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♪ WOKE UP THIS MORNING ♪
♪ GOT YOURSELF A GUN ♪
♪ YOUR MOMMA ALWAYS SAID YOU'D BE THE CHOSEN ONE ♪
♪ SHE SAID, YOU'RE ONE IN A MILLION ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO BURN TO SHINE ♪
♪ BUT YOU WERE BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN ♪
♪ WITH A BLUE MOON IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING ♪
♪ ALL THAT LOVE HAD GONE ♪
♪ YOUR PAPA NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT ♪
♪ RIGHT AND WRONG ♪
♪ BUT YOU'RE LOOKIN' GOOD, BABY ♪
♪ I BELIEVE YOU'RE FEELIN' FINE ♪
♪ BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN ♪
♪ WITH A BLUE MOON IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ WOKE UP THIS MORNING ♪
♪ GOT A BLUE MOON IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING ♪
♪ THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN ♪
♪ THINGS AIN'T BEEN THE SAME ♪
♪ SINCE THE BLUES WALKED IN OUR TOWN ♪
♪ BUT YOU'RE ONE IN A MILLION ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT THAT SHOTGUN SHINE ♪
♪ SHAME ABOUT IT ♪
♪ BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN ♪
♪ WITH A BLUE MOON IN YOUR EYES ♪
♪ WOKE UP THIS MORNING ♪
♪ GOT YOURSELF A GUN ♪
♪ GOT YOURSELF A GUN ♪
♪ GOT YOURSELF A GUN ♪
♪ I'M YOUR CAPTAIN, I'M YOUR CAPTAIN ♪
♪ THOUGH I'M FEELING MIGHTY SICK ♪
♪ EVERYBODY ♪
YOU GOT THE CRESCENT WRENCH ?
*** THING, NOBODY EVER PUTS IT BACK--
( dog barking )
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD !
TONY !
TONY !
OH, MY GOD, TONY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT ?
UNCLE BEN.
WHAT HAPPENED ?
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?
WE HAD TO DRIVE OUT HERE
'CAUSE SOME SCHMUCK STOLE THE VCR FROM THE COMMON ROOM.
"PUBLIC ENEMY", THIS IS A GREAT MOVIE.
FOR A CLASS... JUST FINISHED.
WE'RE OUT OF HERE.
40 GRAND A YEAR TO WATCH O MOVIES ?
WHO'S "WE" ?
JUST A FEND FROM CLASS, OKAY ?
YOUR MOM LIKES LAVENDER.
I'LL BE READY TO BOLT IN A SEC.
MR. SOPRANO ?
YEAH.
HEY, I'M NOAH TANNENBAUM.
HOW YA DOIN' ?
APPRECIATE YOU LETTING US SCREEN HERE.
THOSE BOSE DIRECT REFLECTORS MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
YOU A FILM BUFF ?
PEOPLE SAY HAWKS INVENTED THE GENRE WITH "SCARFACE",
BUT CAGNEY WAS MODERNITY.
MUNI WAS NOT, SO I GIVE THE NOD TO WILLIAM WELLMAN.
NOAH, I'M JUST GONNA GRAB THE "BARENAKED LADIES" CD,
AND THEN, LET'*** THE ROAD.
LAST YEAR THIS COURSE IS BEING OFFERED.
"IMAGES OF HYPERCAPITALIST SELF-ADVANCEMENT
IN THE ERA OF THE STUDIO SYSTEM."
SO, YOU GUYS...
YOU AND MEADOW...
ARE YOU... ?
LITTLE EARLY TO SAY.
WHAT'S YOUR BACKGROUND, NOEL ?
NOAH.
I'M FROM LOS ANGELES,
WEST L.A.
WHAT I MEAN IS--
MY FAMILY'S IN THE BUSINESS.
I MEAN SHOW BUSINESS, I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY CALL IT "THE BUSINESS".
THOSE OLD "TARZAN" MOVIES ?
MY DAD'S AN ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER.
WHAT I MEAN IS, WE'RE ITALIAN.
MY DAD IS JEWISH AND MY MOTHER'S FAMILY IS AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
"TANNENBAUM", RIGHT.
BUT ON YOUR APPLICATION TO COLUMBIA,
YOU DIDN'T CHECK JEWISH, DID YOU ?
NO, THEY CAN'T ASK ABOUT RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION.
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, OF COURSE.
WHAT'D YOU CHECK ?
AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
SO, WE DO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER HERE ?
YOU'RE A DITSOON.
EXCUSE ME ?
UH, CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE, A MULIGNAN.
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM ?
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM IS.
YOU SEE, YOUR LITTLE FRIEND UP THERE,
SHE DIDN'T DO YOU ANY FAVORS BRINGING YOU INTO THIS HOUSE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE *** SHE WAS THINKING.
WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER.
SEE, I GOT BUSINESS ASSOCIATES WHO ARE BLACK.
AND THEY DON'T WANT MY SON WITH THEIR DAUGHTERS
AND I DON'T WANT THEIR SONS WITH MINE.
*** YOU !
SEE, THAT'S THE KIND OF THING I'M HOPING TO AVOID.
SO, WHEN MY LITTLE GIRL COMES DOWN THE STAIRS,
YOU'RE GONNA SAY HOW NICE IT WAS TO MEET ME.
THEN YOU'RE GONNA GO DROP HER OFF AT SCHOOL
AND YOU'RE GONNA SAY GOODBYE.
C'MON, IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE GARDEN STATE.
WE'RE GONNA DROP BY HUNTER'S, I WANT HER TO MEET NOAH.
THEN WE'LL BE BACK TO PICK UP MY LAUNDRY.
LATER, DAD.
I DON'T GOT TIME FOR THESE *** ATTACKS.
YOU WERE SO GOOD FOR MONTHS.
