Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
[exotic percussive music]
♪ ♪
- LAST SEASON ON SHAHS OF SUNSET.
- I AM DEEP IN THE MIDST OF A GAY LIFE CRISIS.
I WOULD LIKE TO KEEP DATING ADAM,
BUT I'D LIKE TO ALSO BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I WANT ON THE SIDE.
IS THAT BAD?
- I HAVE THIS VISION FOR THE MOST PURE,
BEAUTIFUL WATER THAT'S EVER EXISTED.
DIAMOND WATER.
- YOU ARE NOT THE MARRIAGE MATERIAL.
- ALL THE BAGGAGE FROM MY MOM AND ME
IS AFFECTING MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN.
- I REALLY WANT JESSICA TO MEET MY FAMILY,
BUT SHE'S NOT PERSIAN, AND SHE'S NOT JEWISH.
- I'M NERVOUS.
- ALI AND I ARE BROKEN UP.
I TOLD YOU IN JANUARY
THAT THIS WAS THE LAST YEAR I COULD WAIT.
- YOU WANT TO PARTNER UP TOGETHER?
- YEAH. - ME AND REZA ARE GONNA TEAM UP.
I'M GONNA KILL IT IN THIS BUSINESS.
- OH!
- ***, GET THE [bleep] OUT OF HERE!
I NEED TO GET SOME HELP AND WORK ON MY ANGER.
- MJ.
- YOU WERE ON AN AMBIEN THIS MORNING.
- I'M DONE.
I WANTED TO REACH OVER THE TABLE AND STRANGLE HER.
- WHAT'S MY GAY BEST FRIEND DOING WITH THIS CHIA PET?
- YOU ARE A ***.
- WE'RE GONNA GO HAVE A BUSINESS LUNCH,
AND YOU MAKE SOME NAIL APPOINTMENTS.
- I WOULD LOVE TO CUT YOUR FACE WITH A KNIFE RIGHT NOW.
- YOU DON'T KNOW ME, ***.
- I'MA STAB THIS MOTHER[bleep].
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA STAB ANYONE.
- WHAT?
- ME AND YOU AREN'T FRIENDS.
WE'RE BLOOD.
- [crying] I'M SCARED.
- DON'T BE SCARED.
- THIS VERY MOMENT IN TIME,
I'M WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, WITH MY TRIBE.
I WISH I COULD JUST STOP TIME RIGHT NOW
AND JUST FREEZE IT FOREVER.
- [screams]
- ♪ CUT A LOT OF GIRLS, CUT A LOT OF CHECKS ♪
♪ THAT'S THE LIFE HERE ON SUNSET ♪
♪ RICH AND FAMOUS, I AM SUCCESS ♪
♪ MET HER AT LES DEUX, AND SHE DO LOVE SEX ♪
♪ I'MA SIP THIS, YOU DO THE REST ♪
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO, YOU DO THE BEST ♪
♪ DO ME A FAVOR, LOSE THE DRESS ♪
♪ WE RUN L.A. ♪
- HIDE YOUR WALLET.
YOU GOT TO ACT LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY.
- IS THAT WHY YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE [bleep] HOMELESS?
- HELLO, LEARN HOW TO GO CAR SHOPPING.
YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK LIKE YOU'RE BROKE.
MY HAIRS ARE GETTING WHITER.
MY BELLY IS GETTING BIGGER.
MY EYEBROW HAIRS ARE GETTING LONGER.
SO WHAT DOES A SUCCESSFUL PERSIAN REALTOR GET HIMSELF
WHEN HE'S ABOUT TO TURN 40?
A PORSCHE.
DUH.
- THE "S" IS SICK.
- I GOT MONEY, BUT I--
I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THAT KIND OF MONEY.
- WHERE YOU GETTIN' ALL THIS MONEY FROM, SON?
- I HAD THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE THIS YEAR.
I'M IN A BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH MIKE, BUT I'M NOT AN IDIOT.
I HAVE 15 YEARS' WORTH OF CLIENTS
THAT I'M NOT SHARING WITH HIM,
BUT IF MIKE IS ABLE TO GENERATE ANY NEW BUSINESS,
I'LL DO ALL THE WORK, AND WE'LL SPLIT THE DEAL.
I CLOSED THE FASTEST DEAL OF MY CAREER A FEW MONTHS AGO,
SIX-DAY ESCROW, ALL CASH.
- NO [bleep].
- NOT ONE DEAL HAS HE BROUGHT TO THE TABLE,
SO IT'S THE BEST KIND OF PARTNERSHIP
'CAUSE I'M MAKING ALL THE MONEY.
THIS IS A TURBO.
- NO, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT THIS.
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO BE BUYING THIS YOURSELF.
- I'M A LITTLE ENVIOUS, DUDE. I WANT ONE.
AM I FRUSTRATED? OF COURSE I AM.
REZA ASKED ME TO GO INTO BUSINESS WITH HIM,
SO WE SHOULD BE MAKING MONEY TOGETHER
SO WE CAN BOTH BUY PORSCHES.
- GOOD MORNING.
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
I'M MIKE. - WELCOME.
ESE. - NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. - HEY.
- REZA. - WHAT'S UP, ESE?
- WELCOME, HI. - THANK YOU.
ARE YOU PERSIAN? - ABSOLUTELY.
- DO WE HAVE ANY RELATIVES IN COMMON?
- NOT THAT I KNOW OF.
- CAN WE FIND ONE?
- WE COULD TRY.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU ALREADY PICKED THE CAR.
I MEAN, YOU GOT A GREAT TASTE.
- THIS CAR IS EVERYTHING I'M LOOKING FOR,
BUT THE ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER SOUNDS LIKE MY MOM,
AND THE DEVIL ON MY SHOULDER KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE
EDDIE MURPHY FROM BEVERLY HILLS COP.
[laughter]
- HE'S SAYING, "***, GET THAT PORSCHE.
YOU LOOK GOOD IN IT. HEY."
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING US?
- RIGHT HERE. - OKAY.
- WE'RE GONNA JUST SIT DOWN FOR A MINUTE.
- OKAY.
- NOW, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
FLAT FOR 65 PLUS TAX AND LICENSE,
AND YOU OWN THE CAR.
- HERE ARE MY CONCERNS WITH THAT CAR.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL,
BUT IT HAS TOO MUCH MILEAGE ON IT.
- MAYBE WE COULD DO SOMETHING
MAYBE 60,000 PLUS TAX AND LICENSE.
- THAT'S NOT LOW ENOUGH.
THE PROBLEM IS, A CAR WITH 38,000 MILES
THAT I'M PAYING $60-SOMETHING-THOUSAND FOR,
I CAN'T WRAP MY HEAD AROUND THAT.
