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♪ ♪
>> KIM: Hi, Mase!
>> MASON: ♪ Happy birthday to
you. ♪
(laughing)
>> KIM: Thank you!
It was my birthday.
I went to Italy.
That's so far, far away.
>> MASON: Mm-hmm.
>> KIM: I just got back from the
most amazing trip ever.
Kanye took me to Italy for my
birthday.
♪ ♪
Rome was, like, the
first place we went to.
We had a tour guide take us to
the Vatican...
>> KOURTNEY: Uh-huh.
>> KIM: ...and it was really
cool; I had never been there.
So I'd never been to Rome.
So we went and we saw, like, the
Sistine Chapel.
I almost got us kicked out,
'cause you're not allowed to
take pictures.
And then we went to Venice, and
that was so fun.
And we just walked around in,
like, St. Mark's Square, and we
did-- him and I did, like, a
full photo shoot.
He took the camera, he's like,
"Okay, walk towards me."
And we... we had our roses,
and, like, our-- my new little
bag, and we were, like, walking
down and posing.
>> KOURTNEY: How fun.
>> KIM: But then, like, people
started taking, like, phone
pics.
This one fan started to cry, and
she's like, "Kim, I just have to
tell you, my sister is going
through an awful divorce."
And I'm like, "Aren't we all?"
(laughing)
>> ♪ Humina, humina, humina,
humina, ha
♪ Humina, humina, humina,
humina, ha
Showstopper, showstopper. ♪
♪ ♪
>> KHLOE: Thank you.
I see you!
>> KOURTNEY: Hi.
>> KHLOE: Oh, in your Clippers
shirt.
>> KOURTNEY: I wore it just for
you.
>> KHLOE: Oh, hi!
>> KOURTNEY: Khloe is back in
Miami, and I'm so excited.
She's my soul mate, and I cannot
wait to hear what she's been up
to.
You look gorgeous.
>> KHLOE: Are you making fun of
me?
I just got off an airplane, you
(bleep) ***.
>> KOURTNEY: I'm kidding.
>> KHLOE: You're kidding that I
look gorgeous?
>> KOURTNEY: No, I mean, I
wasn't.
(laughs)
How is X Factor going?
>> KHLOE: Mm... I don't know.
Haven't heard anything yet.
I have auditioned to be one of
the cohosts of The X Factor.
The X Factor is a singing
competition show, and it has
four judges: Britney Spears,
Simon Cowell, L.A. Reid, Demi
Lovato.
I'm actually really excited.
It's a great opportunity for me.
But what makes me more nervous
is that it's been, like, a month
and I haven't heard anything
back.
>> KOURTNEY: I keep seeing
things online, like, saying...
>> KHLOE: I do, too.
>> KOURTNEY: "Khloe is the
host."
>> KHLOE: And I-- Right.
Like, I just want to know.
I've always wanted to one day be
a TV host, um, if I ever got so
lucky.
And I'm just hoping and praying
that I'm hired to cohost The
X Factor.
Do I find it weird that the show
is, like, a week, week and a
half away, and they don't have a
host?
Yeah.
>> KOURTNEY: Whatever's meant to
be.
God only gives you what you can
handle.
♪ ♪
>> KHLOE: Oh, Kourtney!
>> KOURTNEY: Hmm?
>> KHLOE: There's something
called the Kegelmaster.
"The Kegel muscles are those
muscles that produce the intense
*** pleasure during the
female vaginal ***.
Stronger and healthier Kegel
muscles provide more intense and
satisfying female orgasms."
Roya, take notes.
Everyone listen!
Sheiva, you have a big (bleep),
too, okay?
>> SCOTT: It's always kind of a
lot when Kim and Kourtney are
together, but when everybody's
together, it's overwhelming.
>> KHLOE: I just want to tighten
and tone my (bleep), that's all.
>> SCOTT: I'm sure.
It's never-ending girl talk,
girl chat, weirdness.
I mean, this is ridiculous.
>> KHLOE: "When your ***
becomes loose, you feel
completely helpless in the
matter and it is affecting your
life on so many levels."
Okay.
Not that serious.
"Ben Wa balls can change all
of that."
Is that a real word?
"These small, weighted balls...
(laughing)
...are designed to go inside of
your ***.
This challenges you to perform
Kegels."
How do you get them out of
your (bleep) after you put
them in?
>> ROYA: You let-- I think what
you have to do...
>> KHLOE: Think they just fall
out?
>> ROYA: Yes.
You have to-- in order to keep
them inside you, that you have
to use those muscles.
>> KOURTNEY: Like, squeeze it.
>> ROYA: Yeah.
>> KOURTNEY : Squeeze it.
>> KHLOE: You guys, where can we
get the Ben Wa balls?
>> SCOTT: This house is out of
control tonight.
♪ ♪
>> KOURTNEY: Okay, which slide?
Which slide?
>> MASON: I want to go, I want
to go in that one.
>> KOURTNEY: Okay.
>> MASON: Ooh.
>> SCOTT: Hey, Mase!
>> KOURTNEY: I, um, just got my
itinerary for London.
Why aren't you on it?
Did-did they send you a separate
one?
>> SCOTT: No.
There would be no reason for me
to go.
And you're, like, nonstop
promoting a million different
things, a million different
press junkets...
>> We're not promoting a million
different things, we're going to
launch our line internationally.
>> SCOTT: Okay, you're promoting
one thing, all day, every day
for the week that you're there.
You're, like-- you don't have
any free time.
>> KOURTNEY: My sisters and I
are going to London to launch
our Kardashian Kollection, and
Scott was always going to come
with us, and I'm a little bit
surprised when I get my travel
itinerary and Scott is not on
it.
