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>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE."
IT'S LIKE YOU'VE GOT MAIL IF
BY MAIL YOU MEAN SHINGLES.
NOW TO ANDY LEVY WITH A PRE
GAME REPORT.
WHAT IS COMING UP ON TONIGHT'S
SHOW?
>> I WILL WAIT IN THIS PLACE
WHERE THE SUN NEVER SHINES,
AMERICA.
OUR TOP STORY, IS THE INTERNET
MAKING YOU CRAZY?
EITHER THAT OR YOU WERE CRAZY
TO BEGIN WITH.
AND DOES THE MEDIA COVER
ROMNEY'S RICH DONORS MORE THAN
OBAMA?
'S AND -- AND THE DEPARTMENT
OF TRANSPORTATION IS ALLOWING
PIGS ON PLANES MEANING JOE
DEROSA WILL BE TAKEN OFF THE
NO FLY LIST.
GREG?
>> WOW, IT SEEMS LIKE A CHEAP
SHOT AT A REGULAR GUEST,
ANDY.
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
>> REALLY?
>> YOU EVER BEEN TO A BAR WITH
HIM, GREG?
>> GOOD POINT.
>> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
>>> LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST.
SHE IS SO HOT THE WEATHER
CHANNEL PUTS OUT NATIONAL JILL
DOBSON ALERTED.
>> THAT'S NOT TRUE.
>> IT IS TRUE.
DON'T INTERRUPT ME.
CHECK OUT THE JILL DOBSON
SHOW.COM.
WOW, THAT'S VEIN.
WE WERE SHORT A GUEST, BUT I
RAN INTO HIM TELLING
NACOGDOCHES JOKES TO THE --
KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES.
IT IS APARTMENTLY TITLED "THE
RETURN OF THE SUN AND OXYGEN"
AND IT IS AVAILABLE
EVERYWHERE, SADLY.
AND IN THE UK HE IS CONSIDERED
GINGIVITIS, BILL SCHULZ.
1K3* HE WAS DISQUALIFIED FOR
THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE FOR
BEING TOO SEXY.
IT IS RICK LEVENTHAL.
>> THANK YOU.
>> AND NO -- NO ONE IS AMUSED
BY JUNK HE CALLS NEWS.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, PINCH.
>> TODAY "THE TIMES"'S ROVING
REPORTER COMPARES THE GODINESS
OF THE LIVE ELEVEN'S NEW SMITH
CENTER TO LIB RAW CHEE.
I KNEW THE FLAMBOYANTLY
DRESSED PIANO STRUMMING
ROGUE.
MANY A NIGHT WAS SPENT IN HIS
OPULENT PENTHOUSE AS HE
STRUMMED AWAY ON A CANDLE UH
BRA AND KEYBOARD.
AND THEN -- AND THEN, WELL,
THAT'S ALL I PRESIDENT WHAT TO
SAY ABOUT THAT.
-- THAT'S ALL I WANT TO SAY
ABOUT THAT.
YOU GAVE FANCY MAN PAPER CUT
ON BATHING SUIT AREA.
OF ALL OF THE STORIES I TELL
YOU, AND THAT'S THE ONE YOU
REMEMBER.
FETCH ME MY CAM CHAMOMILE YOU
RETCH.
THAT'S IT.
THAT IS IT.
>> SO IS BEING ON-LINE TAXING
OUR MINDS?
E-MAIL, TEXT, TWEETS AND THE
REST ARE MAKING US MORE LONELY
AND DEPRESSED AND POSSIBLY
CRAZY.
ACCORDING TO NEWS WEEK, KIDS
ASK YOUR GREAT GRANDPARENTS
WHAT THAT IS.
THE PROOF IS PILING UP THAT IT
IS UNHEALTHY MEANING IT IS
PRONE TO ACD AND ADD.
THOSE ARE ALL LETTERS AND
PSYCHOTIC DISORDERS.
ONE OXFORD PROFESSOR SAYS
ON-LINE ACTIVITY COULD LEAVE
US GLASSY EYED ZOMBIES.
ANOTHER SAYS, QUOTE, IT
ENCOURAGES AND EVEN PROMOTES
INSANITY.
AND A NEURO SCIENTIST NOTES,
QUOTE, THE COMPUTER IS LIKE
ELECTRONIC ***.
TELL ME MORE.
MEANWHILE, BACKLASH AGAINST
NEW TECHNOLOGY HAS BEGUN.
>> GOOD TO SEE ZACH IS STILL
FINDING WORK.
RICK, SCANS ARE SHOWING THE
INTERNET IS ACTUALLY REWIRING
OUR BRAINS, ASSUMING YOU HAVE
ONE.
IS THIS SCARY OR AROUSING OR A
BIT OF BOTH?
>> IT IS RIDICULOUS.
REMEMBER WHEN THEY SAID THE
AUTOMOBILE WAS EVIL?
REMEMBER WHEN THEY SAID MAN
SHOULDN'T FLY?
REMEMBER WHEN THEY SAY FIRE
WOULD BE THE END OF
CIVILIZATION?
>> HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF THIS.
>> I REMEMBER ALL OF IT AND
HERE WE ARE.
IT IS PROGRESS.
>> HERE IS THE THING.
THEY DID SAY LIKE WITH THE
MICROWAVE OVEN, DON'T STAND BY
THE MICROWAVE OVEN BECAUSE IT
WILL GIVE OFF THINGS AND MAKE
YOU STERILE.
THIS IS DIFFERENT.
THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THIS
BECAUSE THEY ARE LOOKING AT
BRAINS, JILL, AND THEY ARE
SAYING THAT THERE IS EVIDENCE.
SHOULD WE TURN OFF THE
INTERNET?
>> I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER.
I KNOW BIOCHEMISTS.
PEOPLE GET CONFUSED ALL THE
TIME.
THESE ARTICLES ASSUME WE ARE
DOING SOMETHING AVAILABLE WITH
OUR TIME IF WE WERE NOT
ON-LINE.
I WOULD STILL BE BUYING STUFF
I CAN'T AFFORD AND DON'T NEED
IN PERSON INSTEAD OF ON THE
INTERNET.
I WOULD BE THROWING ROCKS AT
BILL'S CARDBOARD HOUSE.
I DON'T KNOW IF IT WOULD DO ME
ANY GOOD TO GET OFF LINE.
>> WHAT HAPPENS IS YOU WERE
ACTUALLY JUST AS
SELF-DESTRUCTIVE, BUT MORE
DOUGHY BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT
OUT THERE THROWING THE ROCK.
>> IT IS GOOD CARDIO.
>> IT IS GOOD CARDIO.
IT IS REDUCING -- THE BULLYING
KEEPS YOU IN SHAPE.
JOE, NEWS WEEK SAYS WE ARE
TETHERED TO TECHNOLOGY SO
EVERY PING COULD BE SOCIAL,
*** OR PROFESSIONAL
OPPORTUNITIES WHICH IS NEVER
THE CASE FOR YOU, SADLY.
TRY TO COMMENT ON IT AS IF IT
WERE.
>> I'M SORRY.
IT IS HARD TO SEE THROUGH
AWFLT INSULTS.
IT IS HARD TO SEE THROUGH ALL
OF THE INSULTS.
I THINK THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY
RIGHT.
