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Dude, these EDM fests
are insane, man.
Look at this, dude.
We gotta go.
I say we give up
our rock star lifestyles
and go straight electronic,
dude.
Uh, I don't know
if I can sign off on that.
I got a bunch
of unplugged albums
that I'm still
spinning heavily.
The Alanis ones?
Unreal.
Wow. God, though,
look at these neon ***.
They're blinding.
That's, like, exactly
how I'd like to go blind.
If I were to.
Yes.
And I-I want you to go blind,
trust me...
- Yes.
- But, dude, 160 bucks a ticket?
- That's a crime.
- Um, excuse me.
Is something wrong
with y'all modem?
Sound like an android
freak Nik over here.
Just because
you don't like something,
doesn't mean that it's bad.
And also, [Bleep] You.
Everything that you like sucks.
Listen, Colleen's
having another baby.
You understand?
She driving me crazy right now.
I gotta get out this house.
What y'all doing this weekend?
Oh, not... not doing
anything with you,
I wouldn't think.
No.
Probably just sitting at home
wishing we were at this
electronic music festival.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
That sounds
like a good-*** time.
Count me in.
Can I roll with y'all?
In what world
would we hang out with you
on the weekends?
- Not earth.
- Uh-uh.
Listen.
Y'all don't understand
what's going on.
She is farting all the time,
she's making me babyproof stuff.
I gotta get out this house!
I'll do anything
to get out this house!
I'll suck y'all [Bleep]
to get out this house.
- Whoa.
- Okay, all right.
You don't need
to suck our [Bleep]
- To go with us.
- No, no, no.
It's because, you know,
that's a thing from the '90s.
You just say, you know,
"I'm gonna suck your ,"
but you don't really mean that.
It seems like you said it
like you really wanted to.
Y'all "misconstruding"
everything I'm saying
right now.
I'ma get the tickets
and whatever y'all need.
Just let me go with y'all.
- Yes. Fine.
- Yeah, yeah.
That would actually be cool.
Just don't suck
our [Bleep], please.
Yes! Wait, actually, one thing.
Bill and Waymond
are going car shopping.
They're trying
to get matching Nissans
and they need
my negotiating skills
at the dealership, you know?
Cool story.
Go buy those tickets.
And keep our [Bleep]
out your mouth.
- Yeah.
- I'll get the tickets.
Y'all cut them loose.
That's the deal.
- Okay.
- Okay. All right.
You're welcome.
Negotiating skills.
- We're going.
- We're going.
- We're going!
- You're going!
- We're going.
- And you're going.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Oh, oh.
Teach me how to do that.
- Oh.
- It's just an energy ball.
- What is it?
- It's an energy ball.
I'm fresh.
You gotta, you gotta,
you gotta, you gotta...
you gotta be fresh.
Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com
Are you sure we can't
come with to the ddt thing?
Yeah, I am sure about that
because you don't even
know the name of it.
Because it's...
you're an old dude.
- "Ddt"?
- He said "ddt."
- I'd love to go to a ddt thing.
- Oh yeah.
- Like, a festival.
- It's a wrestling move.
- Yeah, it's a wrestling move.
- Summerslam's coming up.
So you're...
you're okay with it?
- We're straight.
- All right.
Just Tez being Tez, you know?
We're just kinda,
like, telling you,
but whatever.
Sandwich time.
- Cool.
- I'm gonna get a string cheese.
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Are you sure you're okay?
- I said I'm fine!
- Okay.
I see, uh,
ooh, mootown snackers.
- Nice. Mmm.
- They still make those,
I guess.
Ooh.
Oh! Did you hear
that drop, dude?
Mm!
I'm calling it
"the Ders effect."
- Whoa. Cool.
- Yeah.
- You're a DJ.
- Spinning.
And guess what my DJ name is.
DJ Ango.
What?
Very cool.
Cool, yeah.
- Right?
- I don't... I don't get it,
but I'm pumped
that you're pumped.
I'm pumped about that.
DJ Ango.
Django.
Jamie Foxx.
I still don't understand,
but, honestly,
let's get real for a second.
What are we thinking?
That's pretty sicky gnar.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- Hair.
- Yeah, well, it's...
it does... and you know...
yes, it is hairy,
but I'm harvesting energy,
and I'm storing it
here in my core.
- Oh, okay. Yeah.
- Yeah, 'cause I have, like,
a dance body, right?
