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ASHLEY: Exactely what kind of barber are you again?
Yeah, no, I'm not... I'm not going down there.
O'MANSKY: Come on. We gotta keep moving.
ASHLEY: OK, or we are. Awesome.
O'MANSKY: Alright, be careful. Don't get too close.
ASHLEY: What's wrong with them? O'MANSKY: You'll find out soon enough.
- Is this a dongeon? - Too many questions. Get his hands.
- Get his hands! - Jeez...
- Open that up! - Why are you yelling at me?
O'MANSKY: Trust me, you'll know when I'm yelling.
What's happening?
You can't detach a Urick unless you find it first.
What's a Urick?
What you doing now?
Complementary massage.
Take a knee.
We are running out of time. It's happening faster than I expected.
NEIL: What, you carry around fake moustaches all the time?
Yes.
ARI MOANING
Why does my lip hurt?
How drunk did I get? Do I not want to know why my lip hurts?
I'm not just your barber, Neil. I'm your guardian.
I've been watching over you,
since the day you were born.
ASHLEY: Oh...
That's insanely creepy.
I swore an oath to your father that I'd protect you. Always.
What are you talking about? Do better than that.
Uricks are an insect-like alien creature from another planet.
They scour the universe consuming every world they invade.
During the raid, their queen enslaves a mate thus ensuring the swarm's future.
Once they've depleted a planet's resources, they move on.
Like locusts.
270 years ago, they found Earth.
During the invasion,
the queen attempted to mate with your great great great great grandfather Zebediah Moore,
but something went wrong.
Zebediah's will was strong and the queen was injured
losing a great deal of her power to him.
A power he unwittingly passed on to his son, grandson and entire ancestral bloodline.
Injured, too weak to flee Earth's orbit
the queen lies in wait, regaining her strength.
Every 30 years, she returns to reclaim her power
sending her drones ahead to prepare for her arrival.
You can see it in the cycle of moustaches coming in and out of vogue.
Think about it.
The Civil War.
The industrial revolution.
World War II.
The nineteen seventies.
The only thing that has saved the planet is a band of guardians.
They fight and die under the red white and blue spinning stripes of the barber pole.
Our weapon... the straight-edged razor.
But in order to prevent the queen from regaining her power and conquering Earth
we do the unthinkable.
We allow her to mate.
For in and only in that one weak moment the queen is vulnerable.
That's when we kill the host
slicing his neck and sacrificing his life
in order to send the queen running for another 30 years.
And that's the sacrifice your father made. And his father before him.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you are next in line.
- That's basically what I assumed was going on. - That was boring.
DEVIN: Let's go, Ash.
No, that's not how my father died.
- My father died... - Motorcycle jousting.
I needed something you'd believe.
How am I supposed to believe anything you're saying. I'm taking those pictures.
You should be ashamed. And I'm also taking a lot of these.
SOUND OF BREAKING GLASS FROM ABOVE
- Any of you worth a damn in a fight? - Definitely.
I would have gone for something from the case of knives but ok.
On my signal, point it that way.
Same blade I gave your father 30 years ago.
What am I supposed to do with that?
Trained you from the day you took your first step until your father died.
You don't even give good haircuts!
You have a very stubborn cowlick.
CRASHING SOUND
- No time to argue. Remember your training. - I don't know what you expect of me.
Holy *** I just did that.
You ready?