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Nick, One law of peace is that what they think about you has nothing to do with who you are. Who knows you better than yourself? No one. That is a true law? Yes.
If I start accepting the opinions of others about myself, whose responsibility is it?
It’s my responsibility to accept anything that is contrary while I am living in the Truth.
You are trying to live in the moment and experience a state of freedom, having gotten rid of past and future. You are trying to meditate and a thought pops up – my father was judgemental. He passed certain judgements because of which my life’s course changed and I had to make certain strong decisions. The thoughts start appearing in your mind.
Thoughts start appearing in your mind about your father’s judgements. And your father is not alive now. He is not there in this moment.
Dream or reality? Reality. Relevant in the moment? Not relevant.
I think it is relevant in the sense that it helps us understand ourselves. Useful in the moment? Does it change your father? No.
Does it change anybody in the world? No. From that standpoint, it is not useful, I understand. No.
But because it is helping me grow, I will use it. So it is useful. And relevant. Conducive to your peace? No.
Nick, a thought pops up in the mind and you get lost in the thought and you forget doing the inquiry. You forget doing the mantra. You forget living in the moment. Your awareness goes for a toss. Would you call that thought a dream or reality?
That will be dream.
Is there any such thought that can be reality? The definition of dream is that your mind creates it and you are lost in it. No it can’t be reality.
It is a dream. We are so attached to our dreams, we are so involved in them that we started taking them to be real. The character that you want to change in yourself is just a mental formation, may be deep. The weakness that you are finding in yourself is just a creation of your mind, may be deep.
But still, it is thought only. A mental formation only. You are lost in that. It is just a dream. There is a beautiful Sanskrit couplet in a book called Yoga Vashishtha, which says...
“This world is a long lasting dream. This world is a long lasting illusion. This world consists of just your mental formations... nothing more than that. But when you are lost in it, you take the thought of the Golden Gate Bridge to be the real Golden Gate Bridge; the thought of a cow to be the real cow.
Please detach now and be mindful of what was going on in your mind a moment back. You call it reality because you are still holding on to it.
In the moment, when you are aware, it has already lost its hold on you. Why do carry it now? Why do you want to keep the burden on your head? In the moment when you are aware...
I know... Your likings and disliking pelase?
I like that ..... I like that I live in the moment..I like when I make rational decisions.. I dislike when I am not able to do that. I dislike when I am not able to make those rational decisions in my mind.
But Nick, Your restlessness is not due to this liking and disliking. This you are saying now. But when the thought of father comes and distracts you, what is the liking and disliking involved in that thought – this is what I am asking you. I like that – let’s see – I like that my father should not have been judgemental.
I don’t like when people pass judgements.
Nick, can you see that this like and dislike is also a mental formation. Dream number two. You are creating it in your mind and you are getting lost in it. You are identifying with that liking and disliking.
Suppose that you don’t identify with that liking and disliking – how would you feel? Free. If you identify, how do you feel? Trapped.
And you don’t want to be trapped again. No.
Just create a distance from the liking. Or dislking. If you believe in your disliking, you are trapped. If you don’t believe in your liking and disliking, you are free.
The thought that I want to have is being above the good opinions of others. So beautiful!
Being above the good opinions of others - the meaning is being above the opinions. Yes, being above all opinions. Good and bad. Not breaking down from bad opinions. Yes. Nick, you are very smart .... It’s OK....
If I say smart, somebody else may say, Nick, you are ugly. You get excited by one and dejected by the other. This is not the best way of life. You have to live in freedom.
You have to go above the opinions of others. So, keeping the liking and disliking alive, you can't be happy. you won’t get true happiness.
Definitely not.
Are you ready to pay the price? Whatever it is.
That you father should have been wiser. He should have been considerate toward the children. He should not have been judgemental. People should not have been judgemental.
You know, this is a difference between, I understand, those who try to dig out your past; OK, what was that particular incident that happened thirty-five years back. And now this is the technique you do now... this is stupid... You don’t have to go into finding the reasons.
OK, my father did that; OK, he did that; but I am responsible for accepting their opinions. They were what they were. You can't change them. They could not be changed by anybody.
But I, consciously or unconsciously, I accepted their opinions. My responsibility.
So In this moment, I decide to drop it; for good. I don’t take resort to blaming my father.
That’s the past. That’s the past. It’s over now.
Yes. The same with future. You can’t control it. I + a different father = completeness?
I suppose that this had come up in the past... I had never heard it .... Put it simply... but yes....
If you hold on to it, how do you feel?
It is a senseless thought. It is a stupid thought that my father should have been different in his mind.
He should have been a more understanding father... He was what he was. Poor him.
Lethargy, Sensuality, Purity.... What was the equation for him?
And it continued until Nick realized his freedom from “blaming his father”.