Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
>> SCOTT: There's drinks
everywhere.
What do you want from me?
It's Vegas.
>> KOURTNEY: I missed you.
So how was it?
>> SCOTT: I'm happy that I was
good, and it was easy.
>> KOURTNEY: I mean, I feel so
much better.
>> ROB: You honestly want to
know the reason why I don't come
over here?
It's 'cause of (bleep) Scott.
Not really, like, part of the
family in my eyes.
Like, he doesn't like, make
an effort.
>> BRUCE: 20 years of marriage
is really a big thing.
So, I've been planning something
for a long time.
>> BRUCE: We're going to Bora
Bora, girls!
(Kylie screams)
>> KRIS: Every single one of my
family members is going to be
running around in little
bikinis.
And that's just not what I'm
feeling right now.
I will be covered up from here
to here.
>> KIM: Mom...
I'm so excited that Kris is
coming on the trip with us.
Yeah, we really haven't spent a
whole lot of time all at once
together.
>> KOURTNEY: We're going to be
thrown into getting to know him
on an island.
This trip will be like the real
first time Kris is hanging out
with my whole family.
As soon as everyone just gets to
meet Kris, they'll just love
him the way I do, I mean...
What's there not to love?
(Kim giggles)
>> KIM: Let's just jump in with
all of our clothes on.
>> HUMPHRIES: I don't know about
up here-- I don't know how deep
it is.
Baby, give me a hug real quick.
>> KENDALL: I don't know,
jump in!
(Kim screams)
>> KIM: Ow!
Don't do that.
>> HUMPHRIES: Baby.
>> KIM: Ow, I'm going to have
such a headache.
>> HUMPHRIES: What is...
>> KIM: My earring's gone!
>> HUMPHRIES: Are you serious?
>> KIM: (bleep) Oh, my God,
I'm gonna cry.
My diamond earring!
>> HUMPHRIES: Hold on.
>> KIM: Seriously.
It's not funny.
>> HUMPHRIES: Are you serious?
>> KIM: Because literally,
that's $75,000.
>> HUMPHRIES: Come on.
>> KIM: We're not going to find
it in the ocean.
Kris, he's so playful and throws
me in the water.
I land on the side of my head,
and I feel my earring is gone.
I'm pretty upset.
(crying)
>> KIM: So I just want to run
away, because Kris has never
seen me cry before, and I'm kind
of embarrassed.
Mom!
>> KRIS: What happened?
>> KIM: My diamond earring
fell out.
>> KRIS: Oh, my God.
So take this one out.
Show me where.
>> KIM: In the ocean.
I'm not going to find it.
>> KRIS: But the ocean, it's not
that deep right there, honey.
The insurance is going to take
care of it.
That's why we have
insurance, honey.
Okay, show me where.
>> KIM: But I'm just so annoyed.
>> HUMPHRIES: Don't move.
>> KRIS: Now just breathe.
Everything's going to be fine.
>> KOURTNEY: What's wrong with
you guys?
>> KIM: My diamond earring came
off in the ocean, and it's gone.
>> KOURTNEY: Kim, there's people
that are dying.
>> KIM: Anyone would be annoyed.
>> KRIS: I know.
>> KIM: I work really hard.
And I bought these, and
this was the most expensive
thing I ever bought.
I don't want to seem
like a spoiled brat for crying
over an earring, but I just
purchased these earrings, and...
I don't know if they're
insured yet.
>> KENDALL: Kim, oh, my God, we
just found the earring.
>> KIM: Are you serious?
>> KIM: Where did you find it?
>> KYLIE: I found it... it was
just, it's huge!
>> KRIS: What?
>> KIM: There's no back on it.
I don't care.
>> KRIS: Where?
>> HUMPHRIES: Thank your sister.
>> KRIS: Kylie, tell me where
you found it.
>> KIM: Oh, my God...
>> KRIS: Oh, my God, Kylie.
>> HUMPHRIES: Why'd you start
crying?
That's why you have insurance.
It's all good.
>> KIM: Hey, you know, that's
what my mom told me.
>> ROB: Did they find it?
>> HUMPHRIES: We found it.
I personally would never own
anything that if I lost it, I
would be that emotional about.
It's a material good.
Emotionally, if you couldn't
handle losing it, or you can't
afford to lose it, you shouldn't
own it, you know?
It's one of those things.
>> KRIS: Kris!
You just upset my daughter by
throwing her into the water.
>> HUMPHRIES: What'd she say?
>> KOURTNEY: What's the deal
with Kris, like, throwing Kim in
the water?
>> SCOTT: I'm sure he was
kidding around with her.
>> KOURTNEY: I mean, I don't
really care, I'm just saying.
We're here five minutes, and
Kim's, like, crying already.
I just feel like I
don't really know him.
>> SCOTT: Yeah.
>> KOURTNEY: Tough guy.
>> KIM: I'm sorry.
If you lost something like that,
you would be like,
"Oh, my God!"
>> HUMPHRIES: Baby, here's the
thing.
Don't be so materialistic,
it matters,
you know what I mean?
I feel like you
wouldn't have reacted that way
if I fell off and broke my leg.
>> KIM: I would be hysterical.
>> HUMPHRIES: No, you wouldn't
have.
>> KIM: Yeah, I would have.
>> KIM: Look at the guys, across
on the balcony.
>> KOURTNEY: You want to eat
lunch at 1:00, you jerk-off?
>> SCOTT: Listen, we're doing
our own vacation from here on
out.
>> KOURTNEY: Okay, we're more
than happy to not have to hang
out with some big old jerky
(bleep) like yourselves.
>> SCOTT: Yeah, I got a bit old
jerky (bleep) swinging!
>> KIM: How funny was Kris
throwing me in the water?
Like, I feel like I'm
learning all these new things
about him, he's such a kid.
>> KOURTNEY: It's probably
because you're spending more
time together and not just
having phone calls all day
from across the country.
>> KIM: I mean, it's just weird
when you spend a lot of time
together, you learn so much more
about a person than you...
