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>>PHOENIX: Edgeworth? You're the prosecutor today?
>>EDGEWORTH: Well, of course. I'm the most qualified for the job out of all the
characters in this show.
>>PHOENIX: What about--
>>FRANZISKA: Miles Edgeworth! You know I'm perfectly qualified to handle this case!
Allow me to take it off your hands at the most dramatic moment possible!
>>EDGEWORTH: What?! No! Franziska, you do that every case!
>>FRANZISKA: Hey! I didn't come all the way out here for nothing! Can't I at least act
as your co-council and whip any foolish fools who get out of line?
>>EDGEWORTH: ...Fair enough. You may.
>>PHOENIX: Wait, what?
>>MAYA: Don't worry, Nick! You know your client is innocent, so all you have to
do is prove it!
>>PHOENIX: Yeah, but... I don't remember signing up for the whipping...
>>FRANZISKA: Foolish fool! [whips]
>>PHOENIX: Ow!
>>PFA: Alright, guys, get to your seats. We've got to get this trial started.
>>EDGEWORTH: ...PFA? You're the judge for this trial?
>>PFA: Well, of course I am! Would you rather Pearl or Cheryl be the judge?
>>EDGEWORTH: ...Point taken.
>>PFA: Exactly. Now. [bangs gavel] Court is now in session for the trial of
Jernath Tanlion.
>>PHOENIX: The defense is ready, Your Honor.
>>EDGEWORTH: The prosecution is ready, Your Honor.
>>PFA: Alright, Mr. Edgeworth. Your opening statement, please?
>>EDGEWORTH: Thank you. Our victim, a young man by the name of Hasaki, no
last name given, was found lying dead on the ground, with an arrow through his
chest. Our defendant, Mr. Jernath Tanlion, was found in the forest just outside the
scene of the crime, wielding his own bow in a claim that he was "hunting." With no
other evidence to the contrary, Mr. Tanlion was arrested on suspicion of
***.
>>MAYA: "No other evidence"? What does he mean?
>>PHOENIX: It means they didn't find any other evidence, I guess...
>>MAYA: Huh! I wonder why not?
>>EDGEWORTH: With that said, the prosecution would like to summon its
first witness to the stand--the detective placed in charge of this case, Detective
*** Gumshoe.
Please state your name and occupation for the record of the court.
>>GUMSHOE: Detective *** Gumshoe, sir! I'm the detective in charge of this case, see.
>>EDGEWORTH: Now, detective, would you please testify to us about the
defendant's arrest?
>>GUMSHOE: Sure thing, sir!
>>GUMSHOE: Alright, so we got a call from the witness yesterday about about 3:08 PM. I
immediately came running onto the scene, where I found the victim lying dead on the ground!
The arrow was sticking right through him, see-- he was definitely dead. But anyway, that's
when the witness told me the killer's name, so I rushed off to track him down! I found him in
the woods, and sure enough he had that bow of his, so I immediately arrested him and took
him down to detention for questioning!
>>EDGEWORTH: Thank you, detective. ...Your Honor.
>>PFA: [stops humming] Right! Mr. Wright, your cross-examination, please?
>>PHOENIX: Yes, Your Honor.
>>MAYA: You can do it, Nick!
>>PHOENIX: So, detective, any evidence to show us? *** weapon, autopsy report?
>>GUMSHOE: Well, we don't have the exact arrow that shot him, but here's the
defendant's bow and arrows, sir! As for the autopsy report... no dice.
>>MAYA: Huh? No autopsy report?
>>PHOENIX: Detective! Why isn't there an autopsy report?
>>GUMSHOE: Uh, well... we couldn't do an autopsy on the victim, because he wasn't
there.
>>MAYA: Huh?!
>>PHOENIX: What?!
>>FRANZISKA: Explain the foolish things you say before you say them, Scruffy! [whips]
>>GUMSHOE: Ow! W-well, Hasaki's from some kind of magical universe, see, so he just
kinda... faded away after he died. There was no way to do an autopsy on him, so I
don't have a report.