IF YOU DIDN'T INSTIGATE THINGS--
I INSTIGATE ?
HE'S JUST A NEW FRIEND, TONY.
YOU DIDN'T SEE THE WAY THEY WERE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER.
YOU WANT HER TO BE WITH HIM, JUST KEEP IT UP.
KEEP PLAYING THE RACE CARD,
YOU'RE GONNA DRIVE HER RIGHT INTO HIS ARMS.
NOT IF I CUT OFF THOSE *** ARMS.
STOP IT !
LET ME DEAL WITH IT,
IF ANYBODY'S GONNA DEAL WITH IT.
MAKE THINGS WORSE WITH YOUR ***,
I'M GONNA BE REALLY PISSED.
I SHOULD CALL CUSAMANO.
YOU MIGHT NEED STITCHES.
YEAH, IF ONE OF MY SISTERS
EVER BROUGHT HOME A ***' BUTTERHEAD,
YOU KNOW WHAT MY OLD MAN WOULD DO ?
( knocking )
HEY, MA.
LOOK WHO CALLS.
ACTUALLY, I'M STANDING HERE IN FRONT OF YOU.
AH.
HEY.
SO, HOW'S IT GOING ?
WHAT DO YOU CARE ?
OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.
BROUGHT YOU SOME BOOKS ON TAPE.
SINCE YOU SAY YOU CAN'T CONCENTRATE TO READ.
I WISH THE LORD WOULD TAKE ME NOW.
WELL, IN THE MEANTIME...
BROUGHT YOU "THE HORSE WHISPERER".
WHY, WHAT'S WRONG, TELL ME ?
WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA FREAK OUT
EVERY TIME I TRY TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU ?
JESUS.
WHAT'S THIS ?
SHE'S GOING TO FINISH BABY JOURNALS FROM LONG TIME AGO.
MY IDEA.
OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER THESE.
CARMELA GAVE YOU ONE OF THESE FOR EACH OF THE KIDS
WHEN THEY WERE BORN.
WHAT THE *** ?
LOOK AT THIS.
SUPPOSED TO FILL THESE OUT, 20 YEARS, FAT ***' NOTHING.
NOW, LOOK HERE, I DON'T LIKE THAT KIND OF TALK.
NOW, JUST STOP IT, IT UPSETS ME.
CARMELA'S MA RETURNED THESE BOOKS TO THE KIDS
FILLED WITH MEMORIES.
YOU CAN'T WRITE STUFF DOWN FROM YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR GRANDKIDS ?
IT'S NONE OF ANYBODY'S BUSINESS.
YEAH, YOU'RE TOO BUSY FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
SHE WILL DO IT.
IT'S GOOD FOR HER, SHE REALIZE THAT.
KEEP HER MIND ACTIVE.
WHY DO ANYTHING IF THERE'S NOT SOMETHING IN IT FOR HER ?
ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP.
I WANT YOU TO CONCENTRATE, I KNOW IT'S DIFFICULT.
REMEMBER THE AIRLINE TICKETS ?
THE TICKETS WERE STOLEN.
DID YOU SAY THAT OR DID THE FEDS SAY THAT ?
WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM WHEN YOU WERE IN THE LOCKUP ?
WHAT ? WHAT DID I DO ?
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
THEY'RE TRYING TO BUILD A RICO CASE AGAINST ME.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY IF THEY PUT YOU ON THE WITNESS STAND ?
'CAUSE THE ONLY REASON THEY LET YOU GO
IS TO GET YOUR COOPERATION.
DON'T WAVE YOUR HANKY AT ME.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY FROM NOW ON ?
I NEVER STATED THOSE TICKETS WERE STOLEN, CAPISCE ?
BARBARA WILL TESTIFY I DIDN'T SAY IT,
BUT YOU GOTTA BACK HER UP.
I SUPPOSE I SHOULD'VE JUST KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT...
LIKE A MUTE.
IN THE FUTURE, ANY KIND OF DEAL THEY TRY TO MAKE,
YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
YOU KNOW, FOR A YEAR, I DIDN'T SPEAK TO YOU.
MAYBE I SHOULD'VE KEPT IT THAT WAY.
*** IT, DO WHAT YOU WANT.
( dramatic music on tv )
( door closing )
DID YOU SAY SOMETHING TO NOAH ?
IF YOU'RE SMART, YOU'LL KEEP WALKING DOWN THOSE STAIRS.
YOU DID, WHAT DID YOU SAY ?!
HE WAS ALL QUIET AT HUNTER'S, SHE THINKS HE'S A SNOB.
NOW HE'S JUST SITTING OUT IN THE CAR !
OH, YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME ?
MAYBE IF I SAY IT IN SWAHILI !
( Carmela ) MEADOW, CAN YOU COME UP HERE PLEASE ?!
WHAT ?!
I NEED YOUR HELP WITH THIS CLASP.
( male on tv ) That ain't our beer, where'd you get this ?
( male ) Well, it's good, ain't it ?
( Meadow ) IS MY LAUNDRY DONE ?
( male ) You can sell ours for the same price.
I can't help it if I have to buy from them.
They tell me the same thing that you do.
Ah, you're yella.
Ah, please, you ain't gonna slug me, are ya ?
WHAT ?
UH, YOUR MOTHER DIED.
YOU'RE KIDDING ?
I MEAN...
JESUS CHRIST.
SVETLANA JUST CALLED.
SHE SAID THAT...
AFTER DINNER, YOUR MOTHER WENT UPSTAIRS TO GET READY FOR BED.
WHEN SVETLANA CAME UP,
YOUR MOTHER WAS UNDER THE COVERS IN HER NIGHTGOWN.
SVETLANA THOUGHT SHE WAS ASLEEP.