>> KOURTNEY: I mean, I'm still
learning things about Scott.
And I find new annoying things
about him every day.
>> KIM: Really?
>> KOURTNEY: Like he grows more
annoying by the minute.
>> HUMPHRIES: Hey!
>> KOURTNEY: The way Kris
screams like that, I think in
about four years, you won't...
>> KIM: It's like a dog barking.
>> KOURTNEY (laughing): Okay.
(Kim imitates dog barking)
(Humphries imitates dog barking)
>> KOURTNEY: I want to pull out
your hair.
Hey, loser!
>> SCOTT: Are you peeing?
>> KOURTNEY: No.
There's like...
probably the heater's on.
>> SCOTT: No, I think you're
peeing.
>> KOURTNEY: Bible, I'm not
peeing.
>> SCOTT: Uh... so...
I feel like now is a better time
than ever to tell you something.
>> KOURTNEY: What?
>> SCOTT: Like, I feel like I
never really told you, and I...
I didn't lie, but I kind of kept
some of the truth from you,
about that time when I went with
all the boys to Vegas.
>> KOURTNEY: Oh, God.
>> SCOTT: I didn't get out of
control.
No, no, it's nothing like,
crazy, but like...
sitting here in Tahiti makes me
think, like, I wouldn't mind
having a drink or two, 'cause I
believe that I'm...
in a place that I can have a
drink or two responsibly
and not get crazy.
>> KOURTNEY: So you had a drink
or two in Vegas?
>> SCOTT: Yeah.
And I should have told you
before now, and I feel guilty
that I didn't.
But I'm not.
>> KOURTNEY: I just don't know
how I feel about that.
>> SCOTT: I know, but you have
to trust that I wouldn't do it.
>> KOURTNEY: But it's hard for
me to trust you because of
everything that's gone on, and I
don't ever want it to get back
to that place.
>> SCOTT: It never will.
Trust me on that.
That's not the person I am.
>> KOURTNEY: I still don't know
how I feel about him drinking.
I just hope that he hasn't
worked this hard and come this
far for nothing.
And just to go back to the way
that he used to be--
that's like my biggest fear.
You're the only person that will
know if you feel like you're
ready.
>> SCOTT: It's not-- it's not...
I'm not looking to get drunk and
out of control anymore.
It's nice to be able to...
>> KOURTNEY: So what do you want
a drink for?
>> SCOTT: I just want to fit in.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
>> HUMPHRIES: Yo, so Kim, she
flipped out *** the, uh,
on the earrings when I threw
her in.
>> SCOTT: Of course she did.
You're talking with a
materialistic item.
>> BRUCE: Yeah.
>> ROB: She gets those tears--
she was really crying, 'cause
she gets the, like, ugly tears.
>> HUMPHRIES: That was legit?
I... I thought she was messing
with me.
She tried to play it like she
was hurt from the fall in
the water.
I'm like, are you serious?
You're right... it's five feet
over the edge.
>> SCOTT: She could've had seven
broken bones, and she wouldn't
have cried, but that one
earring... boom.
>> HUMPHRIES: That's why I'm
glad I'm spending time with.
>> BRUCE: My job is to just
teach you guys how to survive.
Just go with it, and you never
do it again.
>> HUMPHRIES: It's okay.
So I, I obviously certain things
I don't care about, so I'll let
her do her thing.
You know, it's gotta go
my way on certain things.
>> BRUCE: Nope.
>> SCOTT: You got a big
problem, you know what I mean?
>> BRUCE: You got a major
problem.
Good luck.
>> BRUCE: Today's adventure:
We're going snubing.
They put this helmet on you, and
you can actually go underwater
in a really cool little area for
a long time with all these fish.
>> FLORIAN: Hey, guys.
We will be dive master with
Guillame today.
And, uh, this morning it will
be, uh, helmet dive.
Something like a snuba.
Okay?
If you want to call your dive
master, you use this.
It is your shaker.
(shaker rattling)
>> SCOTT: We know that move
real well.
>> BRUCE: Yes, it can be heard.
>> GUYS: Yeah.
>> BRUCE: Who's going first?
>> FLORIAN: First person?
>> KYLIE: I will.
>> BRUCE: I'll go first.
>> SCOTT: I'm gonna chill on the
boat and go swimming.
>> ROB: You are the biggest
***.
I came here to do man
activities.
Scott's acting like a little
girl right now.
I don't really know why Scott
won't go in the water.
This is a family vacation, this
is what we're here for.
I'm just saying, my little
sisters can do it.
If you can't, you're a little
(bleep).
>> SCOTT: Oh, bro, I'm not
trying to compete with who's
tough and who's not.
>> BRUCE: I know there's been a
lot of tension between Scott and
Robert, but there's something
weird going on right now.
>> ROB: Scott, you sure?
>> SCOTT: That looks like the
least amount of fun you could
have in the water.
>> KYLIE: Oh, my God.
I'm so scared.
I am scaredy-scared.
>> FLORIAN: Okay, next.
>> BRUCE: All right!
That was fun.
>> KENDALL: How cool was that,
Kylie?
>> ROB: That was pretty cool.
>> BRUCE: Yeah.
>> SCOTT: Can I drive?
>> ROB: Well, I don't trust
you driving.
>> SCOTT: I'm like Captain Ron
over here.
>> BRUCE: Thank you.
>> KYLIE: Well, there you are.
>> KIM: Well, hello there.
Mason, I want a bite.
You guys ate already?
>> BRUCE: Yeah. We've been
waiting here for a half hour.
>> KIM: Kris and I are having
lunch with the whole family.
I think it's the perfect
opportunity for Kris and my mom
to kind of bond and spend time
together.
>> HUMPHRIES: Yo, let me see
that club sandwich real quick.
>> KIM: It's pretty good.
Hey, Rob, where are you going?
>> ROB: My room.
>> KIM: Are you taking a little
tram?
>> ROB: Nah, I'm walking.