I WANT A PORSCHE.
FIND ME ONE WITH FEWER MILES
IN THE 60 NEIGHBORHOOD...
- OKAY. - AND YOU HAVE A DEAL.
- GREAT.
- THIS IS AN INDICATION OF MY *** GETTING OLDER,
AKA MATURITY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
IT WAS ALMOST AS IF I WAS AT, LIKE,
SOME SEX CLUB WITH A BUNCH OF WHITE, YUMMY HOS
RUNNING AROUND EVERYWHERE,
AND I DIDN'T HIT IT WITH ANY OF 'EM.
- SOME PEOPLE RENT THIS ONE THERE FOR FOUR PEOPLE.
- NO, I WANT MY OWN BIKE.
BEFORE THERAPY, I COULD PROBABLY NEVER CONVINCE MY MOM
TO SPEND LONG PERIODS OF TIME TOGETHER.
HI.
- YOU GUYS WANT TO CHECK OUT SOME BIKES?
- YES, PLEASE.
BUT NOW, WE'RE, LIKE,
JUST GOING OUTSIDE AND DOING THINGS.
IT'S REALLY COOL.
MOTHER/DAUGHTER QUALITY TIME.
- THOSE ARE TOO SMALL.
THAT'S FOR MEN.
EXCUSE ME, YOU DON'T HAVE BIKE WITH THE BRAKE?
- YOU PEDAL BACKWARD TO STOP.
- BACKWARD IS THE BRAKE. - YEAH.
[bell dings]
- AND THIS IS THIS? - YOUR BELL, YEAH.
- GO, GO, GO, GO.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO-- THIS IS NOT SAFE.
NO, I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS.
IT DOESN'T HAVE A BRAKE THE WAY THAT I'M USED TO.
- MOM, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE YOU BRAKE?
- OKAY, YOU GO, AND YOU WILL SEE THE PROBLEM.
AND WITH THE DOG IN FRONT OF YOU AND WITH THOSE SHOES,
I PROMISE YOU, YOU'RE GONNA FALL.
- SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, GRANDMA, YOU GONNA TAKE THAT ONE?
- I'M NOT GRANDMA. I'M MOM.
- PABLO AND JULIO, YOU'RE GONNA ENJOY THIS TODAY.
- BE CAREFUL NEXT TO THE LAKE.
- I JUST HAVE TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND
TO THE PHRASE "QUALITY TIME."
- OH-HO-HO, MY SHOES.
BRAND-NEW SHOES.
- JUST USE YOUR BRAKES.
SOMETIMES QUALITY TIME MEANS LISTENING
TO EVERY COMPLAINT THAT THE OTHER PERSON HAS.
- TODAY, WE CAME TO HAVE FUN, NOT TO PUT OURSELVES IN DANGER.
THERE IS A GAZEBO.
LET'S GO THERE.
VERY NICE.
SO MANY PLACES FOR PICNIC
RATHER THAN OVER THERE WITH LOTS OF SCREAMING PEOPLE.
- MOM, YOU CAN HAVE, LIKE,
A MORE POSITIVE ATTITUDE ABOUT THINGS.
ACT LIKE A TEENAGER.
PRETEND YOU'RE CYNDI LAUPER,
AND BE, LIKE, A FUN, WILD, EXCITING, SPONTANEOUS--
LET GO OF A LOT OF THE EXTRA STUFF.
- I WISH SHE WOULD NEVER BRING HER AS A EXAMPLE TO ME.
- WELL, I JUST DID.
- I AM VIDA, AND YOU ARE MERCEDES.
- ALL I AM SAYING IS
JUST COMPARE YOURSELF WITH A ROLE MODEL OF A MOM.
PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL ME TO GIVE UP ON TRYING TO CHANGE MY MOM,
BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO CHANGE HER.
I'M JUST TRYING TO CHANGE US.
- CAN WE BIKE A LITTLE BIT?
I GOT YOU. I HEARD YOU.
- TOTALLY.
JUST LIKE THE MYTH OF SYPHYSYS--
SYTHIPHY--SYTH--SISYPHUS
WHO SPENDS THE REST OF HIS LIFE PUSHING A GIANT ROCK UP A HILL
ONLY TO LET IT ROLL BACK DOWN TO THE BOTTOM
AND THEN SPEND THE REST OF HIS DAYS
PUSHING IT BACK UP TO THE TOP OF THE HILL.
THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL WITH MY MOM.
- SOMEBODY COME AND PUSH ME, PLEASE.
- THIS IS MICHAEL COSTELLO'S SHOWROOM.
THANK YOU.
HI, GUYS.
- [growls] - HI.
- LOOK WHO CAME TO SEE YOU.
- COCONUT.
- HI. - HI.
- I'M TURNING DIRTY 30,
AND I'M GONNA THROW MYSELF A MASSIVE, OVER-THE-TOP,
PERSIAN, PROM-THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY.
I THINK COCONUT'S LOOKING AT DRESSES.
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
MY PARTY HAPPENS TO BE
AT MY FRIENDS MOHAMED AND SHIVA'S,
YOU KNOW, BEL AIR MANSION.
I NEED A DRESS.
I ACTUALLY NEED FOUR DRESSES.
- FOUR DRESSES?
- I'M GONNA CHANGE FOUR TIMES.
- [laughs]
- I WANT TO WEAR ONE WHEN THE GUESTS ARE ARRIVING,
A SECOND ONE FOR THE DINNER, A THIRD ONE FOR PROM,
AND THEN A FOURTH ONE FOR THE AFTER-PARTY.
I WANT MY DRESSES TO BE SO AMAZING,
SO GHALICHI GLAM.
LIKE, THIS IS WHO I AM.
IF I COULD FART GLITTER, I WOULD FART GLITTER.
OKAY, SO LET'S TRY ON DRESSES.
ARE YOU READY?
- BRING IT ON, BABY.
- WOW.
OH, MY GOD. YOUR *** LOOK GINORMOUS.
- OH, IT'S SO PRETTY.
- NEXT.
- THIS IS MORE LIKE BELLE OF THE BALL.
- MY GIRL LILLY HAS BEEN KNOWN TO BE OVER-THE-TOP,
BUT IT'S SOMETHING YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE ABOUT HER
LIKE HER BIG HAIR AND HER ***.
- OOH, AND LOOK AT MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO MYSELF.
- LIKE, SHE DOES NOT OWN A REALITY MIRROR IN HER HOUSE.
SHE OWNS A MIRROR WITH SOME QUEEN IT GOING,
"GIRL, YOU LOOK FIERCE."