WHEN THEY SPEAK OUT AGAINST
THIS THING YOU ARE LABELED AS
AN OLD MAN.
YOU DON'T GET IT OR YOU ARE A
CRAB OR WHATEVER.
DANGEROUS THINGS ARE HAPPENING
AND THE ONE DANGER IS AS THIS
THING IS MAKING US LETHARGIC
AND MORE BRAIN DEAD, IT IS
PUTTING BIG BROTHER IN THE
PALM OF OUR HANDS.
>> IS THAT YOUR NICKNAME?
>> YES.
>> EVERYBODY THOUGHT THE
BROTHER WAS GOING TO BE
CAMERAS AND LAMP POSTS, BUT
NO, THIS IS IT.
WE ARE NOW READY ROUGHING EACH
OTHER CONSTANT -- RECORDING
EACH OTHER CONSTANTLY.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
THEY GIVE YOU SOMETHING SEXY
AND ALLURING AND YOU USE IT
AND IT IS THE THING THAT
DESTROYS YOU.
>> PEOPLE ARE WILLINGLY GIVING
AWAY THEIR PRIVATE INFORMATION
ON FACEBOOK THAT SOMEBODY
TRIED TO GET FROM YOU
ELSEWHERE AND IT WAS EVASIVE.
>> 1984 IS SOMETHING WE WERE
VOLUNTEERING FOR.
>> AND IT IS NOW POPULAR AND
DOES GET PRESS EXPOSURE AT
LEAST ON-LINE TO TAKE SOMEBODY
AND EXPOSE THEM ON TWITTER.
THERE ARE ARTICLES ABOUT THAT
ON-LINE WHERE SOMEBODY
TAKES -- SOMEBODY WILL TWEET
AND LITERALLY RUIN SOMEBODY'S
LIFE.
th GUY IS HITTING ON ME.
MARRIED, DADA, DA.
>> I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING
ABOUT.
>> THE THAT THING IS
APPLAUDED.
>> YOU ARE STILL MAD ABOUT THE
WOMAN OUTING THE GUY ON THE
PLANE?
>> I AM NOT ABOUT THAT
SPECIFICALLY.
I AM MAD IN GENERAL.
>> BACK IN THE DAY THE TOWN
CRYER TALKED ABOUT THAT.
>> HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF THESE
THINGS.
>> EVERYTHING HAS SIDE
AFFECTS.
>> THAT WAS BY THE YE OLD JUG
SHOP YOU USED TO WORK AT.
>> DON'T YOU THINK -- BUT
DON'T YOU THINK THAT LOGIC --
THIS IS JUST LIKE -- THIS IS
AN EXTREME EXAMPLE, T SAYING
, HEY, THIS IS JUST PROGRESS
AND THAT IS JUST PART OF IT
AND IT IS JUST GOOD FUN OR
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO SAY,
THAT'S LIKE RUNNING INTO THE
GRACES OF THE DICTATOR.
THIS IS THE EVIL.
IT IS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF
US.
PEOPLE ARE RUNNING AND SAYING,
IF YOU ARE NOT DOWN WITH THIS,
YOU DON'T GET IT.
>> YOU ARE NUTS.
NUTS IN A SERIOUS,
PSYCHOLOGICAL WAY.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAYS WHEN
THEY INTRODUCED THE SPONGE
STICK THAT USED TO GO INTO THE
OUTHOUSE.
YOU LEAVE IT IN A BUCKET OF
VINEGAR AND WATER.
YOU WERE SO SCARED OF THAT,
WEREN'T YOU?
>> GOOGLE WOULD HAVE CROSSED
THE REBELLION 18 TO 1.
>> LET'S WEIGH THE GOOD VERSUS
THE BAD.
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE GOOD
OF THE INTERNET.
>> LIKE?
>> GOOD STUFF.
>> AS OPPOSED TO --
>> WE WOULD GO TO THE
LIBRARY.
>> HE IS RIGHT.
I AM ONE OF THE LAST
GENERATIONS TO REMEMBER MICRO-F.
>> THERE ARE BENEFITS TO THE
INTERNET, BUT AS USUAL LIKE
ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS COUNTRY
WHEN LEFT TO OUR OWN
RESPONSIBILITIES WE RUIN IT
AND ABUSE IT.
>> I THINK YOU ARE MISSING THE
POINT HERE.
THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT
BIOLOGICAL CHANGES.
THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT SOCIO
LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES.
THE BIOLOGICAL THING IS WE
FEEL TETHERED NOW TO
EVERYTHING, AND IT IS ACTUALLY
CHANGING THE WAY WE THINK IN A
WAY, AND I SAID THIS BEFORE,
BUT WE ARE TURNING LIKE THE
EARTH INTO ONE BRAIN WHERE
EACH ONE IS A CELL AND WE ARE
OPERATING AND WE WILL BECOME
ONE MODIFIED BLOB OF THOUGHT,
AND THEN WE ARE ALL GOING TO
DIE.
>> WE HAVE ACCESS TO MORE
INFORMATION AT OUR
FINGERTIPS.
IT IS A MOIMENT'S NOTICE.
WE ARE SMARTER.
>> SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
>> WE ARE LONELY AND CAN SOLVE
PROBLEMS.
>> JUST SAY IT.
WE CAN LOOK UP STAR LETS ON
GOOGLE IMAGE.
IT IS AS SIMPLE AS THAT.
>> GIVEN THE POINT YOU JUST
MADE, THOSE ARE NOT SEPARATE.
ONE IS A PRODUCT OF THE
OTHER.
>> I AGREE.
>> LAST WORD TO BILL,.
YOU ACTUALLY FOUND AN OLD FAX
MACHINE ON THE STREET.
HOW IS THE INTERNET ON THAT
THING?
>> I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO WORK
IT.
I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS BECAUSE
I DON'T HAVE AN OUTLET TO PUT
THE PLUG IN.
>> SO TO IMPROVE THIS, FOR
EXAMPLE, PART OF OUR BRAIN
ATROPHIES IF WE ARE NOT USING
IT A LOT.
A LOT IS RELATED TO THE
IPHONE.
MY NEPHEW IS THREE AND A HALF
YEARS OLD.
NO LIE HE KNOWS HOW TO WORK AN
IPHONE BETTER THAN I CAN.
THE FLIP SIDE IS, HE CANNOT
GET FROM HIS CRIB TO THE
KITCHEN WITHOUT USING GOOGLE
MAP.
I HAVE THAT IN MY BRAIN.
HE HAS NO DIRECTIONAL SENSE.
>> IT IS CALLED GOO-GOO, GA-GA
MAP.
>> CAN WE GO TO BREAK RIGHT
NOW?
I SWEAR TO GOD.
I WILL FLIP THIS TABLE OVER.
>> SOMEBODY SHOULD COPY WRITE
THAT, THE GOO-GOO-GA-GA MAP.
BABIES IF THEY HAVE TO GO T THE.
>> I AM LOVING IT.
>>> UNCLE SAM REGRETS SENDING
TOO MANY CHECKS.
ACCORDING TO THE LABOR
DEPARTMENT, IN 2011 FEDERAL
AND STATE GOVERNMENTS OVERPAID
UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS.
TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE
THAT IS $14 BILLION ROLLS OF
PENNIES.
MOST OF THE OVERPAYMENTS GO
GOES TO THOSE NOT ACTIVELY
SEARCHING FOR A JOB.