>> KIM: Here, I'll go with you.
>> HUMPHRIES: Don't ditch me.
>> KIM: Babe, I got to go.
Mom, I really want you and Kris
to get to know each other.
He wants to talk to you.
>> KRIS: Come on down here and
tell me something about
yourself, doll.
>> HUMPHRIES: Oh.
>> KRIS: You're a big boy.
>> KOURTNEY: That was a weird
comment, Mom.
>> HUMPHRIES: Man...
>> KOURTNEY: "You're a big boy."
>> HUMPHRIES: It was the way she
said it, you know?
>> KOURTNEY: Yeah, it was.
>> SCOTT: "You're a big meaty
boy."
>> KOURTNEY: That was so weird.
>> KRIS: So, Kris, do you like
kids?
>> HUMPHRIES: Yeah, I love kids.
I'm just on this vacation to
have a good time, get to know
everyone, and I'm thinking the
whole time, am I being set up?
Is this, like, an ambush,
basically?
>> KRIS: Do you see yourself
having kids one day?
>> HUMPHRIES: As long as they're
as chill as Mason.
>> KRIS: If you had to paint the
perfect picture, how many kids?
>> HUMPHRIES: No more than
three, probably.
Once they start
getting older, it's like, you're
taking two cars everywhere,
dinner is some big ordeal.
>> SCOTT: All right, I'm gonna
take him back to the room to get
changed.
>> KOURTNEY: You want me?
>> SCOTT: I don't care what you
do.
>> HUMPHRIES: Don't isolate me
here.
>> KRIS: Kris, do you ever see
yourself being married for 20
years?
>> SCOTT: Oh, buddy, you're
peeing all over me!
>> HUMPHRIES: That pace-- wow.
That's unbelievable.
>> KRIS: It's my job, as Kim's
mom, to find out what's this
Kris Humphries all about and how
happy he makes Kim.
I don't know how many
opportunities I'm gonna have to
talk to Kris, so this is my
chance.
>> HUMPHRIES: We got to do some
fun stuff.
Obviously the Jet Skis are here.
I'm not big on, like, scuba
diving or anything like that.
Like, I get in the water, but I
don't like to be deep
underwater.
>> KRIS: No? That's not your
thing?
Well, you're gonna be in real
deep water if you're not nice to
my daughter.
>> HUMPHRIES: Oh, yeah?
(laughs)
>> KRIS: You hear me?
>> HUMPHRIES: We'll see.
Kim.
>> KIM: Yeah, babe?
How was it?
>> HUMPHRIES: Did you plan that
out?
>> KIM: Did I plan what out?
>> HUMPHRIES: The ambush.
>> KIM: Stop.
Did she torture you?
>> HUMPHRIES: No. We were just
talking, you know, getting to
know her a little bit.
>> KIM: Was she nice at least?
>> HUMPHRIES: She was nice.
>> KIM: And normal?
>> HUMPHRIES: No, she was just
asking me about kids and
marriage.
She did say that
she was, uh, gonna kill me if I
wasn't nice to you though.
>> KIM: Really?
And she will.
>> HUMPHRIES: We have a massage
in, like...
>> KIM: Why are your legs so
hairy, but, like, nothing else
is?
That's so weird.
>> HUMPHRIES: I used to swim
when I was a kid, and, uh, for
the big meets, used to shave
them.
So I think they got hairier
because I shaved them.
>> KIM: You're such a freak.
>> KOURTNEY: Whee!
>> KIM: Here, you want Kris to
sit here and I'll sit here?
>> SCOTT: Who's cuter than you?
>> KOURTNEY: Are you going
poochie?
>> BRUCE: Attention, everybody.
It's great to have the family
here, celebrating our 20th.
I want to thank all of you for
changing your schedule around.
I know your mom and I certainly
appreciate it.
20 years, baby.
>> KOURTNEY: Happy anniversary,
baby.
>> BRUCE: Happy anniversary.
>> SCOTT: Happy anniversary.
If you get a chance, could I
have a menu?
Thanks.
>> ROB: He looks like a waiter.
Why would they give you a menu?
He's wearing the same
exact shirt as the waiters.
>> KRIS: I just want to have a
nice, relaxing dinner, you guys.
>> SCOTT: I'm surprised you
don't have teardrop tattoos,
like your rapping friends.
>> ROB: This is exactly why I
don't hang around Scott.
Like, this guy is really ruining
this family trip here.
>> ROB: Scott, you should
leave.
Honestly, you're ruining this
family vacation.
>> SCOTT: This reminds me of
back in the day when everybody
picked on Scott.
>> ROB: Shut up, Scott.
>> SCOTT: Dude, you need to go
easy, bro.
>> ROB: You're a *** bag.
>> BRUCE: Not around Mason.
>> SCOTT: There's a kid at the
table.
>> ROB: I don't give a (bleep).
>> SCOTT: Whoa!
>> KRIS: That's nice.
>> BRUCE: I honestly don't know
what's gotten into Scott and
Rob.
We came down here to spend some
good quality time, and here they
are going back and forth at each
other.
I mean, it's just ridiculous.
Grow up.
>> ROB: You're such a (bleep).
>> KRIS: That's it.
No, honestly, I'm going.
I can't.
No, I can't, I can't.
This is my anniversary,
and I'm going back to the room.
>> BRUCE: Just shut up, Robert.
I mean, I came down here to
celebrate 20 years with my wife,
and I got to listen to you two
*** bags.
>> SCOTT: I don't know what this
kid's problem is.
I'm trying to be respectful.
We're on family vacation.
He needs to relax.
There's no reason to act like
this in front of the whole
family.
>> BRUCE: Grow up, you guys.
(Rob blows raspberries)
>> BRUCE: Grow up, you guys.
(Rob blows raspberries)
>> SCOTT: Your brother-- I don't
know what the hell happened.
>> KOURTNEY: I don't know.
I just feel like, since all the
drama went down in Miami, like,
I don't think he's seen anything
to, like, prove that you're any
different.
