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HERO: Juice... Juice... Where is the director? How long do I have to wait for him?
ELI : Hero Sir... Hero Sir
HERO: Hey, call me Jigna star dude. ELI: Check this out now sir
ELI: JIGINA STAR (glitter sir) sir... JIGINA STAR sir
HERO: Doesn't that sound reallllly good... ELI: How did you get this name sir?
HERO: I realized If you don't have a "STAR" as in your prefix, no one considers you as a cine star
ELI: Got it Sir...Tried "FIVE STAR" , That is a chocolates' name, "TOP STAR" is a tea brand.
ELI: All the "STAR"s from "SUPER STAR" to "POWER STAR" are already taken
HERO: Yes... that's right... If I have to glitter in this industry, I have to become "JIGNA (glitter) STAR" and hence the name change
HERO: Anyways, Where is the director?
ELI: Yeah.. What for?..Err... He is planning to shoot the next segment of this song in a village
HERO: Seriously? We have already shot this song in 8 different settings already and there is no connection at all between this story and village
ELI: Sir, there is no connection between Hong Kong and this story either, but you did not mind the Hong Kong trip. HERO: Err..that .. I mean...My juice is in the car, let me go get it
Eli : JIGINA STAR Sir...JIGINA STAR sir... HERO: Wassup my friend...
ELI: Just think about it Sir...Village setting, lush green fields, mountains, streams, dusty roads, bullock carts and you dancing just with a a loin cloth
HERO: Loin cloth? No way! ELI: Just think about it Sir...Village setting, lush green fields, mountains, streams, dusty roads, bullock carts and you dancing just with a a loin cloth
HERO: Loin cloth? No way!
ELI: Don't worry sir.. we will blindfold the cows
HERO: That cow seeing is your problem. eh? By the way, who are you? ELI: My name is ELI (mouse) sir
Hero : Eli? That's an interesting name ELI: Yes sir. Very interesting - I have a story about that name ..Care to listen?
HERO: NO...NO... I can better spend that time listening to a few directors and sign up for a few movies. For my range, I should not even be here
ELI: You are right sir... You deserve to be somewhere else Kombu: Hey... the guy in that Jigna dress is the one we are after. GO GRAB HIM!
[Bawling his heart out] VLGR: Oh no... its all ruined... Everything is gone...what am I gonna do now?
PRES: What happened??? What happened??? VLGR: I just can't believe these things can happen sir
PRES: What happened ? first tell us what happened ???
VLGR: My granny died sir!
PRES: What the heck man! your granny died 12 years ago... why are you crying for that now?
VLGR: Even if its 12 years back, Granny is a granny right? How can I control my emotions... Such a loving woman...
VLGR: She used to ask me to wear slippers when eating fish so the fish bones wont hurt me
VLGR: That caring granny died...you know who is responsible for this? It's all the handiwork of the village ghost
VLGR: Yes Mr.President... Every night I vomit and bleed
PRES: Karruppu... Are you really vomiting blood? That's a serious issue man!
VLGR: No, Mr.President... I vomit as usual but bleed through my hand. Nicked my hand harvesting sugar cane
PRES: You moron.... What's the connection between those two?
VLGR: That's exactly what I am telling too Too many random things are happening... The village ghost is the reason for this too...
[Random hymn... Sounds scary ..] [But does not really mean much]
PRES: Stop that ayyanaar Your shenanigans would tempt even unwilling ghosts to come over
As such everyone is scared out of their minds... You are making it worse for all of us....
AYNR: You folks should pay attention to what I am saying... This is no average ghost guys!...
AYNR: It is going to kill at least one person per family before the end of harvest season Oh... Lord, why are you tormenting us like this?
PRES: Hey... hey... some one try to cool him down
PRES: Don't be scared folks... I am going to solve this whole issue with the ghost
SURI: Yeah Right.... You have not solved it in the last 35 years... you are going to solve it now?....
SURI: In fact, your dad made the same promise when he was the President You are just parroting his words now ....
SURI: No action has been taken so far in that respect..... Nor has any problem been solved...
PRES: Hey Soori...we can't do things in a hurry.... The village elders know how to deal with these kinds of situations. Kids like you should know your place and behave
SURI: This is what happens when you elect a oldies for the President... They just yap all day... But no action whatsoever....
AYNR: What soori is saying sounds right to me...
PRES: Ayanaar... why do you always take soori's side these days? Someone go and get kombu here immediately
PRES: Everyone ... pay attention.... We HAVE found the right person to get rid of the "ghost"...
PRES: He has dealt with all kinds of evil spirits, demons, goblins, dwarfs and smurfs..... Start music....
PRES: Alrite.. Alrite.. Stop the music...
FAN: Thalaiva... Thalaiva.... Where are you??
PRES: Who the heck is this clown? FAN: Yo, you guys kidnapped my Thalivar right? Where is he now?
HERO: yo... where am i? who are you guys?
FAN: Thalaivaa...Thalaivaa.... You OK? HERO: Who the heck are you, man?
FAN: I am offended Thalaiva.. What kind of a question is this? I am, your biggest fan...
FAN: I am the one who stands in the first row and whistles loudly in every outdoor shooting of yours
HERO: All that is fine... I felt like someone hit me *** my head.. Did you see that?
FAN: Yes thalaivaa...These hooligans kidnapped you... I am here to save you
PRES: How's the journey my friend? HERO:[sarcastically] what journey are u talking about?
HERO: Oh ***... seven'o clock??? Got to go man... the media will be waiting to interview me...
PRES: It will just land you in the graveyard... Come over here. Let me explain. This is our village...
PRES: There is a ghost in this village that has been troubling us for a while...
PRES: We brought you here so you can get rid of the ghost.. HERO: What the heck.. You want me to get rid of a ghost???
FAN: That's child's play for our hero... HERO: hey dude....no...
FAN: You don't know you actual powers Thalaivaa In last movie, you chased that hottie heroine with just a cold stare .... Chasing a ghost is a cake walk for you...
HERO: Sir.. Please tell the truth... Who are you guys?
PRES: My friend... I told you already... this is my village...
SURI: That guy is asking questions like a kindergarten kid and you are repeating yourself. Let me handle this....
SURI: Hey... come a little closer.... HERO: Yeah SURI:Now he will understand.
AYNR: Soori...You are going to screw up everything I have got plans for this guy. Just leave the place now...
SURI: Hold on Aiyanaar... Look here.. We kidnapped you to get rid of the ghost from this village...
SURI: Will get rid of it?
SURI: Hmmm.... Get your job done and leave the village. ok?.... He has agreed to do the job... You can all go home now!
SURI: This is how plans gets executed... Not your oldie ways
FAN: That was one hard slap... I can still hear the ring... Did you really understand what he said?
FAN: You were just nodding away for all his conditions....? HERO: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat????
HERO: Sir... You should have gotten an exorcist to get rid of the ghost. ...why did you bring ME? ....
PRES: You are the right exorcist for this ghost my friend...
HERO: What ??? Me? an exorcist???
VLGR: In the movie "Kaateriya kokka", you got rid of the ghost by just pitching 'punch dialogs' at it...HERO: whaat???
FAN: That's right Thalaivaa.... You scared the ghosts away just by mouthing
FAN: "I am more powerful than a electric fence.. You just can't escape from me"
HERO: Guys, even I haven't watched that movie.. Where did you guys watch it?
VLGR: In our president's dhoti....
FAN: What???...seriously???
VLGR: Well.... we just project the movie on our president's dhoti In our village theater..
FAN: What will the president wear till the movie is done?
HERO: Is that the most important question now..? Tell me what am I doing here now?
PRES: I don't know "what you will do" or "how you will do it",... Chase away the village ghost ..
PRES: just like you chased the vampire in that movie. Only then you can leave this place... That's the final decision....
HERO: I just acted in that movie..How can I convince you guys?... Do you know whom I am? Does anyone here know who I am?
VLGR: Sir, we know you wanted to kidnap without anyone knowing.... But it looks like even he does not know about it..... Howiiiizzzzzit?
HERO: That's a stupid joke.... Dude you know me well. Can you tell them that I am an actor and can't chase ghosts.
ELI: haha...Bro, it was actually my suggestion..
HERO: GOD! It is an inside job is it? you are from this village too?