THOSE WHO ARE FIRED OR QUIT
VOLUNTARILY, AND MIDGETS.
THOSE WHO CONTINUE TO FILE
CLAIMS EVEN THOUGH THEY
RETURNED TO, WOULD.
THE LABOR DEPARTMENT IS TRYING
TO RECOUP SOME OF THE LOST
FUNDS.
AND VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN HAS
BEEN TASKED WITH LEADING THE,
QUOTE, CAMPAIGN AND IT STARTED
LAST YEAR WITH THE AIM OF
CUTTING WASTE.
ALL OF THIS RAISES THE
QUESTIONS, ARE KITTENS AFRAID
OF SNEEZES DISM -- SNEEZES?
>> THAT IS TROUBLING.
JILL, UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE
IS THE SECOND HIGHEST RATE OF
IMPROPER PAYMENT FOLLOWED BY
THE NATIONAL SCHOOL LUNCH
PROGRAM.
ISN'T THIS THE PROBLEM WITH
THE GOVERNMENT?
IT IS NOT THEIR MONEY AND THEY
DON'T CARE.
>> THE GOVERNMENT -- MY
UNDERSTANDING IS THEY WANT
MORE PEOPLE ON UNEMPLOYMENT,
RIGHT?
WHAT THEY NEED TO DO IS SELL
THE PR OUT OF THIS.
THEY NEED TO SAY, LISTEN, WE
ARE GIVING AWAY MONEY LEFT AND
RIGHT.
THEY NEED TO HAVE A BIG
CHECK.
THEY ARE HANDING OUT $14
BILLION AND I DIDN'T KNOW
ABOUT IT.
>> THE THING I LOVE ABOUT
THIS, RICK, IS THEY ARE GOING
TO ASK FOR IT BACK.
>> WHAT I LOVE IS THE THREE
GROUPS THAT DESERVE IT THE
LEAST ARE THE ONES THAT ARE
BENEFITING THE MOST.
>> YOU DON'T NEED.
IT YOU ALREADY HAVE A JOB.
YOU ARE GETTING THE MONEY.
>> I HAVE TO SAY, I KNOW YOU,
JOE.
YOU LOVE IT WHEN YOU HEAR
ABOUT PEOPLE WHO CHEAT THE
SYSTEM.
WITHOUT REALIZING THAT THE
SYSTEM IS YOUR MONEY.
>> STICK IT TO THE MAN EVEN IF
THE MAN IS ME.
>> I MEAN, LOOK, HOW MUCH
MONEY WAS REALLY GONE IF THEY
DIDN'T REALLY NOTICE IT WAS
GONE FOR THAT LONG?
THIS IS LIKE WHEN A WAITER
TAKES A FRENCH FRY OFF YOUR
PLATE.
DO YOU REALLY MISS IT?
>> THAT'S HOW CORRUPTION
WORKS.
IT IS LIKE PEOPLE WHO STEEL A
PENNY OFF YOUR BILL AND GIVE
IT TO STLEE00 MILLION PEOPLE
AND YOU ARE RICH.
BUT IT IS YOUR MONEY.
BY THE WAY, THE TAX -- THIS IS
GOING TO GO -- THE TAX
INCREASES ARE SUPPOSED TO PAY
FOR THIS SORT OF THING.
YOU WOULD NEED THE TAX
INCREASES .
YOU ARE ALLOTTING THE FACT
THAT THEY ARE STEALING MONEY
FROM YOU, JOE.
>> I JUST DON'T CARE.
I GAVE YOU YOUR PENNY BACK.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
I GAVE ALL 300 MILLION PENNIES
BACK.
WE ALL HAVE OUR PENNY BACK.
>> BILL, IF YOU WERE
ACCIDENTALLY GETTING
UNEMPLOYMENT CHECKS WOULD YOU
ALERT THE GOVERNMENT OR WAIT A
FEW MONTHS?
>> I WOULD WAIT FOR THE REST
OF MY LIFE.
I WOULD NEVER TELL THEM
ANYTHING.
THIS SEEMS TO BE MORE OF A
STATE THING THAN A FEDERAL
THING.
THERE IS MORE THAN CORN IN
INDIANA.
IT IS CALLED FREE MONEY AND
I'M MOVING.
TO GET TO WHAT YOU WERE SAYING
AS A FORMAL WAITER MYSELF, IT
IS NOT THE FRYS WE TAKE, BUT
IT IS THE ONES YOU PUT BACK
YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT ABOUT.
AND RARELY DO THEY INVOLVE OUR
MOUTHS.
>> I AM TRYING TO WARN THE
PUBLIC.
WE ARE AWFUL PEOPLE.
>>> FROM THE OVERPAID TO THE
-- TO A TIRADE.
HAS HIS BLUSTER LOST ITS
LUSTER?
CHRIS KRISTY HAS HIS REAL NAME
AND ENGAGING IN A SHOUT FEST
WITH SOME DUDE AT THE JERSEY
SHORE.
I BELIEVE IT WAS STAGE AND
SCREEN ACTOR PHILIP SEYMO RE
HOFFMAN.
HE IS ALWAYS CAUSING TROUBLE
IN A SPEEDO.
ROLL TAPE, PEOPLE WHO ROLL
TAPE.
>> YOU ARE A REAL BIG SHOT.
>> KEEP WALKING.
KEEP WALKING.
>> PUNDITS SAY IT CALLS INTO
QUESTION HIS READINESS TO BE A
VP NOMINEE.
LOCALS SEEM TO BE LESS THAN
PLEASED AS WELL ACCORDING TO A
POLL 80% OF RESPONDENTS VOTED
YES AS TO WHETHER THE
GOVERNMENT'S OUTBURSTS MAKE
THE STATE LOOK BAD.
ALTHOUGH THEY PROBABLY THOUGHT
THEY WERE ANSWERING A
DIFFERENT QUESTION WHICH IS,
DO YOU LIKE BIRDS?
SPEAKING OF ALTERCATIONS, HERE
IS HOW THINGS HAVE BEEN
SETTLED ON THE ROAD.
LET ME REPEAT THAT, SPEAKING
OF ALTERCATIONS, HERE IS HOW
THEY ARE SETTLED ON THE ROAD
IN RUSSIA.
>>> THAT WAS R -- THAT WAS
DESTRUCTION EXPLAINED.
THEY JUST COULDN'T AFFORD TO
BUY BASEBALL BATS, JILL, AND
THAT WAS HOW IT WORKED.
IS THERE ANY CHANCE THE
GOVERNOR'S LATEST EPISODE
MIGHT HELP HIS CHANCES ADD A
VP CHOICE FOR ROMNEY?
>> I IDENTIFIED WITH HIM
BECAUSE YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED
HE WAS HOLDING AN ICE CREAM
CONE.
DON'T MESS WITH SOMEONE WHEN
THEY ARE EATING AN ICE CREAM
CONE IN JULY.
YOU DO ONLY HAVE 90 SECONDS TO
EAT IT.
>> THAT IS A GOOD POINT.
AT WHAT POINT -- I LOVE CHRIS
CHRIS STEY.
CHRIS CHRISTIE.
IS NOW BECOMING A SCHTICK?
>> FIRST OF ALL, THE ICE CREAM
EXPLAINS A LOT.
THE GUY IS LIKE, COME ON!
