Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
SO M.J., HOW'S YOUR STEAK?
DEFINITIVE, UNCLE, YOU CERTAINLY HAVE A WAY WITH BOS TAURUS .
WELL, YEAH, I GUESS I DO, BUT HEY LISTEN,
YOU'VE GOTTA EAT YOUR VEGETABLES THOUGH.
I PROMISED MY SISTER, YOUR MOTHER, THAT YOU WOULD.
I DON'T LIKE VEGETABLES, EXCEPT FOR POTATOES, I LOVE POTATOES.
IS IT A VEGETABLE?
IS IT A POTATO?
THEN I WON'T EAT IT.
M.J., THAT'S JUST CRAZY TALK.
WELL, OKAY, THAT'S TRUE, BUT STILL,
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT I COULD MAKE YOU VEGETABLES
YOU WOULD ASK FOR THREE TIMES A DAY?
VEGETABLES?
CASH, I'VE GOT A C-NOTE THAT SAYS IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
MARSHA, JUNIOR, WHERE DID YOU GET $100?
FROM CHESS CLUB WINNINGS, CARE TO MATCH IT?
YOU'RE ON.
SHOW YOU THE MONEY?
I DON'T NEED TO... I DON'T HAVE IT ON ME RIGHT NOW,
BUT I'LL HAVE IT BY TOMORROW MORNING, YOU CAN BE SURE OF THAT.
FINE, I'M GOING TO MY ROOM TO CHECK ON MY PORTFOLIO.
GOODNIGHT, UNCLE.
GOODNIGHT, SWEETHEART.
GOODNIGHT.
YOU SLEEP TIGHT NOW, DON'T LET THOSE BED BUGS BITE.
THE LITTLE WRETCH DOESN'T REALIZE THAT VEGETABLES,
ESPECIALLY THOSE CONTAINING CONSIDERABLE SUGAR RESERVES,
CAN BE SECRETLY STASHED INSIDE UNASSUMING APPLICATIONS
LIKE STEALTHY LITTLE HEALTH BOMBS.
ALL IT TAKES IS A LITTLE CUNNING, THE PROPER PRODUCE,
AND SOME STRATEGIC TECHNIQUES.
OH YES, M.J., BEFORE THE SUN SETS ON ANOTHER DAY,
YOU'LL BE CALLING YOUR VEGGIES...
♪
BY AND LARGE, CHILDREN AND, WELL, MANY ADULTS FOR THAT MATTER,
DO NOT APPRECIATE VEGETABLES.
THAT'S BECAUSE THEY CONTAIN BITTER COMPOUNDS
AND REGARDLESS OF THE CULTURE INTO WHICH CHILDREN ARE BORN,
WELL, BABIES JUST DON'T DO BITTER.
JAPANESE BABIES, AFRICAN BABIES, NATIVE AMERICAN BABIES,
INDIAN BABIES, CHINESE BABIES, MEXICAN BABIES,
DOESN'T MATTER WHAT KIND OF BABY,
THEY ALL LOATHE BITTER AND LOVE SWEETS.
WHY, BECAUSE SWEET MEANS SUGAR.
SUGAR MEANS CALORIES, AND CALORIES MEAN ENERGY.
BITTER FOODS ON THE OTHER HAND OFTEN CONTAIN ALKALINES.
THOSE ARE OFTEN FOUND IN...
POISON.
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS, INDUSTRIAL CLEANERS,
PETROLEUM PRODUCTS, AND WHATEVER THAT IS.
ALL BITTER, ALL DEADLY IF USED INCORRECTLY,
BUT HERE'S THE THING, SOME BITTER FLAVORS ARE, BY ADULTS AT LEAST,
SEEN AS HIGHLY DESIRABLE INDEED.
CONSIDER YOUR MORNING JOE.
DID YOU KNOW CAFFEINE IS ACTUALLY CONSIDERED
THE GOLD STANDARD FOR BITTERNESS, HUH?
DARK CHOCOLATE, BITTER, IS AN UGLY TRUTH, BUT LOVELY.