HERO: Sir... can you come a little closer... Can I tell you something??
HERO: I am not able to make even my movies run successfully. How do you think I can make a ghost run from here?
PRES: My friend, we know who is the right person to get a job done... Just last year when "Shenbagam"(cow) had trouble getting milked...
FAN: who did you get for that?
PRES: We got Actor Abbas....
ELI: Dude had no idea where to milk the cow... All said and done, the cow just milks itself and even brings it home, afraid of Abbas.
FAN: Thalaivaa... if they can get Abbas to milk the cow, just imagine what they might make you do....
AYNR: Dude... come over here..
AYNR: You have not learned much even after that slap ... All these guys are barbarians....Don't know what to expect from them...
AYNR: I will take care of getting rid of the ghost... you just go them that you spoke to the ghost...
AYNR: And tell them the ghost wants this and that .. Just make up some stuff like that and try to get out of this place quickly.
HERO: Hey..... What's he talking about? FAN: He is asking you to lie that the ghost wants a goat or cow for sacrifice.... Am I right?
AYNR: Yeah... but these guys wont flinch for goats or cows.. Tell them something novel....bigger... huge....
HERO: Something huge and new....what would that be?
FAN: Hmmmm... That's 'BIG'.. But been in the market for a while... And the other one is 'NEW'. but not quite big enough
AYNR: Can I suggest something?.... FAN: Do we have a choice?
AYNR: Tell them that the ghost does not like live in the forest and now would like to live in a house inside the village...
AYNR: "Hence it needs a brand new house built for it"...
FAN: Thalaivaa.... This is a great idea.. Tell them that the ghost is asking for a house...
HERO: Oh.. Is it...? Alright...When I go there... just shout "Action"..fine? FAN: Ok Thalaivaa...
AYNR: Alrite, Come here everyone.. Our hero has something important to say.
FAN: ACTION..
HERO: So you guys think I know everything about the ghost...right? VLGR: Yes.. Yes.. Totally...
HERO: Hmm...All of you guys have been yelling to get rid of the ghost". Have you guys thought about what the ghost wants? FAN: Wow....
HERO: ...The whole village eats away like no tomorrow for every festival like diwali, pongal or christmas...
HERO: ...Have you guys ever thought of feeding the ghost? FAN: Yeah...Did you guys think about it?
FAN: Answer this....
HERO: You all slurp you coffee every morning like a baboon in a bar. But did you ever think of giving a cup of coffee to the ghost?
VLGR: What are you talking about... Can a ghost ever drink coffee? FAN: When a colossal waste like you can, why can't the ghost drink?
HERO: Listen guys... What's the ghost doing these days? It is visiting everyone's house
HERO: Why???? Because it does not have a house of it's own
HERO: If you guys build a house for the ghost,it will stay in its house and you can stay in yours...
HERO: It won't trouble you anymore... Am I right?
PRES: An house for the ghost? Did the ghost ask for that?
FAN: Nah it sent a 'spokesperson' (it's cousin sister)
AYNR: Build an house for the ghost.... It's an order from the Goddess
PRES: Alrite.. Alrite... The ghost needs a house to stay in... What do you guys think about this idea?
VLGR: My friend...You are our saviour! You have solved a problem that has been going on for many years...You are a true hero
HERO: Hey... Hey its ok ya....What's the big deal... Well... I will take leave then... nice meeting you all.
PRES: Dude.. Why are you in such a hurry? who will build the house If you leave ?
PRES: Stay back, build the house and then you can leave... what do you guys say??
VLGR: Yes...yes.. That's right.
HERO: What do you mean right? shouldn't have listened to you... Instead of ghost beating, it is house building now....
AYNR: Tell them that you will build the house... HERO:Hey are you kidding me?
AYNR: Well... Tell them that you will start tomorrow morning... and run away tonight itself...
HERO: Hey... He gives good ideas... Can we trust him???
FAN: He does look like ghost's body double but seems to be the only sane person here...Lets just do what he said and escape overnight....
HERO: Alright then... According to the ghost's wish, I will build a house for it and only then leave this village.... Are u guys happy now?
PRES: Awesome... You can stay in this house. Wake up early tomorrow....Just the foundation work would take 6 hours....
PRES: Hey, meanwhile inform the priest about the early morning pooja...
VLGR: He is not in town.. PRES: Well, he will go out of town just when we want him around
PRES: Anyways let's disperse now...
FAN: Thalaiva.... i am very tired... How about taking a short nap and escape at midnight?
FAN: Man.. this house itself looks like a haunted house... Why do we have to construct a new one for the ghost?
HERO: Whatever dude, just go inside..
HERO: Wassup guys? VLGR: We have only watched you in president's dhoti before Why don't you sing and dance with us once?
HERO: I agreed to construct the house right? Now you want me to dance for you guys as well? This is too much...
FAN: Thalaivaa... They are giving us a great opportunity... Lets use this to escape from the village
HERO: Dei...FAN: Have you guys arranged EVERYTHING?
FAN: Alrite Thalaivaa... Let the show begin...
PRES: Fifty three.. fifty four.. sigh....
PRES: kaamachi...hey kaamchi...
PRES: Did you hear the news Munuswamy's wife is pregnant? Who do you think is responsible for that?
KAMA: What stupid question. Munusamy of course . right?
PRES: Owning a rifle does not always mean you can lift it to shoot. Know what I mean? I think it is the ghost
KAMA: What rubbish? What's the ghost got to do with this?
PRES: Well, eating just a few drumstick for dinner gets a guy totally going for a day or two. That ghosts lives on the drumstick tree
PRES: Just imagine how *** it should be
KAMA: If you don't stop now, I am going to hang you on that same tree Now that we have the hero in our village, what's your plan?
PRES: Step 1: For foundation, dig a six foot pit... KAMA: Step 2: We throw you right in that pit
KAMA: Who cares about a house for the ghost. I want to know how you will get our daughter married to the hero
PRES: You want our daughter Thaen to get married to the hero? Thaen should marry our Mammooty. Isn't that the right thing to do?
KAMA: Have you ever had a serious look at his face? No way I am getting my daughter married to him
KAMA: Yeah right.. Can't speak a single coherent sentence and you want to marry off my daughter to him?
MAMU: Akka.. Akka (sister, sister) ...Heard something about marriage... Who is getting married?
KAMA: Yeah... did you also hear about the part where I said never?
MAMU: Well.. akka has started her daily routine... You have every right to scold but can you get me the breakfast first..
KAMA: Get up and get lost... Don't you have any self-respect or self-esteem?
KAMA: Self-esteem? What's that? a new dessert?
PRES: Hey mamooty... Come here dude - if you had found a job instead of loafing around like this...
PRES: By now you would be married to Theanu and my grandson would be peeing all over my chest
MAMU: I can solve that pretty easily Just open your shirt, and I will pee instead
MAMU: How is it logical for me to work all day so you can have your grand kid pee on you
MAMU: Forget that. I just realized something PRES: What is that?
MAMU: That ghost has to be a male PRES: how do you say that?
MAMU: My granny said female ghosts won't let handsome guys alone I am very handsome and the ghost has not approached me yet. So...
PRES: That's right dude. It has not approached me either..
TAEN: Mom... Mom...Did you see this ad in the newspaper today? Seems like it is written just for me
TAEN: "Director Ameer is looking for a new heroine. Must know Tamil. Should be tall and dusky"
KAMA: Hey hold on..We were just discussing about your marriage
TAEN: No way! If i ever get married , it would be after i have become a heroine
KAMA: Why go through all this pain just to become a heroine? I got an easier way for you Just marry our 'Hero' and you are the heroine!
TAEN: You mean the "Hero" Sounds good to me... But Is that even possible?
KAMA: Is it easier to convince this one guy here or go to Madras and compete against hundred others We can have producers lining up at our door for call sheet.
PRES: Did you hear that Mammooty MAMU: You know my sister well. It is like fishing with your wick, small fish bites it's fishes funeral,- large fish bites it is the wick's funeral
PRES: Wick? Sure you wanted to say Wick? I know. But didn't want to get into trouble with the censor guys
TAEN: Mom... What if that hero guy does not like me? KAMA: Don't worry... We can make him like you
PRES: I don't like it.As the President of this village, I can't approve this TAEN: Dad...We don't APPROVE you as the president in the first place
KAMA: Thats So sweet... My daugther has agreed to this marriage... I am going to be a hero's mother-in-law
PRES: You sister looks like a beero and she wants a "Hero" son-in-law KAMA: What was that?