KEEP WALKING, BUDDY.
WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO?
START A FIST FIGHT ON A
BOARDWALK?
>> WERE BOTH YELLING KEEP
WALKING OR JUST ONE?
THE KEEP WALKING THING, THAT'S
WHEN IT -- WHEN IT GETS TO
THAT POINT YOU HAVE TO FIGHT.
KEEP WALKING AND YOU HAVE TO
STOP WALKING.
JAY THAT'S THE GUY YOU WANT IN
THE WHITE HOUSE.
THAT'S THE GUY YOU WANT
REPRESENTING YOUR COUNTRY,
ISN'T IT?
KEEP WALKING, RUSSIA, THAT'S
RIGHT.
KEEP WALKING, BUDDY.
>> SOMETHING TELLS ME HE IS A
SPIRITUAL MENTOR TO YOU.
>> I LOVE A GUY IN THE PUBLIC
EYE WHO IS FINALLY TELLING
PEOPLE TO SHUT THEIR DUMB
MOUTHS AND SHOWING PEOPLE
THERE WAS A TIME WHEN YOU WERE
PUNCHED IN THE FACE.
I THINK IT IS HILARIOUS, AND I
THINK HE WAS HILARIOUSLY
DEFENSIVE.
>> COME AND ARM WRESTLE ME
RIGHT NOW.
>> AS HE WAS WALKING AWAY, HE
WAS PATTING HIM ON THE BACK
AND SAYING, CALM DOWN.
DUDE, WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO
ANGRY SO QUICKLY.
I MET HIM TWICE AND HE WAS
NEVER VERY NICE TO ME.
I ASKED HIM TO DO "RED EYE"
AND HE ACTED LIKE I WAS ASKING
FOR LIKE A KIDNEY.
IT WAS LIKE, DUDE, YOU NEED
MORNING JOE.
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
>> IS THIS GOING TO HURT OR
HELP HIM BE RE-ELECTED IN HIS
OWN STATE?
>> THERE IS A QUESTION ABOUT
THAT, AND I DON'T HAVE THE
ANSWER.
>> I ACTUALLY USED TO HAVE A
HOUSE CLOSE TO SEASIDE
HEIGHTS.
THAT HAPPENED ALL THE TIME.
SOMEONE ENDS UP LOOKING LIKE
THE HERO, AND SOMEONE ENDS UP
GETTING THEIR FACE SMASHED
IN.
USUALLY WITH THE ICE CREAM
CONE IN THEIR HEAD.
THIS CASE IS NOT IMPRESSIVE
BECAUSE IT IS COOL AND IT IS
BLUSTERY AND IT IS LIKE, YOU
KEEP WALKING.
LET'S NOT FORGET HE HAD FOUR
SECURITY GUARDS SURROUNDING
HIM THE ENTIRE TIME.
IT IS A LOT EASIER TO SCREW
WITH A GUY IN THE WIFE ***
WHEN YOU HAVE GOT SECURITY.
NONE OF THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE.
THE ICE CREAM WAS IN NO WAY
GOING TO GET DAMAGED.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT WAS OFF
SCREEN?
SNOOKI AND "THE SITUATION"
WHERE THEY WERE EGGING HIM
ON.
JAY IF JERSEY DIDN'T COMPLAIN
ABOUT THEIR REAL HOUSEWIVES
AND HAIR SALONS, THIS WAS
OKAY.
>>> COMING UP, DO YOU HAVE TO
KICK OLD HABITS AFTER HAVING A
BABY?
JILL DOBSON DISCUSSES HER NEW
BOOK, MOMMY ON ***, THE JILL
DOBSON STORY.
>> KEEPS YOU THIN.
>> FIRST, DOES THE MEDIA TREAT
THE CANDIDATE BACKERS
?AI IS --
>>> IS THE MEDIA UNFAIR TO HIS
MILLIONAIRES?
THE MEDIA'S COVERAGE OF THE
PRESIDENTIAL BACKERS IS NOT
EXACTLY FAIR AND BALANCED, A
PHRASE I JUST COINED.
HE NOTES THAT THE MSN WILL
MAKE SURE THEY WERE FOCUSING
ON THE LAVISH CARS THEY CAME
IN. THE AP POINTED OUT, QUOTE,
MERCEDES, BENTLEY AND A
FERRARI SPIDER.
>> THAT'S FROM THE FUTURE.
>> YES.
IT IS TRUE.
WELL DONE, JILL.
THE L.A. TIMES SPOTTED A,
QUOTE, LINE OF RANGE ROVERS,
BMW'S, WHATEVER THOSE ARE,
ROADSTERS 1K3* ONE GLEAMING
CHERRY RED FERRARI.
>> FROM THE FUTURE.
>> AND THE NEW YORK TIMES
MENTIONED, QUOTE, GLEAMING
BENTLEYS AND MERCEDES-BENZS,
END QUOTE.
SOMEHOW THE COVERAGE IS NOT
THE SAME WHEN PRESIDENT OBAMA
ATTENDS HIS $40,000 A PLATE
HOST UBER RICH HOLLYWOOD
TYPES.
IT IS DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE
THOSE SAME OUTLETS WRITING
SOMETHING LIKE, MS. STREEP
AFTER CLIMBING FROM HER
CHAUFFEUR DRIVEN RANGE ROVER
IN A STUNNING DESCRIES.
SHEA SPOKE OF HER CONCERN OF
THE GROWING ECONOMIC DIVIDE IN
THE UNITED STATES.
RICK, I THINK HE HAS A POINT.
THIS IS A BIT OF BIAS IN THE
MEDIA THAT HAS GONE LIKE, I
DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE DON'T
REALLY CARE, BUT HE IS RIGHT
ON THIS ONE.
>> HE IS RIGHT?
>> THE HEADLINE IS, RICH
PEOPLE DRIVE NICE CARS.
>> YES, BUT ONLY REPUBLICANS
ARE IT IS INKED FOR IT.
THAT'S THE POINT.
>> THAT I AGREE WITH.
>> IF I HADN'T POINTED THAT
OUT YOU WOULD HAVE MISSED THE
WHOLE POINT OF THE STORY.
>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE
ARE READING THAT.
>> DO YOU MEAN THAT?
>> I THINK IT IS TERRIBLE AND
--
>> SHOULD OBAMA BE IMPEACHED
IS WHAT I AM GETTING AT.
>> NOT BASED ON THIS.
>> HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE
STICKERS FROM MARS?
>> YES.
HE SHOULD BE IMPEACHED BECAUSE
OF THAT.
>> I AM TRYING TO SCREW WITH
YOU.
>> THEY ARE PUTTING UP CON
DOZE.
>> IT IS PRETTY AWESOME.
>> IS THIS A LIBERAL
CONSERVATIVE THING?
IT IS WHAT I WOULD SAY AND
URGE YOU TO AGREE WITH ME.
>> I LOVE THE HOLLYWOOD
TYPES.
>> YOU ARE A *** HEAD.
THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.
>> GOD BLESS YOU FOR BEING A
STAY-AT-HOME MOM.
YOU ARE AMERICA'S HERO.
>> IT IS CODE FOR UNEMPLOYED.
JAY I AM GETTING THE CHECKS
TOO.
THANK YOU.
SO MY POINT BEING I GET PAID
IN SPIT UP FOR THE MOST PART.