>> SCOTT: It wouldn't be the
worst thing for me to have a
little time away from everybody,
and have the house to myself.
Not have to be in your space, or
your sisters' space, or them in
mine.
>> KOURTNEY: So you need some
alone time.
>> SCOTT: Yes.
I think that's well said.
At 29, I never thought I would
have so much responsibility.
Never thought I'd have two kids.
I never thought I'd be in a
family that has more people than
a small country.
I mean, it's a lot to deal with.
Sometimes, I need a little
break.
You're there to work.
>> KOURTNEY: And see London.
>> SCOTT: I've seen London.
It looks like New York City, but
more dismal.
♪ ♪
>> KHLOE: Ben Wa balls, baby.
My (bleep) is gonna be tighter
than it's ever been before.
(laughs)
The balls.
>> KOURTNEY: I thought they were
big.
>> KHLOE: I thought they were
big, too.
>> ROYA: It looked bigger on
the video.
>> KHLOE: First of all, they
looked bigger...
>> SHEIVA: You want them to be
bigger?
>> KHLOE: No, I want them to
strengthen my (bleep).
But how do I know?
Like, what is the strength test
for my ***?
To be like, oh, yeah,
those Ben Wa balls really work,
man.
(laughing)
Okay, you guys, I'll be back.
I am so excited Sheiva got me my
Ben Wa balls.
I just want to see if my (bleep)
is tight, and this is the master
test.
I've never had any complaints,
by the way.
>> SHEIVA: Are they in?
>> KHLOE (laughing): They're in.
>> SHEIVA: No.
>> KHLOE: Don't make me laugh.
>> KOURTNEY: Yeah, right.
>> KHLOE: Bible.
Do you want to see?
>> KOURTNEY: No.
>> ROYA: That was quick, Khloe.
>> SHEIVA: Is that why you're
holding yourself all weird?
>> KHLOE: Well, I'm afraid if
they're gonna come out...
(sneezes)
>> ROYA: Bless you.
>> KHLOE: Oh, I can't do that.
Then a ball will be shooting
right out of me.
(laughs)
Oh, hi!
>> SHEIVA: How's it going?
>> KHLOE: Have you ever heard of
Ben Wa balls?
>> CHRIS: What?
>> KOURTNEY: She has Ben Wa
balls inside.
>> SCOTT: What?
(women laughing)
Khloe's got balls in her crotch?
I don't know.
As much as this is weird to say,
I need some men in my life.
And I know the girls are finally
leaving town for once, so I
invited one of my best friends,
Chris from New York.
I figured, what better time than
now to have my guy time?
>> KHLOE: Kourt.
>> KOURTNEY: Yeah?
>> KHLOE: They're not coming
out.
>> KOURTNEY: What do you mean?
Wait, didn't Shelly say
hers really didn't come out?
>> KHLOE: Yeah... wait.
They can't come in here.
>> KOURTNEY: But I really have
to pee.
>> KHLOE: Ah, one just fell out!
(Kourtney laughing)
Oh, my God!
There's the one culprit.
What if there's, like, the
other one is lost?
In the deep blue sea?
Come on.
Come on. (laughing)
Come out, please!
It is stuck inside.
>> KOURTNEY: How does it not
come out?
(laughing)
(clack)
>> KHLOE: Ow.
It came out.
(Kourtney laughing)
♪ ♪
>> MASON: Let's go on the space
car, go.
>> KHLOE: We're about to go.
We're going on a rocket ship.
>> KOURTNEY: Are you ready to
blast off?
>> KHLOE: Are you ready, set...
>> ALL: Five, four, three, two,
one.
Blast off!
(whooping)
>> ALL: Yay!
>> KOURTNEY: Away we go.
(phone ringing)
>> MASON: Now do this.
>> KHLOE: Hello?
>> KRIS: Oh, my God, Khloe,
where have you been?
I've been looking all over for
you.
Guess what?
>> KHLOE: What?
>> KRIS: You got the X Factor
job!
>> KHLOE: No way!
(cheering)
Even... even Mason is screaming.
Oh, my gosh.
(Mason whoops)
(laughing)
I cannot believe that I just got
confirmed for The X Factor host.
I really thought this was out
the window and they hired
somebody else, and I also am so
nervous, 'cause I don't know
what I got myself into.
I've never hosted a day in my
life.
I've never done live television.
>> KIM: Yeah.
>> KHLOE: Like, hello.
>> KIM: You're gonna be fine.
Like, don't even be nervous.
>> KHLOE: I have to leave Miami
ASAP, because now that I am
confirmed for The X Factor, I
have to get to rehearsals, and
those are back in L.A.
>> KIM: We will be watching you
on X Factor.
Khloe fainted.
She can't go on The X Factor.
Somebody help me.
Help!
>> KHLOE: Now I feel better.
>> KIM: Okay.
Stop faking illnesses.
Come on, you're going.
You were meant to do this.
>> KHLOE: (bleep).
>> KIM: I love you.
You're gonna do so good.
Don't be nervous.
>> KHLOE: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
>> KIM: Seriously.
>> KHLOE: Oh, yeah, this feels
good.
>> KIM: You're such a weirdo.
Don't even think about it.
Don't even think about it.
>> KHLOE: Let me-- These are,
like, my mood ring.
Let me just see what mood I'm
gonna be in.
Am I going to have a good week?
>> KIM: Yes, you are.
>> KHLOE: I felt it in the
(bleep).
>> KIM: Kourtney, want to
go run?
>> KOURTNEY: Skip to my Lou.
You ready?
>> KIM: Shall we?
