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Our next group today...
it's become a tradition... the group from PhoneMail!
The title is: "This Is Not A Skit"
Hello. My name is Mark.
I'm in PhoneMail and we're not going to do a skit this year.
So if you're here to see historical figures emerge from a box
to a carefully selected, highly-edited soundtrack, we'll have to disappoint you.
No, instead we're just going to sit back and watch the other groups perform for us this year.
You know, give them a chance.
Now, you're asking yourselves... I can hear you out there! You're asking yourselves
Why was this long and honored tradition of literally years abandoned?
Why this laying down of our comedic arms? This holstering of the cannon of laughter?
This star-sixing of the hilarity of PhoneMail skits?
We're just all so busy!
It's like performing liposuction on that A-30 to keep it thin, we don't have time!
Zero, zilch, zippo! This is all we could come up with! This is it! S-K-I-T ... it!
But Mark, we've got to do something.
Like what?
Well, we could do something simple. Why don't we just sing a song?
How about having Bill & Ted come back from last year?
We made it Ted!
Yes, Halloween at ROLM, 1991!
Greetings, ROLMan-type dudes! (Crowd: Greetings, Ted!)
Where's the beer?
And then we come out and say: "Gentlemen, I'm afraid you've made a mistake."
"This is 1992!"
What's the difference?
Whoa, Ted, off by one again, dude!
Hey, dude, if this is next year already, then we gotta know:
Who won the skit contest last year?
You did, dudes!
Excellent! (They try to play air guitar but nothing happens)
I knew we would perform most amazingly, Ted.
Indeed, Bill. But let us make haste and return to the past,
where our future awaits!
Nah, it's been done Mark.
How about um...
the traditional bribe?
Well, like what?
Like this!
Cost reductions! Cost reductions!
ROLM 1! ROLM 1! It's not in the budget!
How about getting help from our Munich counterpart?
Nah. Who'd vote for a skit that did this? (simulates jerky video conferencing)
So, um, how about a big production number?
Hey, yeah, yeah! With dancing girls!
Dancing women.
Streamers! Balloons! Choreography! Busby Berkeley!
And costumes by Edith Head!
Turn turn kick turn! Turn turn kick turn!
And right in the middle, a giant four-layer cake that's 8 feet high!
Yeah! With chocolate frosting!
And Peter Pribilla pops out of the middle of the cake and sings the big showstopping tune!
Do you think Peter would pop out of a cake if we asked him to?
Nah. Look, John, we have no script, no budget, no people and no time!
Planning seems to think we can get a product out that way!
Yeah. Hey, we can say we don't have a skit because Planning came by... with an A-10!
Oh, and the A-10 was all about all this new stuff they want
And oh, hey, they gave it to us... in song!
Hey! And it goes a little like this!
I'd like to teach my phone to ring
In three-part harmony.
And play the theme from Brady Bunch
Each time I press a key.
My message-waiting light will blink
The Morse code for my name.
And rep-dial keys won't melt when they're
Exposed to open flame.
That's the phone I see!
For Q1 '93!
You should be through design by now:
December's EIT.
I'd like to hear the PhoneMail voice
Say "Hello, darling, dear!"
And for the voice, we'd have the choice
of Cher or Richard Gere.
I'd like to have my phone dispense
A soda just for me.
Push 1 for Coke, and 2 for Sprite,
And 3 for Caffeine-Free.
That's the phone I see!
For Q1 '93!
I'll buy a phone, I'll take it home,
Just make it ROLM for me!
It's a ROLM thing!