I'LL KEEP THIS FOR LATER AND THEN, OF COURSE,
THERE'S BITTERS, WHICH DESPITE BEING THE POSTER DRINK FOR BITTERNESS,
WELL, IT'S BLOODY WELL IRRESISTIBLE.
LET'S NOT FORGET GOOD OLD FASHIONED GREEN VEGETABLES
WHICH ARE BITTER BUT GOOD AND GOOD FOR YOU.
YOU SEE, AS WE MATURE, MOST OF US FIND
THAT BITTERNESS BRINGS ADDED DIMENSION
TO SWEET OR SALTY FLAVORS, KIND OF LIKE A FINAL NOTE
THAT TURNS A SIMPLE CHORD
INTO SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING.
THIS APPRECIATION, HOWEVER, IS ACQUIRED,
SO WE ADULTS SHOULD PROBABLY CUT THE KIDS SOME SLACK,
LIKE MARY POPPINS WHO KNEW FULL WELL
THAT A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR HELPS THE BITTERNESS GO DOWN.
THIS DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE HAVE TO ADD SUGAR.
IT JUST MEANS WE NEED TO REACH FOR VEGGIES
THAT ALREADY CONTAIN PLENTY OF IT.
NOW CARROTS CONTAIN SOME SUGAR BUT, YOU KNOW,
KIDS ALREADY EAT THESE THINGS, SO GETTING THEM TO EAT MORE IS NO GREAT VICTORY.
BEETS CONTAIN A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF SWEETNESS.
BUT ALL THAT BRIGHT RED, IT'S LIKE A WARNING LIGHT,
VEGGIES AHEAD BEWARE!
NOW WE NEED SOMETHING THAT'S SWEET BUT HEALTHY AND STEALTHY AT THE SAME TIME.
THAT'S WHY I THINK WE NEED TO REACH FOR THE PARSNIP.
NOW FLEMISH WEAVERS ESCAPING RELIGIOUS PERSECUTION IN SPAIN
PROBABLY INTRODUCED THESE STRANGE COUSINS OF PARSLEY
TO ENGLAND AND IRELAND IN THE 1580s,
WHERE THEY SERVED AS A MAJOR SOURCE OF STARCH
UNTIL THE FASTER GROWING AND MORE, WELL,
FLAVOR NEUTRAL POTATO MADE ITS OLD WORLD DEBUT.
NOW UNLIKE A POTATO, PARSNIPS VERY, VERY DISTINCTIVE IN FLAVOR.
THEY'RE NUTTY BUT SAVORY, SWEET, A LITTLE MEATY...
WELL, THEY'RE JUST INTERESTING.
THIS PARTICULAR MODEL, IT'S A JAVELIN,
ONE OF THE MOST COMMON FOUND IN U.S. MARKETS,
THOUGH MANY OTHER VERSIONS CAN BE FOUND
IN FARMERS MARKETS IN NORTHERN CLIMATES.
NOW FIRST, I AM GOING TO MAKE M.J. A BREAKFAST SHE CANNOT REFUSE,
CHOCK FULL OF CALCIUM AND POTASSIUM,
COMPLIMENTS OF THE PARSNIP.
♪
WHEN DEALING WITH THE HARDENED VEGE-PHOBE,
ONE MUST OCCASIONALLY RESORT TO SUBTERFUGE.
CONSIDER THIS MUFFIN.
WHO WOULD SUSPECT THAT THIS INNOCENT LOOKING BREAKFAST BREAD
COULD CONCEAL HEALTHFUL VEGETATION?
NO ONE, THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SUCH A POTENT TOOL.
NOW YOU COULD FILL THIS THING UP WITH CARROTS
OR RUTABAGAS, OR CELERY ROOT FOR THAT MATTER,
BUT SINCE THEY'RE MORE ON THE STARCHY SWEET SIDE,
PARSNIPS ARE PERFECT FOR BAKED GOODS.
NOW YOU'RE GONNA NEED FOUR MEDIUM TO LARGE SPECIMENS,
AND IF THEY ARE LESS THAN 1 1/2 INCHES ACROSS THE TOP,
ODDS ARE GOOD YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GRATE THEM,
PEEL AND ALL.