>> KOURTNEY: You know we put
offers in on the two Dash
stores?
>> KIM: Really?
>> KOURTNEY: Yeah, and we're
gonna see which one plays out.
Whichever one's meant to be.
>> KIM: Yeah.
>> KOURTNEY: Ooh, I almost fell.
>> KIM: Speed walker, huh?
>> KOURTNEY: I mean, we're out
here to exercise, not to get
fat, right?
Remember that lady that used to
walk like this, and we'd see her
walking every day to school?
>> KIM: Yeah, her name was
Kourtney.
Let's see who could
speed walk faster.
>> KOURTNEY: Ever since high
school, Kim has always been so
competitive, and she thinks
she's better than me at
everything, but I just let her
think that.
I'm fastest.
That's not speed walking.
That's called a full-on jog.
>> KIM: Let's see who can get
back to the house faster!
>> KOURTNEY: Your *** is so
large I don't know how you can
even run.
>> KIM: All right, you won,
but I ran longer.
>> KHLOE: With this X Factor
job, I am really nervous.
I don't know what I'm doing, to
be honest.
I mean, I've never hosted a
show.
Just, there are so many factors
that come into play, and I just
don't think this is starting off
that great.
I just ruined it.
My rehearsals were so bad,
like...
>> KRIS: What's wrong?
>> KHLOE: Stumbling over every
(bleep) word.
I can't (bleep) see the
teleprompter.
Like, I just-- in my ear, like,
they keep saying am I okay?
Like, just like, I feel like I'm
letting everybody down, and I'm
now like, I'm so stressed out.
>> KRIS: Khloe, you're not
letting anybody down.
You have to get your confidence
back.
They hired you for a reason.
>> KHLOE: And I'm not doing what
they hired me for.
I'm not doing what they hired me
for, that's what I'm trying to
tell you; you weren't there.
>> KRIS: You have to, like, get
a grip and have a little more
confidence in yourself.
>> KHLOE: I can't really handle
this anxiety.
Like, I did not think it was
gonna be this stressful.
Maybe if you call Simon and get
me out of this.
Like, I don't know.
If he's not happy with me, then
I don't want him to feel like he
has to settle.
That's how nervous I get before
I get up there.
>> KRIS: Khloe, you're not
getting out of anything, Khloe.
You're gonna stick this out and
finish what you started.
>> KHLOE: I feel so insecure.
This is a huge TV show,
huge responsibility, and I don't
have another time to rehearse
before our first live show.
I'm going to fake a heart attack
to get out of it.
Like, you don't understand how
stressful it is.
I'm typically not a quitter, but
maybe I did bite off more than I
could chew.
>> SCOTT: I just hope to God the
store has some really, really
good stuff.
>> SHEIVA: Are you telling
Kourtney, like, before or after?
>> SCOTT: Am I telling her I'm
having a royal shindig? Yeah.
>> SHEIVA: Yeah. Oh, okay.
>> SCOTT: When I came back to
the States as a lord, I didn't
really get a Lord Disick
welcoming home party.
>> MAN: I crown you Scott
Disick, the new lord of the
manor.
Long live his lordship.
>> ROB: What's going on right
now?
This is not happening.
>> SCOTT: I figure, the girls
will be gone, so now is the best
time to reintroduce Lord Disick
and throw a royal party and let
people know that Lord Disick
will live on.
Hey, I'm Scott.
I'm looking for a costume.
Something within the royal
family.
How are you?
>> COSTUMER: Fine.
>> SCOTT: Are you kicking me out
already?
>> COSTUMER: No, no, no.
>> SHEIVA: Oh, look, there's
pictures.
>> SCOTT: Let me try the
pantalones on.
Don't worry, I got underwear on.
These are a nice little item.
I'm back, baby.
>> SHEIVA: You guys, this is
ridiculous.
>> ROYA: I cannot wait.
(whooping)
>> SCOTT: All right, Roya, go
on.
>> SHEIVA: I feel like I'm
going, like, to a ball.
>> SCOTT: Who isn't?
Oh!
>> ROYA: It's a little big, but
he said he can take it in.
>> SCOTT: If you got your ***
done really quick beforehand,
you'd be fine.
Oh, look who it is.
The keister.
Don't you think I hang out with
you guys too much?
>> KOURTNEY: Totally.
So beat it.
>> SCOTT: It's, like, good that,
like, you guys are gonna have a
week away from me.
>> KIM: Is this, like, what
you're packing?
Don't you think you should have,
like, the shoes in one place.
>> KOURTNEY: They are.
>> KIM: I feel like you could
just, like, pack so much more
efficiently.
>> KOURTNEY: You're not always
the best of the best.
>> KIM: Oh, I was the best
packer, though, and still am.
>> SCOTT: Always a competition.
>> KIM: I still hold the title.
>> KOURTNEY: I am the best
packer, too.
>> KIM: Okay.
Okay, I love you guys, but I got
to go pack.
>> SCOTT: It's a pack-off!
>> KIM: Oh, yeah.
>> SCOTT: Oh, yeah.
It's a pack-off.
Oh, yeah.
It's a pack-off.
>> MAN: No, he hasn't arrived.
>> KHLOE: Okay, okay.
>> MAN: I'll let you know
when he does.
(phone ringing)
>> KHLOE: Hello?
Yeah.
No, I'm not, I'm not--
Where is Mario, first of all?
>> MONICA: I don't know.
>> KHLOE: So, it's my first live
show.
I'm so nervous in general, and
now my makeup artist doesn't
show up.
(line ringing)
>> MAN: He's still--
Is he really not here?
>> KHLOE: Huh?
>> MAN: Is he really not here?
