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My controlling and harsh, critical husband. I feel stuck
when working with the turnarounds. I'm still confused
So. Anyone have a harsh
critical husband or wife? Okay.
And what do they say that is
so painful. I can't talk to you anymore.
Do you love silence? Do you love peace? Absolutely. Well he's the perfect
husband for you.
Thank you. Anyone else?
When he gets really
upset he would say, like you're not a decent woman. You're not
a decent woman. Okay, so that's simple.
When you're at home alone and
you have the blinds shut
because you don't want anyone to see you. What is that about?
You know when you go to the bathroom in a public place
why do you shut the door? And
I'm just showing you how my mind plays with things because I hit this one
years ago;
right away.Iit's like, Stephen had to teach me to shut the bathroom door,
because when my...oh why do I tell this.
He came in
one time years ago, and I was doing a school in
the wonderful desert and and I had
several staff,
they were women, but that wouldn't have affected me
I guess, but, I was
working with all these staff for the next
session and he came in.
I was in the bathroom doing my thing and
they were all there just taking care of business. We were having a staff
meeting
basically while I went to the bathroom. He was horrified.
And, as love would have it,
I support Stephen.
So decent also is
a matter of definition. Okay.
Oh good! What honey? What did she say? I mean,
I'm not following this one. So you be the husband.
Yuck! You're not decent.
Oh honey, tell me more. Where specifically? What specifically?
You, you don't close the bathroom door when you
pee. You know, it's true. And you also need to
clothe yourself better. I can see your cleavage
and your butt crack. Oh wow. I can see this.
Yes, that's so.
Really? Like, that's it?
Well if it's true he's right. I mean,
if my butt crack is showing and my cleavage is showing..
He's just a keen observer. I mean,
okay. See if you can hear this. Love is never boxed in.
It never excludes. It's your heart.
I have a big thing about manners, and decency, and all my stories about that
with my
daughter, and my former step daughter.
So I'm constantly saying mind your manners. As egos would have it,
we just marry within those little
culture bubbles, so we're all safe.
And that's not right or wrong it's just unnecessary. Love crashes all the
boundaries.
So I might say, if you don't have the table manners,
then you were indecent. Yes.
And I'd say, "well sweetheart, that must be very painful for you."
and I'm very open to I'm
to mind you pants with different ways line
higher means and I'm very open
to on the better table manners
and I think would be a lot of fun to take on that appear and identity
hmm mile and see if it helps you at all
can I say something who it's actually
deeper than that when he gets really upset you would say like or
and then it's like okay so say it to me he's really upset
you just who just say like you just a hook
mom year and has
its you but you know if if you know yourself it's not gonna hurt honey
it's something out if you have like a specific
then happening in the past and you know he refers to that
and it yes cell
good ol judge in April birch in or five or six
I'm sure I yeah well you know give over Chino
I'm yeah I'm not with him anymore
but in sick you know they're
it started out as light hand and I hear
I hear you are three people really hurts
but I can tell you in my experience
I looked just like you I feel
what you are feeling what I imagine that you're feeling pain
hurt crashed
and detainee in
you know today like in your position
someone called me like a *** I would say you know
only this morning I said yes to you so you bring me coffee
you know I just I get some I'm a *** *** ***
you know i jus I mean I'm always bartering you know I mean
doesn't if someone you really law
said I mean you *** doesn't
well you know once you know I would sit down with that person see tell me
everything
you know where is it you you know why do you see me that way
and and he could come up with some examples
intense I absolutely agree with
yeah yeah and then in in 10
maybe I would cry me and think he knows me so well
I feel so connected to him and then it that he stays with me redone
but if you always lane soon
well I would question he always brings you
and if I called you a *** out state
anger were hurt I would not like myself so I may come back with something even
stronger
that's what guilt it's like it's what pain is like it's what fears like
it's what on lack of kindness is like
when I don't like me I don't like you
unify mankind to you that's what I'm left with
I appear to be mean and I'm only frightened
it's all that's going on lovers all that effort going on
be
so would you like to do a worksheet you can
bring it up here we'll see what did you write I am
upset with bad lots because he tries to
no I because he doesn't want to forget the past
and bring setup you one step into
this parlor yes please 221
so he doesn't want to forget the past is that true
it's a yes or a No those first two questions
you know yes he doesn't want to forget the past
can you absolutely know that it's true he doesn't want to forget the past
yes so
how do you react what happens when you think that thought
I get new boots
I become straight what up losing you
that to which is the the relationship
I it angry sometimes
anxious
I feel bad I always
remember why he doesn't want to why he's calling me
devore I mean when he does I always remember that
specific situation and the night
I hate myself for that now
imagine that situation were you with him and you thinking that thought
he doesn't want to forget the past
now look at him
look at him no matter how ingredients Houston
who had to pee without the body doesn't want to forgive the past
look at him tell me what you see on his face
begins physical body look to him can do is
mines with you see which you people took part he doesn't want to forget the past
fear
yeah scared you anchor