IN DOING SO, I PREFER TO USE A BOX GRATER
RATHER THAN, SAY, A FOOD PROCESSOR,
BECAUSE I WANT THE OPTION OF DITCHING THE VERY INNER CORE
WHICH CAN BE *** IN OLDER MODELS.
NOW ULTIMATELY, WE'RE AFTER 10 OUNCES BY WEIGHT, ABOUT 3 CUPS.
♪
SOMEWHERE I'VE GOT SOME "L" BRACKETS FROM THE HARDWARE STORE.
AH, HERE THEY ARE.
I'LL JUST SCOOT THOSE UNDER THE BOARD
AND PLACE THE GRATER HANDLE THUSLY, THERE.
♪
NEXT, 1 OUNCE, THAT'S 1/4 CUP, OF SLICED ALMONDS
GO INTO A PIE PAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OVEN,
WHICH YOU WILL THEN SET FOR 375 DEGREES.
IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES OR BY THE TIME THE OVEN'S GOOD AND HOT,
THEY WILL BE BEAUTIFUL, BROWN, AND DELICIOUS.
♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S MEET THE MUFFIN DRY TEAM.
8 1/2 OUNCES BY WEIGHT, ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR,
1/2 TEASPOON OF KOSHER SALT.
1 TEASPOON OF BAKING POWDER, 3/4 TEASPOON OF BAKING SODA,
AND 1/2 TEASPOON OF NUTMEG.
FRESHLY GRATED, PLEASE.
NOW WE'RE GONNA TAKE THESE FOR A SPIN
AROUND OUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD FOOD PROCESSOR.
SURE WE COULD USE A SIFTER, BUT THIS IS A LOT FASTER,
AND IT'LL DO A BETTER JOB OF AERATING THE DRY GOODS
WHICH WILL MAKE INTRODUCING A WET TEAM THAT MUCH EASIER.
NOW YOU'LL PROBABLY NOTICE WE'RE USING BOTH BAKING POWDER AND SODA.
THAT'S BECAUSE WE'RE MAKING A QUICK BREAD.
ALL QUICK BREADS NEED TO CONTAIN A BALANCE
OF ACIDIC AND BASE INGREDIENTS IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE PROPER LIFT.
WE CAN THEREFORE ASSUME THAT THE WET TEAM
WILL CONTAIN AN ACIDIC INGREDIENT.
SPEAKING OF THE WET TEAM, WE'VE GOT 3/4 CUP
OF WHOLE MILK YOGURT.
THERE'S THE ACIDIC, 2 OUNCES,
THAT'S 1/4 CUP OF VEGETABLE OIL.
EIGHT OUNCES OF SUGAR.
YEAH, SUGAR ALWAYS COUNTS IN BAKING AS A WET INGREDIENT,
AND THREE LARGE EGGS,
JUST WHISK THIS TOGETHER THOROUGHLY, THERE.
NOW WE CAN WORK IN THE SECRET INGREDIENT, PARSNIPS.
JUST MIX UNTIL THEY ARE THOROUGHLY MOIST, THERE.
NOW THE DRY INGREDIENTS.
THE GOAL HERE IS TO GET THIS MIXED TOGETHER
AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE WITH AS FEW STROKES AS POSSIBLE.
WHY, WELL, OVERBEATING CAN RESULT IN SOMETHING
CALLED TUNNELING.
YOU SEE, AS YOU MIX LONGER AND LONGER AND LONGER,
WATER AND LARGE PROTEIN COME TOGETHER TO FORM GLUTEN,
THAT FAMOUSLY ELASTIC AND PLASTIC PROTEIN MATRIX
THAT MAKES YEAST-LEAVENED BREADS POSSIBLE.
THE PROBLEM IS IN A MUFFIN, POCKETS OF GLUTEN
HOLD BUBBLES IN, RATHER THAN ALLOWING THEM TO LIFT.
EVENTUALLY, THESE BUBBLES COME TOGETHER IN STRANGE,
SNAKE-LIKE TUNNELS, A SURE SIGN OF AN OVERWORKED BATTER.
DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.
WHEN THE BATTER JUST STARTS TO COME TOGETHER,
JUST WALK AWAY, WALK AWAY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT
A LITTLE BIT OF POWDER LEFT IN THERE, IT'LL BE OKAY.
NOW GO GET YOURSELF A DISHER.
THAT IS A SPRING-LOADED SCOOP IN THE 2 1/2 OUNCE --
THAT'S ABOUT 1/3 CUP -- RANGE.
THIS SHOULD DO NICELY.
FIRST, WE'RE GONNA NEED A LITTLE LUBRICATION.
EVEN A NON-STICK MUFFIN PAN WILL STICK.
SO A BIT OF A SPRAY LUBE
AND THEN FILL 'ER UP.
PERFECT.
AND THE ALMONDS GO ON TOP, VERY NICE.
INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE OVEN.
NOW WE ARE LOOKING FOR A FINISHED INTERNAL TEMPERATURE OF 210 DEGREES.
THAT SHOULD TAKE ABOUT 20 MINUTES.
OH, AND ALWAYS REMEMBER, YOU WANNA ROTATE THE PAN HALFWAY THROUGH THE COOKING.
♪
WHEN YOUR MUFFINS ARE FINISHED,
IT IS IMPORTANT TO GET THEM OUT OF THE PAN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
OTHERWISE, THE BOTTOM CRUSTS CAN GET NASTILY MUSHY.
OF COURSE, THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA STICK A LITTLE AROUND THE EDGES,
SO I LIKE TO RUN JUST A SMALL OFFSET SPATULA...
YOU COULD USE A BUTTER KNIFE
AROUND THE EDGES TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE COMPLETELY FREE.
THEN I PLACE A WIRE COOLING RACK ON TOP AND FLIP THE WHOLE THING OVER.
WITH ANY LUCK, THEY WILL ALL COME OUT.
AH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.
♪
SO HOW IS MY FAVORITE NIECE THIS MORNING?
CONSIDERING MY UNCLE SENT ME TO BED HALF-FED,
I'M LUCKY TO STILL BE ALIVE.
WELL, LET'S GET YOU FED THEN.
LOOK, I'VE GOT MUFFINS, FRESH FROM THE OVEN.
WHOA, THEY SMELL GREAT.
I THOUGHT FOR SURE THEY'D BE, YOU KNOW,
TURNIP PANCAKES OR SPINACH YOGURT PARFAIT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
THOSE ARE ALL FINE IDEAS BUT NO, JUST WARM,
BEAUTIFUL, SWEET MUFFINS.
MAY I HAVE ONE?
THANKS.
SURE.
MMM, SWEET, MOM MAKES MUFFINS LIKE THIS, BUT THEY'RE TOUGH
AND HAVE THESE FUNNY HOLES IN THEM
THAT LOOK LIKE WORMS HAVE BEEN CRAWLING IN AND OUT.
WHAT DO YOU CALL THESE?
I CALL THEM MONEY MUFFINS.
MAY I HAVE ANOTHER ONE, PLEASE?
SURE, TAKE ALL YOU WANT BUT REMEMBER,
YOU DO HAVE YOUR CHESS MATCH THIS MORNING.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT, COULD YOU PACK ME A LITTLE LUNCH
LIKE A SANDWICH AND SOME CHIPS?
I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.
YOU JUST GO GET DRESSED, GO ON,
I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.
UNCLE ALT IS HERE, GO AHEAD, TAKE THIS WITH YOU.
YOU HEARD IT, SHE ASKED FOR CHIPS BY NAME.
WHENEVER I FRY CHIPS OF ANY TYPE,
I USE MY 5-QUART DUTCH OVEN AND, OF COURSE,
A FRY THERMOMETER TO KEEP ME HONEST.
TWO QUARTS OF PURE PEANUT OIL GO IN OVER HIGH HEAT
UNTIL I BRING IT TO 375 DEGREES.