AND THEN SHE LEAVES THE HOUSE.
- OKAY, SO THAT WAS FUN.
- IT WAS A FIRST.
- MY BIRTHDAY PARTY'S GONNA BE FUN,
AND I CAN ONLY HAVE 120 OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AT DINNER.
SO WE SENT AN E-MAIL TO EVERYONE ON THE LIST
TELLING THEM THIS WAS THEIR LAST OPPORTUNITY TO RSVP
IF THEY HAVEN'T ALREADY.
SO EVERYONE RSVP'D EXCEPT FOR MJ.
- MJ DIDN'T RSVP?
- NO.
MJ AND I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP.
SHE HASN'T LIKED ME SINCE THE MOMENT SHE LAID EYES ON ME.
- YOU LYING SACK OF [...].
- MJ, LET'S GET REAL.
YOU JUST DON'T LIKE ME.
- BUT I'M STILL INVITING HER TO MY PARTY
BECAUSE I WANT TO TRY TO EXTEND AN OLIVE BRANCH.
- IF SHE WANTS TO COME LAST-MINUTE,
CAN SHE COME TO THE DINNER AND NOT THE PARTY?
OR THE PARTY AND NOT THE DINNER?
- IF SHE WANTS TO COME LAST-MINUTE, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
- ONE OF THE WORST THINGS THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME
WAS MY FALLING-OUT WITH MJ.
- YOU'RE 40.
YOU ROBBED A BANK.
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU FROM THE HEAD TO TOE IS FAKE.
- I'M SURE. YOUR WORDS MEAN NOTHING.
- MJ AND I MAY NOT BE 100% RIGHT NOW,
BUT THE THOUGHT OF MJ ROLLING UP TO LILLY'S PARTY
AND BEING TURNED AWAY REALLY BOTHERS ME.
- IF YOU ARE NOT ON THE LIST,
YOU ARE NOT GETTING IN.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
THIS IS COCONUT.
OH, MY GOD. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE SO HOT.
MY FRIENDS ARE, LIKE, HOT, HOTTER, EVEN HOTTER, HOTTEST,
DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD BE THAT HOT.
- HI.
COME ON.
- HA.
HERE, YOU WASH THE DISHES.
- I'M NOT WASHING DISHES.
GIVE ME-- - WASH HIS BOTTLE.
- GIVE ME NICO.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WASH THIS.
- I THINK THE WEIRDEST THING
THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN MY WHOLE LIFE
HAS HAPPENED IN THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS.
MY SISTER AND I HAVE BECOME FRIENDS.
- [sneezes] - OH, GOD BLESS.
HE'S SICK.
- HE DOESN'T NEED FLUIDS, LIKE, SOMETHING?
- HE ONLY DRINKS MILK.
- MEET SOME GUYS.
MY SISTER IS GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE,
AND SHE'S KIND OF REACHED OUT TO ME FOR MORE SUPPORT.
TAKE YOU OUT CLUBBIN'?
OOH, WE BE CLUBBIN'.
YOU CAN GO CLUBBIN', NICO?
- AW.
YOUR DOCTOR'S HERE, PAPAS.
LET'S GO SEE DR. MANN.
- SAY, "HI, DR. MANN." - HI.
- SAY, "HI, DR. MANN." - HOW'S IT GOING?
- HOW ARE YOU DOING? - GOOD; HOW ARE YOU?
- THANKS FOR COMING. - SURE, MY PLEASURE.
- HI. - THIS IS MY SISTER, GOLNESA.
- HI, I'VE MET YOU BEFORE, RIGHT?
I'VE DEFINITELY COME TO THE CONCLUSION
THAT A LOT OF MY BEHAVIOR LAST YEAR
HAS PUSHED A LOT OF PEOPLE AWAY.
I'MA SHOW YOU [bleep] LIKE--[bleep] HANDS OFF ME.
I WILL [bleep] YOUR [bleep] *** UP.
[glass shatters]
I BELIEVE THE ULTIMATE CHANGE
FOR ME TO MAKE RIGHT NOW BEGINS WITH MY SISTER.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- HE WAS UP ALL NIGHT LAST NIGHT.
- AW.
- AND EVERY TIME HE WOULD COUGH,
HE'D START CRYING HYSTERICALLY.
- [sneezes] - OH!
BLESS YOU.
HI, SWEET THING.
CAN I TAKE A LISTEN TO YOUR HEART?
IS THAT OKAY?
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL CHILD-HOLDER.
- [laughs]
PRACTICING.
- [laughs]
HE'S WONDERFUL.
HE JUST HAS A VIRAL COLD.
- GIVE DR. MANN HIGH FIVE.
- YOU DO HIGH FIVE?
- YAY! - GOOD BOY.
- YAY!
- I'M GONNA GO GET A DIAPER FOR HIM,
'CAUSE THAT DIAPER LOOKS FULL.
- I THINK I'VE DEFINITELY PUT MY BIG GIRL *** ON NOW,
AND I'VE GROWN UP.
AND I WANT TO DO GROWN-UP THINGS.
WHICH IS MARRIAGE AND BABIES AND EVERYTHING ELSE.
- [crying]
- IT'S OKAY.
THIS WAY. THIS WAY.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
UM, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HOLD HIM DOWN.
LEILA.
I'M GONNA BE AN AMAZING MOTHER,
AND I KNOW THAT MY KIDS ARE GONNA BE PERFECT.
LOOKIT. HE WON'T SIT STILL.
- [whines] - THEY WILL NEVER BE BAD.
THEY WILL NEVER COLLECT KNIVES.
THEY WILL NEVER FIGHT OR DO DRUGS OR ANY OF THAT,
AND IF THEY DO, I WILL TAKE THEIR LIVES.
- [whines] - CAN'T CHANGE A DIAPER.
SHE CAN'T PUT ON P.J.s, BUT SHE WANTS TO HAVE TWINS.
[knocks]
- WHO IS IT?
- IT'S ME.
- IT'S MY BABY!
- WHAT'S UP? OH, MY GOD.
SALAM.
- SALAM. - YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.
- OKAY, SO LET'S GET IT TOGETHER.
I'M STARVING.
- BE SURE THE TAH DIG IS THERE.
- WHAT CAN WE DO?
GIVE EACH OF US A JOB, MOM.
- OKAY, PLATES.
- DO YOU NEED HELP?
- ONLY FOR EATING THE TAH DIG.
- [speaking Farsi]
- REZA IS MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER.
HE FITS IN PERFECTLY WITH MY FAMILY.
IT'S SO CHILL.