Yeah.
But I need to maintain the core
so I don't hurt myself
out there on the raver floor
because it gets
pretty wild, man.
- Yeah.
- It gets wild,
'cause all this energy's
tossing around.
You're gonna throw it over here
and you gotta catch it.
And you swallow it
like a little seed,
and now it's in your belly.
Now it's in your belly,
and then you just...
uhhh!
And you blast
with all the energy,
like a little flower.
Hopefully, girls will sniff
that energy flower, you know?
They'll... they will.
- Ooh hoo!
- Someone at the...
yeah!
All right, man.
I think that's Karl.
He's bringing us
some party supplies
for the festiv-lay.
Yes!
- Way cool.
- Whoo!
Energy.
- What is that?
- It's an energy thing.
- Oh, that's more energy.
- Yes, energy.
It's a total energy thing, man.
Cool.
What's up, Duke?
- Ew, you smell.
- Thank you.
Hey, man, where's
your ex-girlfriend?
Molly?
At? No.
I don't know a Molly.
I think he's talking
about Molly, the drug.
It's like ecstasy,
but... but it's, like,
different somehow,
no one knows.
No, I think I know Blake
a little bit better
than you, Adam,
and I think he's talking
about a chick named Molly,
right?
Oh, no, I'm talking
about the drug.
I want drugs.
Give 'em to me.
That's what
you're here for, bud.
Yeah, of course
I have that Molly.
Right here, man.
All right. Gimme, gimme.
So you're going to a rave, huh?
You cannot join us, though.
All right, look, if you
want the Molly, okay,
then you need to chant
the Raver's prayer with me.
Okay, ready?
And here we go.
We are one massive
tribal village...
say it with me.
That transcends manmade law...
Dude, come on.
Can I just, um...
can I just get the stuff?
I'll give you
this popsicle, man.
Your... your dead eye has been
looking at it the whole time.
Yeah, I feel... I feel
like that's a good deal.
- Yeah, all right. Cool.
- There you go.
Let me get that.
And there you go.
Come on.
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!
There you go, you dirty ***.
- Molly.
- Molly!
Hit us with the Ders effect.
- Wassup?
- Where y'all been?
I called y'all 15 times.
Did you get my voicemails?
And why do you
look like gay predator?
Do voicemails still exist?
You are old, dude.
Ah, plus I'd never
give you my real number
because I hate you as a person.
Where are the tickets?
Yeah.
Man, Colleen got me sticking
around this baby shower, okay?
I told her this is girl stuff,
but she almost came out
the bag on me.
Okay, well, how far along
are we in this baby process?
Can we maybe...
Can we abort the baby?
Let's just... we'll bring
you back a glow stick, okay?
We'll see you around.
You know what?
Quite frankly, this might
work out better for us.
Get the tickets,
keep it to the three amigos.
- Yep.
- Oh, I like that.
Energy.
The tickets are under "Walker"
at will call.
If I don't go,
none of us are getting in.
That is why I think
we should keep it
the four amigos, right?
- Yeah.
- The four of us together.
- Yeah, get in.
- Get in here.
This is an energy thing
we're doing...
no, y'all don't get it, man.
Colleen going crazy
over this child.
She already redecorated
the nursery,
got some expensive-*** doula
to deliver the baby,
and to top it all off,
she wants
to do something called
"*** water birth."
- Well, what... what...
- I'm sorry?
- Okay, come again?
- Ew.
It's when she busts a nut
when the baby flop out.
Oh!
It could be hot, could be not.
It's too much, man.
Ugh, that sounds disgusting.
Not the orgasming part...
that sounds cool...
but, like, the baby part
because they ruin "verginas."
"Verginas."
Wait, who makes her bust,
you or the baby?
I don't know.
God damn it, man!
I'm just about to drink
this whole jug
of Molly water
and strawberry soda.
At least I'd die in ecstasy.
- You should do it.
- You should do it.
- Dude, this sucks!
- Should I?
I had my massive Ders effect
drops, right?
- And now DJ Ango is chained.
- He's chained.
He's never getting out.
Yeah, the DJ is fully chained.
And I was gonna
have a natural dance body
that was gonna be showin' off.
I was planting seeds,
I was gonna exude energy,
and, you know,
have my flower bloom.
But a stupid baby ruined it!
Stupid baby.
I hate babies.
It's not fair!
I know, I know, I know.