ALTHOUGH I USUALLY PREPARE THIS LITTLE EDIBLE TRICK USING SWEET POTATOES,
THEIR POTENT PIGMENT WOULD ALMOST CERTAINLY EXPOSE MY PLOT.
SO I'M GONNA STICK WITH THE STARCHY,
YET STEALTHY PARSNIP WHICH, BECAUSE OF ITS RELATIVELY LOW
MOISTURE CONTENT, MAKES AN EXCELLENT CHIP.
SINCE THE INTERIOR CORE OF SOME OLDER PARSNIPS CAN BE ***,
I'M JUST GONNA REMOVE STRIPS WITH A VEGETABLE PEELER.
ONCE YOU'VE GOT ONE PARSNIP'S WORTH, MOVE THEM TO THE FRY OIL.
THE LAST THING YOU WANNA DO IS CROWD THIS PAN.
THERE, AND JUST LET THESE COOK FOR 1 TO 1 1/2 MINUTES.
♪
WHEN THEY TURN JUST GOLDEN, YOU WANT TO EVACUATE THEM
FROM THE FAT BEFORE THEY ACTUALLY TURN BROWN.
AND A SPIDER, DEFINITELY THE BEST TOOL FOR THE JOB.
SO JUST SCOOP AND LET THEM DRAIN FOR A FEW SECONDS,
GET THE EXCESS OIL OFF, AND THEN MOVE THEM OVER TO A DRAINING RIG.
I LIKE A SHEET PAN, NEWSPAPER, COOLING RACK COMBO.
ONCE YOU HAVE FINISHED THE ENTIRE BATCH,
GO AHEAD AND GIVE THEM SOME KOSHER SALT
AND A COUPLE OF GRINDS OF BLACK PEPPER IF YOU'RE SO INCLINED.
♪
THANKS FOR THE RIDE, MRS. JOHNSON, BYE.
HI, UNCLE ALTON.
HI, M.J., HOW WAS THE CHESS MATCH?
I GOT FIRST PLACE.
HEY, THAT'S MY GIRL, THAT'S THE WAY TO GO.
MMM, HOW DID YOU LIKE LUNCH?
GREAT, THOSE CHIP THINGS TASTED A LITTLE DIFFERENT THOUGH.
DIFFERENT, HOW?
I DON'T KNOW, KINDA SWEET AND NUTTY.
CAN YOU TELL MOM WHERE YOU GOT THEM SO SHE CAN BY THEM FOR ME.
GREAT.
OH, AND DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT
THAT I'VE FORGOTTEN OUR LITTLE WAGER.
JUST BECAUSE IT APPEARS YOU'VE GIVEN UP
DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PONY UP.
I WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF WEASELING OUT OF A SPORTING OBLIGATION.
WHY, THAT WOULD BE LIKE BREAKING A CONTRACT, WOULDN'T IT?
INDEED.
HEY, CONGRATULATIONS!
LET'S STEP OUTSIDE FOR A MOMENT.
NOW YOU NOTICE SHE SAID SWEET, NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE NOW.
PARSNIPS CAN DELIVER AN AMAZING AMOUNT OF SWEETNESS,
BUT ONLY IF THEY SPEND THE WINTER IN THE GROUND.
WHY IS THAT? WELL, TO FIND OUT,
WE WOULD NEED TO FIND A HORTICULTURIST.
LUCKILY, I HAVE ONE RIGHT HERE.
DR. GEORGE BOYHAN, TELL ME, WHY WILL MY PARSNIPS
BE SWEETER AFTER THEY WINTER IN THE GROUND?
WELL, THERE'S A PHENOMENON, ALTON, CALLED COLD SWEETENING.
THERE'S A LOT OF VEGETABLES THAT HAVE STORAGE WORKINGS LIKE POTATOES,
CARROTS, AND PARSNIPS THAT STORE ENERGY AS STARCH.
ABOVE 50 DEGREES, AS THIS STARCH IS CONVERTED
INTO SIMPLER SUGARS, IT'S USED IN RESPIRATION.
BELOW 50 DEGREES, YOU HAVE AN ACCUMULATION OF THESE SUGARS
AS RESPIRATION SLOWS DOWN.