>>MAYA: He just... "faded away"?
>>PHOENIX: Wait! But you just told us you found him lying dead on the ground! How
is that possible?!
>>EDGEWORTH: It's quite simple, really. There was a moment of delay after his death
before he faded away.
>>FRANZISKA: Think about your foolish questions before you foolishly ask them!
>>PHOENIX: Ow! H-hey, it was worth asking!
>>EDGEWORTH: But yes, one cannot perform an autopsy on someone who doesn't leave a body
behind. Regardless, we can add this weapon the court record. Also, Your Honor, please
stop humming that.
>>PFA: [stops humming] Sorry, couldn't help it~! At any rate, yeah. Jernath's bow has
been added to the court record!
>>PHOENIX: ...Alright then. So, um, what exactly can you tell me about why you
arrested my client? It doesn't sound like you had an awful lot of proof to me...
>>GUMSHOE: Well, first off, the victim had an arrow sticking out of his chest, and Mr.
Tanlion was in the nearby woods holding his bow. Not many people use bows around here,
so that's pretty suspicious, see. But most importantly, there was a witness who
specifically named Mr. Tanlion!
>>PHOENIX: Right, the witness... great.
>>MAYA: I wonder who the witness is?
>>PHOENIX: I don't know... at any rate, I have the feeling we won't be able to learn
more until we talk with this witness.
>>PFA: I heard that, Mr. Wright. Are you finished with your cross-examination?
>>PHOENIX: ...Yes, Your Honor. No further questions.
>>EDGEWORTH: Very well, then. Detective, you may be dismissed.
Now, as the detective has stated, there was a witness at the scene of the crime who
provided us with the defendant's name for the arrest. This witness was the first--and one
of the very few--to come upon the victim's body, and as such, the prosecution would like
to call this witness to the stand. Ms. Kindleflare, please come forward.
>>FRANZISKA: Kindleflare?! The ant woman?!
>>EDGEWORTH: ...Yes, Franziska. The ant woman.
>>FRANZISKA: Of all the foolishly foolish fools in the world, it has to be HER?!
>>KINDLE: Yeah, I know. Sucks, doesn't it. Still don't know why they let you take YOUR
whip in here if they confiscated mine...
>>FRANZISKA: Why you--!
>>EDGEWORTH: Franziska, let's remain civil, please. Witness! Please state your name and
occupation for the record of the court.
>>KINDLE: Name's Kindleflare, as Edgeworth already said. As for my occupation, don't really
have one anymore. Former administrator, good days, but now I'm just kinda PFA's unofficial
record keeper.
>>PFA: Both of which were self-appointed jobs, incidentally.
>>KINDLE: Shut up, PFA. So, you want me to testify or something?
>>EDGEWORTH: ...Er, yes. If you could testify as to what you saw the night of the ***...
>>KINDLE: Sure thing. And if you hum a bar of that song, PFA, I'll find a courtroom-friendly
way to make you regret it.
>>PFA: Good luck with that~
>>KINDLE: Ugh. Anyway, so I was just kind of minding my own business, when I stumbled
across Hasaki lying there with an arrow sticking out of him. Now obviously this meant
he'd been murdered, so I did the first thing I thought of and called for the detective.
What with the arrow and all, I gave him the only name it could have been--obviously,
Jernath. So. Good enough testimony for you?
>>PFA: I think it's up to Mr. Wright to decide that. Speaking of which, your cross-
examination, please?
>>PHOENIX: Actually, Ms. Flare, I DO have a problem with your testimony. Mainly, how did
you know it was Mr. Tanlion who shot him?
>>KINDLE: First off, don't call me Ms. Flare, because that's not my name. No last name, it's
just Kindleflare. Get it right.
>>FRANZISKA: Such rude words should never be spoken in court, Ms. Kindleflare! [whips]
>>KINDLE: Ow! I tell you, that woman's whip should have been confiscated, too!
>>PFA: Get on with the testimony, Kindle~
>>KINDLE: Grrr... anyway, like I said, who else could it have been? I mean, look at our
little cast of characters and tell me how many of us use bows. Yeah, just Jernath. See?