PRES: I was telling that hero totally freaked out just to build a house now we want him to build a household,
KAMA: Dont worry about that..I will take care of it Hey Theanu... just don't stand here day dreaming find a way to get yourself noticed by that guy
PRES: Theannnu... Stop there...
PRES: I dare you to cross this line
KAMA: Did you steal chalk piece from the kids again? Don't know which idiot made you the president.Thaennu, please go ahead. I got him
MAMU: What is this Uncle?.. Not much respect for you at home? PRES: We should not seek respect. It has to come seeking us.
PRES: Come let's get back to what we are good at Fifty five... fifty six...
FAN: President sir...Sir!!! PRES: Welcome my friend... What brings you so far?
FAN: U kidding me...This whole village is just 3 lanes...And 2 of them dead end into your house. This is far from 'far'
PRES: You a very funny guy PRES: Go get some coffee for our friend...
PRES: How is your accomodation? Are you comfortable?
FAN: How can I be comfortable? I can't even go by the lake side in peace to attend Nature's call
PRES: What's wrong? Didn't I send four guards to go with you?
FAN: What do you think I was going for - Potluck? It is not a three person job dude
FAN: Anyways, President Sir, that cute chick that ran inside? ...is that your daughter?
MAMU: Dude..Get down to business and tell us what you are here for... FAN: Who is this 'Asianet'?
PRES: That's my brother-in-law... FAN: Oh... The usual 'Good for nothing'? MAMU: Hey Watch out I am Mammooty... Malayala Mammooty
FAN: Whats up with that anyway? The entire village speaks Tamil, and just you speaking Malayalam?
MAMU: Thats an excellent question... I watch Malayalam channel.. every night, from 11'o clock
FAN: But why is your Malayalam so pathetic then? MAMU: I just watch it in mute.
MAMU: Now tell me what's your business here...
FAN: Yeah ... I am going to... PRES: Lake side? - I can send four more guys FAN: NO! NOT GOING. PLEASE
FAN: Alrite..The hero and I have decided. We can neither build a house nor get rid of the ghost. We are leaving town right now
FAN: So I came to tell we were leaving town. But after seeing your daughter...
KAMA: Hey Theannu... go over there and grab his hands... TAEN: His hands? He reminds me of a dirty cockroach. How can I?
KAME: Dumbo... This guy holds the keys for hero staying in the village. Go do something
KAMA: Who will save us from the ghost If you leave town ... Not me.. Thaen wants to ask that
FAN: Thaen...your Name??? SWEET NAME!!!
TAEN: Please tell me.. Will you go? FAN: No... I will not let go ... err... I will not let hero go...
MAMU: I don't know about Thaen. but mark my words my sister is bound to be a good actress
FAN: Thailavaa.... here you are... I was just talking about our decision HERO: You informed them right... C'mon lets go
FAN: Wait... How can you go to Thirupathi and leave without a laddu. HERO: What?
FAN: Nero played fiddle when Rome was on fire. You being a hero cannot leave the village until you fiddle the fire...
FAN: Damn! This is not working...Say something Mr. President. PRES: Err... We got everything for the house. When can you start?
HERO: Hey! What did I ask you to tell them and what did you tell them? No use trusting you on this anymore
HERO: President sir, I cannot build this house and I don't care whatever your problem is, I am leaving now
FAN: It's fine guys..Lets just find another hero.. You guys get a truck ready and nab another one
PRES: hmmm.. is that so....Alrite, whom can we get then? FAN: How about Raj Kiran?
MAMU: Do you want someone to MATE a house or MAKE a house?
PRES: Yeah... you're right... He probably won't work We should get Simbu.That dude can build a house with bare arms
FAN: Correct sir.. You go and get him MAMU &PRES: Let's get Simbu
FAN: Thaliavaa... let's leave.. We don't have to waste time here anymore
FAN: BUT think about this....If you go back without building the house, the entire city would know and your image will be tarnished,
FAN:Your fans will loose all respect for you and every producer will demand the deposit back
FAN: But we don't have to care about it. Lets leave. HERO: Hey, what are you hinting at?
FAN: If you build this house for them, you will get amazing publicity, You can run for election and become CM. Just think about it!
HERO: CM... really? Alright, what should I do now?
FAN: First,get rid of this sulky face.. Bring on a big smile
FAN: It's your responsibility to take good care of him .... And I am responsible for EVERYTHING else
PRES: Thats great my friend...We'll do as you say... The hero agreeing for this is a big deal
FAN: Fine, we shall see you then.. HERO: Dude.We gave our word now, but how will we build the house?
FAN: Did'nt you hear that Simbu guy can build the house with his bare arms. Can't you build it with concrete?
KAMA: Theanu... Stop dreaming and go help him build the house... TAEN: Alright Mom...
Man.. All that work, that too in a hot sunny day.. it is so tiring.
Okay letz sit down in the shade and play a game of cards. Get the pack.
Didn't you have it? No! you had it.
Okay got it. Here it is. Okay lets start.. deal the cards. But don't cheat like you usually do.
Okay dude.. Who are those guys that just danced here?
When we kidnapped the actor 'Abbas', we just added his 'groupie' dancers to the bunch as well.
Watch carefully, the same people will dance for the next song as well. Oh!! okay.. let them dance..
VLGR: The house has been successfully constructed... Whats next karuppu?
VLGR: According to our customs, the person that constructs the house should go around the house naked for 30 days continuously
VLGR: Only then there house will not be haunted by any spirits or ghosts....
SURI: You son of a gun... this house was constructed for a ghost..don't you remember?
VLGR:We need to find a good name for this house. VLGR: How about house No:13?
SURI: We have only 4 houses in the entire village... what are you going to do about the the other 9 then?
SURI:Forget about naming the house and think about the house warming ceremony
VLGR: The house warming should not be done in a hurry.... We need some famous celebrity with a big heart for that function
SURI: 'Big Heart'? Should we invite actress Anushka then? VLGR: My friend, we cannot handle such a big heart...
Hero:
Hero:
VLGR: Look at them dude... When they arrived they were so meek and scared.. and now they are leaving in pompous way...
VLGR: Wassup?... Seems like you are ready to leave to town?
HERO: Yeah now that the house is done, my next steps are clear.. I'm going to Chennai, getting into politics and becoming the minister..
HERO: My Whole life back I say...I am very happy.. You dint understand?
If I have to say in your own words....We are out of here dudes...
FAN:Thalaivaa... Do you hear a faint voice at a distance? THAEN: Excuse me...Wait...Please Don't go
FAN: Thalaiva... Did you see that... As soon as she knew I am leaving this place... she is heartbroken
HERO: Dei...She looks like a tooth pick..You won't spare even such a thing?
FAN: Its alright Thalaiva...There is a saying that, Even a small pin would work as a tooth pick...
FAN: If that is for a pin... my dear Thaenu is like sugarcane... I won't leave without take a good bite of it..
FAN: You can leave if you wish to.. I will take a vacation for a week..
HERO: I don't care if you take a vacation or stay back without any shame... I'm going
KAMA: Then what about the wedding? VLGR: Wedding???
KAMA: Yeah...Elders have said "Try building a house and Try getting a wedding done" How can we disrespect that?
HERO: Who is getting married? TAEN: I am....
HERO: Oh.. Congratulations... FAN: Thalaiva... Wish me as well...
KAMA: Hey girl....Go and wish the hero ...
HERO: Wish me??? Why do you have to wish me? TAEN: What is this? You told you would not leave me behind....
FAN: Excuse me... that was my dialogue
HERO: Did you hear that? It was his dialogue... So he is the groom... Please leave me alone.. I have to go
KAMA: But you cannot go...Everyone is wearing the talisman... The village is under curfew. The goddess will punish anyone who goes.
VLGR1: Oh no.. I have gotten on to myself.. the wrath of the Goddess..
VLGR2: Why..? what happened????
VLGR: Apparently if there is a curfew, you are not supposed to 'GO'..
You guys should have warned me 5 minutes ago...