WE CAN JUST GIVE EACH OTHER HUG AND A KISS
AND JUST SIT IN THE SAME ROOM FOR, LIKE, FIVE HOURS AND--
THERE'S A CRAZY UNS-- YOU KNOW, UNSPOKEN LOVE.
- ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT SATURDAY?
LILLY'S 30TH IS PROBABLY
A LITTLE BIT LIKE CANNES, ISN'T IT?
- IT'S A LITTLE BIT LIKE.
- IT'S LIKE VEGAS MIXED WITH SAINT-TROPEZ.
- SHE HAS BIG PARTY FOR THAT?
- YEAH, SHE'S HAVE-- SHE'S HAVING A BIG 30TH.
- I'M EXCITED FOR LILLY'S BIRTHDAY,
BUT I'M HOPING MJ DECIDES TO SEND AND LILLY AN RSVP
BECAUSE I LITERALLY HAD THIS NIGHTMARE
THAT MJ WAS STANDING BEHIND THESE HUGE GATES,
BANGING ON THE GATES, BEGGING TO BE LET IN,
AND BEING TURNED AWAY BY SECURITY.
LILLY'S TURNING 30.
HER LIFE IS STARTING.
I'M TURNING 40.
SHE'S LIKE THIS.
I'M LIKE THIS.
[laughs]
- LISTEN, MY AUNT IS 70, KALAFATI,
AND LITERALLY, SHE'S LIKE A 45-YEAR-OLD.
- SHE'S VERY HEALTHY.
- THIS IS--OKAY. - UH-OH.
DID--DID SOMEONE JUST OPEN A DOOR.
YOU JUST HAD AN EPIPHANAL MOMENT.
I SAW IT. - HALLELUJAH!
HALLELUJAH. LET ME GIVE IT TO YOU GUYS.
YOU HAVE TO BE HEALTHY.
- MM-HMM.
- THEY HAVE FIVE KIND OF CHIPS IN THE TV ROOM AT ALL TIMES.
I'M TALKING ABOUT FLAMING-HOT CHEETOHS
IN THE CAR ON THE DAILY.
- SO WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING?
- FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE TO EXERCISE.
- WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING I CANNOT REALLY.
- MOM, YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE WAS HIGH.
- LIKE, RIGHT NOW, IT'S HIGH BECAUSE YOU MADE ME ANGRY.
- NO, MOM. DON'T BLAME ME.
LISTEN. - DON'T WORRY.
I HAVE A NIECE.
SHE IS A PLASTIC SURGEON.
I GO TO GERMANY, FIX MYSELF, AND I COME BACK.
- PLASTIC SURGERY FIXES THE OUTSIDE.
YOU'RE STILL UNHEALTHY.
I HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR YOU.
I'M GONNA TAKE MY FIRST DIAMOND WATER MONEY.
YOU CAN GET WHATEVER YOU WANT DONE
AS FAR AS PLASTIC SURGERY, LIPO, WHATEVER YOU WANT.
HOWEVER, YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME
TWO MONTHS OF HARD-CORE TRAINING
AND GETTING HEALTHY
AND GETTING INTO A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE.
THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENT IN THE LIFE AND MESSAGE
OF A PERSIAN POP PRIESTESS IS HEALTH
AND A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE AND POSITIVITY.
SINCE I'M LAUNCHING DIAMOND WATER,
I'VE BECOME A LOT MORE VOCAL AND PUBLIC
ABOUT THE THINGS I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED ABOUT HEALTH.
AND IF YOU LIVE A LIFE THAT'S HEALTHY INSIDE AND OUT,
YOU WILL MANIFEST
ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS THAT YOU DESERVE.
IS THAT A DEAL?
- YEAH.
- IS THIS NICE, WHAT I'M OFFERING, THOUGH?
- YEAH, DEFINITELY.
CAN YOU OFFER ME SOME [bleep]? - YEAH.
[laughter]
[doorbell rings]
- WHO'S HERE?
- OH, MY GOODNESS. - SHALOM.
WHAT'S UP, PARTNER DARKY-DARK?
- HEY.
- SHALOM.
SHUT UP, BEASTIES.
- HI, GUYS.
HI. HI.
GOD, THEIR BREATH STINKS.
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
HE PROBABLY WAS GOING DOWN ON YOU EARLIER TODAY.
- [laughs]
- TRULY, I JUST PULLED OUT A BUNCH OF STUFF
OUT OF MY BEDROOM CLOSET.
THE I WANT TO TAKE A BUNCH OF STUFF
TO THAT STORE THAT SELLS ALL OF, LIKE, THE VINTAGE STUFF.
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO MAKE A LOT OF CHANGES IN MY LIFE.
SO FAR, I'VE ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP THAT I WAS IN.
- WELL, I'LL STAY HERE UNTIL YOU SEND ME AWAY.
- IF I DON'T GET RID OF SOME OF THE OLD, DEAD ENERGY,
THEN THERE'S NO ROOM FOR THE NEW GOOD STUFF.
CAN WE JUST GO IN MY CLOSET AND GET ON WITH IT?
DIVE ON IN.
- UM...
MJ'S CLOSET IS THE EPITOME OF WHO MJ IS.
CLUTTERED, ALL OVER THE PLACE, NONE OF IT MAKES SENSE.
- THIS IS GOOD FOR HALLOWEEN, I THINK.
- IT'S COUNTRY. - THAT'S GOT TO GO.
I COULD SEE WHEN THOSE WOULD HAVE BEEN CUTE.
- IT MATCHES MY WHAT-DO-YOU-CALL-IT BAG.
- OH, IS THAT FROM GAME OF THRONES?
- I MEAN, DO I WANT TO-- - PLEASE.
- [grunts]
[laughs]
HOARDING IS BAD.
CALL THE 800 NUMBER IF YOU THINK YOU SUFFER FROM IT.
BOTTOM OF YOUR SCREEN.
- WHAT IS THIS?
- IT'S LIKE SOMETHING MARY J. BLIGE WOULD WEAR.
- ON STAGE AS A PERFORMER.
- OH, MY GOD.
IT'S LIKE THE HOLY GRAIL.
I'VE HAD A REALLY TOUGH YEAR WITH MY FRIENDS,
BUT GG HAS BEEN THE ONE THAT HAS STOOD UP FOR ME
AND BEEN TOTALLY LOYAL.
BUT THERE IS A CATCH, BECAUSE SHE'S ALSO CUCKOO.
- ARE YOU COMING TO LILLY'S PARTY TOMORROW?
- IT WOULD BE DISRESPECTFUL IF I DON'T GO TO HER PARTY.
- SHE SENT YOU AN INVITE?
- MM-HMM.
I WILL GO TO LILLY'S BIRTHDAY.