>> SO DOES BILL.
>> I AM A LITTLE JEALOUS WITH
ALL OF THESE PEOPLE WITH THE
CARS FROM THE FUTURE.
DESPITE THAT, I WOULD LIKE TO
SAY IT IS -- WHAT IS HAPPENING
OVER THERE?
>> HE FEELS BAD ABOUT HIS
ANSWER.
>> I FAILED A TEST OF SOME
KIND.
>> HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE
STORY.
>> WHERE AM I.
>> FOCUS, EVERYBODY.
I AM GOING TO JOE.
SAY SOMETHING NOT STUPID FOR
ONCE.
>> THE ARTICLE WAS NOTING THAT
WHEN EVER THEY WERE WRITING
ABOUT THE ROMNEY FUNDRAISER
THEY OBSESSED OVER THE CARS.
WHEN THEY WOULD WRITE ABOUT
THE OBAMA FUNDRAISER THEY
OBSESSED MOREOVER THE
CELEBRITY NATURE AND NOT SO
MUCH THE WEALTH EVEN THOUGH
THEY ARE JUST AS WEALTHY.
>> WHEN A ROCK STAR BUYS A
$20,000 PLATE TO AN OBAMA
DINNER IT IS ADMIRABLE.
BUT WHEN SOMEBODY DOES THE
SAME FOR A ROMNEY EVENT IT IS
DISGRACEFUL AND INDULGENT.
I AM SICK OF HEARING HOW RICH
THIS GUY IS.
WE ESTABLISHED THIS A YEAR
AGO.
STOP TELLING ME YOU ARE
SURPRISED THIS IS THE COMPANY
HE KEEPS.
THIS REPORTER PROBLEM BLY SITS
OUTSIDE RUSH LIMBAUGH'S HOUSE
SAYING, HE JUST KEEPS EATING
AND EATING.
WE KNOW HE IS CHUNKY.
>> THAT'S BEFORE HE LOST ALL
OF THAT WEIGHT, WANTED TO
POINT THAT OUT.
>> YOU HAD TO DO A RUSH
CLASSIC.
>> CANE BE HONEST?
JOE SCARED ME JUST NOW.
>> WHY?
>> HE WAS REALLY ANGRY AND HE
SCARED ME.
>> LAST WORD TO YOU, BILL.
YOU ACTUALLY LIVE IN AN ORDER
-- AN OLD FORD PINTO SO TSHI
ANGER U.S.
>> OBAMA GOT SO MUCH CRAP FOR
BEING THE HOST -- OR BEING
HOSTED BY THE DEVIL WORE PRO
DO AND THE SECRETARY IN THE
CITY CHICK.
HE HAD SO MUCH CRAP FROM
THEM.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE
DIFFERENCE.
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THEY
DIDN'T DESCRIBE THE CARS.
IT WOK THESE RICH CELEBRITIES
ARE VOTING AGAINST THEIR BEST
INTEREST.
THEIR INCOME IS NOT IN THEIR
BEST INTEREST.
IT IS VERY MUCH LIKE WHEN WE
SEE A REPUBLICAN CELEBRITY.
I ALWAYS MAKE THE COMMENT, WE
HATE CELEBRITIES TALKING ABOUT
POLITICS.
THE RETORT IS ALWAYS, THERE
ARE SO FEW OF THEM.
IT IS KIND OF THE SAME THING.
THESE CELEBRITIES ARE NOT
VOTING IN THEIR BEST
INTEREST.
>> I HAVE TO RESPOND TO THAT.
THE REASON THEY CAN VOTE THAT
WAY IS THEY MAKE SO MUCH MONEY
IS EVEN WHEN THEY ARE IN THE
90% TAX BRACKET IT DOESN'T
MATTER.
IF THEY ARE MAKING $100
MILLION IF THE GOVERNMENT
TAKES $50 MILLION IT IS NOT A
BIG DEAL.
THEY DO IT FOR THEIR OWN
PURPOSES AND A LOT HAS TO DO
WITH LINING UP WITH POWER.
AS OPPOSED TO ROMNEY.
>> HE JUST WANTS TO GET RICHER
JIE. THAT'S WHERE ARE YOU
STUPID.
>> NICE COME BACK.
>> YOU IMMEDIATELY BELIEVE
CONSERVATIVES VOTING FOR LOW
TAXES ARE DOING IT FOR
THEMSELVES?
THEY ARE DOING IT FOR THE FREE
MARKET.
THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO
BELIEVE IT IS BETTER IF YOU
HAVE LOW TAXES AND A FREER
MARKET.
EVERYBODY SHARES THE WEALTH
AND NOT JUST SEEING PEOPLE WHO
ARE POOR AND MIDDLE CLASS AND
PEOPLE WHO ARE RICH.
YOU HAVE TO PIT EVERYBODY
AGAINST EVEN -- EACH OTHER.
LASTLY, OBAMA SUPPORTERS ARE
RICH AND NOT FAMOUS.
OBAMA SUPPORTERS ARE RICH AND
FAMOUS.
>> AND THEY OWN PRIUSES WHICH
THEY DRIVE TO THE BIG EVENT
AND LEAVE THE FERRARI AND
BENTLEYS AT HOME.
>> EVERY CAR THEY HAVE IS A
SECOND, THIRD, FOURTH CAR.
DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION, E-MAIL
US?
LEAVE A VOICEMAIL
212-462-5050.
STILL TO COME, THE HALF TIME
REPORT FROM ANDY LEVY.
CAN'T STAND THAT GUY.
>> TONIGHT'S HALF TIME REPORT
IS SPONSORED BY JELLYFISH.
THE ANIMAL THAT IN ITS
REPRODUCTIVE STAGE HAS ALMOST
A TRANSPARENT BODY SHAPE LIKE
AN UM 3WRE8
>>> NOW LET'S GO TO SANDY
LEVEY.
>> GREG, HOW ARE YOU?
>> GREAT.
>> HAVE I A QUESTION FOR YOU.
I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.
YOU SAID THE RETURN OF THE SUN
OF DEPRESSION IS APARTMENTLY
NAMED?
>> YES.
>> APARTMENTLY DOES NOT MEAN
STUPIDLY.
LEVEY, I HAVE THIS GUY COMING
AT ME FROM MY RIGHT.
I DON'T NEED YOUR POINTY NOSE,
BEADY EYES COMING AT ME
EITHER.
>> AT LEAST I WASN'T
ANTI-SAMETIC.
>> SERIOUSLY.
>> THAT WAS NOT ANTI-SAMETIC.
>> I MEANT THAT TO BE AGAINST
JEWISH PEOPLE.
>> OH MY GOODNESS.
>> IS THE INTERNET MAKING US
CRAZY?
RICK YOU THINK THIS IS
GARBAGE.
YOU COMPARED IT TO WHEN CARS
WERE FIRST DEVELOPED.
AND YOU SAID THE STUDY SEEMS
TO ASSUME WE WERE DOING
SOMETHING AVAILABLE WITH OUR
TIME IF NOT ON-LINE SO MUCH.
TRUE, BUT THIS STUDY TO BOTH
OF YOU GOES BEYOND THAT.
CARS DIDN'T CHANGE THE WAY OUR
BRAINS LOOKED.