FAN: Thalaiva... We are not supposed to leave if we are wearing the talisman...
HERO: They have just tied the talisman right....Not a compound wall around the village
HERO: I will throw this talisman... and I am getting out of here now..
PRES: What was that noise???? VLGR: It is the House....That House....
MAMU: What happened to the house???
AYNR: Oh no... Just 5 mins ago it was such a beautiful house.... Now it is just a rubble...
VLGR: Yes....I toiled my blood and sweat and built this mansion...
FAN: He looks a piece of beedi and talks about toiling blood...
For moving just a piece of brick this dialogue is too much... get going..
FAN: Well... it is just a house that got collapsed.. Why are you guys so worried about it...
AYNR: Are you kidding me? We built the house with so much love and care for the ghost... And in just a min it was turned into rubbles
FAN: Whats the big deal.. Lets start afresh tomorrow.... MAMU: Is this some fruit juice that we could make 'afresh' ?
FAN: Thalaiva..Its okay.. Lets start the new construction early tomorrow
HERO: Hey... come here... The whole village is pissed off because of the collapsed house... watch what you're saying.
FAN: What are we supposed to do then? HERO: As usual, just say "Action"... and I will take care of the rest
HERO: Actually.. I forgot to tell you.. the ghost requested me that it wanted a pre-collapsed house.... PRES: Is that so?
HERO: How was that? FAN: Works like a charm.... Just go with the flow...
HERO: Yeah.... It was adamant that it would do a house warming only in a collapsed house... It stood on one leg till I gave in to its request...
MAMU: The ghost stood on one leg is it???? But Ghosts don't have legs...
HERO: Oh.. wait a min... Did I say it stood on one of its leg???
I actually said it stood on some else's leg but you might have heard it as "It stood on one of its legs"...
FAN: Thalaiva.... you overacted and screwed the whole thing up...
HERO: I thought they were village idiots... who knew they would ask such logical questions all of a sudden...
PRES: What is going on guys? Nothing seems to be consistent here.. FAN: Oh no.. Thalaiva... They found out that we are lying....
PRES: No one will leave this place until we find a solution for this collapsed house... Assemble the Panchayat now...
SURI: Alrite.... now that the iconic sombu has arrived.... Let us start the panchayath.
PRES: Yo, whats your opinion?
VLGR: I think your daughter looks gorgeous.
PRES: Damn you man.. I was talking about the collapsed house...
VLGR: What???? The new house has collapsed?
PRES: So you don't know about the collapsed house? Then why the heck are you at this meeting???
VLGR: I just saw you guys gathering so thought I would join as well..
PRES: Hey, I am here because I am the President of this village... VLGR: What? You are the President of this village????
VLGR: Well, Do you expect Obama to be the President of your village???
Cut the crap and sit on the floor.. Don't get on my nerves....
PRES: Okay...Voice your opinions now... But keep your comments just about the collapsed house please.
SURI: Whats there to say... if a pig breeder is elected as the President, things like this are bound to happen
MAMU: Uncle.. Did you hear that? He just called you a pig... PRES: Hey.. He called me a pig breeder... isn't that worse enough?
PRES: Ever since this ghost started tormenting us, we have constantly been having a tough time..
We do not have enough rain, water or for that matter not even good sleep either..
SURI: Yeah... neither do you know how to talk like a President... Wonder who elected him as the President...
MAMU: Hey Poori... SURI: Dude, my name is Soori... MAMU: Well, its all the same... Do you know whom your talking to?
PRES: Its Alright Mamti... VLGR: Lets talk about this meeting guys.. my snack is getting over
PRES: Yup, That is right.. Lets see what they have to say.. Remove their cuffs
PRES: Okay.. What do you have to say..
VLGR: What's there to tell... You have to put your sincere effort while building a house...
VLGR: These guys were singing and dancing while building the house...That's why it has collapsed
VLGR: In addition, he even removed the talisman and threw it away..
AYNR: What? Did he remove the holy talisman?
VLGR: Yes dude... And he is lying about the ghost's leg... I think the ghost's wish about the new house itself is completely made up by them
FAN: You Idiots... That idea was given by this man only... AYNR: Stop the nonsense... We have angered the goddess
VLGR: Yeah. but.. what do we do now ?
AYNR: The standard punishment is to burn the liar's tongue.... Hey Kombu, get the hot rod.. and burn their tongues..
PRES: Yes... Do a good job at burning his tongue... Find the right spot.. Are you done yet?
PRES: Now do the same thing to the other guy...
TAEN: STOP IT.. Daddy! First burn my tongue and then you can hurt him..
PRES: Thaenu, Move aside ... Dont make me lose my temper and turn me into an animal
TAEN: Yeah Right.. As if you are not one already... I won't let even the minutest of thing to hurt this man..
PRES: Kaamatchi... Did you hear that? Its all because of your pampering...
KAMA: Nothing is wrong in what she is saying. This innocent guy does not deserve such a harsh punishment...
Well, first burn my tongue and then you can hurt them
MAMU: Uncle... you won't get such a golden opportunity again...
MAMU: Don't think twice... Just keep going..
PRES: Hey Kombu... what are you waiting for? Go ahead with it..
SURI: Stop it....What kind of justice is this? To burn a woman's tongue in public is your verdict?
PRES: Hey Soori, Don't interfere in our family issues SURI: Well once it come to the Panchayat its no more a private issue
PRES: Hey...take the ladies away...
PRES: Alrite , burn his tongue now... lets see who stops us now...
AYNR: No.. No... The goddess wishes that our friend has to be given another opportunity..
PRES: Damn, I can't handle the goddess' torture anymore...
PRES: Alrite my friend... we shall give you one last chance... You have time till dawn to figure out what the ghost really wants...
PRES: If you fail to do so , you will get the same punishment as the other guy... Okay guys lets disperse now...
PRES: Dude.. Also apply some medication for his wounds...
FAN: Wow man, first you burn my tongue and then you apply medication.... What nice policies you guys have..
PRES: Apply some honey (Thaenu)... Everything will be alright.
FAN: Wow.. did you just say Thaenu? (Honey)
FAN:Thank you Uncle...
PRES: Hey...Just burning the tongue won't suffice for people like you..
AYNR: My friend, now you know what happens if you falter...
If you are smart enough then you would do something that will be good for you, me and everyone..
HERO: Hey... Wait.. Wait... Help me out here man.. What do I do now?
HERO: You..You...Aren't you the..?
GHST: YES! I am...the one..
GHST: Don't be scared... I won't harm you
HERO: Then why are you here at this time?
GHST: I know who demolished that house...
HERO: What? You know who did it? It is that Soori right? GHST: No.. its not him
HERO: If its not him.. then is it Mammooty?
GHST: hmmm.. its not him either...
HERO: If its not even him.. then who could it be? Please tell me
GHST: I DID IT!!
HERO: You??????
GHST: Yes... Its me... STELLA!.. Stella Subramani ...
HERO: Stella Subramani? Stella is your first name.. makes sense.. Who is this Subramani? Is that your dad?
STLA: No. Its my DOG!!
HERO: You have your dog's name as your last name?
STLA: Yeah.. instead of adding some random dog's name to mine, I decided to have my own dog's name as my last name..
DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
HERO: No.. I mean.. A ghost talking in english??
STLA: Of course, why won't an Ethiraj educated Stella know english?
HERO: What? You went to Ethiraj College?
STLA: Why? Just because my name is Stella, is it mandatory I should have gone to Stella Maris college?
STLA: I am B.A English Literature.. From Ethiraj...
"Telugu Medium!!"
HERO: English Literature in Telugu Medium??? Is that Andhra or Telangana?
HERO: Well you seem to be a educated ghost... I am wondering why you would demolish that house...
STLA: That is the only way I could stop you from leaving this village right?
HERO: What's your problem with me leaving this village?? I don't understand..
STLA: You didn't get it? It is because..
STLA: ... I LOVE YOU!! HERO: Www... What??
Yes.. I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE THIS LOVABLE IDIOT...
I.N.T.E.R.M.I.S.S.I.O.N
HERO: What did you just say?
STLA: I said I love you
HERO: Oh.. my.. god!
HERO: Oh God.. Ms. Ghost.. Why do you torture me like this?