SVETLANA'S WAITING FOR US OVER THERE.
SHE'S DEAD.
I'M SORRY, DAD...
THAT YOUR MOM DIED.
ME, TOO.
YOUR GRANDMOTHER LOVED YOU.
SHE LOVED BOTH YOU TWO...
VERY MUCH.
( ambulance beeping )
THEY JUST REMOVED.
WE SAW.
SHE WAS IN NO PAIN, TONY.
WHAT ABOUT THE CAUSE OF DEATH, DID THEY SAY ?
MASSIVE STROKE.
YEAH.
SO...
SHE WILL NOT BE FINISHING JOURNAL.
I BREAK PROMISE TO YOU, TONY.
DOES NOT OFTEN HAPPEN WITH ME,
THAT THESE OLD ONES GET AWAY WITH SOMETHING.
JOURNAL ?
NOTHING.
THOSE "GRANNY REMEMBERS" BOOKS YOU BOUGHT HER
WHEN THE KIDS WERE BORN.
SHE NEVER TOUCHED THEM.
( loud rock music playing )
WHAT'S YOUR BEEF ?
*** ROBERT FROST.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS ?
LIKE I EVEN CARE.
( music shuts off )
"STOPPING BY WOODS ON A SNOWY EVENING".
OH, MY GOD, I'M SO GLAD I'NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE.
YOU READ THIS ?
SURE.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN ?
I HAVE TO TURN IN A CLOSE-READ BY TOMORROW.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN ?
"THE WOODS ARE LOVELY DARK AND DEEP,
BUT I HAVE PROMISES TO KEEP AND MILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP."
OKAY, LOOK.
WHERE IS HE ?
HE'S IN A FIELD ON A HORSE.
HE'S NOT ON THE HORSE.
THE HORSE HAS BELLS.
SO ?
WHAT KIND OF HORSE HAS BELLS ?
I DON'T KNOW !
JUST GIVE ME THE *** ANSWER SO I CAN WRITE THIS ?
A HORSE THAT'S PULLING A SLEIGH.
OH...
SO, THIS IS A THANKSGIVING POEM...
LIKE, "OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS
TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE WE GO".
NO, IT'S NOT A THANKSGIVING POEM.
WHAT'S COVERING THE FIELD ?
SNOW.
YAY !
AND WHAT DOES SNOW SYMBOLIZE ?
CHRISTMAS ?
HELLO ?
COLD...
ENDLESS WHITE, ENDLESS NOTHING...
I DON'T KNOW !
DEATH.
I THOUGHT BLACK WAS DEATH.
"HE HAS MILES TO GO BEFORE HE SLEEPS."
SO, HE MUST BE FAR AWAY FROM HIS HOUSE.
THE SLEEP OF DEATH.
THE BIG SLEEP.
HE'S TALKING ABOUT HIS OWN DEATH,
WHICH IS YET TO COME, BUT WILL COME.
THAT'S *** UP.
( horn honking )
GOTTA GO.
I THOUGHT BLACK WAS DEATH.
WHITE, TOO.
( horn honking )
I'M COMING, I'M COMING !
( door opening and closing )
GRANDMA ?
( female ) I just can't believe it.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ?
I'LL CALL JANICE.
I'LL MEET YOU AT COZZERELLI'S...
AROUND NOON.
I already called.
MA DIDN'T WANT ANY KIND OF SERVICE, TONY.
NO REMEMBRANCE AT ALL.
SO, WE'LL PICK OUT A SIMPLE URN OR WHATEVER.
I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
PROSHAI LIVUSHKA.
WHICH MEANS WHAT ?
GOODBYE, LITTLE LIVIA.
( male on tv ) He's been in this situation a million times
and has upped the ante when needed.
Every time.
Let's see what happens tonight, there he is,
he's pulling that in.
He's got the...
TON'.
I'M SORRY.
WE ALL KNOW...
HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HER.
THANKS.
I COULD IMAGINE HOW YOU FEEL.
YEAH, WELL...
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ?
I'M SORRY, T.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, YOU KNOW ?
AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T SUFFER.
THANK GOD.
THAT'S RIGHT.
( doorbell )
MY GOD.
WHAT NEXT, HUH ?
( phone )
HOW IS TONY TAKING IT ?
( Tony ) OH, WHAT THE *** !
*** *** *** !
SHE WAS SO AWFUL.
WHAT DO I TELL MY KIDS WHEN THEIR OWN AUNT
won't even come to a funeral ?
TAKE IT EASY, I'LL HANDLE IT.
AND THEN HE GOES, "YOU GOTTA WORK ON COLUMBUS DAY WEEKEND."
( phone )
EAT YOUR EGGS, BABY.
ACE GARAGE.
( Tony ) You're not coming to your own mother's *** funeral ?!
MAY I SPEAK ?
You got your sister sobbing !
MAY I SPEAK ?
Go the *** ahead !
YOU MAY RECALL, TONY, THAT I HAVE VERY GOOD AND VALID REASONS
WHY I SHOULD NOT PRESENT MYSELF IN THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY.
Oh, Jesus, that case is colder than your ***.
IT'D DO YOU GOOD TO SHOW UP HERE AT THIS POINT.
Nothing to hide.
I DON'T DO WELL AT FUNERALS, TONY.
WHO DOES ?
YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO GET YOUR ***
OUT OF WHATEVER CHAIR IT'S IN.
I'M GONNA HANG THE *** UP !
SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT A FUNERAL, JANICE,
but can't you come sit with your family
during this stressful time ?
SHE WAS YOUR MOTHER.
YOU CAN JUST GET ON A PLANE BEFORE US WORKING FOLK.
OH, LISTEN TO THIS, *** GUTHRIE OVER HERE.
You know, they got special rates for family death.