you know that England's fear yeah angry person is the most frightening thing
he doesn't want to begin
past turnaround
I I don't
ones who think it the past I don't want to pretend
forget the past you that very thing that situation you were talking about
you don't think
you don't forget forget you expecting him to do it you haven't done yet
pretty
reminds me a bit well get out the past
look at him the way did he really isn't that moment he's frightened
if I hope that part
I want you to forgive the past
I need to start with myself how can I expect him to do it
for all I know it's impossible so I need to put a little work in that
so why don't you forget the past
because if I forget the past then he might think
there was easy like well he's already telling you that
anyway I try to use
with him to forget the past year or to make him understand that
is one I love but if i forgot the past
than you might like although it's easy for you you telling the truth you know
it took me two years you know there is the trip
you what it feels like when you
are remembering the past
thinking and yourself as a *** be with the council
yeah okay now feel like like
would've feels like when you're not to okay
so that was always you
you not forgetting the past with the pain you felt not
him remembering the past
someone can remember your pal stopping by
it's not until you remember it and haven't forgiven it
that it hurts
interest and like
someone could believe the past all they want it doesn't hurt me
it when I haven't forget in the past
and they bring it up that I hurt me
yeah so that gives you something to work on
beginning for giving your past
I always thought it was like a weapon
he used against me turn it around it was a weapon that I
it was a weapon I use chickens
need to hold myself down and what a perfect partner to do that
now well
in want because that way I
it myself that I'll any would love the
all *** again the yen
I put myself down i play Smollett
to keep it detection weird isn't it
so
so he had the power yeah I can that policy
and I would always say you don't want to forget the past
punch lead and he wouldn't
you're a tough one it's hard to enlighten you
in that's what every relationship it's about you know
once we have to work with good
combined with relationship those relationships it's very clear that a
state away concern
we judge them on paper
and he said I saw three in the past changes
we didn't work and the work
doesn't he doesn't want to forget the past
can you find another turnaround another office and he dons
he does want to forget the past
give me an example otherwise who would not
want to be wit me for two years through it actually
going to get married much seven weeks before he said
he could not forget pabst and cancel the waiting
and hockey you didn't
home behind him
through on skype whole
my heart it's broken he's not going to marry me
and I won't be able to live with someone who will not forget the past
is poop the next time you see him
you continue to let loved most about you you
arm on
the way you saw my past it really it really helped me
it actually helped me
it's like he
he hears before that work heater someone forget the past
after the work five minutes later he doesn't want to forgive the path
he doesn't want forget the past you but
I'm so lucky perfect
relationship it's possible
unity he he did hurting you to the point
where he just wouldn't million and continue to hurt me
he actually said
two weeks for
would before he canceled waiting
but I didn't want the thin know you prefer mean
remembering the past and he's not gonna play anymore
in he's not going to help you anymore
okay precious let's look at the next one
I want I want bad loans
to be happy with me
worship me be happy because the together
and forget to Pennhurst who by yes
cell let's just turn that around. I want me
I want me to be happy with it ni
yeah I'll worship
me be happy because
I N I'm together
I we are together in
I am together with my cell I am too be happy because I'm together with my
personal
you even if you memories
someone your still just that your cell yeah
and I want
and I want to forget depends
you that makes you very good company really
so there's an editor on
I wanted me to be happy went him
I want need to be happy with him
I want me to worship Him
I want me to be happy
pecos me together I
ninety content with him I because I am together with him
grateful for twenty show you and grateful that he did not forget the past
and grateful that he canceled wedding you could be somewhat
and pain
yeah
witness in it means you couldn't forget your past
and because he cancel the wedding there were not to love you
not forgetting the past everyday together
like 24/7
just left you to do it
so if I don't forget the past
to I have a future with him arm
you know I have no idea
complete I'm had three husbands in my life
and I toward
later husband on eternal story I'd love it
like in example he's he's mid-twenties very large man with this great big
stunning Kenny just
he pays really like volatile
and when the work filming I became quiet and
I which maybe just
me sitting there still is you have been issued contemplating
and he'd walk into the room it would frighten him
consumers no longer so animated and
crazed and on
he might stain like
I think blinky blink but he loved
like cursed curse words and he
really knew some good point and
emanates from the years and that's the only time people use
like seriously but
I don't know if that's true but anyway he was when he was upset that's what he
did
and and he would he would go like point be plenty plenty plenty
what the hell do you think you doing
just all my this is the smartest man I've never
I but an amazing question what do I think I'm doing
he take kindly bring keep where the hell do you think you're going and
on me Jess again it's like this man was my teacher
I'm still trying to answer that question
open
our story ballot a person's intonation
or our story belt like they don't
nnnn nnnn they're angry what you believe in about that Nana
that's what hurting you can you just listen