HERO: What exactly did I do to deserve this special treatment
Love, affection and care I saw them for the first time ever with you
HERO: What the heck? I met you just before the interval.
STLA: But, I have been watching you since the first scene
STLA: I saw your love when you said "Did any of you think of giving a cup of coffee to the ghost"
STLA: I saw your affection when you said 'Did you think the ghost will get hungry like the rest of you guys too"
HERO: You are reading WAY TOO MUCH into that lame dialog!
HERO: Did you also notice the guy next to me yelling out "Lights, camera and action?"
STLA: Nope. I was all eyes just for you! And that's what you should do too... just me. In fact, if you ever want to meet me again...
HERO: Yeah.. I know the drill... Rub some Alladin's lamp and you will pop out like a genie. Right?
STLA: Much simpler just for you, Just rub shoulders with the person next to you...
HERO: God... Why me?? Listen ... It is not going to work out between us.. Please let go off me
STLA: I don't care.. but tell me when you can fall in love with me
HERO: Oh my god...
STLA: You gotta headache? Can I give you a head massage?
HERO: Late.. too late..
HERO: Too late STLA: Does that mean you are already in love? Who is that other girl?
HERO: Other girl? Yes but who could that be?...
HERO: Her name is... err..She dances like a peacock, sings like a bird.. runs like a deer and her voice is like honey (Thaen) but her name...
STLA:Thaen? President's daughter??.. Are you in love with her?
HERO: Thaen who? (This might work after all)... Yup.. It is Thaen I am in love with
HERO: Yes, I love that Theanu. I LOVE THAT LOVABLE IDIOT!
It is love at first sight...I love her from the bottom of my heart. I just LOVE THAEN...
MAMU: You creep...You are after my niece now?
HERO: Hey, where did u come from and more importantly when? MAMU: Right when you were shouting away about Thaen
MAMU: I knew from day one that this is going end up in a fiasco like this
HERO: Day one? Even I knew about my love just now... It is a long story man. just let it go
MAMU: No.. Going right now to my uncle to tell him what you are upto.
HERO: (Mistakes it for the local slang where cops are called uncle) Don't care if you complain to a cop...
MAMU: Hey, uncle means police only in Chennai.. not in here
HERO: Oh is it...What town is this by the way? MAMU: I don't fall for that old trick dude.. you are fishing for details
HERO: yeah.. I am fishing with you. You and I will catch a seven foot tuna, grill it, get drunk and sing happily...
MAMU: No. you are trying to distract me. I am going right now and telling the entire village what's going on.
MAMU: I am not going to rest until I chase you from this village
HERO: WOW!.. You are going to chase me from the village for falling in love? In that case... I love her..
HERO: Why I even love her mom...U know what, just come over here.. HERO: I love you too
HERO: I love you too
MAMU: Eww. You kissed ME?...What would you have done to Thaen! I am telling the entire village right now what you are up to
HERO: Do that please... and make sure I get chased away
HERO: Everyone listen up. I love Thaenu.. I love Thaenu.
FAN: You betrayed me Thalaivaa HERO:Dei.. what are you saying?
FAN: How can you say you are in love with Thaen when you know I am after that chick.
FAN: Do u know I just changed my name to Bee because I am after Thaen (honey)
HERO: Hey.. there's nothing to it.
FAN: Can't believe I brought this sundal from Hanuman temple for you
FAN: Here.. you can take my share too just like you took my girl
HERO: Is there any brain in that head of yours? or is just whiskers like a cockroach?
HERO: Why on earth would I go after Thaen? That's a lie to handle the ghost
FAN: What ghost? What...? Ghost...?
HERO: Its a long story dude.. come over here..
FAN: What a story? There is a ghost and that ghost is in love with you? HERO: Yes
What next? You are going to claim Laloo Prasad invented the internet?
HERO: I can prove it man.. come over here.. (rubs shoulder)
FAN: That's disgusting.. get away
HERO: Dude.. that's the call
FAN: Call for what? Do u realize you can get arrested in India for that now?
HERO: She is here! Ghost is here
FAN: Wow... what a babe.. FAN: She is coy like a Barbie Toy!
FAN: Can I touch her a bit.. God she is so cool...
FAN: You are a lucky man...
You will be the only one to get marriage certificate with someone who already has a death certificate
FAN: Go ahead and tell her you accept her love
HERO: Why would I love a GHOST?
FAN: Who asked you to love her? I asked you to just tell her that you love her. Just act dude!
HERO: I can't act like that dude FAN: yeah right. You can't act for nuts anyways.
FAN: Just tell her you love her, put her in a guilt trip, and she will let you get away from here
HERO: Dude!!! That head of yours is not just whiskers. I can sense the brain poking out.
HERO: That's a wonderful plan.. Check out how I turn on the romance now
HERO: Who ever said I am not in love with you. I was just messing with you
STLA:You mess with me, but mess around with Thaenu. right?
HERO: Thaen? That was just for Mamutty. I swear.. I am ONLY in love with you
STLA: WOW! C'mon lets go get married right now!
HERO:Sure.. err
FAN: But shouldn't you go home before that? HERO: For what?
FAN: Have you forgotten that you promised your mom on her death bed that you will only use her mangalsutra?
HERO: My mom.. did she.. yeah.. yeah.. she did.. right!
STLA: Ain't we just exchanging rings? why do we need mangalsutra?
HERO: But the wedding ring should be made of mangalsutra
STLA: Ring out of Mangalsutra? That does not really make sense
FAN: Did you not watch Gentleman's movie? Arjun did the same.
STLA: Alright. Even if I let you go how are you going to handle Ayyanaar?
He is not going to let you go...
FAN: Who? Your home brand 'Wizard of oz'? What's he got to do with us leaving village?
STLA: He is the person really behind everything going on here He just uses the ghost card to milk the villagers
Even the house is for him. I never asked for it
HERO: So he is the real villain?
FAN: Munusamy's wife pregnancy? STLA: Yes...He is the culprit
FAN: He did ALL this.. and toasted my tongue?
We gotta pay him back for my tounge before we leave the village
HERO: Lets go right now and tell the village about this.
HERO: You gotta to do this Stella
STLA: No.. no. I can't do that. The villagers are very mad at me. I can't just go appear in front of them
HERO: What do we do now? FAN:We will figure out...
FAN: One of the ten million gods we worship will definitely help us
HERO:I don't believe in miracles
FAN: Miracles do happen.. Remember God miraculosly gave you sundal this morning?
HERO: But even that Sundals is all done now...
FAN: You still got the paper though. Just put down your plan in that.
HERO: mmmm... we need to get Ayyanaar at his own game
HERO: Form the circle!
FAN: So, you are going to make Aiyanar say that you are the ghost in front of all the villagers?!
FAN: If you say so?
STLA: The whole village will believe that he is the real ghost.
HERO: There... at the point.. if I reveal about Aiyanar..
HERO: Check and mate for Aiyanaar!
HERO:Let me go talk to him right now FAN: STOP!
FAN :Dude... You always mess up with your overacting.
FAN: Let me handle it this time.
FAN: Sundal will give me the divine power. HERO: But there is no sundal...
AN: That's your quota WE ALL ate from. My quota is still safe here.. for emergency
FAN: Here I come Painnayaar
STLA: Why is he lisping all of a sudden?
HERO: Burnt tongue effect. Apparently
HERO: I have a feeling this guy is gonna screwup worse than me..
AYNR: Do you think there can be people dumber than our villagers?
SURI: Why do say that?
AYNR: The entire village beleives there is a ghost out here...
SURI: Watch out. Your guards are within earshot
AYNR: Earshot? Their ears are shot is what you mean. Neither of them can hear a thunder from two feet
AYNR: Get me the match box
MAMU: Aiyannar... I am holding you responsible for all this..
AYNR: What did I do?
MAMU:The movie star you brought over is yelling away that he is in love with Thaen
AYNR: What? That hero is in love with Thaenu?
AYNR: That guy is doing everything other than building a proper house for the ghost
MAMU: Not just that. I confronted him and he gave me also a kiss
SURI: What.. a kiss? MAMU: Yes
SURI: How? MAMU: What do you mean how? - with lips of course!
SURI: Lip to Lip...eh?. Aiyanaar, did our guys kidnap Kamal hassan by mistake?