>> SCOTT: Oh, 'cause I haven't
proved enough.
>> KOURTNEY: You and Rob just
need to, like, forget about the
past.
I mean, you guys
haven't really talked in, like,
over a year, and you should be
the bigger person.
You're a grown man now with a
child, and, you know...
>> SCOTT: You can't use that
excuse for everything.
>> KOURTNEY: Yeah, I can.
I'm saying, you should be the
bigger person.
I understand why Rob hasn't
talked to Scott in so long.
I'm just over it, to be honest.
They just need to work it out,
'cause we're a family and
Scott's gonna be here; he's
Mason's dad.
And I think because Rob is so
immature, Scott just needs to
step in and be the bigger
person, so we can move on from
this.
Hang out with him tomorrow.
You guys haven't hung out in
over a year.
Like, just hang out.
>> BRUCE: Making omelets, huh?
Thank you.
>> KOURTNEY: Mase, I got you
some mango yogurt.
>> KRIS: So, Scott, are you
still fighting with Robert?
Are we gonna have to eat with
you guys in shifts?
>> SCOTT: If you guys want Rob,
I don't mind; he is your son.
I'm more than happy to go home.
>> KRIS: Scott.
>> BRUCE: You don't have to go
home.
>> SCOTT: I'm just saying, it's
their anniversary.
I'm sure they want their son
around.
>> KRIS: You're like our son.
>> BRUCE: Actually the tide's
been turning.
I'm starting to like you more
than I'm liking Rob.
Yeah, I'm kind of-- you know?
>> KRIS: Wait, what's this big
ship pulling in?
>> KENDALL: Do you have, like,
ADD, Mom?
Like, you're like, what?
>> KRIS: I just jump from thing
to thing.
>> SCOTT: Is that a yacht?
>> KENDALL: I think there's
gonna be a couple ships out
there.
>> SCOTT: It's, like, a tanker.
>> KRIS: What, me?
I look like a tanker?
Is that what you just said?
>> SCOTT: The boat.
>> KRIS: He called me a tanker.
>> SCOTT: Have you ever been
called a tanker before?
>> KRIS: He just said I look
like a tanker.
>> BRUCE: No, he didn't say you
look like a tanker, honey.
>> KRIS: Yes, he did.
>> BRUCE: I think, at this
point, Kris has... lost touch
with reality.
Here's Scott talking about a
tanker out in the ocean, and
Kris of course, with her ego,
thinks he's talking about her.
>> KIM: Do you want to lay out?
>> KIM: Will you lay out with
me?
>> KRIS: I'm not laying out.
>> KIM: Why?
>> KRIS: I feel too
uncomfortable, and he just
called me a tank.
>> KIM: Like, seriously, get
over it.
>> BRUCE: That's the way she
used to wear her hair when I
first met her.
>> KIM: Slicked back.
>> BRUCE: Slicked back like
that.
>> KIM: So now she's as fat as
Elvis?
>> KRIS: Now I'm thick like
Elvis?
In the fat suit.
Maybe I'll get a white jumpsuit
and a belt; that'll be perfect.
>> BRUCE: Yeah.
(water splashes)
>> ROB: Oh, nice.
(Humphries yells)
>> KRIS: Have you ever done this
before?
>> KOURTNEY: No. You?
>> KRIS: Me either.
>> BRUCE: Get yourself a paddle.
All right, you're off.
One side, now the other side.
>> KOURTNEY: Hey, guys.
>> BRUCE: Other side, other
side.
>> KOURTNEY: Hey, Kris.
>> HUMPHRIES: Hey.
(Kris and Kourtney scream)
>> KRIS: What are you doing?!
>> BRUCE: Go, go, go, straight.
>> KRIS: Go away!
(screams)
(Kris and Kourtney screaming)
Robert, help us!
>> KOURTNEY: Robert, help us!
>> KRIS: Help me, Robert!
I can't see!
>> BRUCE: Let the paddle go.
>> KIM: Poor thing!
>> KRIS: Help me.
Kim, talk to your boyfriend.
>> HUMPHRIES: I'm sorry.
I really didn't
try to flip you right there.
>> KRIS: What is wrong with you?
>> HUMPHRIES: I honest to God
promise that I did not try to
flip her over.
I was just trying to get on the
back of it.
I think it's ridiculous that
they're all upset that their
hair gets messed up, their
makeup, this and that.
And it's like, we're in Bora
Bora at a great resort.
Let's just have fun.
>> KIM: What are you doing?
You're so...
>> HUMPHRIES: What your sister
really looks like right here.
>> KIM: Stop.
>> HUMPHRIES: Just as beautiful.
Just as beautiful, baby.
>> KIM: I mean, this is one of
the reasons why I love Kris so
much.
He makes me realize that not
everything in life is so
serious.
I'm always so uptight.
>> HUMPHRIES: I hate that she
wears makeup.
>> KRIS: I don't really know
what to make of Kris Humphries.
But if she's in love, we all
have to be patient and give Kris
a chance.
>> KIM: He hates makeup.
>> SCOTT: Hello.
Hi.
You know, I spoke to Kourtney.
And I've always cared for Rob.
You know, it feels like it's the
right thing to do to talk to Rob
and try to work through whatever
the problem is, 'cause at the
end of the day, he's still my
son's uncle and my girlfriend's
brother.
Hi.
What's going on, Kyls?
>> KYLIE: Oh, nothing much.
>> SCOTT: What's up?
>> ROB: Dude.
>> SCOTT: This is ridiculous, by
the way.
>> ROB: What?
>> SCOTT: Me and you, and, like,
the nonsense of fighting every
day.
Like, I'll be honest with you.
>> ROB: Kylie, leave.
>> SCOTT: Can you give us, like,
two minutes?
Bro, we're on vacation.
We used to be like best friends.
Fighting over absolutely
nothing, talking (bleep) to one
another-- it's, like, not us.
I'm sorry, like, for
disrespecting you if I did.
I don't want you to be
disrespectful to me.