YEAH, HALF OF FULL FARE COACH,
WHICH AT THIS LATE DATE
COMES TO $1,100.
FULLY RESEARCHED AND EVERYTHING, HUH ?
ALRIGHT, *** IT, I'LL PAY IT.
CAN I BRING MY FIANCEE ?
*** THAT !
ONE SEAT, COACH.
And if you don't show up, let me tell you right now,
DON'T COME BREEZING IN HERE
WHEN IT COMES TIME TO CARVE UP THE ESTATE.
I know you think Ma's got money buried in the house.
WHAT ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT OTHER THING ?
Richie ?
HE VANISHED INTO THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM.
It's the truth, right, Janice ?
Cozzerelli's Funeral Home...
noon tomorrow.
DOES HARPER KNOW HIS GRANDMOTHER DIED ?
HIM I'LL PAY FOR.
BRING HIM DOWN FROM MONTREAL.
He is your son.
HAL IS ON THE PAVERS, TONY, HE'S UM...
A STREET PERSON.
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW.
SEE, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH PROBLEMS.
BE THERE TOMORROW.
Ain't you got a drink in the house ?
I wish--
There you go with that wishing stuff again.
I wish you was a wishing well...
Then I could tie a bucket to you and sink you.
Maybe you found someone you like better.
Oh, Tommy, let me make you a cup of tea.
Listen, Ma, I came over to give you something.
Here, take this.
And when you need anymore, just say so, I'm making plenty.
We don't want your money, I'm taking care of Ma.
On two bits a week ?!
Ma don't go to nightclubs and she don't drink champagne.
How do you know ?
I used to dance when I was a girl.
Money don't mean nothing to me.
No, I guess not.
But with no heart and no brains, that's all you've got.
You'll need it.
Tommy, Tommy !
Tommy !
( mother crying )
HIS MOTHER DIED LAST NIGHT.
NO ***.
( whistling and stomping )
TON', I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ?
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WE LOST MOM LAST YEAR.
YOU REMEMBER ?
AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T SUFFER.
RALPHIE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU...
ALBERT...
YOU, TOO.
VITO, HAVE A SFOGLIATELLE.
CARMELA, SHE'S GONE.
( sobbing )
C'MON.
ALRIGHT, WHO GAVE THE ORDER TO TORCH ONE OF ALBERT'S TRUCKS ?
ONE OF THE TRUCKS.
BE QUIET, ALBERT.
TALK TO HIM, HE LIT UP TWO OF MY DUMPSTERS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ?
BOTH OF YOU.
WE'RE IN THE NEWSPAPERS EVERY *** WEEK WITH THIS ***.
MY CREW...
IS IN LINE FOR THE RARITAN TOWNSHIP CONTRACT, OKAY ?
THIS GUY OVER THERE KEEPS WHISPERING TO ALBERT--
YOUR WHAT ?
WHAT DID YOU SAY ? WHOSE CREW ?
YOU'RE THE BOSS, YOU GET TO PUT IN ANYBODY YOU WANT OVER THE CREW.
YOU'RE A CAPTAIN, RALPHIE, WHEN I SAY YOU'RE A CAPTAIN.
AND I'M GONNA TURN UP MY HEARING AID SO I DON'T MISS IT.
OH, YOU'RE GONNA GET CUTE WITH ME ?
WITH MY MOTHER LYING DEAD ?
RARITAN TOWNSHIP, THE RECYCLING MANAGER OVER THERE, JOE...
ZACHARY.
HE KNOWS WHO'S IN LINE FOR THAT CONTRACT.
BUT HE KEEPS PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH ALBERT.
THE NEXT MINUTE, HE'S THREATENING TO GO TO THE EPA, BUST US ALL.
HE SAID THAT ?
ALRIGHT, FIX IT.
NO-MORE-FIRES.
( door opening on tape )
( footsteps )
( Anthony Jr. ) Dude, I'm gonna ditch Spanish.
I'll meet you by the trophy case.
HOW COULD WE POSSIBLY GET BUSTED ?
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
THE BOYS' ROOM BEHIND THE STAGE ?
THEY NEVER CHECK IN THERE.
MR. SOPRANO, JANICE, BARB, PLEASE.
ACCEPT MY CONDOLENCES.
I'LL USE ALL MY POWERS, ALL MY SKILLS.
DON'T GO CRAZY, I MEAN, YOU KNOW.
THEN WE'RE NOT ENVIONING ANY VISITATION HOURS FOR MOM ?
WELL, YOU SEE, SHE DIDN'T WANT ANY SERVICE OF ANY KIND.
I FIND THAT HARD TO ACCEPT.
IS...
IS SHE STILL DOWN AT THE HOSPITAL MORGUE ?
WE BROUGHT MOM HERE THIS MORNING.
SHE'S DOWNSTAIRS.
THERE'S GONNA BE A PRIEST OR SOMETHING, THOUGH, RIGHT ?
YEAH, SURE, PRIEST, I GUESS.
WHAT WOULD THAT BE ?
YOU'RE NOT HAVING A FUNERAL MASS ?
AND I'M NOT TRYING TO SELL HERE.
WELL, SHE WAS CATHOLIC, BUT NOT RELIGIOUS.
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE'D HAVE A SHINDIG
AT THE HOUSE, YOU KNOW...
AFTER, SO THE GRANDKIDS COULD, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DO KNOW WHAT MOM'S WISHES WERE,
BUT NOT TO HAVE A WAKE OR A FUNERAL ?
IT MAKES US LOOK LIKE WE'RE UNLOVING CHILDREN,
NOT TO MENTION CHEAPSKATES.
WHO GIVES A *** WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE ?
THE WOMAN EXPRESSED HER WISHES.
I WISH TO HONOR MY MOTHER.
THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS I COULD SAY RIGHT NOW
THAT I'M NOT GONNA SAY !