THIS, FROM THE PLANT'S PERSPECTIVE, IS A GOOD THING,
BECAUSE THE ACCUMULATION OF SUGAR
PREVENTS THE FORMATION OF ICE CRYSTALS AND FREEZE INJURY.
IT ACTS A LOT LIKE AN ANTIFREEZE.
FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE, WHEN YOU'VE HARVESTED THEM
AFTER THEY'VE GONE THROUGH THIS PERIOD OF COLD, THEY TASTE SWEETER.
GREAT, SO PLANT'S IN THE GROUND, IT STORES ITS ENERGY AS STARCH,
BUT IT CONVERTS IT TO SIMPLE SUGARS TO DO ITS BUSINESS.
THAT BUSINESS SLOWS DOWN WHEN IT GETS COLD, SO THE SUGAR BUILDS UP.
THAT SUGAR, OF COURSE, WILL MOVE INTO THE CELLS
AND CREATE KIND OF A SYRUP THAT ACTS LIKE AN ANTIFREEZE.
THAT'S CORRECT.
YES.
GOOD MAN.
♪
AND NOW FOR THE COUP DE GRACE, A DEVICE OF SUCH DELICIOUS CUNNING
THAT I ALMOST FEEL GUILTY SPRINGING IT
ON THE UNSUSPECTING LASS... ALMOST.
NOW ROOT VEGETABLES ARE KNOWN FOR THEIR ABILITY
TO WORK AND PLAY WELL WITH FRUITS,
ESPECIALLY FRUITS IN THE ROSE FAMILY
SUCH AS QUINCES, APPLES, AND PEARS.
PEARS ARE ESPECIALLY POTENT WHEN PAIRED WITH PARSNIPS,
SPEAKING OF,
I ALWAYS HAVE AN EMERGENCY SUPPLY.
MY PLAN IS TO MAKE A SAUCE LIKE AN APPLE SAUCE,
NICE, SWEET, AND CHUNKY, ONLY WITH NO APPLES.
WE'RE GONNA USE PARSNIPS AND PEARS INSTEAD.
SO 1 POUND OF PARSNIPS,
THAT'S THREE TO FOUR ROOTS WHICH WILL BE PEELED.
THEN WE'RE GONNA TAKE A COUPLE OF PEARS.
YOU COULD USE BARTLETTS, BOSC, ANYTHING THAT YOU REALLY LIKE.
CUT OFF THE ENDS, THEN PEEL THOSE AS WELL.
THERE, JUST SPLIT THOSE IN HALF.
THEN I LIKE TO GET OUT THE SEEDS
WITH A LITTLE MELON BALLER OR A TEASPOON LIKE THIS.
YOU WASTE LESS MEAT THAT WAY, THERE.
JUST SCOOP AROUND AND IT COMES OUT PRETTY EASILY.
NOW THESE WE WILL CUT DOWN INTO 1-INCH CHUNKS.
JUST SPLIT IT AND SLICE THROUGH, THERE.
NOW ALL OF THESE HUNKS AND CHUNKS
ARE GONNA GO INTO A LARGE MICROWAVE SAFE CONTAINER.
CUT PARSNIPS LIKE THAT,
GOOD, PERFECT.
NOW FOR THE WET TEAM.
WE'RE GONNA INTRODUCE 1 1/2 CUPS OF FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE.
SQUEEZING'S HALF THE FUN.
ONE-QUARTER TEASPOON OF GROUND CARDAMOM.
THIS WILL REALLY CONFUSE THE LITTLE BOOGER.
THREE TABLESPOONS OF MAPLE SYRUP.
DON'T TRY PASSING OFF THAT FAKE PANCAKE SYRUP BUSINESS.
I WANT THE REAL THING, GRADE B AMBER WOULD BE ESPECIALLY NICE.
I'M GOING TO NEED A PINCH OF GROUND CLOVE,
AND I USUALLY JUST THROW ONE OR TWO IN THIS LITTLE MORTAR AND PESTLE
AND GRIND IT UP.
IT TAKES LIKE TEN SECONDS.