Like a fun relationship where
we got along.
>> ROB: I mean, I appreciate you
even apologizing, 'cause Scott
and apologizing don't really go
together.
>> SCOTT: Right, I know, but...
>> ROB: You're usually the ***
***.
>> SCOTT: Thanks. I appreciate
that. Thanks.
>> ROB: That's who you are, but,
I mean, we always have fun
together when we're, like,
drinking and, like, enjoying a
vaca..
whatever, we go out. out
>> SCOTT: Let's do some karate
together and have fun.
>> ROB: Dude, that's the (bleep)
I'm talking about.
>> SCOTT: Hit me with the chips.
Hello, my friend.
Ia Orana.
Can we get a round of beers?
>> ROB: Yeah.
You don't have to drink
just 'cause I'm drinking and
you want to like, you know...
>> SCOTT: I'm not, like,
drinking to fit in with you.
I'm just... I mean, I can have a
couple beers and have fun and
chill.
>> ROB: Scott, I guess, can now
drink responsibly.
Maybe this is a good idea, maybe
it isn't.
But we're in Bora Bora.
There's no girls here, so we're
definitely drinking.
>> SCOTT: It's not like I'm some
old washed-up man.
A couple months now, like, I'll
just have a drink or two.
Just nothing like what I used to
be like, you know what I mean?
I'm the first person to admit,
drinking caused a lot of issues
for me.
I've made a lot of different
changes in my life.
And as long as we're responsible
and we don't get into any
trouble, it's not the end of the
world.
Cheers. Ia Orana.
To the past, present and beyond.
>> ROB: Look at that girl.
>> SCOTT: You should (bleep)
her.
Hey, friend, this is like a
shot.
Where's the rest?
There's like no beer in here.
>> ROB: He's kidding. Ha, ha.
>> SCOTT: Ia Orana, there's
nothing...
>> ROB: Thank you.
>> SCOTT: Bob, you want to go
for a ride on that bicycle and
you'll sit in the back?
Let's get this party started.
(laughing)
Honk, honk.
>> ROB: I told you, I weigh way
more than you.
You get in the trunk.
>> SCOTT: Coming through.
>> ROB: Where's the belt?
>> SCOTT: Honk, honk.
Here's your knee, bumper knee.
>> ROB: Beep, beep.
Sorry, on you left.
(Scott laughing)
>> SCOTT: No, don't.
>> ROB: It actually goes in the
water.
This is designed.
(laughter)
Here, I'll wash it.
>> SCOTT: You can't leave the
bike here, man.
Hey, Bob.
Bob, you can't just leave a bike
in the water.
Unbelie...
Hey, Bob.
>> KIM: Mom?
>> KRIS: Do you think I look
fat?
>> KIM: No, you look fine.
Let's go.
Come on, let's lay out.
You're so ridiculous.
>> KRIS: Okay, well, I'm not
taking off this sarong, and I'm
not putting on a bikini.
>> KIM: Mom, then what's the
point of laying out?
>> KRIS: I don't know.
Because everybody is going to
see me in a bikini.
Look, there's a kayaker
right there.
I'm just going to lie here and
read a magazine.
>> KIM: I think my mom is being
so ridiculous that she doesn't
want to lay out.
We have our own private dock.
No one's going to see her.
She's had six kids and looks
amazing.
I'm not going to let her sit
inside and mope around all day,
and not enjoy this family
vacation.
Mom, let's go.
We're in Bora Bora.
Seriously, you cannot be doing
this.
Let's go.
>> RECEPTIONIST: Patrick is
outside.
>> BRUCE: Right now, Kim and I
are going to go meet with a
wedding planner.
You know, I'm really excited
about this ceremony.
It's been 20 great years with my
wife.
This is nice.
>> KIM: Wow.
>> BRUCE: Wow.
All right, how is this going to
work if we do it here?
>> PATRICK: If we do the renewal
right here, we'll start with
some of the Polynesian symbols.
>> BRUCE: Wow.
>> PATRICK: And then we'll do
the exchange of the rings.
Then after the rings, the vows.
>> KIM: What does everyone wear
to, like, a traditional
Polynesian wedding?
>> PATRICK: A traditional
Polynesian wedding, just a
sarong.
>> BRUCE: This is a perfect spot
for it. I love it.
>> KIM: It's perfect.
>> BRUCE: We got the spot.
>> KIM: Mom doesn't know
anything, does she?
>> BRUCE: No, she knows
absolutely nothing.
>> KIM: But don't you think we
should tell her and you should
tell her that there's a
ceremony, just because she's
been, like, so insecure lately
as it is?
My mom doesn't really do well
with surprises.
I think that it's probably
better to give my mom an
heads-up and let her know that,
you know, we're planning this
whole thing, just so she can be
prepared and be really
comfortable.
Maybe let's just do with, like,
the Polynesian wedding and give
her the ring at the ceremony and
just like, but tell her that
we're going to have a ceremony
before.
>> BRUCE: I don't think she has
any Polynesian clothes.
Maybe you can go down and see
if...
>> KIM: Once you tell her, we'll
go shopping and we'll get some
fab outfits.
That's like nothing.
I think that's the best plan.
>> BRUCE: I know, I know.
I'm in.
>> KOURTNEY: Mason, where's Rob?
>> ROB: Oh, wow.
>> SCOTT: Right.
Where's Auntie Kim?
>> KIM: Yeah!
>> SCOTT: That's really good.
>> KIM: Where's Kris?
>> ROB: Well, you can't...
>> HUMPHRIES: Well, there's two
of us.
>> BRUCE: Now, Kris, with your
family vacation, how many
brothers and sisters-- what do
you got?
>> HUMPHRIES: Um, two sisters.
>> KRIS: Is your family
biracial?
>> HUMPHRIES: Yeah.
>> KIM: The whole family has,
like, green eyes, right?
KRIS: But is your dad-- your
dad's Black, and he has green
eyes?
>> HUMPHRIES: His grandma was
white Irish.