WHAT, YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING NOW ?!
WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG, SHE USED TO PICTURE HER FUNERAL.
ALRIGHT, FINE, YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING ? LET'S JUST DO IT.
LET'S JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.
COZZERELLI, YOU ARRANGE EVERYTHING.
THE WAKE, THE FUNERAL, YOU SEND ME THE BILL.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW, TONY, THAT THIS ALL WON'T FALL ON YOU.
I'LL DO A PAINTING FOR THE OVERLEAF OF THE PROGRAM
AT THE SERVICE.
MOTIFS FROM THE MEXICAN DAY OF THE DEAD.
OH, ONE THING THAT I'D LIKE TO SUGGEST VERY STRONGLY
IS AT THE HOUSE, EVERYONE GATHERS
AND EACH ONE CAN VOICE A REMEMBRANCE
OR A FEELING ABOUT MOM.
NO, NO, I DON'T WANT ANY OF THAT CALIFORNIA ***.
PEOPLE CAN DRINK, THEY CAN EAT SOME GORGONZOLA,
THEY WANT TO YAK ABOUT MA, THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS.
NO, "I'M SORRY",
"MY CONDOLENCES", NOTHING.
ACTUALLY, THAT'S GOOD.
IT'S A RELIEF YOU'RE NOT SAYING NOTHING,
YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
EVERYBODY ELSE, ALL ***.
HERE'S THE THING.
I'M GLAD SHE'S DEAD.
NOT JUST GLAD, I WISHED SHE'D DIE.
WISHED.
I HAD THIS COURT CASE COMING UP.
SHE MIGHT HAVE TESTIFIED AGAINST ME, SO...
WHEN I HEARD SHE WAS DEAD, RELIEF FLOODED INTO MY VEINS.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOUR OWN MOTHER
WOULD HAVE TESTIFIED AGAINST YOU ?
OH, C'MON, WILL YOU LISTEN TO YOURSELF ?
I MEAN, IS THAT RIGHT,
WISHING HER DEAD ?
IS THAT BEING A GOOD SON ?
A GOOD SON ?
YEAH, A GOOD SON.
I MEAN, BAD SONS...
BAD SONS, WHAT ?
THEY SHOULD *** DIE.
THAT'S A *** MISERAB' DISGUSTING THING TO BE,
A BAD SON.
I MEAN, YOUR KID UP AT BARD.
HE BETTER BE A GOOD SON, RIGHT ?
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHY THE *** SHOULD I BE A GOOD SON
TO THAT *** DEMENTED, OLD BAT ?
THE *** SELFISH, MISERABLE *** ?
SHE RUINED MY FATHER'S LIFE.
OH, YEAH.
BUT HE WASN'T HER SON.
WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU ?
C'MON, THAT'S A MATTER OF PUBLIC RECORD IN HERE.
WE BOTH KNOW.
YOU DON'T LIKE TO SAY IT, DO YOU ?
WHO KNOWS IF SHE EVEN KNEW WHAT SHE WAS DOING.
YOU'RE LETTING HER OFF.
MY UNCLE DENIES IT, YOU KNOW,
THAT SHE TOOK PART.
YOUR UNCLE LOVES YOU.
I NEVER SAID HE DIDN'T !
GROWN CHILDREN OFTEN SECRETLY WISH FOR AN AGED PARENT TO DIE
AND IT'S NOT NECESSARY FOR THE PARENT TO BE
A WITNESS FOR THE PROSECUTION.
IT'S A TABOO THOUGHT, BUT COMMON.
PARTICULARLY IF THE PARENT HAS LOST ALL CAPACITY
FOR JOY AT BEING ALIVE.
SO, WE'RE PROBABLY DONE HERE, RIGHT ?
SHE'S DEAD.
WHAT'S HAPPENING ?
TONY SOPRANO'S MOTHER'S WAKE IS TONIGHT.
WANT ME TO WEAR A WIRE ?
WHY NOT, YOU NEED BATTERIES ?
LET'S GO RIGHT OVER HERE TO OFFICE DEPOT.
( hammering )
( Tony ) JANICE.
I'M DOWNSTAIRS !
HEY.
HEY.
MOM WOULD WANT A CLOSED CASKET, DON'T YOU AGREE ?
DEFINITELY.
THEY USUALLY PUT A PICTURE ON THE CASKET,
WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
WOW, LOOK AT THAT.
SHE'S SMILING.
SHE LOOKS...
NORMAL.
MAYBE IT WAS US KIDS WHO TURNED HER INTO A FREAKIN' SOURPUSS.
MAYBE IT WAS ONE OF US.
OH, GET-- GET THE ***--
GET OFF !
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT !
YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
MY SHRINK SAYS THAT ALL WOMEN ARE NOT CUT OUT TO BE MOTHERS.
IS THAT A SLAM AT ME ?
NO.
LOOK, IF MY FATHER WAS IN THE FREAKIN' "CIRQUE DE SOLEIL",
MAYBE I WOULD'VE TURNED OUT LIKE HAR--
HAL.
THIS IS *** WEIRD.
WHAT ?
NONE OF MY CHILDHOOD SCHOOLWORK OR ARTWORK
OR ANYTHING, FOR THAT MATTER, IS HERE ANYMORE, NOR BARB'S.
GET THE *** OUT OF HERE.
"ANTHONY SOPRANO.
7th GRADE, MR. MARTINO."
I HAD HIM.
"WHY "FEAR STRIKES OUT", BY JIM PIERSALL
IS A GOOD BOOK."
TAKE A LOOK.
SHE ONLY SAVED YOURS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
HERE'S BARBARA'S COMMUNION CERTIFICATE.
HERE'S HER BABY SHOE.
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
NOTHING OF MINE.