You know, all we need is, like,
a big distraction
so that we can sneak Tez out
and go to the festival.
That's all we need.
- Everybody freeze!
- Whoo!
This is the party police.
I'm Adam, this is Ders
and Blake,
and we are the party police!
Wait, no,
we are the fiesta boys!
Yes, we are not police.
We are...
The fiesta boys.
But...
I was hired by Tez
to police this party
and "turnt" it up.
I'm a party policeman!
Let's "turnt" this party out!
Okay, we're not police,
so please,
head to the backyard
for a dance party.
Everybody, go ahead.
Yeah.
Follow me in a conga line.
Yeah, or it's a police lineup!
Come on!
It's not my fault
Actually, um, if you
could just play it cool,
we're setting up a distraction.
We're gonna get you out of here,
all right?
- Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.
- All right!
- Hey, beautiful.
- Look, I'm not interested
in what's going on
around here, okay?
You know,
I'm eight months pregnant,
I'm sweating like a hog,
and I'm craving fried bologna
like a mother.
Okay, okay, all that aside,
I'm going to give you
a terrific baby shower, okay?
Let me do that for you.
It's Colleen, right?
Yes.
I remembered.
All right, ladies.
Come on over
and try my world famous
rancho cucamonga
skinny girl mojitos.
They are very, very delicious.
They're good.
Oh, and later on,
DJ Ango's gonna be spinning
with some really killer tunes.
That is correct!
And the first cup,
my little test subject.
Try it out.
Mm.
Oh, my goodness.
Whoo, that is really strong.
Do you have anything
to mix this with?
Yes, it's strong, but skinny.
And girls like that.
Come on, now.
And if anyone needs any more
pacifiers or glow sticks,
I'm your guy.
Gimme that.
Little ***-ruiner.
I'll just pass
this stuff out now.
We really need something
to mix this with.
Okay, you're
hurting my feelings.
Please stop.
Okay.
Ladies, ladies, ladies.
My name is DJ Ango.
Get it?
Django uncha... anyway,
I am the cause,
and with every cause,
there is a Ders effect.
Pow!
- Ooh! Oh!
- Yeah!
I guess somebody's gonna
have to get the party started.
From the wall to the wall,
get down, y'all.
Let's turn this party out.
Out, or...?
"Turnt" it...
- "Turnt" it out.
- "Turnted-ed" it out!
It's in right now.
Yeah, drink, drink,
drink, drink.
Drink, ladies.
Looking good.
How is it, huh?
Be honest.
Oh, you like it,
'cause it's gone. Awesome.
Lady in the pink,
drink that drink,
and people, let's dance, dance,
dance our pants off.
♪ Feelin', feelin',
feelin', feelin' ♪
No, no, no, no!
Ders, pause it.
I cpa... you can't...
just do... it's an iPod, man.
You're not
doing anything up there.
What? Excuse me?
One of these stupid
[Bleep] moms
poured all my Molly water
into the punch.
I'm leaving.
I'm done.
I quit.
This is it.
But you... dude,
you're saying all these ladies
are rolling right now.
Don't you understand?
That's the most perfect
gross distraction
that we could never think of.
How?
You know what?
Don't tell me the details.
Just tell me
where I need to dance.
- Right in front of the group.
- Okay.
That's be great.
Yeah.
Whoo!
You feelin' it?
Energy.
♪ I'm in love with a
♪ I'm in love with a
♪ I'm with in love
with a monster ♪
[Bleep]!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Okay.
Magic Mike in this situation.
That's a little rough, please.
You guys feel the energy?
Everyone, all right.
Show that baby some love.
Let's b-b-bump
that baby bump.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
here we go.
Bump up on that baby bump
yeah you gotta bump up
on that baby bump.
Bump up on that baby bump.
Yep.
Bump up on that baby bump.
You gotta bump up
on that baby bump.
- Uh-huh.
- Bump up on that baby bump.
Hey, Montez,
where are you going?
Montez, get back here.
Would you please
just get off of me?
- What are you doing?
- The music stopped.
- I'm not done dancing.
- The music stopped
and your dancing is a joke.
Yeah, okay,
my dancing's a joke.
I'll show you a joke.
- Up and over. Yep.
- Ugh... what?
Muscles from brussels.
Right here.
Oh, God!
Oh! Ew! Ew!
You squirted in my eyes!
I didn't even know that
could happen outside of ***.
