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I came to New York to pursue the arts
and now that I’m a lot older than I was when I moved here
I think maybe it’s time to, uh, you know, move on
to another city or something, and this song is about that.
Um, I hope you can relate. It’s called “Nine Dollar Cupcake.”
[Crowd laughs. Hysterically. It’s like Def Comedy Jam and such.]
(singing) Nine dollar cupcake, you better be damn good
You better have a job baked into you that helps me afford my neighborhood
You better be my soulmate, or the Holy Grail
You better have the winning Lotto numbers
Or Kate Upton’s e-mail
You better have frosting made of ***
or flour made of gold
You better get me higher
than the biggest joint I ever rolled
You better give me confidence
and take away my sense of dread
tell me I made all the right decisions
as I lie awake in bed
Nine dollar cupcake
you think you’re better than me?
You just waltz into my neighborhood
and bougie up my street
I’m sure you’re tasty
but why should I care?
We don’t need to eat everything with our noses in the air.
When I first heard about you
I only laughed and mocked
but what the hell do I know
there’s a line around the block
Why do people love you?
I just can’t figure it out
I guess you give them something
that they can blog about
Nine dollar cupcake
(off mic) Nine dollar cupcake
Nine dollar cupcake, are you why
the rent’s too damn high?
Our culture gets stale
when the whole town is upscale
Nine dollar cupcake, I’ve got a hunch
That I will hate you more than
I hate people who love brunch. Nine dollar cupcake,
messing up my ’hood
I might pay four bucks for you
but only if you’re really good. Nine dollar cupcake,
(off mic) Nine dollar cupcake
Nine dollar cupcake!
(a few in the crowd) Nine dollar cupcake!
Nine dollar cupcake!
(more in the crowd) Nine dollar cupcake!
Nine dollar cupcake!
(the whole crowd, it’s like Madison Square Garden) Nine dollar cupcake!
Nine dollar cupcake! Thanks so much for singing along
(cheers)
All right!