to the words there's no time that you're not
with your teach
you think things like who the hell do you think you are
the
who the hell do you think you are K
okay honey just slow down that's a good one look good
the
I
there is no harm in the world
and that's a small statement
but I love that people would be hear things like that and
and do the work until the prove that it's true
beyond on
in the tiny little slower in that way we know our children each year
and and certainly sensible
age since as I sit with you and watch you
drop into your beautiful self
and took the next month let's keep traveling
the third one yeah he shouldn't criticize me
is that true
you're asking him to do again what you can do some
to he shouldn't criticize you
is that true I me into appreciate free speech
free speech a home yeah for me
well but not in him yep
it's like sweetheart I love you but don't think this don't think this don't
think just don't think that's not not that
eat yeah
she hard to live with yeah
think it don't say don't dark you hurt me
you so good need the
you know we come from the same school I'm so great
Muslim the gym
so he shouldn't criticize she was set to true
no mmm
you know the people they criticize she will give your best work
yeah to you know if you
really are interested in freedom in like man- go out in the world in just
just you don't have to go out into the world just
wherever you go hopefully to criticize
can imagine living in the world point anywhere everywhere anywhere you wanna
go
hoping someone will criticize you I mean that is freedom
it another way of saying that it's got into the world and let them in like new
and you have been queried us what's going on that's what everything
that's where the is what every rackets for you were in like mint
so sweetheart you shouldn't criticize you
how do you react what happens when you believe that
I get under control
I yield %eh that
yeah I and they were shocked that they criticize that's what we know
they hate my
no close your eyes and look at you
you think the county shouldn't criticize you and your young you see that image
don't look at him teens who would you be without the
to witness you find compassion for him
and you see the *** that one
and him chill frighten people
he shouldn't criticize me turned around he should
criticize the you see in
I'm yelling and screening
he actually tries to talk with me
but I yield
it was a kid heard I don't wanna listen
he tries to tell me something
and I don't wanna listen I can't hurt
I think I can't hurt and then I you
and then it becomes even worse because then he
is out of control and then I think he
does want to forget the past in
that I actually make him
filmy I'm a *** really
I invoke it
I'm makin go this same pattern
and then I make in the field the one
he has many time trying to talk with me
that he would always say you don't listen
and I don't wanna marry a woman
I cannot talk to
who's yelling at me I don't feel like a man I couldn't understand that
yeah
I actually cancel the waiting %ah
having you just said seven weeks before he needed some time
before the wedding he I was in Denmark he was in Turkey
and I went to denmark to give the invitations to people
and then I just I heard there was something I mean I could hear him that
was not OK
and then in phony just said to me I i'm
I'm I'm scared to because we hill we
we always I mean we always discuss and we always ceiling
YouTube I mean it's always like this n
and then he said I need some time
he actually said I need some time to see if I can live without you
and night instead of trying to understand
I was like okay
you need some time and I i reacted
I got even more even more angry
I healed even more in phone
and then he said that's why I'm I'm
I'm scared to marry you because I don't want
I want a peaceful life I wanna marry wants
and I was like being a child
I was like being like me me me
really I was like nah you know we we got I did all this for you blah blah blah
he used to be tight at ins that in
you describe you the unenlightened mind
10 and when
when inquiry comes into my life the mind begins to mature
the Wii U version its we got your human being but it's just the mind expanding
into its
are saying its true nature which looks like maturity and it's always kind
and sitting with you it's just watching this
heart just open open open and you realize in
open its it's like you are on in the present some
mature mind in like mind
you can happen anytime just noticed
always been there its chance now you can't see
because what you for believing it's just out of the way enough to even imagine
reminds us keep so
he shouldn't criticize me turned around he should
he should criticize because it grows you
Consett grooms me ok impressions
thats look and next
he should listen to me
he get frightened him he actually this
your you know it he said in five years I have been listening to you
he actually listens to you
I'm the one I was not listening
you don't love
about inquiry if you don't you eat
if that person is your head on be married to you never see them again
it's never too late to fall in love and it's very different it's not a physical
thing
and the next one he should talk nicely
veteran the I think you cap it at Turner Brown
should talk nicely
the next
he should respect me be a link
it's hard to respect a swimmer going off on them
yeah to turn around time should
respected I should respect
me yeah
you doing the best you could you believe in you
thought you couldn't forget past you didn't know how
yeah should respect that yeah when those emotions
happening can respect them
notice what you thinking and believing in to religion YouTube Richie
Yap thank you your welcome
you know it it's likely like collapsing millions and millions here
and that leaves us in a moment and
it turn 10 met a lovely
life it's a life where there's snow suffering
always strange you never old you never said
you understand took the next one
he shouldn't doubt on me turned around
I shouldn't doubt on my cell
yeah when you think you're a terrible human being