My water just broke, you idiot.
This is baby gravy?
Éi doula, doula.
I've gotta meet my doula
at the zen water birth center.
I can still taste it
in my mouth.
Montez, get the car.
My water broke.
What?
Montez!
Big man down.
Dang it, man, this sucks.
Hey, Montez,
are you okay back there?
Great, no, that... I think
he said he's okay.
Oh, God, my contractions
are getting closer.
Could you just shut up
and get me
to the birthing center?
Hey, ***,
it ain't all about you.
Adam, chill, all right?
I can still taste it
in my mouth.
Hey, Colleen, baby,
and Colleen's baby,
would you mind if we
just have a little privacy?
We need to call a dude meeting.
Just a little bit
of privacy, okay?
- What the hell?
- Thank you so mu...
- Shh.
- First order of dude meeting:
Ders, pull over
on the side of the road
so I can get shotgun,
'cause no offense, Blake,
it is horrible back here.
It's all sticky and wet.
None taken.
It isn't great, okay,
but I can't help but notice
that we are not headed
towards the festival.
No, we're not.
Opposite direction.
What if... hear me out...
what if Colleen gives birth
at the music festival
medical tent?
- Let's do it, let's do it.
- That'd be awesome.
Okay, I'm just calling off
the dude meeting.
Dude meeting over
and how are you, sweetie?
Keep breathing.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
One, two-
- wait, where are we going?
This is the wrong way.
Where are you going?
No, no, no.
Don't worry about anything
except navigating the baby
out of your belly.
I'll handle the driving
directions, okay?
Make this car head north
or I will [Bleep] kill you.
Okay, guys,
I'm turning it around.
Hey, Ders, what about,
I don't know,
dare I say, the Ders effect?
Okay, we are going
to the EDM festival.
Here we go.
Yeah!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Get me to the zen suite now!
Okay, guys, there is a baby.
We gotta get zen,
we just gotta.
You could have sex-tasy
on ecstasy.
- Ooh, I like that.
- Yeah.
God, the baby is coming now!
Now!
Now?
I just need to get to a pool.
Get me to a pool!
I got you on the pool, baby.
Here we go.
All right, so...
The pool's not regulation size.
It's 25 yards.
I hope that's okay.
- I don't care, that's fine.
- Nope.
I cannot be a part
of this birthing atrocity.
It's disgusting.
Give me the keys.
I'm gonna wait in the car.
Adam, if you bail on us now,
you're out of the fiesta boys.
Okay? And me and Ders
talked about it.
It's a real thing
we're doing on weekends now.
You know what?
You call it the party police
and I'm back in the group.
We will call it the police boys
and you have a deal.
It's a deal.
- All right, cool.
- Cool.
Deals, deals, deals,
everywhere.
Hey, so we want
a membership for sure,
but we're just gonna show
ourselves around, you know...
I'd be happy
to show you around.
No, we're good.
Just need y'all
to fill these forms out.
Just give us a [Bleep] tour.
We have 15 treadmills
all equipped
with over 30 channels
of high-definition cable TV.
You guys see homeland?
Our computers log all your
nutrition and workout data
so you can keep
a health history.
Okay.
- Pretty cool, right?
- No.
Over 8,000 pounds of rock-hard
steel metal right here.
Spotify me, bro.
Oh, nice!
Comfy bench, real metal,
very cool.
One, two...
Yep, this is a normal amount
of weight.
This is a normal amount
of weight for me.
Yep.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on, come on!
I'm going as fast as I can.
Okay, well, just try
to waddle faster or whatever.
Okay, everybody out!
This girl's about
to have a baby.
That's not a joke.
You too, sir.
Come on.
I get out when I feel.
Okay.
I don't know.
This Dracula dude
is staying put.
- Does this work?
- Okay, so, um...
Big breaths, right?
I think.
Like...
Right.
Is it out?
Please tell me it's out.
The gym dude is coming.
- It doesn't...
- Nope. Not out.
Yeah, no, I don't see it
in there anywhere.
Oh, this is happening!
You guys need to get in here
and help me!
Okay, okay, look.
Just breathe.
We can do this.
All right?
We're doing it?
- Wait, what?
- We're gonna do... okay.
Okay.
Okay.
All right, we got this.
Just breathe.
It's fine.
No, Montez needs to be here.
I'm supposed to have an ***.
Whoa, wait, wait, wait.