I'LL BE THERE TO HELP HER CELEBRATE.
HERE, SHALL I FILL YOU?
ARE WE BEING CIVILIZED AND HAVING AN ADULT BEVERAGE
AND ENJOYING AN AFTERNOON TOGETHER
LIKE TWO NORMAL WHO KNOW TO-- HOW TO DRINK RESPONSIBLY?
- DO YOU DRINK IN FRONT OF EVERYONE
DURING THE DAY OR JUST ME?
- I ALWAYS DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO.
AND THEN *** BE TRYING TO
TWIST INTO SOMETHING THAT IT'S NOT.
- I MEAN, I AGREE.
I'VE NEVER CALLED YOU AN ALCOHOLIC.
- I HAD TO WITHSTAND SOME OF THE WORST,
DIRTIEST, LOWDOWN RUMORS.
- YOU ARE A DRUG ADDICT AND AN ALCOHOLIC,
PERIOD.
- HAVE YOU TALKED TO ANYBODY
ABOUT THE FACT THAT THAT'S NOT A GOOD ACCUSATION TO MAKE?
- I'M NOT FORGIVING HIM FOR NO REASON.
I'M NOT HANDING ANYONE A GET-OUT-OF-JAIL-FREE CARD.
I'VE RUN INTO REZA A FEW TIMES IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS.
WE WERE CORDIAL AT BEST,
AND WE'RE PRETTY EFFING FAR FROM MENDED.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
I'M GETTING MORE WINE.
- JESSICA'S DECIDED TO CONVERT TO JUDAISM FOR ME.
- TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE JEW, HOW I WONDER WHERE ARE YOU.
- YEAH.
- I BROUGHT YOU A LITTLE PEACE OFFERING.
- FLOWERS ONLY COME FROM ONE PLACE,
AND THAT'S GUILTY MEN.
- A LOT OF PEOPLE WANT TO BE JEWS, HUH?
THINGS ARE GOING REALLY WELL BETWEEN ME AND JESSICA.
THINGS ARE GETTING SERIOUS.
JESSICA'S DECIDED TO CONVERT TO JUDAISM FOR ME,
SO WE DECIDED TO TAKE A CONVERSION CLASS.
- EAT NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
SO THE RABBI IS THROWING A PARTY
SO THAT ODDLY MIXED COUPLES CAN MEET EACH OTHER.
YOU CAN KIND OF TELL WHO'S NOT JEWISH WHEN YOU LOOK AROUND.
- PLAY THE GAME. - YEAH.
- TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE JEW, HOW I WONDER WHERE ARE YOU.
- YEAH.
- NO. - YES.
- [laughs] - WOW.
- YOU DIDN'T NEED THAT SKIN ANYWAYS.
- YEAH. - [laughs]
- THIS IS BENNY.
- SAMMY DAVIS, BABY.
- YEAH.
- BY YOURSELF? ARE YOU DATING ONE?
- [laughs]
- THIS IS A CHICK MAGNET, THIS THING IS.
- I KNOW. I KNOW.
- ENGAGED?
WE'RE NOT ENGAGED.
- THE FACT THAT SHE'S CONVERTING
JUST PROVES TO ME EVEN MORE HOW MUCH SHE LOVES ME
AND THAT SHE WANTS TO MAKE ME HAPPY.
SO DO I WANT TO GIVE JESSICA A BIG ROCK?
EVENTUALLY, YES.
- [laughs]
- SHE'S JUST GOT TO BE PATIENT, AND SO DO THESE OTHER BROADS.
- WAH-WAH. - THAT'S ROMANTIC.
[laughter]
[dog barking]
[dog continues barking]
- WHAT'S GOING ON, PABLO?
[cell phone ringing]
- HI. - HEY.
UM, I'M HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF AN EMERGENCY.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT AWAY.
- OKAY.
- IT'S KIND OF URGENT.
- YOU WANT TO COME OVER?
- IS THAT OKAY?
- YEAH.
YEAH.
- OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU IN A LITTLE BIT.
BYE. - BYE.
I GET A CALL FROM REZA OUT OF THE BLUE,
AND I DON'T KNOW IF
I SHOULD EVEN LET REZA IN RIGHT NOW.
[doorbell rings]
[dogs barking]
OH, MY GOD.
- HI.
I BROUGHT YOU A LITTLE PEACE OFFERING.
- THOSE ARE A LOT OF ROSES.
FLOWERS ONLY COME FROM ONE PLACE,
AND THAT'S GUILTY MEN.
THANK YOU.
WANT TO HAVE A SEAT?
- SURE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I'M LITERALLY PICTURING HER IN THE KITCHEN, LIKE,
PUTTING, LIKE, A LITTLE CYANIDE,
LIKE, IN MY DRINK OR SOMETHING.
LIKE, "WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG?"
- HERE YOU GO.
THAT'S JUST SOME WATER, SOME ICE, AND--
- THANK YOU.
- EMERGENCY?
- SO TOTALLY AWKWARD THAT I'M HERE,
CONSIDERING THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
AND LISTEN, I'M NOT TRYING TO LOOK FOR A FREE PASS,
BUT I HAVE A LITTLE PIECE OF INFORMATION
THAT WOULD AFFECT YOU,
AND IT'LL CAUSE YOU A LOT OF THE ANGUISH
AND A LOT OF EMBARRASSMENT, POTENTIALLY.
OKAY. SO LILLY'S HAVING A BIRTHDAY.
- OKAY.
- AND IT'S SUPER-DUPER TIGHT SECURITY,
GUEST LIST, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
YOU DIDN'T RSVP,
AND THERE WAS TALK ABOUT YOU JUST SHOWING UP
AND BEING HELD AT THE GATE BY SECURITY.
THE LAST THING I WANTED TO SEE
WAS YOU STANDING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GATE--
- YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT HUMILIATING ME NOW?
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT?
- YES. - UH-HUH.
NOW.
- CAN A BROTHER GET-- CATCH A SMALL BREAK?
- I DIDN'T EVEN REALLY THINK TO RSVP.
AN EVITE IS NOT A FORMAL INVITATION.
IT'S MORE LIKE A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
- SO WERE YOU GONNA COME TO THE DINNER PORTION?
- YEAH, I WAS GONNA GO.
I MEAN, LOOK,
SHE SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU
I'M NOT GONNA BE ALLOWED IN THE PARTY
BECAUSE I DIDN'T RSVP.
THAT FEELS VERY MUCH LIKE A DIG.
- DO YOU WANT ME TO TEXT HER RIGHT NOW?
- I'LL TEXT HER.