>> KRIS: So 28 years ago,
biracial marriages were kind of
taboo, right?
>> HUMPHRIES: I mean...
>> KIM: That's what I always
said.
>> HUMPHRIES: Not really in
Minnesota, you know.
>> KIM: ...wouldn't even speak
to me.
>> HUMPHRIES: You were married?
Was she married?
>> SCOTT: You didn't know that?
>> HUMPHRIES: You were really
married?
That's unbelievable.
>> KRIS: She was a teenager.
>> HUMPHRIES: Kim says she was
married before, and I'm really
kind of shocked.
You guys are serious?
She was really married?
>> KRIS: She was really married.
>> HUMPHRIES: What else do I not
know about her at this point?
>> KRIS: Yeah, this is really
uncomfortable.
>> HUMPHRIES: She was a
teenager?
>> KRIS: A teen... She was 19.
>> HUMPHRIES: Wow.
>> ROB: What?
>> SCOTT: Bobbo.
Hey, Bob.
>> ROB: Hey, Bob.
>> SCOTT: You want to grab
me one?
Good for you.
Good for you.
>> ROB: Ever since Scott gave up
drinking, he kind of like left
me behind.
And, you know, I'm glad that him
and I are, like, starting to be
cool with each other.
'Cause he really is a good dude.
(knocking)
>> ROB: The door's open, you
idiot.
>> HUMPHRIES: I know Scott's in
there.
>> SCOTT: Hey, Humphie.
>> ROB: Got a seat for you.
Right on the nip.
>> SCOTT: How's it growin'?
>> HUMPHRIES: It's a grower.
>> SCOTT: What do you got on
there, Humph?
>> HUMPHRIES: Pour Homme by
Givenchy.
>> SCOTT: Oh, I thought you
had Unbreakable on for a second.
>> HUMPHRIES: Strong enough for
a man, but sensitive enough
for a woman?
>> SCOTT: ...for a woman?
>> HUMPHRIES: So, uh...
Kim just dropped that on me
today.
I didn't see that coming, that
hit me like a ton of bricks.
>> SCOTT: What, that she was
married to him?
>> ROB: Say it...
What, you thought you were gonna
be the first?
Is that what you were thinking?
>> ROB: Kim wasn't really
married.
>> SCOTT: I think she was,
actually.
>> ROB: I mean, literally nobody
knew about it.
It was like, the dude just kind
of...
>> SCOTT: Married her?
>> HUMPHRIES: What else is Kim
gonna, like, break to me?
What else don't I know about
her?
>> KRIS: You guys ready to go?
>> BRUCE: First thing, Kris--
hop in, we're off to the next
adventure.
>> KRIS: Bruce and I and all the
kids are gonna go stingray and
shark feeding this morning.
>> KIM: Sir?
Have there been a lot of shark
atta... shark attacks? Attacks?
>> DRIVER: Not here, no.
It happens sometimes, you know,
like just with the fishermen.
>> KIM: Yeah.
>> DRIVER: Or like me, too.
32 stitches here.
>> KOURTNEY: Why?
>> HUMPHRIES: He got bit by a
shark here.
>> HUMPHRIES: Told you.
>> KRIS: This is scaring me
right now.
I thought we were going on a
really fun sightseeing
expedition.
But now this guy tells me he's
almost been eaten by a shark.
>> KENDALL: Oh, my God, look at
that manatee stinging ray thing.
>> KYLIE: Oh, my God!
>> KENDALL: Look it, they're
coming to us, oh, my God!
>> BRUCE: Wait, I'm so confused.
>> ROB: Who screams at the...
>> BRUCE: Oh yeah.
They know the boat, and they're
here for the food.
>> KYLIE: Stop!
Kris...
I swear to God.
>> KENDALL: I need to get off of
here.
>> HUMPHRIES: Everyone's
freaking out.
They see these huge stingrays in
the water, and Rob is looking
over the edge...
(Kylie screams)
>> KENDALL: Robert!
Kris, help him!
>> BRUCE: There's a shark off
to your left.
>> KYLIE: There's a shark right
there.
>> KENDALL: They smell fear.
They're all right under him!
(screaming)
>> KOURTNEY: I think everyone's
kind of overreacting.
>> BRUCE: Swim to the back of
the boat.
>> HUMPHRIES: Oh, my God.
Stroke for it, Rob.
>> ROB: Shut up.
>> HUMPHRIES: It's on your leg!
>> ROB: Shut up!
>> KIM: Kris is just having fun
with Rob.
Obviously, they wouldn't have a
tourist attraction to go swim
with these sharks if it was
dangerous.
>> HUMPHRIES: I had no idea Rob
would be so freaked out over it.
You know, if I could take it
back, I wouldn't have pushed him
in, obviously.
There was no sharks when I
pushed you in.
Well, I tried to help him out.
>> ROB: Oh, my gosh...
>> KOURTNEY: Rob, do you like
Kris?
>> ROB: Yeah, but I wasn't
really into that.
>> KOURTNEY: Like with the
sharks?
>> ROB: Yeah.
>> KOURTNEY: It's fine to push
him, but then help him get out.
>> ROB: I would expect somebody
who's meeting the whole family
for the first time to be like a
little preppy good boy.
I honestly think he's trying to,
like, win our family over by
like being fun and that's what
our family's about.
I don't think he's really trying
to, like, actually hurt us
and, like, be obnoxious.
I think we shouldn't be taking
it so personal.
That's why I don't really care.
>> KIM: No, I could care less.
I could care less.
>> KRIS: Is that where we came
in?
Oh, that's where we came in.
That would be a great
place for a restaurant.
>> BRUCE: All right, honey, you
know the reason we came down
here, to celebrate our 20th.
Brought the whole family, all
that stuff, it's great to be
here, all the kids are here.
>> KRIS: Yeah?
>> BRUCE: I've got one last big
surprise.
>> KRIS: For me?
>> BRUCE: For... for us.
>> KRIS: For us?
Oh, boy.
