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[Singing]
[Sound of wardrobe appearing]
>> PROFESSOR: Aha! A beautiful young girl! Exactly where my BeatifulAssistantFinderOmatic
2000 told me I'd find one of those! How do you do?
>> JOSIE: Gosh, hello! I love your hat! Didn't Sting used to wear one of those?
>> PROFESSOR: No. Why would you say that? That's a really weird thing to say. It's almost
as if you've shoehorned that line in for no obvious
reason. Anyway, I need you to come with me on an exciting adventure to defeat the great
and evil Emperor Phloxamelon of the twin stars Bodger and Badger.
>> JOSIE: Gosh how exciting! I've always dreamed of a mysterious stranger whisking me away
on an exciting adventure, what with my life being so dull with my low grade position in
administration and living alone with a mangy hamster who hates me! This is the sort of
thing that might happen in a film! In fact, if they did make it into a film and entered
it in some sort of competition, it would probably win!
>> PROFESSOR: Whatever. Get in.
>> JOSIE: It's a bit cramped in here! Why's it so much smaller on the inside?
>> PROFESSOR: What did you expect?
>> JOSIE: I don't know, I thought it might be a gateway to another world with witches
and lions and turkish delight, or at least somehow bigger
inside.
>> PROFESSOR: Well it isn't. Get over it.
[Sound of wardrobe disappearing]
>> PROFESSOR: Right, we're here.
>> JOSIE: Ooh, where are we? In some wondrous faraway land with strange creatures... Oh.
It's an office.
>> PROFESSOR: Yes, it's my office. I have to file an application form to allow us access
to the Zyorg Catacombs of Eternal Wisdom.
>> JOSIE: Gosh, how exciting! What do you want me to do?
>> PROFESSOR: Sit there and wait.
>> JOSIE: Will this take long?
>> PROFESSOR: Yes.
[Josie sings to herself]
>> PROFESSOR: Stop that.
>> JOSIE: Didn't Sting used to -
>> PROFESSOR: No.
[Singing from radio]
>> PROFESSOR: Turn it off.
>> PROFESSOR: All done!
>> PROFESSOR: Let us away to the Zyorg Catacombs of Eternal Wisdom!
>> JOSIE: Yay! Zyorg Catacombs of Eternal Wisdom!
[Sound of wardrobe disappearing]
>> JOSIE: What's this?
>> PROFESSOR: This, beautiful assistant who's name I haven't bothered to find out yet, is
the Zyorg Catacombs of Eternal Wisdom!
>> JOSIE: I thought it would look more like the moon. Why won't you take me to the moon?
I want to go to the moon!
>> PROFESSOR: Fine, i'll take you to the moon. But first we need to look up galactic legal
mandate 376.12. See if you can find a blue folder.
>> JOSIE: Here it is.
>> PROFESSOR: Well done!
>> JOSIE: Now can we go to the moon?
>> PROFESSOR: I suppose so. Get back in the box.
[Sound of wardrobe disappearing]
>> PROFESSOR: Behold - the moon!
>> JOSIE: I can't see anything. Can we get out?
>> PROFESSOR: It's the moon. There's no atmosphere. If we get out, we die.
>> JOSIE: This is rubbish.
>> PROFESSOR: Well, don't say I never take you to the moon.
[Sound of wardrobe disappearing]
>> PROFESSOR: Now I'm going to touchdown on the outer rim of Uranus!
>> JOSIE: I thought you already were. It's so cramped in here.
>> EMPEROR: Oh no! It's the magic professor and the latest in the long line of inappropriately
young girls he knocks about with!
>> PROFESSOR: I defeat you at last, Emperor Phloxamelon! Take this!
>> EMPEROR: What's this?
>> PROFESSOR: It's a court summons! Now you will be judged by your peers for that conservatory
you built without planning permission!
>> EMPEROR: Curse you, magic professor! And curse you, beautiful assistant, and by the
way would you like to see my conservatory? It's really very spacious and I've got some
Pimms on ice.
>> JOSIE: Oh, i'd love to! My, you are a strapping emperor, aren't you! What exactly are you
emperor of?
>> PROFESSOR: Back in the box.
>> PROFESSOR: Well, my dear, how did you like our first adventure together?
>> JOSIE: First? I'm not doing that again! I didn't even get to do anything, I think
you just like to have some wide eyed little girl follow you
about and tell you how wonderful you are.
>> PROFESSOR: Oh, really? What if I were to tell you that my wardrobe doesn't only travel
in space - it's also... a time machine!
>> JOSIE: Didn't Sting used to have one of those?
[Singing]