ONE TEASPOON OF THE ZEST OF THE AFOREMENTIONED ORANGES
AND JUST A PINCH OF KOSHER SALT TO HELP MARRY THE FLAVORS.
NOW, PLACE THE LID ON YOUR VESSEL,
BEING CAREFUL TO LEAVE ONE CORNER OPEN
SO STEAM CAN GET OUT AND MICROWAVE ON HIGH FOR TEN MINUTES.
♪
ALL RIGHT, OUR PEAR AND PARSNIP PAIRING
HAS BEEN IN THE MICROWAVE ON HIGH FOR TEN MINUTES.
TIME TO TEST FOR DONENESS.
NOW THE CHUNKS SHOULD BE TENDER ENOUGH TO MASH
BUT NOT SO GOOSHY THAT THEY, WELL, GOOSH.
BE CAREFUL TAKING OFF THE LID TOO.
THERE STILL COULD BE SOME STEAM IN THERE.
GIVE IT A SQUEEZE, GOOD.
THERE, NOW THE MICROWAVE HAS KIND OF
AN UNCANNY ABILITY TO FLATTEN OUT THE HIGH NOTES
IN THE FLAVORS OF FRUIT, YOU WANNA BRING THAT BACK.
SO WE'RE GONNA ADD SOME ACIDITY.
NOW IF THIS WERE JUST APPLE SAUCE,
I'D PROBABLY USE APPLE CIDER VINEGAR,
BUT IT'S PARSNIPS AND PEARS.
SO 1 TABLESPOON OF LEMON JUICE AND YES, IT REALLY DOES NEED
TO BE FRESH SQUEEZED.
NOW AS FAR AS GETTING THIS TO THE FINAL CONSISTENCY,
YOU CAN USE ANY TECHNOLOGY YOU WANT,
TO MANGLE, MASH, OR PUREE.
AN OLD SCHOOL POTATO MANGLER WILL GIVE YOU
A NICE RUSTIC CHUNKY KIND OF ACTION.
A HAND MIXER WILL SMOOTH THINGS OUT A LITTLE BIT
AND THEN, OF COURSE, AN IMMERSION OR STICK BLENDER
WILL GIVE YOU A RELATIVELY SMOOTH PUREE.
THERE, NOW I EITHER SERVE THIS WARM OR COLD,
ALONE, OR WITH...
PORK CHOPS.
AND, OH, AND PEAR AND PARSNIP SAUCE.
OKAY, I LIKE FRUIT.
MMM, THOSE ARE THE BEST PEARS I'VE EVER HAD.
NUTTY.
PEPPERY.
PARSLEY.
ISN'T PARSLEY A VEGETABLE?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, PARSLEY'S AN HERB.
ABSOLUTELY, YOU CAN HAVE MORE.
HERE, DIG IN, AND HAVE ALL YOU WANT, YOUNG LADY.
WELL, IT'S BEEN A DAY AND I HAVEN'T ASKED
FOR ONE SINGLE VEGETABLE.
READY TO PAY UP?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, M.J., YOU EAT YOUR DINNER
AND THEN WE'LL DEAL WITH ALL THOSE FINANCES, OKAY?
THE MORAL OF THE STORY, NEVER BET AGAINST A PARSNIP.
WELL, I HOPE WE'VE INSPIRED YOU TO GIVE THIS
OLD WORLD CULINARY CHAMELEON A CHANCE IT SO RICHLY DESERVES.
NOT ONLY IS ITS FLAVOR AND NUTRITIONAL PROFILE
UNLIKE ANY OTHER TAP ROOT ON EARTH,
ITS VERSATILITY PLACES IT HIGH IN THE PANTHEON OF... YOU KNOW.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A LITTLE DEBT TO COLLECT.
SO M.J., ABOUT THIS MONEY...
♪
GOOD EVENING, OFFICERS.
SIR, THERE'S BEEN A REPORT OF UNDERAGE GAMBLING GOING ON AT THIS RESIDENCE.
OH, BOTHER!
Closed Captions Provided by Scripps Networks, LLC