>> KHLOE: Yeah, I'm trying to
find someone else.
What time is dress?
>> WOMAN: 30.
>> KHLOE: 30 minutes?
(bleep).
I feel like I look really bad,
and it's live TV.
I can't, like, have people wait
on me.
I have to just figure it out.
(line ringing)
>> SYDNEY: Hey.
>> KHLOE: Hey, so Mario didn't
show up to do my makeup.
>> SYDNEY: Are you freaking
kidding me, Khloe?
>> KHLOE: No, like, my feelings
are so hurt by--
And it's just so (bleep) rude.
Like, that's one more thing I
need on my (bleep) damn plate,
but I need to find someone else.
>> SYDNEY: Okay, let me work on
this right now.
>> KHLOE: Okay.
Let's go back to the stage.
The next act is one of the teens
introduced by Britney Spears.
Britney.
>> DIRECTOR: And clear.
>> MAN: Your makeup artist is
here.
>> KHLOE: Oh, my God, I'm so
grateful.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Just the way of the world.
Thank the Lord that my mom sent
her makeup artist over.
>> BEN: Look who it is.
>> KHLOE: Oh, hi, Ben.
>> BEN: How you doing?
>> KHLOE: Good, how are you?
>> BEN: Good, thank you.
Okay, so a couple of things for
tonight.
So I think all that stuff we
were doing where we're talking
about ranking,
we probably won't do any--
very much of that.
You forget that these are normal
people that suddenly have been
catapulted to this position.
>> KHLOE: Right.
>> BEN: And I think that's
really nice, so I think don't
be afraid to go there with the
emotion.
>> KHLOE: Right.
A lot's going on, I mean,
there's all this adrenaline
in my system, and no one in my
family is able to come to my
first show 'cause my sisters are
in Miami, my Mom's doing a talk
show, Lamar has a game.
So, just not having my family
support where I think they would
give me an extra boost of
confidence, it's different.
>> BEN: All right, good luck.
>> KHLOE: Bye.
>> KIM: I am so nervous.
(crowd cheering over TV)
>> KOURTNEY: She looks amazing.
>> KIM: Tonight is Khloe's first
live show and I can only imagine
how nervous she is, but she's
gonna do so amazing.
I just wish we were there in
person to watch her.
>> KHLOE: And here is my
favorite, Mr. Sexy, Simon
Cowell.
>> SIMON: Well, may I say,
Khloe, you're looking very sexy
tonight.
>> KHLOE: Stop flirting with me.
>> KOURTNEY: They can see her
***.
>> KIM: Oh, my gosh.
>> SIMON: Okay, um...
(Khloe laughs)
I think the air conditioning
is on high tonight, right?
>> MARIO: All right, you two,
all right, you two, enough.
>> KHLOE: You love it.
You know, Simon is saying jokes
about the air conditioning.
I'm just-- I have no idea why
he's saying this.
(Simon laughs)
Finally, in my ear, they're
saying, "Your areolas are
showing through your shirt."
>> SIMON: That's very
distracting.
>> KHLOE: I mean, what am I
gonna do? I can't walk off
stage; it's live TV.
>> SCOTT: Everybody's getting
dressed up for London, P.
Including you.
You have her passport?
>> KOURTNEY: I do.
>> KIM: I'm ready.
>> KOURTNEY: Well, you're cool.
>> KIM: And my stuff's already
by the door-- where's yours?
>> KOURTNEY: All in the car.
>> KIM: No, it's not.
>> KOURTNEY: Mm-hmm.
>> KIM: No, it's not.
>> KOURTNEY: Yeah, it is.
>> KIM: No, it's not.
>> KOURTNEY: Yes, it is.
>> KIM: I love having sisters
that are so close in age.
We're, like-- have this healthy
competitive thing going on, it's
fun.
Kourt, my car's gonna beat yours
to the airport.
>> KOURTNEY: That is so radical.
>> KIM: You know, just anything
that we do, we can really push
each other.
>> SCOTT: I'm saying good-bye.
Now you're being cute, I don't
like that-- you were supposed to
be mean.
>> KOURTNEY: Why?
>> SCOTT: Because then I can
go...
>> KOURTNEY: Then you can go out
and feel fine?
>> SCOTT: I'll go out no matter
what, but...
>> KOURTNEY: I know.
>> SCOTT: What's that, my
kingdom?
I said I'm finally here.
The throne of all thrones!
Lord Disick, baby.
♪ Ah. ♪
I feel like Cinder-fella, 'cause
time is ticking, you know.
We got to get the food right,
the wine, the champagne, I need
to get ready here, people.
Oh, this is coming together.
>> MAN: But they...
>> SCOTT: It'll be great to have
real people in these.
>> MAN: These are actually
props.
>> SCOTT: Oh.
Oh, yeah, so meaty.
Almost looks like this thing has
a *** on the top of its face.
You're gonna be the lord's
dinner!
>> ROYA: Your friends are
gonna-- might be freaked out a
little.
>> SCOTT: My friends are already
freaked out being my friend.
>> ROYA: Yeah, true.
(trumpeting)
(laughter)
>> SCOTT: Proceed my fine, young
gentlemen!
>> JACK: Your cloak, my lord.
>> SCOTT: Oh... I've been dying
to get this back.
It's finally come home to me.
Thank you.
You know, I realized that I
needed to hire a couple people
to work this party.
>> JACK: It looks smashing.
>> SCOTT: Oh, yeah.
So I was able to find a British
butler, fly him over and I said,
"Do me a favor, butler boy, pick
me up my old London fur."
I think I look like a gentleman.
>> MAN: Well, you are.