THE STUDIES SHOW THE WAY THE
INTERNET IS MAKING OUR BRAINS
LOOK IS THE EXACT SAME WAY
DRUGS AND ALCOHOL ADDICTS
LOOK.
>> HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW THEY
LOOK?
>> THEY DO TESTS.
>> DON'T THEY SAY WHEN THEY
FALL IN LOVE IT LOOKS LIKE THE
BRAIN OF A COKE ADDICT?
DOPAMINE?
>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
>> ANDY, SHE BASICALLY IS
PRETENDING ABOUT EATING LOTS
OF CHOCOLATE.
>> MY BRAIN JUST CHANGED.
>> MY BRAIN LOOKS LIKE A CAR.
>> THE INTERNET IS LIKE A
DRUG.
THE OTHER NIGHT I PUT MY
LAPTOP BETWEEN THE CLEAVAGE OF
A BIG BREASTED ***.
>> OH.
THAT'S CHEAP.
>> GO ON.
>> THE INTERNET IS LIKE A DRUG
AND THEY CAN USE THE INTERNET
TO GET DRUGS.
NO ONE WILL MISTAKE ONE FOR
THE OTHER.
>> CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR HOW THE
STORY WILL TURN OUT.
>> YOU SAID WEIGH THE GOOD
VERSUS THE BAD.
THE PROBLEM IS NOT THE
INTERNET.
IT IS LIKE GUNS.
THE INTERNET DOESN'T MAKE
PEOPLE CRAZY.
PEOPLE MAKE PEOPLE CRAZY WITH
HOW THEY USE THE INTERNET.
>> ANYTHING IN EXCESS CAN BE
BAD.
>> ALL I AM TRYING TO SAY IS
YOU ARE GOING TO SAY THE
INTERNET IS A BAD THING
BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE HAVING
ISSUES?
MENTAL ISSUES FROM IT?
THEY HAVE MENTAL ISSUES
ANYWAY.
>> I AM NOT SAYING THAT.
>> YOU SAID IT.
>> I AM NOT SAYING THAT.
I AM SAYING, HOWEVER, IF THESE
STUDIES CONTINUE TO BACK UP
THE FACT THE WAY OUR BRAIN IS
WIRED, THAT IS SOMETHING WE
SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT.
>> MAYBE IN A HUNDRED YEARS
OUR BRAINS HILLARY WIRE
THEMSELVES AND ADAPT TO THE
WEB.
>> THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID.
WE ARE ALL GOING TO BECOME
BRAIN CELLS IN TER CONNECTED
WITH EACH OTHER AND IT WILL BE
ONE GIANT ORGANISM THAT WILL
COMMUNICATE WITH THE ALIENS
AND THE ALIENS WILL SAY, ARE
YOU OKAY, BIG ROUND THING.
>> IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME THAT
ISN'T IT SIGH RON NICK THAT
MICHAEL HUTCHINS DIED THAT WAY
WHILE FRONTING A BAND CALLED
INXS.
>> WAY TO BRING IT DOWN.
>> THAT JUST OCCURRED TO ME.
>> IT WASN'T A JOKE.
>> IT IS JUST A THOUGHT.
>> I NEVER KNEW IT WAS A PLAY
ON INXS.
>> IN THAT WHOLE OBSERVATION,
THEN IT WAS WORTH IT.
>> JOE, OTHER THINGS ARE
REFERRING TO A DUCK FOR Y'ALL
GOVERNMENT -- DUCK FOR Y'ALL
GOVERNMENT.
I GET YOUR POINT, BUT THERE IS
A DIFFERENCE.
>> DON'T YOU THINK THEY ARE
STILL GETTING THE SAME
SURVEILLANCE AND IT IS BEING
FED BACK TO THE EVIL EYE IN
THE SKY?
WE ARE THE ONES HOLDING THE
CAMERAS IN ASSISTED OF THEM
BEING ON THE SHOULDERS OF THE
SOLDIERS ON THE STREETS OR
SOMETHING?
>> NO.
>> REALLY?
>> YES.
>> KEEP IT GOING.
>> TOO PERFECT.
>> GOVERNMENT OVERPAID $14
BILLION IN BENEFITS.
>> TO PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE,
IT WAS $28 BILLION ROLLS OF
PENNIES.
>> I GUESS AS JOE WOULD SAY,
YOU WOULD KNOW.
>> IT IS A FLAWLESS RETORT TO
ANYTHING YOU SAID.
>> HE PULLED THE WIND OUT OF
HIS SAIL.
>> AND ALSO, GREG, AS YOU
MENTIONED, VICE PRESIDENT
BIDEN HAS BEEN TASKED WITH
LEADING THIS CAMPAIGN TO CUT
THE WASTE.
WE KNOW IT WILL BE
STRAIGHTENED OUT.
>> WASTE OF TIME.
WASTE OF AMERICA'S TIME.
>> YOU SAID WHAT AMAZES YOU
ARE THE PEOPLE WHO NEED THIS
MONEY, THE UNEMPLOYMENT MONEY
THE LEAST, PEOPLE WITH JOBS
ARE THE ONES GETTING IT.
THAT'S USUALLY HOW FRAUD
WORKS.
OTHERWISE IT WOULDN'T BE
FRAUD.
>> AND HE IS AN INVESTIGATIVE
REPORTER.
>> YES.
>> IS THERE ANYTHING ILLEGAL
GOING ON IN HERE?
>> I WILL LEAVE THEN.
>> I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE HERE.
>> IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE WITH
PEOPLE LIKE YOU, WALL STREET
COULD PULL OFF THE SHAW FAN
GNAW AGAINS.
>> I CAN'T WORK ALL THE TIME.
>> RICK, WHERE DID YOU HAVE TO
BE IN YOUR MANSION AND YOUR
RED ROBE SMOKING A PIPE?
>> I COULD HAVE BEEN SHOOTING
POOL RIGHT NOW.
>> COME ON.
>> YOU DO HAVE A HUGH HEFNER
ESQUE --
>> COULD I HAVE BEEN RIDING
MY -- I COULD HAVE BEEN RIDING
MY HORSELESS CARRIAGE TO THE
PICTURE SHOW.
>> YOU AND HEFNER WENT TO HIGH
SCHOOL TOGETHER, RIGHT?
>> HE WAS A COUPLE YEARS
BEHIND ME.
>> JOE, YOU SAID YOU JUST
DON'T CARE.
>> AND YOU ARE PART OF THE
PROBLEM, MAN.
>> LISTEN, BRO, I THINK WE ARE
ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, DUDE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IF IT IS NOT US AGAINST THEM,
WHO IS IT AGAINST?
>> YOU ARE NOT PART OF THE
SOLUTION.
>> NO, IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME,
ARE YOU AGAINST ME.
I SAID IT FOR YEARS.
>> AND NOW SOMEONE IS
LISTENING.
>> RICK, HE IS YELLING -- I
THINK I AM WITH YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU CHANGED YOUR
MIND.
IT WAS CHRISTIE WHO WAS
YELLING, KEEP WALKING AS IF HE
WAS GOING START A FIGHT WITH
THE GUY.
AS BILL POINTS OUT, CHRISTIE
IS SURROUNDED BY SECURITY.
NOT THE MOST MACHO THING IN
THE WORLD.
>> KEEP WALKING IS SOMETHING A
22-YEAR-OLD CHUCKLE HEAD
YELLS.