MAMU: That did not come out right... it started from his lps.. landed ONLY in my cheeks
Now it has landed in your ears too... can we keep it within ourselves?
AYNR: It is a shame for us if we tell anyone about this, You came all the way here to just tell this?
MAMU: Hey, That tickles! That's not the main matter... that's only side matter!
MAMU:If my uncle comes to know he will die of shame. If he is goneI will die of hunger. You have to get rid of that hero right away
AYNR: First I need to pack you off this village. out now... get out!
MAMU: Sundal? My mood is changed.. give me give me FAN: Hey, leave some for Aiyanar
MAMU: This is for Aiyanar? (spits) Now go give him
FAN: Aiyanar.. Ainayaaar..
AYNR: what's the matter?
FAN: Bee..Bee..Bee
AYNR: What bee..tell.. tell me
AYNR: Hey.. what did you just do?
FAN: Buzz buzz buzz
AYNR: Oh.. bee?.. Moron! when did you become bee?
FAN: Since I started buzzing around Thaenu
AYNR: You became a BEE alrite...but Why you chasing ME?
AYNR: Ok.. ok.. what's up?
FAN: I love that Thaenu very much. She doesn't even look at me. You got to help me here.
AYNR: How many of you guys will chase after Thaenu? Heard Hero is in love with her too. Now you too have joined this love league?!
FAN: Aiyanar, your tongue wags a lot
AYNR: Hey, At your current state, you should not be talking about tongue!
FAN: My hero is chaste like Ram. Thaenu is pure like Sita
AYNR: Moron! that's exactly what I am telling too
AYNR: What is Rama to Sita? FAN: Huh..Uncle!!
AYNR: Hey Suri... FAN: Why are you calling him now? Can't you Just give me a talisman to woo Thaen?
AYNR: A Talisman for you. huh.. let me check
AYNR: Maroon for marriage... Hopefully not for you Green is for a kid... History won't forgive me if I give this to you
Red to resolve disputes...you don't have a dispute. Black for love... here you go
FAN: Thanks Aiyanar!
AYNR: Of course, you know it does not work if you don't pay me right?
FAN: I only have this sundal... you can have ALL of it
FAN: by the way, Hero has come up with a plan that works for all of us, AYNR: What plan?
FAN: Arrange for a midnight pooja to get rid of the ghost
AYNR: pooja to get rid of ghost.. ok
FAN: In that pooja, tell everyone that our hero is the real ghost
AYNR: Announce hero is the ghost.. ok...
FAN: Ask him what he wants? He will say, send out of this village and you accept the deal.
SURI: What happens if we do that?
AYNR:Simple enough. If i tell that, it will get the hero out of the village and I get the credit for chasing the ghost - Works for everyone!
AYNR: Alrite.. Tell that hero his entry cue in Pooja is "Thulasi maadam side'u - Thunoor pathiri raidu"
FAN: What would you say?
AYNR: (softly) "Tulasi madam side - Thunnoru Pathi ride-u" That's his cue to start acting like a ghost.. I will take care of the rest
FAN: You won't forget that right?
FAN: "Tulasi madam side.. Thunnoru Pathi ride-u"
SURI & AYNR: Continue chanting
SURI: This is as good as a watermelon soaked in ***
AYNR: What is this?
AYNR: Step 2
AYNR: Get Aiyanaar to tell the village I am the ghost
SURI: Step 3: Tell the villagers Aiyanaar is the real culprit Step 4: Leave the place...
AYNR: hmm.. Looks like it is poisoned *** after all
AYNR: They are trying to trap me?
SURI: Don't worry Aiynaar... These morons just handed their plot to you. Why worry about them?
AYNR: Go ask the priest to come over
SURI: That dim wit? He can't even chant his matras properly. Why do you need him?
AYNR: We need people like him now. Do what I say.
AYNR: Announce that we are having pooja. I will take care of them there.
AYNR: Taking me for a ride, huh...?
AYNR: Hey Kombu, Get ready and 'Have the knife'
KOMBU1 & KOMBU2: But why 'Shave the wife?'
AYNR: 'Shave the wife'? and you claim your hearing is perfect. Only consolation is my secrets are safe with you
FAN: This is your last chance Vandu. Act like aPpunjabi director and seal your place in Thaenu's heart
FAN: How to become a Punjabi in 30 seconds: strong body and a bad beard
FAN: Can't MAKE that body. so, here I come FAKE beard...
FAN: There she is. Here I come my dream girl...
FAN: ARRE! Darling meet Mr. Honey Singhu
FAN: ARRE That's a body of Jolie and bottoms of Beyonce.
FAN: WOW! What a WOW!
TAEN: God! Boogieman!
FAN: Boogieman? Where?
TAEN: Help me Kombu. This guy with tomato in his head is bothering me
FAN: ARRE What tomato? Who are you calling Tomato?
FAN: Hey Put me down! put me down!
FAN: Please give me a hand ma'am. Arre Singh's back hurts, give me a hand
FAN: Hai Hai! soft hand, soft hand
TAEN: Don't quite follow you
FAN: Excuse my Tamil please. Singh's Tamil needs some work
TAEN: But it looks like your Hindi is the one that needs work.
FAN: Ha haa.. That's good comic timing. Director Singh can't let this talent rot here. C'mon lets go make a movie
TAEN: You a Director? What's your name?
TAEN: Wow! Thaen Singh! (Thaen = Honey)
FAN: Same Singh
TAEN: Please Mr. Director, I can act really well. Give me just one chance. Please! Pretty please!
FAN: Haangh Haang! I have been looking for a a female lead too. Come lets go to Patiala and start a movie
TAEN: I can't go even till my backyard without my mom's permission. Why don't we just shoot here?
FAN: Shame shame puppy shame... Singh ka brain mae idea came
TAEN: What idea?
FAN: A guy is gonna come over and will say: ""
FAN: That's your cue. Start acting like you are the village ghost
TAEN: Act like a Ghost? But why?
FAN: Dumbo, convince the village you are the ghost,
FAN: Demand that you be chased away from the village.
FAN: Simple enough? TAEN: Sure.. I guess so.
TAEN: Oh no! My uncle is coming our way
MAMU: Who is that looking like a Harbhajan Singh?
MAMU: Me being from Sreesanth's state, I better protect my cheeks. As such, it is seeing a lot of action
MAMU: Thaen... Who is this guy?
FAN: Hello, Sirji Sat Sri Akal (Sikh Salute)
MAMU: Whatdya mean Saturday free call?
TAEN: Uncle he is a Director.
MAMU: Director? This body that looks like a 'beedi' looks very familiar...
FAN: You couldn't have seen this bearded face anywhere...
MAMU: Come here dude. Turn around! ...Peacock feather! I know who you are. Spit out the truth
FAN: That's not hygienic I won't. I don't go around spitting on people's food unlike others.
MAMU: Hold on... how do you know I spat on Aiyanaar's food?
FAN: Well it is a small world. News travel fast. I even heard about your kiss.
MAMU: [To himself] Man you have become a celebrity. I think it is the Paparazzi
TAEN: Boothapandi, Whats up with the silent speakers. Play some song RIGHT NOW and PLEASE
Song playing AYNR: (singing) Azhaghae.....!
AYNR: Beautiful. Who chose this song?
VLGR: Me! Me! Me. Chose it just for you
AYNR: Brilliant eh? Don't you know the difference between Aiyangaar (Brahmin) and Ayyanar (village priest),
AYNR: You are not fit to see the ghost
AYNR: Who is in charge of other arrangements? VLGR: That's me sir.
AYNR: Where have you marked the place to sit? VLGR: Here Here..
AYNR: YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A LIFE... Who cares about where you sit?
AYNR: Where is the place for the ghost?? Draw the Chandramukhi square for the ghost to land.
AYNR: Soori, Is the priest here yet? SURI: Should be here by now. Not sure where he is.
IYER: Here I am.
How are you Ayannaar Anna AYNR: Whats up with you. Have not seen you around these days?
IYER: Was out to neighboring village for a pooja
IYER: Heard we have a ghost puja in our own village. Stopped everything and came flying to render my services.
AYNR: Karuppu, You seem to be very tired Shall I get you some juice?
VLGR: No...!??