EVERYBODY AGREED THAT I HAD
EXTRAORDINARY VISUALIZATION SKILLS.
THOSE PENCIL DRAWINGS THAT I DID OF GRANDPA.
THEY'RE GOOD.
TON', SORRY.
TONY, I'M SORRY.
HE'S DISSPECTFUL.
THANKS FOR COMING.
*** *** PAIN IN THE *** *** !
COULD WE NOT, HUH ?
WITH THE TANTRUMS ?
FOR THIS ***, I MISS THE JET'S FIRST HOME GAME !
( Adriana ) ARE THEY SAYIN' WHEN YOUR MAKING CEREMONY MIGHT HAPPEN
NOW WITH THIS DELAY ?
STOP ASKING *** QUESTIONS !
EVEN IF I KNEW, I COULDN'T TELL YOU.
HIT ME, HIT ME.
EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS.
ANYTHING TO GET THROUGH THESE EVENTS.
HEY.
WHAT A ***' BLOW.
NOT YOU TOO.
I'M SERIOUS.
WHAT ARE YOU...
BREAKING THE TERMS OF YOUR HOUSE ARREST ?
I GOT A DIENSATION FROM THE MARSHALS.
SHE'S MY SISTER-IN-LAW, FOR CHRISSAKE.
MY DAD'S VERY ILL TOO.
THANKS.
THANKS FOR COMING.
TONY,
ALLOW ME TO EXPRESS MY CONDOLENCES
AND THOSE AT THE EIGHTH WARD.
THANK YOU, ASSEMBLYMAN.
I MET YOUR MOM ONCE OR TWICE.
THAT WAS...
A PROUD NEWARKER.
OH, HEY, HEY.
MY SYMPATHIES, TONY.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS DAY, DID WE NOT ?
YOU KNOW STATE ASSEMBLYMAN ZELLMAN, RIGHT ?
FROM THE EIGHTH WARD ?
DO I KNOW THIS GUY ?
YOU BET.
YES, WE GO WAY BACK.
HOW ARE YOU, ASSEMBLYMAN ?
REVEREND.
UNCLE JUN', YOU ALRIGHT ?
THEY'RE DROPPIN' LIKE *** FLIES.
IT'S ALL THAT CHARCOAL-BROILED MEAT YOU PEOPLE ATE.
NOBODY TOLD US TILL THE '80s.
I'M KIDDING YOU, YOU OLD ***.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ?
BACALA SAID YOU WANTED TO SEE ME.
I GOTTA TALK TO THAT WIFE OF YOURS FIRST.
UNCLE JUN', C'MON.
THIS IS A FUNERAL, ENOUGH OF HER SOIGNE ATTITUDE.
( chattering )
WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
I'M HOPING THAT WE CAN USE THIS SAD OCCASION
TO PUT BITTERNESS AND SORE-HEADED FEELINGS ASIDE.
I'LL BEHAVE HOW TONY WANTS.
I DON'T WANT TO ADD TO HIS STRESS.
THERE THEY ARE.
HI, UNCLE JUN'.
HI, UNCLE JUN'.
HOW'S THAT SURFBOARD I GAVE YOU ?
OW !
JUN'...
TONY'S WAITING.
RALPHIE CIFARETTO
GOT WORD TO ME.
SO, WHAT DOES HE WANT ?
HE WANTS TO BUMP UP TO CAPTAIN.
THE KID'S BEEN A TOP *** EARNER
EVER SINCE THAT RAT *** WENT IN THE PROGRAM.
YOU CAN'T DENY IT.
RALPHIE'S WHIPPED RICHIE'S CREW INTO SHAPE OVER THERE.
AND THREE MONTHS AGO BY YOU
THE RAT *** WAS THE SECOND ***' COMIN'.
WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME ?
BECAUSE I'M THE BOSS OF THIS FAMILY, YOU FORGET.
I FORGET NOTHING.
DON'T MAKE ME SAY THINGS TO YOU WE'LL BOTH REGRET.
GO AHEAD, I'M *** FED UP.
HEY.
I'M ON THE STREET.
THAT'S THE ARRANGEMENT.
STAY HOME, CLIP YOUR COUPONS, BE A HAPPY MAN.
THINGS ARE GOOD, I'LL GRANT YOU THAT.
BUT THIS ECONOMY IS SO ROBUST,
YOU GET CREDIT FOR *** YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH.
*** CHINKS AND HOUSEWIVES ARE BETTING FOOTBALL.
YOU BETTER BE FINISHED.
( chattering )
JOE ZACHARY ?
YEAH.
OH, BOYS,
NO FIRES.
TONY DOESN'T WANT ANY FIRES.
( Zachary groaning )
( loud tv )
( coughing )
I ain't so tough.
Well, Zach, what do you think ?
Can't say.
Well, we'll hope for the best.
Doctor...
This is Tom's mother, brother, and Miss Doyle.
THE LORD BLESS HER AND KEEP HER.
THE LORD MAKE HIS FACE TO SHINE UPON HER AND BE GRACIOUS TO HER.
THE LORD LIFT UP HIS COUNTENANCE UPON HER AND GIVE HER PEACE.
AMEN.
DID YOU TALK TO HER ?
SHE'S SURE YOU SAID SOMETHING TO HIM.
HE WON'T DISCUSS IT, HE CLAMS UP.
BEAUTIFUL SENDOFF, T.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR HER.
SHE WAS MUCH WORK,
BUT IN THE END, SHE DEFEATED ME.
ANYWAY...
WE'RE NOT GONNA BE NEEDING YOUR SERVICES ANYMORE, OBVIOUSLY.
I'LL BE MOVING INTO THE HOUSE.
SO, IF YOU COULD JUST GET YOUR STUFF
OUT OF THERE BY THIS WEEKEND,
I THINK THAT WOULD BE GOOD.