>> SCOTT: Well, some may say
different.
We tried to create a whole lord
feel.
>> JACK: Wonderful.
>> SCOTT: We have the chef
preparing a pretty nice meal for
everybody.
>> JACK: Ah, yes.
>> SCOTT: We'll probably be
drinking mostly champagne and
wine.
>> JACK: Okay.
>> SCOTT: And it should be a
nice evening.
>> JACK: Wonderful.
>> SCOTT: Hopefully, nothing too
out of control happens, and I'm
happy you came in for this.
>> JACK: No, thank you for
having me.
>> SCOTT: Yup, it's gonna be
some royal (bleep).
So, I guess, hang tight for now.
>> JACK: Thanks very much, my
lord.
>> KIM: Kourtney and I just get
to London, and we're here for
the launch of our Kardashian
Kollection.
This is a nice hotel.
Look at your, like, deformed
luggage.
Who literally travels with
luggage without rollers?
Like, what century are you in?
>> KOURTNEY: This is Penelope's
neat and perfect bag.
>> KIM: And her shoes are all
smooshed now.
If I would've packed it, I
would've just, like, put them
inside all of her little
hats and beanies.
>> KOURTNEY: Okay, you're such a
perfect packer.
Can you leave me alone?
I need to unpack.
>> KIM: Gonna go unpack
perfectly.
(line ringing)
>> KHLOE: Hello?
>> KIM: Hey, Khloe.
>> KHLOE: Hi, girls.
>> KIM: I can't wait for you to
come to London.
>> KHLOE: I'm excited, too, for
the less than 24-hour trip.
>> KOURTNEY: London is waiting
for you.
>> KIM: You'll love it though.
>> KHLOE: How is it over there?
>> KOURTNEY: It's fab-- the
paparazzi are nutty here.
>> KIM: I saw your nip slip on
TV; did you do that on purpose?
>> KHLOE: No, it wasn't, like, a
sheer top that I was, like,
"Hey, I'm wearing it."
It had lining.
>> KIM: Yeah.
>> KHLOE: So I had no idea, but
I hear in my ear, "Your areolas
are showing."
>> KIM: Wow, how intense.
>> KHLOE: The network was so mad
at me.
>> KIM: Are you still doing,
like, the hosting stuff or they
just have you in the back?
>> KHLOE: What? I'm doing all
the hosting stuff.
>> KIM: Oh, never mind.
I can't wait for you to come
to London.
>> KHLOE: Sorry, I was drinking
something.
>> KIM: Yeah, what are you
drinking?
>> KHLOE: Pineapple juice.
I've been, like, guzzling
pineapple juice all day, every
day.
>> KIM: Why?
>> KHLOE: It's good for, like,
your sex life.
>> KIM: Why your sex life?
>> KHLOE: Well, it makes
everything sweeter.
Is Yeezy coming to see you soon?
>> KIM: What are you trying to
say-- drink up, drink up?
>> KOURTNEY: This is so
unnecessary, you guys.
>> KIM: Well, yeah, Kourtney
does not care if Scott would
think that her juices...
>> KOURTNEY: He actually has,
but thank you for your
confidence.
>> KHLOE: Oh, yeah, Kourt!
(whoops)
Did he say you were sweet?
>> KOURTNEY: Obviously I always
am and better than Kim would be.
>> KIM: Okay.
>> KOURTNEY: Khloe, you can be
the judge.
>> KIM: Like a *** smell-off.
>> KOURTNEY: We could smear some
on the mirror and you can, and
you can sniff it.
>> KIM: Ew! Ew!
Kourtney seems very competitive
about her ***.
I don't know why Kourtney is
challenging me, but she will
lose.
>> KOURTNEY: It is on, ***.
>> KIM: On and (bleep) popping.
>> ALEXIS: Hi.
>> KOURTNEY: Hey.
>> ALEXIS: How are you?
>> KOURTNEY: Good.
>> ALEXIS: I figured we'd go
through your schedule really
quick, if you have a second.
>> KOURTNEY: Yeah, okay.
(blender buzzing)
This thing doesn't even work.
(Alexis laughs)
>> ALEXIS: What is the obsession
with pineapple though?
>> KOURTNEY: I know.
>> ALEXIS: Every time I've
seen you and Kim this whole
time.
>> KOURTNEY: Kim challenged me
to a pineapple contest.
You know what they say.
>> ALEXIS: What do they say?
>> KOURTNEY: That it makes the
*** taste good.
>> TARYN: Really?
>> ALEXIS: Okay, I want to know
how you win.
>> KOURTNEY: Whoever smells the
best.
>> ALEXIS: Who judges?
>> KOURTNEY: Khloe.
(women laughing)
>> KIM: I think it should be
more discreet-- you put these
in, like, a tea cup.
>> KOURTNEY: You can; I'm gonna
say it loud and say it proud.
>> KIM: Should we have a
competition to see who can
finish our pineapple juice the
fastest?
>> KOURTNEY: Is that how Debra
you are?
>> KIM: Even though I don't need
it.
>> KOURTNEY: The next couple
days are filled with media and
press interviews, so if I'm
gonna win this, I need to get as
much pineapple juice as I can.
Is there any way I could get a
pineapple juice?
>> KIM: Wait, can we get two?
>> KOURTNEY: I'm sure that Kim
needs more pineapple to win the
competition, but I will drink
more pineapple juice to
guarantee that I win.
>> KIM: Nice to meet you.
>> REPORTER: I'm a business
journalist with the Daily Mail.
>> PHILLIP: Well, that's what he
says he is anyway.
>> KIM: I love the Daily Mail.
>> PHILLIP: What is that?