Mystery solved.
>>PHOENIX: HOLD IT!
>>KINDLE: Huh, what? What is it?
>>PHOENIX: Ms. Kindleflare! Do you really mean to tell me that the only one who wields a bow
is Mr. Tanlion?!
>>KINDLE: Well, yeah, that's what I just said, isn't it?
>>MAYA: I dunno about that, Nick, that doesn't sound quite right...
>>PHOENIX: I know... it feels like there's something we're missing...
>>PFA: Let's forget that she exists again! That sounds like fun!
>>KINDLE: What was that?
>>PFA: Nothing~
>>KINDLE: ...Whatever. Anyway, Jernath's not only the only one who could have done it, it
just makes so much sense. I mean, first off, he's a mercenary. With a large enough sum of
money, the guy'll do ANYTHING. Secondly, I think he's probably got a grudge against him...
>>JERNATH: Hey, am I allowed to comment? Because I haven't a clue what this woman is
TALKING about.
>>KINDLE: Yeah right. Like we're going to believe the murderer over there.
>>FRANZISKA: Silence, both of you! [whips]
>>JERNATH: Ow!
>>KINDLE: Ow! Hey, I'M the witness here!
>>FRANZISKA: Foolish fools who foolishly go on about irrelevant matters!
>>EDGEWORTH: ...Ms. Kindleflare, if you could sum up your point quickly, I believe
the court would appreciate it.
>>KINDLE: Short and sweet is what you like, then? Never could have guessed. Anyway, my
point--he's got the weapon, he's got the motive, there's really no one it could
have been OTHER than Jernath.
>>PHOENIX: OBJECTION!
>>KINDLE: Whoa, wow. You really ARE loud when you shout that.
>>PHOENIX: Ms. Kindleflare, I'm afraid to say that I find a very large flaw with
your testimony!
>>KINDLE: Are you gonna stop being vague and tell me what it is?
>>PHOENIX: You have claimed repeatedly that the only one who could have shot and
killed Hasaki with a bow and arrow is Jernath Tanlion. What you don't seem to
realize is that this claim is false!
>>KINDLE: Well yeah, sure there's other bow-wielders, OUT there, but none of 'em
that show up around here.
>>EDGEWORTH: Hold on. Mr. Wright, if there's someone else on your mind, could you tell us
this person's name?
>>PHOENIX: Of course I can! It's... um... something. Maya, do you remember the name?
>>MAYA: The name of who? Who are we talking about, Nick?
>>PHOENIX: You know, the elf girl that hangs around sometimes... what was it...
>>PFA: Alyien. You mean Alyien.
>>PHOENIX: Yes! That's it!
>>MAYA: Alyien? Doesn't sound familiar...
>>PHOENIX: She's that elf girl with the silver hair... I remember seeing her picture once, at
least. Anyway! The point is, this Alyien uses a bow as well!
>>KINDLE: ...Shoot. She does?
>>PFA: Come on, Kindle, I know she's extremely antisocial and all, but haven't you at least
seem her picture? I mean, if you look at it, you would notice that she's holding a bow.
>>KINDLE: ...oh. Whoops. That, uh. Totally slipped my mind.
>>JERNATH: Yeah, sure it did, Kindle...
>>PHOENIX: But anyway! My point is, if we're accusing my client under the reasoning that
he's one of the few who wields a bow, then why haven't we brought in Alyien yet? After all,
she just so happened to be ACQUAINTED with the victim, didn't she?!
>>KINDLE: ...nrgh. In the same profile section and everything.
>>FRANZISKA: What?!
>>EDGEWORTH: Why wasn't this brought to my attention earlier?!
>>PHOENIX: Your Honor! I say a verdict cannot be reached in this trial until we have
considered all the possibilities! Whether or not Alyien is guilty of the crime, the
defense requests she take the stand!
>>PFA: Seems fair enough to me. Alyien will be summoned to the courthouse immediately. This
court is in recess until she arrives. [bangs gavel]