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NICK SWARDSON: Hey this is Nick Swardson, and this is
probably the craziest party that I
remember from my childhood.
I was 14 years old and I hung out with a lot of the shady
and the shady crowd.
We had Starter jackets and silver
chains and hats on sideways.
So there was this one kid who was like extra ***.
He was crashing in this abandoned house--
like super old, like the yard was all cruddy.
One night we're like, let's just *** break in there
and like we'll throw a big-*** party.
So we go into this place, we get a *** bunch
of bottles of ***.
And we're partying and we're boozing, we're just pounding
***, whatever the hell we can get our hands on.
Anything that was breakable, we would break.
We would break light bulbs, threw the bathtub down the
stairs, we were graffiti-ing So we just totally decimated
this house.
And then everybody was like starting to pass out.
So this kid decides to go up on the top floor and throw a
Molotov cocktail.
So he lights a Molotov cocktail, throws
it against the wall.
Of course has no plan on how to put the *** fire out
that he just set.
So he ran downstairs and was screaming, and we were all
like hung over and *** *** up.
He was like, we got to get the *** out of here.
So we all escape out of this house, and
it's totally torched.
The next day there was cops everywhere just around the
neighborhood.
We looked out the window, we were smoking weed which made
it even more paranoid.
And I turned to my buddy, I go, we got to get the *** out
of here, man.
The cops are going to come, they're going to find us.
So I took off my Starter jacket, I took off my chains,
took off my hat.
I put on a Polo shirt that I found in his closet and I put
on these tiny little tennis shorts.
And I grabbed a tennis racquet, and I walked out the
back of his door and walked in through this whole sea of
police and they're all staring at me.
I'm walking with my tennis racquet, and I look like this
nice kid from the '80s.
The city bus pulls up and I jump on it and I take it home
like 10 blocks to my house.
And I called my friend and I was like, I made it home.
And just as I talked to him on the phone, the cops broke in
the door and they were all arrested.
I was the only one that got away.
Yep.