>> BRUCE: I talked to the people
here...
And I really want to
renew our vows after 20 years.
I think it'd be great
that the family's here,
everybody's together, we've
gathered everybody together,
and we should renew our vows.
>> KRIS: Honey, I'm not a
"renew-your-vows" kind of
a girl.
No, I'm not.
I'm not the one who wants to
renew my vows, or make a big
deal out of an anniversary.
I just don't want that kind of
attention.
Can we just go to dinner?
>> BRUCE: Bottom line is, it's
already all planned out.
I had... I talked to this guy,
Patrick, who does weddings here.
>> KRIS: Patrick?
>> BRUCE: I got Kim...
Kim's been helping me
with all this stuff.
She could take you shopping, get
you some, like, Polynesian kind
of outfits.
Let's get into the spirit of the
island!
>> KRIS: I'm just fine in my
little cover-up and my white
hat.
I don't need a Polynesian gown.
At a renewal of the vows.
I don't like all the attention
on me.
>> BRUCE: You look like the
island lady.
Like you were born and raised
here.
>> KRIS: You would make a good
Polynesian princess.
>> BRUCE: All you need is your
grass skirt, and you'd be ready
to go.
I don't know about you guys,
but, uh, I'm excited about
renewing our vows, honey.
>> KRIS: I know you're
excited...
>> BRUCE: Maybe I should have
the girls help us.
>> KIM: Absolutely not.
That's the one thing I'm not
good at.
>> BRUCE: That's what I thought.
>> KRIS: I am not going to write
my own vows, 'cause to me, I
don't want to stand up there and
have anybody watch me do that.
I did it once.
>> BRUCE: It's just family.
>> KIM: Well, you've done it
twice actually.
>> BRUCE: Yeah, you've done it
twice, let's be honest.
>> KIM: I mean, what did you
think when he asked you?
>> KRIS: I mean, I was really
excited to come here on
vacation.
I just wasn't planning on
renewing my vows.
This is like a drive-by wedding.
I have not... I didn't prepare
for this.
>> BRUCE: You don't need to.
It's not a wedding.
We're just renewing our vows.
We're in this beautiful tropical
place, you know.
I mean, go with a tropical
outfit, and...
It's not a big deal.
>> KRIS: You kind of sprung this
on me at the 11th hour, like...
>> BRUCE: I love surprises.
Who doesn't like surprises
but you?
Robert, you being the romantic
in the family...
We should renew our
vows after 20 years, right?
>> ROB: Of course.
>> BRUCE: Of course. Thank you.
>> ROB: You should do anything
that you can to...
bring that spark back.
>> KOURTNEY: Romantic Rob.
>> BRUCE: And do exactly what I
said.
>> KRIS: I'm so tired of trying
to argue my case.
And I feel like nobody gets
where I'm coming from.
I had six kids.
20 years later, and I don't
like the way I look, period.
I'll do anything you guys want
me to do.
As long we don't take a
bunch of pictures, and we show
them to everybody.
>> BRUCE: How stupid is that?
This whole family does
nothing but take pictures.
>> KRIS: "And look at my mom.
Her and Bruce renewed their
vows."
>> BRUCE: Nobody... The world's
not going to see it.
>> KRIS: Okay, but no pictures.
>> BRUCE: Well, yeah, unless you
want one, Kim.
Kim could throw one up.
>> KIM: I want one.
>> BRUCE: You want one?
>> KOURTNEY: I don't like photos
in my house.
>> ROB: Or for Lamar.
>> KOURTNEY: I think that she's
just concerned she's going to
look old and fat in the photos.
And there is a thing called
Photoshop, so she needs
to relax.
>> KRIS: See, we all have our
thing.
You don't like photos in your
house, and I don't like vow
renewals.
>> KOURTNEY: Up, up, up, up, up,
up, uppy, uppy.
>> KIM: Ooh, I like that leopard
sarong.
I'm really relieved that my mom
agreed to the ceremony.
I mean, Bruce has tried really
hard to plan something special,
and this would totally break his
heart.
Even this one's cool.
We get the whole family-- all
the bridesmaids can wear the
same one.
>> KRIS: Bridesmaids?!
Are you out of your mind?
Kim, there's not going to be any
bridesmaids.
>> KIM: All the guys can wear
the baby blue.
>> KRIS: No.
We're not going to wear
baby blue shirts and have
bridesmaids.
You guys are really making me do
something that I really don't
feel like doing.
The more I'm looking around for
something to wear, the more
irritated and depressed I'm
getting over this whole process,
because nothing looks good.
I'm not liking the way I feel in
anything I put on.
>> KIM: Mom, maybe you could
do it like this and do, like,
a halter.
Tie it around your ***...
>> KOURTNEY: Mase!
>> KRIS: Oh, and expose and show
my favorite body part?
Is that what you want me to
do, Kim?
>> KIM: Look how fab.
>> KRIS: Mm-hmm.
>> KIM: Mom, what about
this one?
This one is so you.
Mom, what about this one?
Would you get these flowers if
you were me?
>> KOURTNEY: Oh, like, up here?
Then you can tie it... here?
>> KIM: Mm-hmm.
>> KRIS: I'm not into this
anymore.
>> KIM: Why?
>> KRIS: You guys are making me
do something that I really don't
want to do, and I'm feeling
really uncomfortable, and this
is embarrassing.
(door closing)
>> KIM: She's so dramatic.
Mom, what's wrong?
>> KRIS: I don't know-- I just
feel really, really bad.
>> KIM: Are you crying?
>> KRIS: Yeah.
>> KIM: Why?
>> KRIS: Because I don't really
feel good about myself.
And I don't... and I don't think
you understand, and I just...
This isn't something that I, you
know, feel comfortable with.
I know you're trying to do
something really, really nice,
and I know you're trying to make
Bruce happy and that you want to
do something romantic for me,
but I just don't feel good
about my body.
I don't feel good about myself.
You guys just don't understand.
I just want to have a nice
vacation with my husband...