>> IT IS WHAT A FRAT BOY YELLS
AT A PARTY WHEN HE IS
SURROUNDED BY OTHER FRAT
BOYS.
>> THAT WAS REAL.
I BELIEVE THAT WAS REAL.
THAT'S WHO HE IS.
>> THEN HE HAS A PROBLEM.
>> HE REACTED THE WAY EVERY
GUY FROM NEW JERSEY REACTS.
>> THE MACHINES AT THE
CROSSWALKS YELL KEEP WALKING.
KEEP WALKING.
>> I HAD ADMIRE THAT.
SO MANY POLITICIANS ARE NOT
REALLY THEMSELVES.
THEY ARE NOT TRUE TO
THEMSELVES.
THEY ARE SAYING WHAT THEY
THINK PEOPLE NEED THEM TO
SAY.
HE SAYS WHAT HE FEELS.
HE WAS REALLY YELLING AT THAT
GUY.
HE WANTED TO PUNCH HIM IN THE
FACE.
>> I THINK HE HAS A BIT OF AN
ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEM.
>> I THINK RICK HAS ONE.
>> I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH
THAT.
I'M GOOD WITH IT.
>> YOU ARE SCARING ME.
>> JILL, YOU MADE THE BEST
POINT OF THE NIGHT ABOUT THE
ICE CREAM.
>> I NEVER MADE THE BEST POINT
OF THE NIGHT.
>> YOU DON'T GET A PRIZE.
>> RICK, GREAT, GREAT ANSWER
HERE.
>> WHAT?
>> JUST KIDDING.
HE SAID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
JILL WINS AND YOU LOSE.
>> JILL, YOU SAID ARE YOU SICK
OF HEARING HOW RICH ROMNEY IS,
BUT YOU WILL BE HEARING IT
UNTIL NOVEMBER.
DID I SAY JILL?
I MEANT JOE.
>> I LIKE HEARING HOW RICH
PEOPLE ARE.
I LIKE THE CASH DASH YENS.
>> YOU -- THE KARDASHIANS.
>> WE ARE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT
IT UNTIL NOVEMBER.
>> IT IS STUPID.
YOU KNOW WHO IS RICH?
GEORGE WASHINGTON.
JAY HE WAS.
AND AS FAR AS I KNOW ROMNEY
NEVER LIED ABOUT CUTTING DOWN
A TREE.
>> GEORGE WASHINGTON DID IT
THE AMERICAN WAY.
HE MARRIED A RICH WIDOW.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> I THINK THAT'S THE JOHN
KERRY WAY, ACTUALLY.
>> ANDY, TRUE STORY IF I WAS
BORN A GIRL MY NAME WOULD HAVE
BEEN JILL.
>> I WOULD HAVE BEEN
CATHERINE.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN WOULD
HAVE?
>> BOOM.
>> BY THE WAY, RICH ROMNEY
DONORS HAVE RICH CARS.
SARAH JESSICA PARKER HAS A
CONDO IN MANHATTAN.
>> THAT'S A CAR THAT DOESN'T
MOVE.
>> WE WILL NOT TRASH SARAH
JESSICA PARKER ON THIS SHOW.
>> NOT TRASHING HER.
I UNDERSTAND YOUR LOVE FOR
EVERYTHING FATC.
IN THE MEDIA COVERAGE YOU
NEVER HEAR --
>> CARRIE HAS BEEN THROUGH A
LOT.
CARRIE WENT THROUGH A LOT
BEFORE SHE BOUGHT THAT HOUSE.
SHE WROTE THAT COLUMN FOR A
LOT OF YEARS.
SHE LOOKED FOR LOVE FOR A
LONGTIME.
THE FACT THAT SHE EARNED --
I'M SORRY.
NEVER MIND YOU ARE RIGHT.
>> WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH CHRIS
TO GET THAT APARTMENT?
>> I WOULD SLEEP WITH CHRIS TO
GET THIS TABLE LET ALONE THE
APARTMENT.
>> I CAN ARRANGE THAT.
>> LASTLY, YOU THINK OBAMA GOT
SO MUCH CRAP FOR HIS RICH RED
HOLLYWOOD -- HOLLYWOOD
FUNDRAISERS.
I THINK HE GOT CRAP FOR IT
HERE AND ON CONSERVATIVE BLOGS
AND STUFF LIKE THAT, BUT NOT
IN THE, QUOTE, UNQUOTE,
UNBIASED MEDIA.
>> AND OUR RATES COMBINED OUR
CNN AND NBC.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW WE CAN
SAY ONE THING AND NOT BE A RT
PA OF THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA.
>> LOOK AT YOURSELF, BILL.
YOU ARE NOT PART OF MAINSTREAM
ANYTHING.
>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE
STREAM IS.
>> EXACTLY.
>> THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS
--
>> I AM BEING YELLED AT.
I HAVE TO GO.
>> ALL RIGHT, ANDY.
COMING UP, STORIES SO SEXY,
RICK LEVENTHAL MIGHT TRY TO
HIT ON THEM.
SORRY, GIRLS.
HE CAN'T CONTROL HIMSELF.
FIRST, WHAT WERE THE TERMS OF
TOM KAT'S DIVORCE SETTLEMENT.
WHATEVER THEY WERE, I AM THERE
FOR YOU, KATIE.
AND WHATEVER THEY WERE, I AM
THERE FOR YOU, TOM.
BASICALLY WHO EVER
>>> HAVE THEY MANAGED THEIR
SPLIT WITHOUT MUCH OF A FIT?
WELL, AS FIRST REPORTED BY
PEOPLE, THE MAGAZINE, NOT THE
INHABITANTS OF EARTH, TOM
CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES HAVE
REACHED A DIVORCE SETTLEMENT.
THE FORMER COUPLE RELEASEDDED
A JOINT STATEMENT ON
THAT SEEMED TO CONFIRM REPORTS
THAT KATIE CALLED THINGS OFF
BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T HANDLE
TOM'S WACKY RELIGIOUS BELIEFS,
HER WORDS, NOT MINE.
OR NOT EVEN HER WORDS EITHER.
AND HIS APPROACH TO RAISING
SURI AS A SCIENTOLOGIST.
QUOTE, WE ARE COMMITTED TO
WORKING TOGETHER AS PARENTS TO
ACCOMPLISH WHAT IS IN OUR
DAUGHTER, SURI'S BEST
INTEREST.
WE WANT TO KEEP MATTERS
AFFECTING OUR FAMILY PRIVATE
AND EXPRESS OUR RESPECT FOR
EACH OTHER'S COMMITMENT TO
EACH OF OUR RESPECTIVE BELIEFS
AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER'S ROLES
AS PARENTS.
TRANSLATION, ONE IS PSYCHO,
BUT WE ARE NOT SAYING WHICH
ONE.
LET'S DISCUSS THIS IN --
>> LIGHTNING
ROOOOUUUUUNNNNDDDD.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> JUST LIKE YOU, JILL.
YOU HAVE BEEN IN TOUCH WITH
KATIE ALMOST --
>> BEST FRIEND.
>> HOW IS HER MOOD?
YOU ARE A HEART AND
ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER.
WHAT IS YOUR TAKE BEING IN
THES, AS THEY SAY.
>> I AM SURPRISED IT WAS
RESOLVED.
SHE FILED AND THEN --
>> WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?