>> KOURTNEY: Pineapple juice.
>> KIM: Crime scene photos and
stuff like that at the house.
>> KOURTNEY: Divine.
(phone ringing)
>> SCOTT: Hello, it's Lord
Disick here.
>> KOURTNEY: Hey, why the
serious attitude and the outfit?
What's going on?
>> SCOTT: Oh, nothing crazy.
Would you like to say hello to
my butler, Jack?
>> KOURTNEY: Oh, hi.
>> JACK: Hello, madam.
>> SCOTT: I'm at Lord Disick's
manor.
>> KOURTNEY: Let me see that
again.
You fully rearranged the room?
>> SCOTT: I'm having a lordship
party.
Hello, governor.
I have the L.D. crest.
Lord Disick in his finest.
>> KOURTNEY: Okay, freak, looks
like you're having...
>> SCOTT: L.D., baby.
>> KOURTNEY: ...a grand old time
without me.
>> SCOTT: I wish I could say I
missed you, but I'm kind of
having a lordship party over
here.
>> KOURTNEY: All right, L.D.
>> SCOTT: I love you, baby girl.
Let the lord be with you.
Bye-bye.
>> KIM: Double-decker bus!
>> KHLOE: I have a migraine,
and when I say that,
it makes my head throb.
I just arrived in London.
It's my very first time here.
I am still upset about X Factor
and my first week on the show,
and right now I need a little
bit of comfort.
Do you know what I said to Mom
the day of?
I go, "I'm gonna fake a heart
attack just so I don't have to
come," because that's a real
excuse.
Like, I am not a nervous person.
>> KOURTNEY: You're not.
>> KHLOE: I have never felt the
nerves.
Hosting, I think, is one thing.
I think live TV is
another thing.
Like, everyone, like, yelling
in your ear like, "Okay, don't
ask that question anymore."
And then they count, and when
they get to three, they go,
"Three seconds to shut up!
Shut up!"
>> KOURTNEY: I would be like...
>> KHLOE: You would rip the ear
thing out.
>> KOURTNEY: ...three, two, one,
ah!
(Khloe laughs)
(crowd cheering)
>> KIM: Want to say thank
you for the warm welcome.
It's Khloe's first time in
the U.K. ever.
(cheering continues)
>> CROWD (chanting): Khloe,
Khloe, Khloe, Khloe, Khloe!
>> KHLOE: This is amazing.
Being here with my sisters,
saying hi to all the fans,
seeing our Kardashian Kollection
launch in stores, like, this is
where I'm comfortable at.
This just seems so much easier,
and it's, like, so much less
pressure.
You guys made it amazing.
Thank you!
(cheering continues)
(glasses clinking)
(classical music playing)
(trumpet plays fanfare)
>> JACK: The right honorable
lord of the manor is now
arriving, so if everybody would
like to just step outside, then
we'll see him in his wonderful
carriage.
>> JESTER: Behold, the lord has
raised his flag.
>> SCOTT: It's finally time for
other people to appreciate the
lord.
Let the trumpets sound and the
townspeople cheer.
The lord is here!
>> JACK: Hear ye, hear ye!
Please pay your dues to the
right honorable Lord Disick.
(laughter)
>> MAN: Oh, my God.
>> JACK: Lord Disick.
>> SCOTT: Hello, ladies and
gentlemen.
Tonight, we dine like gentlemen!
(laughter)
Petals, please!
Shall we?
The girls are gone, so I figured
what better way to share my
royal title with some of my
friends and let them feel what
it's like to be me.
But only for a little bit,
and then they have to leave
as peasants.
Now, I just want to thank
everybody for being a part of
the lord, you disgusting human
beings.
(laughter)
Jack, I'd like to be fed,
please.
Feed the lord!
>> JACK: Yes, my lord.
>> NUÑEZ: You want Jack to put
his meat in your mouth?
(laughter)
>> SCOTT: I'm gonna say no.
No, no, we're good.
(laughter)
You know, I have to say, it
feels good to hang out with the
boys.
I mean, I can't even remember
the last time I had this much
fun.
Let the lord be with you!
(trumpet blows)
♪ Lord to make her dance. ♪
I'm feeling pretty,
pretty royal.
Jack, I need to be wiped off.
(laughter)
L.D. is here to stay
and to break some (bleep).
(screams)
I'm pretty sure Miami will never
be the same after this lord
party.
(screams)
(glass shatters)
Oh, lord.
>> SCOTT: Sheiv?
Last night got a little crazy.
>> SHEIVA: Good morning.
How are you?
>> SCOTT: Oh, this place isn't
so bad.
At least we cleaned up a bit
last night.
>> CHRIS: Cleaned up a bit?
We cleaned up a lot.
>> SCOTT: Look at my cake.
Not many people throw a party
like that, boy.
>> CHRIS: It was a good party.
>> SCOTT: That was a night
to remember.
I don't know what else I'm gonna
do here.
I mean, I got the house to
myself for a week.
I kind of blew my load on that
party last night.
>> CHRIS: I don't know.
I mean, I got lunch at noon.
I got to get out of here.
I got to go back home.
>> SCOTT: For what?
>> CHRIS: Uh, my family.
>> SCOTT: My family's away, too.
We're on vacation.
We're in the Miami house by
ourselves, Disick's manor.
>> CHRIS: Yeah, but I have to
get back.
>> SCOTT: You don't have to go
back.
>> CHRIS: I have to go back.
So, what are you gonna do?
>> SCOTT: I don't know.
I'm gonna have to figure it out.
>> KHLOE: Mom has never been
nicer to me since I've been on
The X Factor.
Just so you guys know, I've
never had her call me more in my
life.