>> KOURTNEY: So have a nice
vacation.
>> KRIS: ...and you guys are
making me feel like I have to do
this, and I feel awkward, and
it's, like, geeky and
embarrassing, and I just want
to relax.
>> KOURTNEY: So go relax.
>> KRIS: Yeah, well, you guys
just are being mean now.
>> KOURTNEY: She's being
so weird.
>> KOURTNEY: Hey, guys.
>> ROB: Hey.
>> BRUCE: Hey, hey, hey.
What's happening?
>> KIM: Hey, Bruce.
Nice shorts.
>> BRUCE: Thanks.
My wife got them for me.
>> KIM: Um, speaking of your
wife...
>> BRUCE: Yes, my wife.
Yeah, let's speak on her.
>> KIM: We were just talking
to her, and she was just,
like, thinking that, like,
renewing your...
>> KOURTNEY: No, she was crying
like a dramatic baby because she
doesn't want to wear the outfit.
Then she's like, "This is
just dorky.
"I just don't want to renew
my vows."
>> KIM: Like, she just was like,
"It's just so not me.
Like, I don't want to, like,
write all these, like, vows."
>> KOURTNEY: Maybe if she just
doesn't have to wear the outfit.
>> BRUCE: Where is she now?
>> KIM: I don't know.
>> KOURTNEY: She stormed off
crying.
She probably went to the room.
>> BRUCE: I mean, if she's
not into it, I don't want to
push her.
Say, "Thanks for 20 years," and
move on.
All right, I'm going to...
I'll meet you over there.
I'm going to talk to Kris.
And then, uh, I'll meet you
at lunch.
>> KOURTNEY: Good luck, Chuck.
>> BRUCE: Thanks.
>> BRUCE: Hi, babe.
Are you feeling down?
>> KRIS: I just felt... I know
it sounds weird to you, but I
just felt like having this
whole, you know, vow renewal
ceremony just put a lot of
pressure on me, even though it
was subconscious.
It was like... I felt like I
had to wear the right thing and
look a certain way, and I wasn't
feeling good about myself to
begin with, and I felt like I
couldn't breathe.
It isn't that I don't love you.
I love you more than anything.
>> BRUCE: Right.
>> KRIS: I just... you know, if
I'm going to do something this
special, I want to look my best.
I want to have pictures that
I'll cherish for a lifetime.
>> BRUCE: Honey...
>> KRIS: I don't want to look
back at some, like... 'cause
everybody's been calling me
thick and whatever.
>> BRUCE: Okay, honey, stop it.
Here's the deal.
You look wonderful.
I don't care about all
that stuff.
You can wear any outfit
you want.
Just get your hottest little
outfit on, and... and we'll just
go have a party.
>> KRIS: Bruce has been so
sweet, and it's kind of adorable
that he made all these plans and
brought us all here together
that, of course, I'm going to go
through with this.
I just want to feel good
about myself.
>> BRUCE: All right, well, I
mean, you know, I love you, and
we can, uh, go back to L.A.
We can go back to L.A., and I
can help you lose the weight.
I know this never works out.
I can help you work out.
I can do all those types of
things and help you.
I know you... every time I tried
that, it doesn't work, but I can
at le... I can try again.
Maybe it'll work now.
>> KRIS: Well, I'll tell you
what you can do.
If I ever want a nip or a
tuck, you can be there to hold
my hand.
(Bruce laughing)
Okay?
>> BRUCE: I am so excited.
Give me a kiss.
For our... non-ceremony
ceremony.
It's going to be good.
>> KRIS: Okay, good.
>> BRUCE: Okay, good, good.
All right.
>> ROB: It was so good catching
up with you earlier.
>> SCOTT: Yeah, that was fun.
>> ROB: That was like the good
old days.
>> SCOTT: I feel like we brought
it back old-school quick.
>> ROB: You think Kourt's going
to be mad at you that you're
having some bro-ments?
>> SCOTT: Uh... nah, I mean,
luckily, we didn't really get,
like, out of control.
I mean...
>> ROB: We did go in the water
with a scooter.
>> SCOTT: That was a good way to
kill five hours.
It's definitely nice having Rob
back on my team.
You know, having a couple beers
and relaxing together and
talking-- this is like the good
old days all over again.
Later, Richie.
>> ROB: Later, Steven.
>> SCOTT: Au revoir.
See you in the promised land.
>> KOURTNEY: What have you
been doing?
>> SCOTT: I got caught up
with Rob.
>> KOURTNEY: Rob?
>> SCOTT: Reminiscing on
old times.
>> KOURTNEY: Have you guys
been drinking?
>> SCOTT: I feel like you're,
like, kind of disappointed now
after you're the one that said,
"Make amends," and now that I
did, now you're, like, jealous
that we hung out all day.
>> KOURTNEY: I could care less
that you...
>> SCOTT: I mean, am I not fine?
>> KOURTNEY: I've set the
boundaries.
He knows what his behavior has
to be with me and what's
acceptable and what's not, but
I cannot live my life
controlling him.
Okay, I just need don't you to
go back to old times.
>> SCOTT: I don't need you
giving me an attitude, though.
>> KOURTNEY: I don't need to
be worried.
>> SCOTT: I don't need to be
worried about you being rude
to me.
>> MASON: More! More!
>> KOURTNEY: More, more, more.
Frog?
What sound does a frog make?
>> SCOTT: And you wonder why I
go hang out with other people.
>> KOURTNEY: "Ribbit."
What sound does a cat make?
>> SCOTT: All right.
>> KOURTNEY: Next on Keeping Up
with the Kardashians:
>> ROB: I hear all the time
"loser this" from my sisters,
I'm going to explode.
>> KIM: We all think you're
bipolar, and you should go to
the doctor.
>> ROB: Okay, that's great.
>> KIM: You're being an ***.
>> HUMPHRIES: I want to come to
you first...
>> BRUCE: Uh-oh.
>> HUMPHRIES: ...and ask you...
uh, if I can marry Kim.