Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
How to Have a Celebrity Meltdown. The next time you have a hissy fit, do it in style
-- star-style! Here's how. You will need Minion to berate Psychotic behavior Arrogance Sex
scandal Rehab or hospital Racism (optional) Misogyny (optional) Flimsy excuse (optional)
and soundproofing and recording equipment (optional). Step 1. Berate a minion, preferably
in public. Stick to a profanity-laced verbal lashing, or include physical violence, like
throwing a telephone at someone's head or attacking their car with an umbrella. Take
your temper tantrum to the next level with racism or misogyny. Step 2. Behave psychotically
during your celebrity meltdown: Wander the streets babbling incoherently; break into
a stranger's home to take a nap; hide in someone's bushes; or say you'll take everyone to heaven
in a spaceship. Step 3. Display breathtaking arrogance by claiming to have superior knowledge
or supernatural powers. Make it clear that you truly believe you are better than everyone
else and -- gosh darn it -- you're no longer going to pretend otherwise. Step 4. Become
embroiled in a sex scandal in a way that has people scratching their heads and thinking,
"Did they _want_ to get caught?" Offer a flimsy excuse, like you were just trying to counsel
that transvestite. Step 5. Blame your celebrity meltdown on addiction or abuse. Or check yourself
into the hospital for "exhaustion" -- a condition that seems to affect pampered stars disproportionately
compared with the average working stiff. Step 6. Enjoy your comeback! Because there's no
celebrity meltdown so great that you can't rebound from it -- and be a bigger ***
than ever. Did you know 30 percent of Americans believe singing sensation Justin Bieber will
be in celebrity rehab by the time he's 30.