>> KIM: 'Cause she's excited
for you.
Don't make it like, "Oh, she's
kissing your *** 'cause you're
now an X Factor host.
>> KHLOE: She told me that.
I was like, "Mom, you're being
so nice to me."
She's like, "Just wait till it's
over; I'll give you a break."
>> KIM: She's joking.
>> KHLOE: Kim, you're so
gorg-gina that sometimes I just
want to (bleep) my (bleep) in
your (bleep).
>> KIM: Holy moly.
>> KOURTNEY: Speaking of
gorg-gina, how does your ***
smell today?
>> KHLOE: I've been on a plane
for 92 hours, so probably not so
swell.
(laughter)
>> KOURTNEY: All right, I am
gonna go to the bathroom.
>> KHLOE: And wipe your little
(bleep) with that?
>> KOURTNEY: To get real funky,
have a party like you've never
seen.
>> KHLOE: And what, I'm gonna do
the sniff test?
>> KOURTNEY: Then Kim has to do
this next.
>> KHLOE: Do I want to be the
judge of the pineapple (bleep)?
Not really, but we're sisters.
If I can't smell their (bleep),
what else am I supposed to do?
>> KOURTNEY: The pineapple
soufflé.
(Khloe moans)
>> KHLOE: Smells like a tropical
island.
>> KOURTNEY: Smells like Hawaii.
>> KIM: Smell mine.
>> KHLOE: I'm not smelling
Kanye's ***.
>> KIM: Is that not the best
smelling?
>> KHLOE: Ooh.
Smells like a flower (bleep).
>> KOURTNEY: But mine smells
more like Hawaii.
>> KIM: See, this is a sourpuss.
That is a flower (bleep).
>> KHLOE: Honestly, I will say
that Kim's (bleep) smells the
best.
She's the kitty winner.
(Kim whooping)
You're my...
(laughter)
>> KOURTNEY: If Kim needs to
think that she's won, that's
fine.
I'll let her think that, but we
all know whose *** is the
sweetest of them all.
She thinks she's so perfect.
>> KHLOE: Perfect little
(bleep).
>> KOURTNEY: Ow, ow!
Ow, camel toe.
(groans)
(sighs)
Nice.
I definitely feel like there's
some pressure just to do
something to fill my day up.
Seems like everybody I keep
calling to hang out with is busy
hanging out with their family.
And it's making me miss
mine.
How you doing? How's everything?
>> MAN: Everything's great.
>> SCOTT: Oh, thanks.
(line ringing)
>> KOURTNEY: Hello.
>> SCOTT: Hey, bugs.
>> KOURTNEY: Hey.
>> SCOTT: What are you doing?
>> KOURTNEY: Just getting ready
for the day.
What are you doing?
>> SCOTT: Oh, just living
the dream in Miami.
Got the Lamborghini out, got
a T-shirt on, I'm shopping
at Bal Harbour.
>> KOURTNEY: Sounds like you're
enjoying.
>> SCOTT: Um...
>> KOURTNEY: I love you.
I'm gonna go.
>> SCOTT: Wait! Talk to me.
I don't want Kourtney to think
that I've ran out of things to
do and that I'm already
dying to see her,
but, I mean, I kind of am.
I really don't have much else
to do and I am kind of lonely.
>> SERVER: There will be
two of us, right?
>> SCOTT: Uh, one for now.
Thanks.
♪ ♪
>> KHLOE: I am leaving London
tonight.
This has been incredible.
I mean, I don't want to leave
'cause the anxiety of when
I land.
I have to go back on that stage
and do this all over again.
That was only week one.
I am going to die.
♪ ♪
>> KOURTNEY: Look at all the
buildings way over there.
(knocking)
Should we go get the door?
>> MASON: Who is it?
>> SCOTT: Hi, Mase!
Surprise!
>> KOURTNEY: Mmm.
Are you excited Daddy's here?
>> SCOTT: Come on up and give me
one more big hug.
(Mason babbles)
Oh, you are cute.
Do you like London?
>> MASON: Yeah!
>> KOURTNEY: That was so sweet.
I cannot believe that you came.
>> SCOTT: I thought I'd be okay
by myself, but then I missed
you guys.
>> KOURTNEY: You cannot be
away from us.
>> SCOTT: No, thank God.
In my mind, having some alone
time, not having all these
responsibilities always sounds
good until they're not there.
And then I'm, like, anxious,
bored, I miss you, I miss Mason,
I miss Penelope, I miss
everybody being around.
You know, I end up hanging out
with people that I don't even
want to hang out with just to
kill time.
>> KOURTNEY: Yeah.
>> SCOTT: So I'm, like, I'd
rather just sit on an airplane
for eight hours and get to
people that I want to be with.
>> KOURTNEY: Chip me.
>> SCOTT: I love you, baby.
I want more than that-- you know
what I'm talking about.
I thought I was going to enjoy
having some alone time, but I'm
glad that I got to miss
everybody that quick.
I mean, at least I know the love
is still there.
>> KOURTNEY: I'm glad you're
here.
>> SCOTT: Oh, you do?
Mase, we're going to the
London Eye!
>> KOURTNEY: Let me just grab
my purse.
>> SCOTT: Come on, Mase.
>> MASON: But you got to wait
for Mom.
>> SCOTT: Oh, all right.
I'm glad I got to come to London
because I'm around my people
and I feel at home.
Now we're heading to the London
Eye with the whole family,
and I'm excited.
>> MASON: Where is the
London Eye?
>> SCOTT: It's right here.
>> KOURTNEY: Wow!