I STAY THERE ONLY DURING WEEK
WHEN MY FIANCE HAS HIS CHILDREN WITH HIM.
TONY SAYS I CAN CONTINUE SITUATION
UNTIL BILL AND ME FIND HOUSE.
SEE, TONY SHOULD HAVE CONSULTED ME FIRST.
I'M GONNA BE LIVING AT 55 BENEDEK
WHILE WE DEAL WITH THE ESTATE.
SPEAKING OF WHICH...
MY MOM HAD THIS KIND OF EXTENSIVE RECORD COLLECTION.
CARUSO, ROBERT MERRILL,
SHITLOAD OF BROADWAY SHOWS.
MANY OF THEM WERE IN MINT CONDITION.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE ?
SHE GAVE TO ME THOSE RECORDS.
WHAT ?
SHE KNOW I LIKE AMERICAN SHOW TUNES, SO SHE GIVE TO ME.
I DIDN'T ASK HER.
BUT THOSE ARE MY MOTHER'S RECORDS
AND I FEEL VERY CLOSE TO THEM.
I DON'T WANT TO MAKE TROUBLE, BUT MISS JANICE,
I FEEL I HAVE TO RESPECT HER WISHES.
OH, C'MON.
THIS IS JUST ABOUT YOU BOGARTING THOSE DISCS FOR YOUR ***.
NOW, THEY'RE WORTH A FORTUNE TO THE RIGHT COLLECTOR.
I WILL NOT ANSWER SUCH HERE.
I WANT THE ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY
BACK AT THE HOUSE BY THIS WEEKEND.
MRS. S.
HOW ARE YOU ?
SIT DOWN.
HOW'S YOUR MOTHER ?
YOU CALL HER EVERY DAY.
MOM PASSED AWAY.
REALLY ?
WHEN ?
ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO.
PLEASE GIVE HER MY REGARDS.
IS SHE STILL ON THAT CRAZY DIET ?
I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING.
UMM...
FROM MY RESTAURANT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER...
VESUVIO ?
MRS. S.
WHAT'S THE MATTER ?
AFTER WHAT MY SON DID TO YOU...
HOW CAN I LOOK YOU IN THE FACE ?
WHAT DID HE DO NOW ?
YOU DON'T BLAME HIM FOR SETTING THE FIRE ?
ARTIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
C'MON, WE HAVE PEOPLE ARRIVING.
LET'S GO.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU.
LOOK AT HER.
SHE'S ALREADY BECOMING A ROBOT LIKE THE REST OF US.
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR GRANDMA.
AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T SUFFER.
ALL HER INNOCENCE IS GONE.
... COMES TO THAT POINT IN THE SERVICE
WHERE THE RABBI'S SUPPOSED TO EXTOL
THE VIRTUES OF THE DECEASED.
THE RABBI SAYS, "ALAS, I DID NOT KNOW THIS MAN, I'M NEW HERE.
YOU ALL KNEW HIM, YOU SAY SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT HIM."
DEAD SILENCE.
GOES ON FOR ABOUT A MINUTE, TWO MINUTES.
FINALLY, A VOICE FROM THE BACK, "HIS BROTHER WAS WORSE."
( laughing )
I'M WALKING OUT WITH THE PROVOLONE.
AND I THINK HE THINKS I SMELL LIKE THAT.
THIS "SURVIVOR" SHOW...
SOMEBODY SHOULD FIND WINNER, STICK A PISTOL IN THE FACE,
AND SAY, "YOU NOT GONNA SURVIVE THIS
UNLESS YOU GIVE ME 25% OF THAT *** MILLION DOLLARSÍ
( Paulie ) THAT'S NOT BAD.
WE COULD FIND OUT WHERE THEY LIVE.
"SEE HOW GOOD YOU SURVIVE THIS,
YOU PEZZO DI MERDA."
( bell ringing )
EVERYONE, PLEASE, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION ?
AT THIS TIME, WE WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU ALL
TO JOIN US IN THE GREAT ROOM.
FORM A CIRCLE, SIT ANYWHERE, THE FLOOR, WHATEVER.
GET COMFORTABLE, SO THAT WE CAN ALL BE TOGETHER
AND SHARE A REMEMBRANCE OR A FEELING ABOUT THE WOMAN
WHO HAS BROUGHT US ALL HERE TODAY.
GODDAMNIT.
PLEASE, EVERYONE JOIN US.
PAULIE GUALTIERI, JOIN US, PLEASE ?
THANK YOU.
WHAT THE *** DID I SAY, HMM ?
IF YOU'D RATHER, I CAN INVITE THEM ALL BACK TO HER PLACE.
JANICE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
VERY GOOD.
WE COULD ALL TAKE A BREAK FROM EATING FOR FIVE MINUTES,
IT WON'T KILL US.
MOST OF YOU WILL PROBABLY REMEMBER
THAT THIS WAS HER FAVORITE SONG.
I THOUGHT IT MIGHT HELP US GET ROLLING.
( soft music playing )
♪ IF I LOVED YOU ♪
♪ TIME AND AGAIN I WOULD TRY TO SAY ♪
♪ ALL I'D WANT YOU TO KNOW ♪
♪ IF I LOVED YOU ♪
♪ WORDS WOULDN'T COME IN AN EASY WAY ♪
♪ ROUND IN CIRCLES I'D GO... ♪
♪ LONGING TO TELL YOU... ♪
( shuts off music )
HERMAN ? RABKIN ?
YOU TWO WENT BACK, ALMOST TO THE PYRAMIDS.
I...
I GUESS WHAT STRUCK ME MOST WAS...
SHE DIDN'T MINCE WORDS.
BETWEEN BRAIN AND MOUTH, THERE WAS NO INTERLOCUTOR.
