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[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
I remember in some job interviews I had during grad school,
they would sometimes ask me where do I see myself in five years.
I never knew how to answer that question.
And now, that I'm lost inside a drainage pipe
in a chemical processing plant, this is why.
Oh, this looks promising.
I was expecting spinning saw blades.
Or a pool of acid.
This is much better.
But, why are there no doors here?
Did I actually enter this room in the correct manner?
Maybe the room itself is alive.
Um...
OH MY GOD! I'M GONNA D--
[underwater mumbling]
Okay! I'm awake!
I was a little drowsy, now I'm awake.
Oh! Yuck! What is--
That-- that is nasty!
I do not have to accept this.
[lock jiggles]
Oh, you ***.
Fine...
Got to avoid the blood shower...
This isn't the sort of thing I should have to worry about.
Jesus! Where's this coming from?
Maybe we don't even ship in meat.
We just slaughter the cows right here at the facility.
And then just dump them in the water like we know what we're doing.
Oh my god! This better not get in my hair.
If I wanted to smell like McDonald's, I would've stayed in the trash compactor.
[lock jiggles]
No! Open up!
FBI! I have a warrant!
Hey! Hello!
[growls]
I shouldn't be surprised the doors are locked.
No one likes to hang out in the meat dumping room.
Not even on break.
So, how am I getting out of here?
I'm not swimming through the fan blades.
That's an easy option to scratch off.
And I somehow don't see myself shimmying up a sheet metal wall.
I am definitely late for work.
Oh well!
Guess I'll go with the flow!
[underwater mumbling]
***, I just know some of these meat chunks are getting in my hair.
I'm going to need some serious shampoo after this.
I'm not a ***. I shouldn't have to stand for meat dandruff.
The exit must be on the other side.
[underwater mumbling]
I wonder how fast I'd have to run to skip on top of the water.
It smells funny here.
And, there is no exit.
What the hell, people?
What's this?
Ah, more water.
Oh.
That would explain the smell.
What the hell are we spraying?
I don't like orange.
Orange is a bad color for industrial chemicals.
We could get away with this if we were making Cheetos.
But I'm 80% sure Cheetos aren't made like this.
Hm, looks like I need to keep on swimming.
Can opener!
[underwater mumbling]
Yeah, swimming upstream is for losers.
Losers and salmon.
Cool ceiling.
[underwater mumbling]
[gagging, choking]
Uncool undertoe!
Aaaahhhh....
This is a pretty *** water park.
I'm not coming here again.
Oh, god, there's that gas.
I don't want to breathe this!
[inhale]
[underwater mumbling]
[gasping]
Jesus! Gas and a rotating crusher!
Maybe I shouldn't be going this way.
Well, hey! This room looks like something!
It has steps and everything.
That means I'm done with the meat processing ride!
I think my values have dropped considerably since I woke up.
Instead of getting to work on time, now I just want not die.
And... oh, my god. This is that same room.
I've gone in a giant circle again.
This is horrible!
Well, I suppose this good preparation for later in life if I get Alzheimer's.
I'll wake up not remembering everything
but still be able to escape the retirement home.
Wait, what am I saying?
I'm not going to get Alzheimer's.
People who stay mentally active have resistance against that.
And I mentally dominate everyone!
When I get old, I'm going to buy that walking cane I saw
that secretly transforms into a sword
and scare the hell out anyone who doesn't show me respect.
[underwater mumbling]
Glad to see air is part of today's itinerary.
Hm, I wonder if I'll need a separate shampoo for my beard
than I will for my hair.
Oh, another gun.
Whah!
Okay, what the *** did I just shoot?
I'm totally justified, whatever it is.
Looks like a cross between a leopard and... Cthulhu.
Yep. That's definitely not a cockroach.
Wait, I've seen these things before.
Oh, ***! I remember now!
These are aliens!
Of course. I remember everything.
I was in the test chamber.
I was going to load the new sample in.
Then, somebody cut the lights.
And then some of the scientists put on these creepy-looking robes
and started lighting torches.
Then one of them got on the intercom
and starting chanting this crazy ritual.
Next thing I know, we have beings from another dimension teleporting in here
like we're giving away free t-shirts.
Oh no! Not this room again!
I don't understand!
Why do we make rooms that can't be accessed
connect to other rooms that can't be accessed?
I bet this guy died trying to get out.
Hey, what's this?
Oh! Satchel charges!
These are how you create your own exits!
Glad they were just lying on this desk.
Wow, these things have a remote control and everything.
Maybe I should hold onto these.
I bet I could sell them for a good price.
I'm sure Eddie would take these off my hands for me.
He loves this stuff.
This could turn out to be a good day after all.
I think the revolver must be a Magnum.
That thing felt like I was God!
Pew!
Thou shalt not eat my face!
I am the Lord thy God!
Behold me push these switches!
Hey, these aren't doing anything.
There. Now they're all in the "Off" position.
Piece of crap.
Why make a switch box that's clearly labeled, easily accessible,
if it doesn't actually work?
Now, an optimist would say, "Hey, that's two out of three."
I say, "That's ***!"
Ugh! I wasn't asking for a second opinion!
Least of all yours!
This is NOT a democracy!
I have a gun so I'm in charge!
Many governments around the world function on this principle!
And some of them last for months!
This is not complicated!
You're making it that way!
BLAH!
Well, I guess the good news is: I'm not late for work like I thought.
No work today. We have too many problems.
Like, death.
That was a pretty big problem for a lot of the faculty if I recall.
I mean, it wasn't for me, but, c'mon.
Although maybe I shouldn't be so cocky about my situation since
I don't know how to get out of here and I don't feel like swimming again.
Although saying that implies I felt like doing it to begin with.
Button!
[rumbling]
What did that do?
Ah! Don't mash my potatoes.
Stop...no...not qui... yeah, there we go.
I get it. Turn off the hammers then the switches.
It's like sawing through a body at the joint
so you don't have to cut through the bone.
Wait, it's nothing like that.
I'm confused.
Okay, I think if I just break everything life will get simpler.
Switch one, switch two,
switch three, you suck.
And that appears to have done nothing.
Okay, this is why I study THEORETICAL physics.
I don't normally have to do all the dirty work.
It is so much easier yelling at a lab assistant to do things for you.
Rrr, Jesus Christ.
Body low...
Whoa-ho!
Nice speed!
I guess today's more interesting than usual.
I mean I'm bodysurfing on a conveyor belt at some creepy factory.
Most people don't do that.
Even on weekends.
I hope this leads to one of those big plastic ball pits
they have at themed pizza restaurants.
That would almost make up for all the switches.
Ah, no. We're getting off here.
This part looks good.
I mean, there's a ladder here.
Surely, someone was meant to come this way.
No.
No one's ever been here.
[yawns]
You know what? I'm going to go back to sleep.
It's not like I have to work today.
[yawns]
Nom-nom-nom...
Holy ***!
Was that a bat?
No?
Guess not.