>> SCOTT: You never know where
life's gonna take you and every
day could be your last, so I'm
happy I got one more extra day
with everybody and I'm happy
that we got to spend it
in London.
Come to me, my royal family.
I'm happy our whole family got
to finally join in on the royal
festivities.
The lord's back, baby.
♪ ♪
>> MALIKA: Hi.
>> WOMAN: You look super glam
and gorge.
>> KHLOE: I know, it's 'cause of
these people.
Hello? I had to have
a tea at Simon's trailer
yesterday.
Three-story trailer.
>> MALIKA: No way.
>> KHLOE: It is probably nicer
than some parts of my house.
I go, "Simon, you didn't have
to get me this trailer.
He was like, "This is a couple
years of work, honey."
And I was like, "Uh, forget it."
>> MALIKA: That's amazing.
>> BEN: Okay, so it is an
emotional night, and one of them
is actually gonna win
a $5 million prize.
When you see CeCe practice
that song, she means it.
She really is singing
it for her sister.
>> KHLOE: Someone-- I forget--
came down to me during her song
and, like, gave me a box of
Kleenex, said, "Do you want to
bring this up onstage with you?"
And I was, like,
"No, that's corny."
But-- 'cause they were like,
"Every time she's sung this
song, she cries."
I would rather, like,
literally, like...
>> BEN: Yeah.
>> KHLOE: ...wipe her face.
>> BEN: Do that. I think
whatever you feel is you,
you should do.
I mean, with everything that's
going on, I'm so nervous.
But take a deep breath,
take it in. I got this.
I know I could do a good job.
>> MALIKA: Your (bleep) look
so scrumptious.
>> KHLOE: I'm wearing a
tight bra.
>> MALIKA: No, but they're
just yummy.
>> WOMAN: Can I just show her
the dress real fast?
>> WOMAN 2: You look beautiful.
Very nice.
>> WOMAN: Do you want me to take
a picture of it?
>> WOMAN 2: No, I think
that's good.
>> WOMAN: Okay.
>> WOMAN 2: She'll have a bra
and everything, right?
>> WOMAN: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
>> WOMAN 2: You're welcome.
(fabric rips)
>> KHLOE: What's that noise?
>> WOMAN: I don't know.
What was that?
>> KHLOE: It was something from
right here.
One person cannot have this
much bad luck.
How could this not be bad omen?
>> WOMAN: It's the lining.
>> KHLOE: Rushing, getting
ready, the fat (bleep) ***
rips the dress.
>> WOMAN: The lining ripped,
but who cares?
>> KHLOE: Are you sure?
>> MALIKA: As long as you can't
see the seam, it doesn't matter.
>> KHLOE: Let's go.
>> BRUCE: Khloe, your biggest
fan is here.
>> KHLOE: Oh, my God!
>> BRUCE: Don't you look nice?
>> KHLOE: I love that
you're here.
>> BRUCE: Are you feeling it
tonight, Khlo?
>> KHLOE: Hope so.
>> BRUCE: The more you do it,
the more comfortable you feel,
the more natural you become.
>> KRIS: Hi!
>> KHLOE: That is my dress!
>> KRIS: I know.
You look gorgeous.
You look like a '20s
movie star.
>> KHLOE: I'm actually really
excited because my family is
here: Kendall, Kylie, Bruce, my
mom, Kim.
And that also gives me an extra
boost of confidence.
>> KIM: You look amazing.
Let me see.
Wow. Seriously?
So I flew to L.A. because I
really wanted to support Khloe
on The X Factor.
I know that family support
means everything, so I
definitely wanted to come out
and just encourage her.
I love this.
You're gonna do so good.
I'm so excited to see you.
Are you nervous?
(knocking)
>> KHLOE: Hi, Ben.
>> BEN: Um, one thing, missus.
>> KHLOE: No, no, I'm here.
>> BEN: It is now-- it is a
double elimination.
So just have a look at that.
So, again, that's another little
point.
If we get stuck on what we're
gonna say-- double elimination,
emotional.
Enjoy.
All right, I'll see you
down there.
>> WOMAN: I'll check with you...
>> KIM: I love you.
>> KHLOE: I know.
>> KIM: Bye, Khlo. Love you.
>> KHLOE: Bye, too. I love you.
>> KIM: Good luck, Khloe.
>> KHLOE: Love you.
>> KIM: Don't be nervous.
I love you. You look amazing.
>> MAN: Five seconds,
five seconds.
>> ANNOUNCER: Please welcome
your hosts, Mario Lopez
and Khloe Kardashian Odom.
♪ ♪
>> KIM: Khloe looks so amazing.
I just feel like this is what
she's meant to do.
>> KHLOE: This week, once again,
two acts will be leaving
the competition.
I was definitely in my head
too much.
I was Negative Nancy.
Now I'm excited to take
the stage tonight.
I'm exited to be amazing.
>> CROWD (chanting): Khloe,
Khloe, Khloe, Khloe!
>> KIM: Next on Kourtney and Kim
Take Miami...
>> JONATHAN: How about this
beauty?
>> KIM: I'm on the worst-dressed
list?
That's, like, gorge.
>> JONATHAN: Well, people
didn't think so.
>> KIM: Shut up!
The pressure to try and look
fab at all times, I'm, like,
ruining Kanye's reputation.
>> SCOTT: It's wild down here.
>> WOMAN: You haven't seen
anything yet.
(man laughs)
>> SCOTT: Tonight we're going
gator hunting.
>> MAN: You got bit before?
>> MAN 2: Yeah. I got scars
right there.
>> SCOTT: Really? I don't know
what I'm getting myself into.
Holy (bleep)!
Oh! Almost got at ya! (screams)
(gunshot)