- "DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL,
"I'M DELIGHTED TO ATTEND THE SIT-DOWN DINNER
"IF NOT TOO LATE.
"MY APOLOGIES FOR THE OVERSIGHT.
CHEERS."
- THERE'S NO WAY SHE'S GONNA SAY NO TO THAT.
[cell phone chimes]
IS THAT HER?
- OH.
- OH, MY GOD.
"IT IS AN ASSIGNED SIT-DOWN DINNER,
"AND AN RSVP WAS REQUIRED.
"I FIGURED YOU DID NOT WANT TO ATTEND
"SINCE YOU NEVER RSVP'D.
"THE DINNER WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE
AS EVERY SINGLE SEAT IS ALREADY ACCOUNTED FOR."
I COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW COLD AND HEARTLESS LILLY WAS.
MY STOMACH WENT HERE, THERE,
AND THEN BACK THERE.
OKAY. I HAVE TO RUN.
- YEAH.
I DON'T THINK I WAS READY TO LET HIM BACK IN TO MY LIFE,
BUT THIS IS A REALLY TEMPORARY GREEN LIGHT
FOLLOWED BY A LOT OF BRIGHT, FLASHING YELLOW LIGHTS.
- I'M SORRY I CAME OVER AFTER THIS AMOUNT OF TIME
WITH NOT THE MOST PLEASANT OF CONVERSATION TOPICS.
- AT LEAST IT WAS SOMETHING THAT BROUGHT YOU HERE.
BYE.
- SHE'S READY.
- SHE'S READY.
- THE SHIVA GLAM SQUAD IS SO FUN.
LOVE.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE TRANSFORMATION.
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE GONNA LOOK LIKE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON.
A TOTALLY DIFFERENT BETTER PERSON.
- YEAH.
[laughter]
- SO COCONUT HAS A SURPRISE TODAY.
- SHE'S PERFORMING. - NO.
I KNOW SHE HAS THIS BEAUTIFUL, NATURAL LUXURIOUS COAT AND ALL,
BUT SHE'S GONNA WEAR A GOWN.
- GET OUT. - WHAT?
- ARE YOU EXCITED, COCONUT?
- OOH, COCONUT'S GONNA BE AT THE RED CARPET.
[laughter]
- OOH, I LOVE IT.
- OH, MY GOD.
OH, SHE KNOWS IT'S FOR HER.
OH, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S HER FIRST MICHAEL COSTELLO.
I DIDN'T GO TO PROM.
YOU KNOW, I WAS REALLY AWKWARD IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I WAS ALSO VERY SHY.
I HAD NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND,
AND I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT MY PARTY.
I HAVE SPENT SO MUCH TIME, EFFORT, AND MONEY ON THIS NIGHT,
SO I'M JUST SO EXCITED THAT IT'S FINALLY HERE.
- AWW!
- AWW, YOU LOOK SO PRETTY.
- [growls]
- THERE WERE A MOTLEY CREW OF PEOPLE AT THIS PARTY.
LILLY'S GLAM SQUAD, AND OTHER GAY MINIONS,
AND A GAGGLE OF GOLD DIGGERS WITH THEIR SHOVELS IN TOW.
LOVE IT.
- IS EVERYBODY GONNA DANCE?
- ME, BRANDON, AND TANNER ARE GONNA TWERK.
- HOW DO YOU TWERK? I'VE NEVER TWERKED.
- IT'S ALL IN YOUR THIGHS, BOO.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME--EXACTLY.
- SO ARE YOU SAYING I CAN'T TWERK?
- [laughs] - WELL, YOU CAN TWERK.
- YOU GOT TO LEARN HOW TO TWERK BEFORE TONIGHT.
- DID YOU HEAR COCONUT GROWL AT YOU WHEN YOU HATED ON MY THIGHS?
- WAIT, WE NEED A TWERK DEMONSTRATION.
- BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.
AH. AH. - OHH.
- THEN THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO GET REAL LOW,
YOU KNOW, WHEN SOMEONE'S WATCHING.
- OH, HE'S LIKE--LOOK BACKWARDS. - GO, WORK IT.
GO WORK IT. - ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S UP, PLAYER?
- ACCORDING TO MY GLAM SQUAD,
I DON'T HAVE THE THIGHS FOR TWERKING.
THAT WAS RUDE.
- THIS IS AWESOME.
- ARE YOU EXCITED TODAY? - YES.
- YOU KNOW I HAVE TO CHANGE SOON.
ARE YOU GONNA CUT ME OUT OF IT?
- OOH, MICHAEL!
- [laughs]
- HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- WHOO, WHAT?
HIGH FIVE, ADAM.
YOU GUYS, THIS IS SO NICE.
I LIKE ROLLING WITH YOU GUYS.
- NOT ONLY ARE ADAM AND I STILL TOGETHER,
BUT WE ARE GOING STRONG.
- IT LOOKS REAL GOOD.
- I DID IT MYSELF.
- YOU LOOK SO CUTE.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- YOU KNOW, HE DOES LOOK REAL SNAPPY IN A BOW TIE.
I WISH MJ WAS COMING, THOUGH.
BUZZ KILL.
- THAT WHOLE THING IS A REALLY--IT'S A BUZZ KILL.
IT'S A BIG MESS.
- THE ONLY BAD THING ABOUT THIS EVENING
IS THE FACT THAT I RECEIVED A CALL FROM MJ,
AND SHE'S DECIDED TO PASS.
I JUST THINK THAT ONCE MJ REACHED OUT TO HER,
SOMEHOW, SHE COULD'VE JUST MADE IT WORK.
- TOTALLY.
- HELLO.
- HI.
OH, YOU LOOK--OH, MY GOD.
TWIRL, TWIRL, TWIRL.
LOVE.
LOOK AT COCONUT.
- LET ME GET THIS WHOLE SCENE.
BEAUTIFUL, I LOVE IT.
JUST WORK IT.
- LADIES, YOU'RE IN MY SHOT.
MOVE.
- WALK TOWARDS ME WITH A LITTLE ATTITUDE.
WALKIN' HOT.
GIVE ME SOMETHING CRAZY.
[laughs]
[screams]
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
THIS IS COCONUT. - HI.
- OH, MY GOD. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE SO HOT.
MY FRIENDS ARE, LIKE, HOT, HOTTER, EVEN HOTTER, HOTTEST,
DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD BE THAT HOT.
THEY'RE REALLY GOOD.
- HI. - OH, MY GOD, HOW ARE YOU?
- SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- THIS HOUSE IS GORGEOUS.
- RIGHT.
- ARE YOU HAVING FUN?
- YES. - YOU ARE HAVING FUN? GOOD.
- ISN'T SHIVA AMAZING?