AYNR: You LAZY BUM!...Get it done fast
IYER: Don't lose your cool for such simple things Anna.
AYNR: We are going to deal face to face with the most mean spirited ghost. It is not going to stop until...
FAN: You fall in love with it MAMU: and you know this because "It is a small world? "...
MAMU: But I still don't get the peacock feather though.
IYER: Please sit down 'anna'. My feet hurts for you. AYNR: Cut it out man. Just start your manthram.
IYER: Why not? sure! "mamaname quack quack quamae! bhuvaname quack quack quame...bhujenddriye quack quack quamae".
IYER:..Ain't I good Anna?
AYNR: Pathetic! Is that a call for the ghost or the goose?
AYNR: I will teach you the right chant for this ghost.
AYNR: "Thulasi maadam side'u - Thunoor pathiri ride'u".
IYER: Awesome anna. Beautiful. Is that from Bhagavat Gita? But I have a small doubt
IYER: You said Thulasi MADAM side. Is that the front side or the back side?
AYNR: Your granny's side. That better be the last question from you tonight. Or this lemon goes in your front side
VLGR: What's the hold up guys. Let's get done with the Pujas, meet the ghosts and leave. Have million other things to do
VLGR: We have to wait for the president. The ghost can wait till our President comes over
SURI: That's once in a life time truth from your rotten mouth. Your president is the real ghost of this village.
VLGR: Soori, mind your tongue... SURI: Shut up man!
SURI: Your president must be giving a back rub to his wife..Go get him
PRES: What's goin on? What's going on?
PRES: Settle down everyone. Why have we not started the Pooja yet?
AYNR: Lets get started right away sir. (IN low tone: Soori Where is the hero?)
SURI: Hold the fort for a while. Let me go check.
[Crowd wants Aiyanaar to start the pooja] AYNR: Hold on guys. Starting the pooja now.
AYNR: Have to do something now. Hold on guys. Starting the pooja now.
IYER: Anna... Anna! Can I join the chanting too. PLEASE?
AYNR: You are a royal pain man! Ok, I will tell the first half of the chant, you tell the second half. Okay?
IYER: Ok Anna.
AYNR: Thulasi maadam side...
IYER: Khusboo ghar mae raid... (Raid in Kushboo's house)
AYNR: What Khusboo??? IYER: Sorry Anna! Slip of a tongue.
AYNR: Now we got everyone. Let;s start from the top again
IYER: Anna... Anna! If you don't mind... can I please go for a short walk. This is getting a bit boring.
AYNR: Wait man, the ghost is on the way.
IYER: Yeah right..You have been yelling for 45 minutes now. You sure the ghost knows the directions to this place?
AYNR: Together with me now everyone... Thulasi maadam side, Thunnoor pathiri ride...
AYNR: (With closed eyes) Is the ghost here yet?
IYER: Impressive Anna! We got a two for one deal.
AYNR: What do you mean Two? (opens eyes)
Hey Thaen... It has become your habit to stand in front of hero with stretched hands...Get off...
TAEN: (strange language, scary tone) Onethrow aa.. Naenu onethrow vaa..
AYNR: One throw, two throw what ever... Just move to the side and have as many throws as you want
TAEN: (Still in the strange language) You idiots! I am Thaenumathi the village ghost.
MAMU: I know Banumathi the actress, and Gandhimathi, the *** actress..Who is this Thaenumathi?
KAMA: Thaenu What ever happened to you?
KAMA: Where is your humility and dignity.. and feminity...
KAMA: ... and CHINA TEA.
TAEN: Mom... Is this the time to remind show title for audience? TAEN: (In scary tone): I am going to slaughter you man...
HERO: (like ghost too)... Ha ha ha HERO: Hey Vandu.. What's she doing here? Is that your idea?
FAN: How did you find out it is me? HERO: Those cockroach whiskers man! But whats going on here?
FAN: I loved the plot we created. So I remade it with her in my own version.
HERO: And you decided to run it in the same theater where I have my show?
HERO: Hmmmm.. thaenu.. Who do you think you are? No amount of Chandramukhi dialogs can convince them you are the ghost.
HERO: Look at my performance now. Laka Laka Laka Laka Lakaa...
TAEN: Hey... I demand respect else I will slaughter you like a pig TAEN: I am the real ghost.
KAMA: Thaen.. Don't you think this might turn off the groom a bit... remember... romance... seduce...
TAEN: Kaamachi... SHUT UP! I am the ghost.
HERO: Can you prove that? TAEN: I can and I will.. tell me how?
HERO: Answer my question then TAEN: Ask your question first you moron.
HERO: Tell us what's the difference between a ghost and a wife?
HERO: Got you. right? Got you didn't I?
TAEN: (struggles) Can you tell the difference? HERO: Of course I can, Not just one, but twenty one.
HERO: (stalling for time) I can sort them alphabetical, numerical or chronological. What's your preference?
TAEN: My preference is you get on with the show. PLEASE!
HERO: Of course... Listen carefully now... Differences... differences... There is NONE... and because I said that I WIN.
TAEN: IDIOTIC!. Can you answer my question? HERO: Ask away!
TAEN: If you are real ghost, tell everyone, how many types of ghosts are out there?
HERO: A ghost is a ghost a ghost... just like a rose.
TAEN: Ha..You don't know .. because you are not him.. Let me tell you the types.
TAEN: Black deamon, fire spitter, blood sipper gut eater, fiery goblin, gloomy nun...
friendly casper, frustrated spinster, tree hanger, tombstone percher, highway tempter, house haunter,
...white saree specialist, *** revenger, night watchmen in lonely bungalow, sweet kid with white eye, ... and ME!
TANE: And that makes it 16 categories of ghosts .. Which category do you belong to?
HERO: But but I am the ISI certified Agmark ghost MAMU: What are you ghost? or Vanaspathi can?
IYER: That's right Mamooty Ji ..I think the girl is the ghost.
FAN: Arre... Why don't we call in Even Stevens and just chase both of them away from the village.
AYNR: Shut up. Don't open your mouth in front of elders ever again.
AYNR: There is only one ghost in the village and it is the male ghost VLGR: But how do u know that?
VLGR: Have you forgotten about Munusamy's wife being pregnant HERO: (under the breath): You are blaming for that?
IYER: You deserve to be a lawyer man!
VLGR: What do you think Mr. President?
PRES: It is my daughter on the trial stand. I can't let my love cloud my judgment.
PRES: Time for me remove my crown and step down err... towel not crown. It is for you all to decide this case now.
SURI: Ladies and gentlemen presenting to you King Solomon. Just admit you don't know how to resolve this case and step down for good.
PRES: Tall words and who? Do YOU have a resolution for this?
SURI: Of course. They can talk like a ghost or walk like a ghost. But ghosts are defined by their dance.
SURI: Lets have a dance off. Winner is our beloved village ghost.
VLGR: (Boo, Kr and Eli accepting) Lets do that! That's the way to go... SURI: Lets get the song rolling.
SURI: What are you doing Baby?
TAEN: Getting all set for the ghost dance. It is the standard routine...
SURI: You are in for a lot of surprise. TAEN: Is it not a ghost song then?
SURI: Patience my lady. Kombu Lets go.. kombu.. Please go.. Kombu YOU MORON start the music NOW!
HERO: Thanks
HERO: That settles it right? Now you all know who is the ghost? Where is the garland?
HERO: As the certified ghost of the village, I will tell you now what I want HERO: First I want to leave the village. Second .. This Aiyanaar here
AYNR: THIS THIS Aiyanaar here is the salvager for the entire village. Shut his mouth Soori..
AYNR: Guys.. If we chase this ghost away from the village, it is going to take a duck tour in Chennai and come back here to haunt us in the next three days.
VLGR: Then whats the best solution?\AYNR: The real solution is to just kill it and bury it right here. AYNR: Kombu.. Get the sword
VLGR: Whats that sir? AYNR: Get the sword Get the sword
VLGR: Alrite Just bend a little...