WHY DID IT HAPPEN SO QUICK?
>> BECAUSE TOM CALLED HIS
LAWYERS AND SAID, WE DON'T
WANT TO --
>> SHED SOMETHING ON HIM.
SHE HAD SOMETHING --
>> YOU THINKS THAT IS WHAT IT
IS?
>> THEY DIDN'T WANT IT DRAGGED
THROUGH THE MUD.
>> I THINK HE HAS RUN HIS
MOUTH SO LOUDLY ABOUT
SCIENTOLOGY AND THIS CENTERED
WAY OF LIFE, THAT IF THIS WAS
DRUG OUT HE WOULD LOOK LIKE
THE BIGGEST HIPOCRITE EVER AND
IT WOULD RUIN HIS PRECIOUS
CLUBHOUSE AND THEY HAD TO
SPEED THROUGH IT.
>> I THINK HE LOVED THE
COCKAMIMI SCHEMES.
IT WAS DRIVING KATIE CRAZY.
>> THE HEADLINE HERE IS KATIE
HOLMES IS AVAILABLE, AND SHE
IS INVITED TO MY SEXY PARTY.
>> SHE WILL BE THERE.
SHE LIKES TO HAVE FUN NOW THAT
SHE IS FREE.
BILL, HOW ARE YOU HANDLING
THIS?
>> NOT WELL.
>> YOU WERE A STUNT DOUBLE IN
LABYRINTH.
>> LABYRINTH?
THAT WAS WITH DAVID BOWIE.
HE WAS A MULTI GENDER DELIGHT
IN THAT UNDER RATED FILM.
>> OKAY CATHERINE.
>> IT BROUGHT FANTASY AND A
LITTLE BIT OF *** TO A
FAMILY-FRIENDLY AT ATMOSPHERE,
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT LABYRINTH.
SHE PLAYED HIM BRILLIANTLY.
SHE WAS GOING TO SAY MORE
WEIRD THINGS ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY
THROUGH HER SOURCES AND HE
WANTED HER TO STOP IT.
HE GAVE HER A SETTLEMENT.
THE DOWNSIDE, SHE WILL NEVER
WORK IN HOLLYWOOD AGAIN, MARK
MY WORDS.
>>> WE WILL TAKE A BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE WILL
TALK ABOUT SOMETHING I
GUARANTEE YOU.
>>> THE DEPARTMENT OF
TRANSPORTATION IS CONSIDERING
NEW RULES ALLOWING PIGS TO FLY
ON COMMERCIAL AIRLINERS.
IT WILL FORCE AIRLINES TO
ALLOW ANIMALS SUCH AS POTBELLY
PIGS, MINIATURE HORSES AND
MONKEYS, FRIGHTENING, TO
ACCOMPANY THEIR OWNERS IN THE
CABIN.
SHOULD THERE NOT BE SPACE FOR
THE PIG, THE AIRLINE WOULD BE
REQUIRED TO ASK OTHER
PASSENGERS IF THEY WOULD BE
WILLING TO SWITCH SEATS OR
SHARE FOOT SPACE WITH THE
ANIMAL.
JOE, SHOULDN'T WE EMBRACE THIS
BECAUSE IF WE HAVE A PIG ON
EVERY FLIGHT, TERRORISTS WOULD
NEVER GET ON THE PLANE BECAUSE
THEY HATE PORK.
>> THAT IS TRUE, GREG.
I WOULD CERTAINLY GET OFF THE
PLANE BECAUSE I AM AN EVIL
ARAB.
>> THAT'S TRUE, YOU ARE.
>> THAT'S ONLY HALF.
THE OTHER HALF IS PIG, AND I
HAVE SEEN PASSENGERS ASK TO
SHARE FOOT SPACE WITH ME AND
THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT.
>> WHAT IF YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO
ANIMALS AND YOU HAVE TO SIT
NEXT TO THE GUY WITH THE PIG?
DOESN'T THAT INFRINGE ON YOUR
RIGHTS?
AND ANOTHER QUESTION, WHERE DO
YOU SEE TOM CRUISE GOING
NEXT?
>> SO MANY ANSWERS.
VALID CONCERN BECAUSE I HAD TO
SIT NEXT TO A LADY AND HER
CAT.
CAN'T HANDLE CATS.
PUFFY, UGLY, MASCARA
EVERYWHERE.
IF IT IS A BLIND PERSON WITH A
SEEING EYE DOG, GREAT.
I HAVE PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTES.
I AM A NERVOUS FLYER AND I
NEED MY PUPPY.
>> COME ON!
>> MY PUPPY IS XANAX AND
SCOTCH.
>> AND THE BIG LOSER HERE,
COURTNEY KARDASHIAN.
SHE HAD A BABY GIRL AND SHE
WAS BUMPED FROM THE STORIES
BEFORE YOU CAN CITY -- SAY
SURI CRUISE.
>> YOU KNOW WHO IS LAUGHING?
CHRIS KLEIN.
HE WAS THE GUY WHO WAS DUMPED
BY HER.
>> WAY TO GO.
>> KHLOE DIDN'T GET BUMPED.
THE STORY IS ABOUT PIGS.
>> TERRIBLE.
>> RICK, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF
THIS?
>> I FLEW ON A PLANE WITH A
GUY WHO SMELLED LIKE A PIG.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT FITS
INTO THIS.
>> I WORE A TV ON MY FACE.
>> I THINK YOU TWEETED THIS.
JAY YOU DIDN'T GET --
>> YOU DIDN'T GET IT?
>> BILL, YOU WORKED AS A
SERVICE ANIMAL FOR AN ELDERLY
RICH MAN IN JAMAICA.
THE THE SERVICE IS CORRECT.
SECONDLY, I DON'T GET THIS
WHOLE PIG MUSLIM THEORY.
MUSLIMS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT
PIGS, BUT THEY DON'T MELT IF
THEY ARE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH
THEM.
>> THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE
INTERMINGLED WITH THEM.
>> WE WILL CLOSE THINGS OUT
WITH A POST GAME WRAP UP WITH
ANDY LEVY.
GO TO FOX NEWS.COM/RED EYE.
>>> BACK TO AL FOR THE PWU.
>> ARE YOU STILL TRYING TO GET
A TALK SHOW GIG?
>> I AM TRYING TO BE THE NEXT
GREG GUTFELD.
I HAVE MY OWN BLOG VERSION.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD OF
THE JILL DOBSON SHOW.COM.
WILDLY POPULAR.
FOUR TO FIVE HITS A DAY.
>> WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO BE,
JOE?
>> I'M NOT JOE.
THAT'S JOE.
>> I AM GOING TO BE AT THE
COMEDY CLUB IN WEBSTER, NEW
YORK.
THAT THE NAME OF THE PLACE.
THIS THURSDAY NIGHT THROUGH
SATURDAY NIGHT DOING SHOWS AND
A BUNCH OF "RED EYE" FANS ARE
COMING OUT.
THE REST OF YOU COME OUT, AND
I HOPE TO SEE YOU.
>> EVERYTHING READY FOR
SARDTUAY'S SEXY PARTY.
>> KEG IS ON ORDER, PORTA
POTTY IS COMING.
I WANT TO INVITE ALL OF YOU,
BUT SINCE YOU CAN'T COME I
WILL TWEET OUT PICTURES OF