- IT'S GORGEOUS. - YES.
- THANK YOU.
SHE'S STILL STUDYING HERSELF.
- LILLY GOT OUR--THE VIOLINIST FROM OUR WEDDING.
- DUDE, THAT VIOLINIST PLAYED AT MY SISTER'S WEDDING.
- [laughs]
- SO JILL WORKS WITH US IN THE OFFICE.
WE CALL HER FOOFER NUTTER PEANUT BUTTER COOTER LOVER.
- OKAY.
- YOU CAN CALL HER FOOFERS FOR SHORT.
AND THIS ***... - I'LL REMEMBER FOOFERS.
- SHE HAD A BABY A WEEK AGO.
- UH-UH - I LIKE THAT.
- BIRTHDAY GIRL.
- YOU GUYS ARE MATCHING.
- OH, MY GOD, I LOVE IT.
THERE WERE A MOTLEY CREW OF PEOPLE AT THIS PARTY.
THERE WAS Y OUR GAY CONTINGENT,
WHICH CONSISTED MOSTLY OF LILLY'S GLAM SQUAD
AND OTHER GAY MINIONS.
YOU HAD YOUR O.C. COUPLES.
THESE PERSIAN MUSLIM SUPER RICH FROM THE O.C.,
A GAGGLE OF GOLD DIGGERS WITH THEIR SHOVELS IN TOW.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
AND THEN YOU HAD--I DON'T KNOW
IF SHE WAS A TRANSVESTITE OR A ***.
- AND THEN MY DATE KEITH.
- HEY, KEITH.
BUT THIS *** HAD THE HOTTEST GUY
IN THE WHOLE PLACE ON HER ARM.
- HELLO.
I'LL CUT MY DING-A-LING OFF IF I CAN HAVE HOMEBOY.
HE WAS FOINE.
- [laughs]
[crowd chattering indistinctly]
- FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS,
I CAN SAY THAT JUST THE SIMPLE SIGHT OF ASA MADE ME CRINGE
OR WANT TO JUST GO [bleep] AND KICK HER ***.
SHUT THE [bleep] UP
BEFORE I THROW ALL THESE OLIVES IN YOUR FUNKY [bleep] FACE
AND MAKE YOU LOOK BETTER.
- I DON'T TEAR OUT THE CARTILAGE OUT OF MY NOSE...
- OKAY. OKAY.
- PUT ON LIKE 40 THINGS OF EXTENSIONS.
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS FAKE.
- OH, REALLY? SHUT THE [bleep] UP.
THERE WAS DEFINITELY A TIME WHERE I GENUINELY LIKED ASA,
AND IT SUCKS TO HAVE THIS BEEF
BECAUSE THERE'S TENSION BETWEEN THE WHOLE GROUP
BECAUSE OF SHE AND I,
AND I DON'T WANT TO PUT THAT BURDEN ON EVERYONE ANYMORE.
- HI, GG.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- ARE YOU HAVING FUN SO FAR?
- OF COURSE. - NICE TO MEET YOU, GOLNESA.
I KNEW THAT IF I DIDN'T GO UP TO HER IMMEDIATELY AND SAY HELLO,
THE WHOLE REST OF THE NIGHT,
IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO AWKWARD BETWEEN US.
THE NEW ME DEFINITELY WANTS TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON.
- GRAB A DRINK.
- YOU LOOK AMAZING.
- IT'S ALL OVER.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- I BROUGHT HIM OVER TO LOOK AT YOUR RING
FOR HIM TO GET HER ONE.
- OH, GOD.
- [laughs]
- WAIT.
DID YOU SEE THE RING?
- YES, LET ME SEE. - NO, I DON'T WANT THAT.
I WANT ONE BIG ONE.
- IT'S LILLY'S WEDDING BEGINNER.
- I--IT'S BEYOND A WEDDING.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR THE BIRTHDAY GIRL, LILLY.
[cheers and applause]
- SO BEFORE WE BEGIN,
THERE ARE BALLOTS AT YOUR TABLE,
AND THE BALLOTS ARE FOR PROM QUEEN.
WHAT PERSIAN PROM MEANS, I'M NOT REALLY SURE.
I'M PROBABLY THROWING THE FIRST PERSIAN PROM EVER,
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PROM IN IRAN.
AND I HEARD A RUMOR
THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT BE CROWNED PROM QUEEN.
AND BY "MAY NOT," I MEAN WILL.
NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHO THE NOMINEES ARE.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE NOMINEES FOR PROM QUEEN ARE.
SO CAST YOUR VOTE,
AND LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.
- YOU LOOK VERY HANDSOME,
AND I WANT TO ORDER MY DRINKS FROM YOU.
[laughs]
- I JUST TOLD HER ABOUT MJ NOT BEING ABLE TO COME.
SHE THOUGHT MJ WAS GONNA BE HERE,
AND I SAID, "IT'S AN UNFORTUNATE SITUATION."
- WELL, THEY DON'T HAVE A GREAT HISTORY ANYWAY.
- NO, THEY DON'T.
THEY DON'T. BUT STILL IT--
- BUT HOPEFULLY, THEY'LL WORK IT OUT.
- IT'S THE GROUP. YES.
- GUYS.
[cheers and applause]
OKAY, SO PROM QUEEN IS LILLY!
[cheers and applause]
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS ON PROM NIGHT.
MOST ELIBLE--ELIGIBLE BACHELOR IS SHAYAN.
[cheers and applause]
- HI. I'M LILLY.
- HI.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
I THINK WE HAVE A PRESENT FOR HIM.
[scattered cheers]
GUYS, THIS IS SOME YOUNG, GOOD MEAT RIGHT HERE.
- PROM WASN'T LIKE THIS.
I WENT TO BEVERLY HILLS HIGH SCHOOL PROM.
IT WASN'T LIKE THIS.
IT WAS LIKE A LITTLE BIT EXTRA.
[crowd cheering] - OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
LET'S HAVE SOME CAKE.
[cheers and applause]
- WHOO!
- IT IS [bleep] UP.
YOU KNOW IT SUCKS TO BE ALIENATED FROM YOUR FRIENDS.
- I TEXTED HER.
I SAID, "WHERE ARE YOU?" I SAID, "WHERE ARE YOU?"
AND SHE'S LIKE-- "OH, HI."
- HI. - HEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
- OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I'M GONNA GO CHANGE INTO SOMETHING A LITTLE,
YOU KNOW, MORE EASY.
- YES, YES, GOOD.
YOU LOOK AMAZING, THOUGH.
- THANK YOU.
- [laughs] - I THINK I GOT IT.
IS SHE GETTING MARRIED?