AYNR: What r u doing? VLGR: You said "Cut the chord"
AYNR: God! I gotta pour acid in that ear one day to unclog all the wax.. I will take care of this myself
AYNR: After today, there will be no ghost to haunt this village (screaming ferociously)
STLA: Stop that. One nick on him and I swear I will teach you all a bad lesson
AYNR: I will be pretty mad if you don't stop talking right now
VLGR: WHAT do you mean DON"T TALK. This is Panchayat \and every person deserves their chance. VLGR: You can talk as much as you want. I give you the PERMISSION. State who you are first
STLA: Rightful recipient for all this respect. The poor soul longing for this village's love...
VLGR: Yeah Right It would have been better if i had not let you talk...
STLA: I am the village ghost
MAMU: (bored) You too are the ghost now. This is getting pretty boring. I think I can get more action in my Eleven o'clock Midnight masala
AYNR: What's your proof you are the ghost? STLA: Have you ever seen me in this village before... That's because I am the ghost
AYNR: We have not seen our MLA and MP in the village too. Does that mean they are ghosts too? What else have you got?
STLA: Check this AYNR: Impressive eh? Now see this
AYNR: My hair is two feet longer than yours. Does this mean I am the ghost? AYNR: Get the sword man!
STLA: Don't test my patience AYNR: You Fool why did you let some unknown person come to this gathering? Get rid of her right away
STLA: Don't test my patience AYNR: You Fool why did you let some unknown person come to this gathering? Get rid of her right away
STLA: AIYANAAAAAR... (Followed by a loud thunder)
IYER: Anna...Anna whats happening here? Why are you brushing your teeth this time of the day?
AYNR: Ghost Ghost There is a ghost in the village.. Run away.. escape Save yourself. IYER: Annna
SURI: Yo.. Aiyanaare Where are you going? AYNR: Ghost.. Ghost
PRES: Don't harm us please we are innocent
STLA: I never ever wanted to show this ugly scary side of me. You guys have turned me too into an average ghost. STLA: I have lost the respect of the village I so much wanted to have ..and I am never going to get the love of the one person I wanted to have.
HERO: Don't be afraid guys. Stella is harmless I have known her for a while now. \Aiyanaar was the person behind everything going on in the village.
PRES: And we have been blaming this poor ghost for everything? VLGR: Yeah Yeah
HERO: Yes! My Stella is innocent
VLGR: Make way guys! Want to have a close look when the ghost comes over. Hey Lady.. Do you think she is going it show up?
VLGR: Dude come over here.. I have been watching you for a while now, All we get are late reactions and over reactions from you. Who are you man?
VLGR: I am Munusamy VLGR: WHAT ARE YOU REALLY MUNUSAMY?!!!
It is your wife that is pregnant
VLGR: WHAT AM I REALLY THAT MUNUSAMY?So you were talking about my wife all these days?Maheswari.. how could u do this? ...
TAEN: somebody save me! SURI: Hey there village idiots Check this out...
PRES: Hey Theannu why are you there? What do you want Soori? Why would you kidnap my poor innocent daughter?
TAEN: Dad, Can you please cut the speech and for once act... come over HERE and save me please PRES: Hey Kombu, Eli,Mamooty go and get Thaen.
FAN: Uncle Honey singh is going too. Don't you worry..Give way guys... FAN: Singh is turning on the siren now
MAMU: I have seen Sumo in chasing scenesWhat is the ambulance doing here?
SING: ARRREEE, my dear Son!!! FAN: Who are you dude? Let go off me. And you are crushing me man\ SING: Aren't you Ram Singh's son Bheem Singh? \FAN: Nah!! My name is Honey Singh!
SING: What? Honey Singh??? FAN: Yeah, It's me Honey Singh. And your name is probably Sani (Ill fortune) Singh. Move aside dude...
VLGR: Sir, did you see any beautiful girl with orange half saree, red blouse? Did you?
VLGR: Mic Testing 1,2,3 Thaen Thaen.. \Please report immediately to the front desk err..stage from wherever you are. Please come soon as it is the last scene and people have to go home
VLGR: Sir? Did you see anyone run this way? \AUDI: Nope.. I did not VLGR: Who are you dude??... I have been watching you... You have not laughed for a single scene. You don't seem to care about any of this commotion here Who sold you the show tickets anyway?
AUDI: I bought them from 'Will Call'. VLGR: Let me explain 'Will call' to you... We WILL call and then you show up... Not just show up and have a staring contest with us... sit down
MAMU: And you? Were you not sitting with another girl on the other side before the interval? Who is THIS and who is THAT... MAMU: Well have fun man! Some guys get to do it...
FAN: Hey Thaenu.... Dont leave this Honey Singh and go away.\ Where are you?
SURI: Guys, I am here... PRES: Dei mamti, kombu come soon guys
PRES: Beware Soori!!
PRES: Soori, this problem is between you and me - between the President and Soori
PRES: Either you have to die or I have to. PRES: Either your people have to die or my people have to die
PRES: Not innocent Thaenu
SURI: You moron. It's just you and me out here... and you talk like you are getting ready for world war III. SURI: By the way, these guys won't die for you
PRES: You have underestimated me man.. Just have a look over there..SURI: Where? PRES: Over there.... SURI: Stop bluffing dude. I don't fall for these cheap tricks
SURI: Did Thaen changed her hair style so fast? And why is she wearing a turban?
SURI: You might have saved your daughter but not yourself SURI: Die oldie die.. I am the new president
PRES: What happened??? What Happened???
SURI: I a-m t-h-e n-e-w p-r-e-s-i-d-e-n-t..
VLGR: You brute... you killed an innocent ghost
PRES: Stella, we did not believe the hero when he said you are good hearted. Now I get it... I declare right here that you too are like a daughter to me
MAMU: She is going through enough pain already, spare her your monologues please
PRES: Mamooty ! You are speaking Tamil? MAMU: Yeah you replied in Malayalam too. Does that matter now?
MAMU: Please someone call a doctor! PRES: Hey Kombu.. call a doctor
VLGR: Daughter... Daughter PRES: You idiot.. That's daughter... and I need a doctor
VLGR: Daughter...Daughter... PRES: Please someone else call a doctor...
EVERYONE: DOOOOCCCCCCTTTTTOOORRRRRR!!!!
VLGR: But all these days you'e been telling you are going to the neighboring city? IYER: Nope Not neighbouring city - Nebraska city...
IYER: I am Doctor Jerry Iyer from America. This is my Green Card. This is my Credit Card. This is my Ration card and this is my paal Card (Milk card)
MAMU: Oh you are from Pallakad too.. Glad to meet you
IYER: In 1884, My grandpa was in Carnegie Melon University VLGR: I know Water melon what is Carnegie Melon?
IYER: Shut Up!!! IYER: He was doing a research on ghosts. A lonnng research... of course, his life ended before his research ended VLGR: I only assume you are going to follow the path laid out by your grand dad - I meant the death, not research
IYER: Shut up..You talk a lot. Have to try my next medicine on you
IYER: Hold the cutie's head little higher please
IYER: Wondering what this is? Its China Tea. Strong Dose
IYER: Surgery successful Don't give any solid food for few days - Only liquid diet
HERO: Stella... Stella... STLA: What Happened? How is it possible.. I can feel me.. I can touch me
IYER: If a human dies he turns into a ghost. My research is on what happens when a ghost dies IYER: If a ghost dies, she has to turn into a human
IYER: You have turned into a woman. My work here is done. See you all.
PRES: Why the hurry? IYER: Because... This Jerry is in a Hurry.
FAN: Hey Thaen. Looks like the coast is clear. Lets just run away to Patiala. TAEN: Singh ji, Thank you so much for saving my life
FAN: This is not yet the time for thank you speeches. Lets go. Patiala waiting. TAEN: Sorry Singh Ji. Someone else is waiting for me here. FAN: Who is that?
TAEN: What is Nintendo's last product FAN: Wee
TAEN: What is the first thing you do in the morning? FAN: Pee...
TAEN: ... and his name is Bee FAN: You Silly.. look here .... It's me Bee (Vandu).
TAEN: You...you...you.. FAN: Don't do that.. Singh is not built for this kind of action
PRES: All is well that ends well. PRES: Soori, You can just take on my president role from here. All I ever wanted was for our village to be happy and united.
VLGR: Sir... sir!! PRES: What happened?!?!
SURI: Standard routine.. We go to Bollywood and nab actor Salman Khaan.. That Dude has got a lot of experience hunting deer. Here we come Bollywood!