get BL United
done Pieper ppl next one
he should relax and focus on building a future
with me turn I shouldn't I should
relax and focus on building a future
with my smile text
is in hits wonderful to love the one you're with
is in second number
for I need bad loans to take responsibility
and not blame me
is that true
I mean I should think responsibility
and not lady you
or anyone
you morning should take responsibility of my life
I don't need him to you I don't need him to
okay
yeah that feels much freer
I don't need him to take responsibility and just let him play
that's very kind of you to allow him to do what you can to do anyway
the with you
who it i helping you get permission and it's honest
that everyone has it's free too
tend to do that and you understand
and we are just the way you used to be
so funny I have always thought I was a very
good partnered like freeing him
no like I was giving him
three dozen I've actually been limiting him
and if I was not happy we'd how he was
I would get upset that's be no more
because I wanted something out of 10 and if I didn't get it I wouldn't trade my
love
no yeah
I was actually doing that
I would I would punch in when I
he didn't give me what I want it
no physical touch cynics niches withhold
yeah just because I have my rules
and my way out yeah
seeing the world and he should do that
know when we finished suasion go through it and you make unless
I'm things you've discovered in you
it meant you're wrong and then you make it right where you can
you apologize yeah for those
times because we really we really
the marks on people we've been
teaching the opposite over nature
yeah and its bright
will be clean all not at up then it's complete
next
I need to him not to plaintiff victim
you know all the victims in my life had a right to play the victim
said when I look at my part
so let's turn it around I need
me not to play the victim
yeah
and I need him to I need him to play the victim
yes because if you reflect back any area
into you might be the cause another human being sentry
call really in
cool there are some definite
tools here I need him to play the
and it could be that as you listen to him
making that judgment you hear that he's not plain
victim he simply telling you true
again that you could not hear earlier
p I need him to be strong happy confident
grateful for our relationship
yeah difficult list
for a partner to take on so
let's turn it around 90 I need me to be strong happy and confident
and be grateful yes form the relationship with myself and others
yes that way they can be but they be
and you're always in a good relationship test
okay 10 number part
yeah parlance is ungrateful
always doubting week
codependent undies parents
irresponsible cold in nature
and i really wanna marry him I
the I up
from I
in
kiss me yeah
i an ungrateful
always in that relationship in that when the
calls me a *** yeah her when he doesn't give me what I want
online am I am ungrateful
always doubting I and weak
codependent on my parents I would look at on his parents
like what no
had there are Sun advantage as it's like
if you're going to marry someone if they fall short marry
maybe their his parents will kick in
it's like like you can
go to demonstrate he's not blablabla I states that
the
hope well
who can you I am irresponsible
I am cold and I and miniature yes
in that relationship yeah man
in that situation yeah
now I want you to my to pay attention to this also
read the list again you know I am I am
ungrateful and what is the opposite
I and grateful
in 10 use it but its leader and you
all times this you were grateful to him come to you
in you know it Intel I am chanced in over heels in love with
with my perceived enemy the other into this
Purcey my works it's not done
and in so that when you fall in love with everything everyone
and it would have to be married on me to even
I mean it's just you're free info love
what is natural happens
so on the next word I
and Shane
I mean I'm not doubting I'm sure about
yeah months now in you you find the ways that you were sure
mother thing she was sure
keep the next I and strong
yes there were many areas where you grew strong
not someone to serve you some through the didn't he'll show you
your strength in the negative in your strength in the positive in which
and word will serve you
beacons you know yourself when you're in that
I know mind that unquestioned minden you believe you're right
incidental or damage you know the words to take you further and further away
from what is valuable
yeah further and further away from yourself
and him result okay see do that list in the opposition really take it in
and then you find where he was strong
yeah in where he was you the whole this with him to the OPT
that were you can you you get a balance you get to know
you how you want to know everything about the person you love
well this is this were cheaters how we do it
kitchen stakes in you know are connected it's all the positives and they all
become a parted
the last one numbers 6 I don't ever want in
sit out on my love to him I'm willing
I'm willing to let him down on my love to him
and look forward to you I look forward to a minute 10
doubt on my love to him yeah that's exciting
and I would just put the whole world than yeah
exactly yeah
because you know we have a right not to my view if we don't
you have a right to leverage anyway
you've waited
yeah in and then there was
I don't ever want in always
having I mean a always testing my love
to him then when Willie I look forward to
have line tense
love nice
I look for rent 29 testy mine now
yeah life and everything in it in a pan
if the situation in every time yeah the only thing we
don't love its the thought
or concept or assumption that we've attached to you
and then what's that produces secondary
so we're taking care offense in
death she this become too much for me
you know which beary user-friendly
thank you thank you so much unit
theory well community I'm so grateful
thank you you I'm very well then click
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