[grumbles]
- ALL I WANTED--ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO REACH OUT TO ME.
- I DIDN'T KNOW HOW, ASA JUUN.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO SAY, "ASA, I [bleep] UP.
I [bleep] UP."
AND I TAKE-- I TAKE 100% OWNERSHIP
OF LOSING MY SENSE OF REALITY.
I TAKE 100% OWNERSHIP OF THAT, AND I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT.
I DID NOT NEED TO TAKE ALL OF THAT,
AND, YOU KNOW, EXHAUST IT ON YOU.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE. - I APPRECIATE THAT.
I DEFINITELY SENSE THAT SHE GENUINELY UNDERSTANDS
WHAT HAPPENED AND THAT WHAT SHE DID WAS WRONG.
AND THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR.
- YOU WERE OVER IT BY THAT POINT.
- NO, NO, NO. I WASN'T OVER IT.
ASA, HAVE YOU HAD A SIT-DOWN DINNER?
I DON'T MEAN TO BE A [bleep],
BUT DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE NO CLASS?
- THIS IS [bleep] UP. - HI, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
- NO, IT'S [bleep] UP.
MJ NEEDS TO [bleep] BE HERE.
- I FEEL LIKE LILLY FELT LIKE MJ PURPOSELY DID--
- SHE THOUGHT SHE PURPOSELY DID IT.
SHE DIDN'T PURPOSELY DO IT, THOUGH.
- THIS WHOLE SITUATION REALLY BOTHERS ME TONIGHT.
HERE'S THIS BIRTHDAY PARTY OF A GIRL I BROUGHT INTO THE GROUP,
AND SHE'S ALIENATED MY BEST FRIEND.
- IT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING.
THEY BOTH WERE TRIPPING.
- THAT GOT REALLY BIG.
- THEY WERE BOTH TRIPPING.
I KNOW LILLY GETS THIS.
LILLY IS NOT STUPID.
SHE'S JUST NOT COPPING TO THE FACT
THAT THAT WASN'T RIGHT.
I FEEL LIKE SHE TRIED TO HUMBLE HERSELF AND TEXT YOU.
- AND I HAD PUT HER ON THE LIST.
- BUT YOU WERE OVER IT BY THAT POINT.
- NO, NO, NO. I WASN'T OVER IT.
ASA, HAVE YOU HAD A SIT-DOWN DINNER?
- I UNDERSTAND.
- YOU CANNOT TEXT SOMEONE THE NIGHT BEFORE THE PARTY
AND SAY YOU WANT TO ATTEND A SIT-DOWN DINNER.
EVERY SEAT WAS GIVEN.
DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE NO CLASS?
LIKE, HAVE THEY EVER BEEN TO A NICE EVENT?
YOU CAN'T [bleep] UP THE WHOLE MOJO.
- I REALLY, HONESTLY, WHETHER SHE'S HERE
OR SHE'S NOT HERE, I DON'T GIVE A [bleep].
I DON'T MEAN TO BE A [bleep],
BUT TO MAKE AS BIG OF AN ORDEAL AS SHE MADE OUT OF IT
IS JUST SO STUPID.
- IS YOUR BIRTHDAY, ISN'T IT?
- THANK YOU. - GO AND HAVE FUN.
GO HAVE FUN.
- OH, MY GOD.
IT'S NOT ABOUT, LIKE, "OH, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"
OR LIKE, "MY DOG'S DRESS MATCHES MY DRESS."
WHEN YOU'RE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH SOMEBODY,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA NOT LET THEM IN
BECAUSE THEY--THEY DIDN'T RSVP TO YOUR EVITE.
THAT JUST SOUNDS, LIKE, LUDICROUS.
- MY LIFE WILL GO ON WHETHER SHE'S HERE OR SHE'S NOT HERE.
- NO.
- AND IF SHE'S OFFENDED,
THEN SHE CAN SIT AT HOME AND BE OFFENDED.
I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG.
I'VE BEEN MORE THAN KIND TO INVITE HER.
- THIS SEASON ON SHAHS OF SUNSET.
[all cheering]
- FRIENDS FOR LIFE.
- FOREVER AND EVER.
[laughs]
- WHOO!
- OW!
- YOU BAD GIRL!
- [laughs]
- WE GOT A PROBLEM.
[all shouting at once]
- HERE WE GO, ***!
- WHOO!
- I PUT THIS IN MY BUTT?
- YES.
- I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY *** IS!
I WASN'T CHEATING ON HIM.
I WASN'T WITH HIM.
- YOU WERE ON A BREAK. - [laughs]
- SHE HAS HER BEST FRIEND BACK.
SHE DOESN'T NEED ME.
- BETWEEN ME AND JESSICA, THINGS ARE GETTING SERIOUS.
- YES. [laughter]
- HAVING BIG *** DOESN'T MAKE YOU STUPID.
- OH, MY GOD. [laughs]
- UNDERNEATH. PERFECT.
- KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL. NO.
I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP ON MY MOM AND ME.
- I'M NOT SAY THAT YOU ARE NAIVE.
- YOU ARE THE MEANEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
- THAT'S [bleep].
- OH, DUDE, THIS IS DOPE.
- THE PRIESTESS CAN DO THIS.
- THIS IS SASHA.
I MET HIM TODAY.
- GET THE [bleep] OUT OF MY HOUSE.
- IT'S AMERICA!
- YOU'RE CAUSING DIVIDE BETWEEN ALL OF OUR FRIENDS.
YOU'RE THE ONE WITH HATRED.
- SHUT THE [bleep] UP WHEN I'M TALKING.
- I THINK YOU'RE A COWARD AND A LIAR.
- YOU AND COCONUT,
YOU CAN CIRCLE ALL THE WAY BACK TO TEXAS.
THESE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
- OH!
- WELCOME TO TURKEY, ***!
[all cheering]
- OH, MY GOD.
- REZA... - I'M HAPPY TO--
- YOU BETRAYED ME. - I DIDN'T BETRAY YOU.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH.
I SUFFERED FOR SO LONG BECAUSE I WAS GAY.
- I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA RUN OUT OF TIME.
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT WAS NOT GONNA BE A CHOICE.
- WHEN YOU HAVE A REAL GROUP OF FRIENDS COME TOGETHER,
IT'S JUST REAL.
- IT WASN'T ABOUT THE DESTINATION.
THAT TOWER IS IRAN.
IT WAS ABOUT THE JOURNEY.
WE'RE THIS CLOSE, AND WE CAN'T GO IN.
I WAS A PRISONER FOR SO LONG,
BUT NOW, I AM FREE.
FOR MORE SHAHS OF SUNSET,
GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.