A female ***?
Didn't they myth-bust that?
Anders, I need you to...
I need you to work down South.
I need you to go to Texas
and rub there.
My name is Anders,
and fine, I will.
Fine.
You take the west coast.
I need some kissing on the ears.
Okay.
Oh, God, and then someone's
gotta play with...
The fellas over here.
Okeydoke.
I'm a *** guy, so.
Oh, my God, I'm in there.
I think I feel the baby.
Ew.
- That's not a baby.
- That's not a...
that's the other hole.
Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry.
- I'm working 'em hard.
- Okay.
- Hot nips.
- I'm in there.
- Rubbin' 'em.
- Okay, this isn't working.
I gotta think
of something else.
I gotta go to my happy place.
I've done this.
I had a girlfriend once.
I did this to her.
- Pasta, ice cream...
- These are my...
you guys suck.
Jesus, have you never
touched a woman before?
- N-numerous women.
- A woman?
Hey!
Get up off my wife!
Baby, I'm here.
Where have you been?
I'm so sorry, baby.
They drugged me.
You ready to do this?
Yes, let's do it.
Oh, girl, I'm so sorry.
They don't know
how to get you going.
They didn't know
what they were doing.
I know, baby.
They were like
[Bleep] amateurs.
They're idiots.
I think they're gay.
- I know.
- Oh, God.
This man know how
to touch woman, yeah.
- It's blast-off time!
- Okay, let's do this.
Yeah, that's it!
It's happening.
It's happening!
It's coming.
I'm [Bleep].
It's coming.
I'm [Bleep].
Oh!
Is that it?
- Did it happen?
- Is that it?
Somebody get it!
Get it!
- Oh, oh!
- Adam, go!
Adam? Adam!
Yeah, oh... no.
It's slippery.
Get our baby now!
I got him!
I got the baby!
I got the baby.
He's like
a sweet little prince.
Cancan we see him?
I want one.
Oh, cutie.
Let's go.
- Oh, my God.
- Look at that.
So pretty.
The boys are fresh.
He's insane.
I really wanna thank you guys
for what you did out there,
and if it's okay with Colleen,
I'm gonna name this little tiger
after y'all.
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, thank you.
- Are you kidding me?
- That's very cool.
Very cool of you.
That's great
but, like,
what are you thinking?
Like, Blader... Bladerdam?
Or, like, Dersadablake?
No.
I'm gonna name him "y'all."
- Y'all.
- Oh.
Y'all Walker.
Huh, oh,
that's... that's stupid.
Yeah, it's a perfect name
for a perfect little prince.
Yeah.
- That is an honor.
- Yes.
We thank you.
But it might be
more of an honor
to still get us those tickets
to the festival.
You can go.
You can go to the concert.
Go to the concert.
I'll just meet the doula.
- Wow, she is cool, man.
- Great.
Y'all need to find
one of these.
- Thank you.
- That's cool.
She jacked me off
that one time.
Cool. So cool.
Okay, well, seeing as how
I let you guys have a baby here,
maybe we can get back
to talking about memberships.
No, I think we're cool.
Okay, driving
a hard bargain here, huh?
All right, I can give
you guys three months free
under a family membership.
That includes free day care
for little one
and you can start to shave off
some of that baby weight
in our state-of-the-art
spinning class.
What do you say?
We got a deal?
You calling my wife fat?
Absolutely not.
I apologize.
You trying to get
your *** beat right now.
Have a good day.
I would leave
before you get your *** beat.
I'm sorry.
I would leave
before you get your *** beat.
- Bye, Scott.
- Tough, Tez.
It's funny because
he doesn't know
how much of a *** you are.
- I love you, baby.
- Mm-hmm.
I love you too, baby.
Okay, hey.
He's got my eyes.
He's got your ***.
Bully!
- Could... could...
- Please, not so hard.
Oh, I poked his eye.
Yeah, the skull is still soft.
Yeah, the back
is soft back here.
- Okay, don't... don't...
- You can push it right in.
No, don't.
Tickets for Montez Walker,
please?
Walker.
Oh, looks like those
were already picked up.
What? What?
How's that even possible?
Yo, Tez,
thanks for the tickets.
Bill?
How you even get in there?
LALALA-LA-LA-LA-LA!
He doesn't even look like me.
I'm rollin' so hard right now.
I'm [Bleep] peaking.
Nice.
Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com