ANTHONY JR.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
AH, C'MON.
LAY OFF HIM, JANICE, MOVE ON.
( female ) SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND.
IF ANYBODY DIED OR WAS IN THE HOSPITAL,
I COULD BE SURE I'D GET A CALL FROM LEE LETTING ME KNOW.
THANK YOU, ***.
THANK YOU.
OKAY.
WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE...
WELL, MOST OF YOU WILL PROBABLY REMEMBER THAT I HAVE
AN EXTRAORDINARY VISUAL SENSE.
WHEN I WAS A CHILD,
MY MOTHER DIDN'T LET ME REST ON THOSE LAURELS.
SHE DIDN'T FLATTER ME.
SHE BELIEVED THAT WILD FLOWERS BLOSSOMED BEST...
AMONG THE ROCKS.
WITH LITTLE WATER.
SHE WAS TOUGH.
BUT SHE WAS RIGHT.
AND SHE'S THE REASON I MAKE VIDEOS TODAY.
TONY ?
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO TELL THEM...
HOW MA SAVED ALL YOUR CHILDHOOD SCHOOLWORK AND VARSITY LETTERS
AND NONE OF MINE OR BARBARA'S ?
YOU JUST DID.
WRAP IT UP, JANICE.
I HEAR SHE DIDN'T SUFFER.
FOR THAT WE CAN BE GRATEFUL.
( Janice ) THANK YOU.
THEY SAY THERE'S NO TWO PEOPLE ON EARTH EXACTLY THE SAME.
NO TWO FACES.
NO TWO SETS OF FINGERPRINTS.
BUT DO THEY KNOW THAT FOR SURE ?
'CAUSE THEY WOULD HAVE TO GET EVERYBODY
TOGETHER IN ONE HUGE SPACE.
AND OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE,
EVEN WITH COMPUTERS.
NOT ONLY THAT, THEY'D HAVE TO GET ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO EVER LIVED,
NOT JUST THE ONES NOW.
SO, THEY GOT NO PROOF.
THEY GOT NOTHING.
HEY.
SO, TON', SHE'S DEAD.
WHAT ?
I GUESS OUR LITTLE SECRET...
DIES WITH HER.
( banging sounds )
HEY, PICK THAT UP !
WHAT AM I DOING OUT HERE ?
EVERYBODY'S IN THERE TELLING STORIES OF HER.
I GOT A BEAUT !
ARTIE.
ARTIE !
ARTIE, DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT !
MRS. SOPRANO MAY HAVE PASSED,
BUT WHO'S TO SAY THERE ISN'T ANOTHER MRS. SOPRANO
JUST LIKE HER OR WILL BE ?
MAYBE NOT WITH THE SAME FEARS AND PARANOIA, BUT...
THE SAME.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS...
( Janice ) THANK YOU, CHRIS.
THANK YOU.
( Artie ) UMM...
THIS IS SUCH A CROCK OF ***.
CARMELA.
I'M SITTING HERE THINKING I SHOULD PROTECT MY CHILDREN
FROM THE TRUTH ABOUT THEIR GRANDMOTHER ON THE ONE HAND.
ON THE OTHER, I'M SAYING TO MYSELF,
WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE AM I SETTING ?
EVADING AND SMILING, PASSING OUT CHEESE PUFFS...
OVER A WOMAN THAT WE ALL KNOW WAS TERRIBLY DYSFUNCTIONAL !
WHO SPREAD NO CHEER.
AT ALL.
CARMELA, BE QUIET.
THIS IS MY HOUSE !
I'M LEAVING.
LET HER TALK.
SIT DOWN !
I'LL SPEAK IF I WANT !
GODDAMNIT, WHO ARE YOU,
MINISTER OF PROPAGANDA ?
WE SUFFERED FOR YEARS UNDER THE YOKE OF THAT WOMAN.
YEARS !
SHE ESTRANGED US FROM OUR OWN DAUGHTER.
RUINED I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY *** CHRISTMASES,
I DON'T WANT TO EVEN BEGIN TO COUNT.
HUGH.
DON'T HAND ME THAT !
*** !
YOU WANTED IT, YOU GOT IT.
HERE, HERE.
FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE EVEN.
THIS IS A WOMAN WHO DIDN'T WANT A FUNERAL.
YOU ALL, HER CHILDREN, YOU IGNORED HER WISHES.
ONLY AFTER SHE'S DEAD, BY THE WAY.
SHE DIDN'T WANT A FUNERAL.
SHE DIDN'T WANT A REMEMBRANCE OF ANY KIND.
WHY ?
SHE DIDN'T THINK ANYBODY WOULD COME.
SHE WOULDN'T WRITE DOWN HER MEMORIES FOR HER GRANDCHILDREN
BECAUSE SHE FIGURED NOBODY LOVED HER ENOUGH TO RE THEM.
SHE KNEW THERE WAS A PROBLEM.
UM, THERE'S DESSERTS...
IN THE DINING ROOM IF ANYBODY WANTS SOME.
YES, UM...
AND THEY'RE ALL FROM VESUVIO.
OUR NEW PASTRY CHEF, BOBBY VASQUEZ.
THANKS.
Mike's here.
He's come to see you.
You must like Mike a lot better than me.
No, no, Tommy boy, you're my baby.
You're going to get well and strong.
All of us together again.
I'm almost glad this happened.
( phone )
Yeah, this is Mike.
When ?
You were ?
Fine.
Ma, they're bringing Tom home.
They are, when ?
Right now, he's on his way.
Oh, it's wonderful.
I'll get his room ready.
I knew my baby would come home.
( humming )
Captions Copyright 2001 HOME BOX OFFICE
A Division of TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.
Captioned by HBO COMMUNICATIONS CENTER