission of some kind,
you save the day. In the first world, for example, someone has robbed a comic book shop.
So you walk around town talking to people and trying to find the villain, all the while
solving little puzzles and playing minigames.
Everything is really simple and straightforward...maybe too simple, in fact. The game only has three
islands you can explore, which doesn’t seem like much. There’s also a kind of hub island
with a museum. So as you accomplish goals on other islands, you collect new things to
add to the museum. That’s pretty cool, but again...some more islands to explore would’ve
been nice.
There are lots of minigames to play, and they’re actually kind of fun. Lots of simple platforming
challenges and even a pipe game that seems like BioShock hacking for kids...you know,
in case they’re afraid of the real game. Children are such cowards. Nonetheless, Poptropica
Adventures is a perfectly solid game for them. If you’re a parent who gets weird about
the Internet...this game is not the Internet.