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I'm going to get started right away talk about safety because I think the first
thing you really deserve
to have a right to know about the safety.
And you should know we don't rely on the kids to keep themselves safe.
We we want them
to be safe and we recognize that sometimes
they're gonna make poor decisions; they're going to be lazy;
that some of them are going to have esteem issues that show up in poor self-care.
And so we're going to make sure we're gonna take the burden
of their safety on our shoulders.
You should all know
that during severe winter situations
whether it be a lot of precipitation in the winter or
when temperatures drop below fifteen degrees,
our children our students are instructed to move towards wall tents. (Wall tents
are large tents
with wood-burning stoves that our students can stay in, with the staff, and they may
stay in those
sometimes for up to a week
during a cold spell.
During those times they'll be working on
therapeutic activities and group activities
and also begin day hikes
so those can be just a different emphasis.)
We're gonna move elevations all year long
in our programs
and of course during the winter months and the high snow months in some of our
programs
we're going to be able to move to a lower elevation where there's less
precipitation.
So that's gonna make a big impact
on the kind of weather
your children are going to be facing.
Every student in the program is going to receive hot food daily.
Traditionally
we talked about the consequence of the fires - of being able to make a fire -
and we'll talk about that, but it's not going to be
nutrition or hot food.
So that's not going to effect them
in terms of what they're going to be able to eat during the winter time.
And this is something I explain to parents all the time - when parents are talking
about, or looking
at weather.
Your children are either in front of a fire or hiking
or in their sleeping bag,
so the weather might be extraordinary
but they're not walking around or sitting in the snow.
So even if they're sitting, they're going to be
covered up with sleeping bags that are rated at thirty below or better
or they're going to be sitting in front of the fire.
Believe me!
As a person coming from southern California
and when I go out there I'm following the same kind of
a protocol the students are and I'm not gonna allow myself to be cold. So
we're gonna always make sure that they're safe, always make sure they're
warm. Our students aren't allowed to hike
at certain temperatures so when it gets below ten degrees,
they're not allowed to hike.
This is just to make sure that we're able to take extra care
of their toes and fingers
during those days.
Actually sometimes hiking during the cold temperatures in the way to keep
them warm
but really,
the state regulates this
so that we're able to pay special attention
to their care.
And at Second Nature, we follow it
at fifteen degrees or lower, we ask them to move to a wall tent and
not to hike in the day.
Like I said earlier, we don't rely
on the students' motivation and on their abilities
to care for themselves. We'll look at that -
and if a student is making poor decisions
or demonstrating poor self-care,
we'll intervene and we'll talk about that.
And it will become a clinical issue will become relevant but we're not going
to allow them to have
some injury
or get cold as part of "a lesson".
Every group calls in twice a day to logistical support staff
so everyday - formally -
the staff
in the group is calling into logistics
and giving them a report of the weather, of the circumstances of the group
(how they're doing emotionally and also how they're doing physically).
If there are any needs that they have
outside of those two call-ins,
they have access either by satellite radio
by two-way radio ... excuse me, by satellite phone, by two-way radio,
or by cell phone or two-way pager
to be able to get medical questions addressed (or to have
a student removed from from the field
if there are any medical issues).
And what the staff are doing constantly every day and this is part of the paperwork
(in fact, it's actually where when the phrase DAPs comes from)
is they're monitoring their hydration everyday because it's very important to
stay warm and safe
to keep hydrated everyday so they're watching for that.
They're also monitoring their feet and their hands because that's most likely
the place where there's gonna be a cold injury.
So they're looking at that - they have to touch it
everyday
and make sure there's good capillary refill and also make make sure that
there's not just good circulation but there is there's no skin
damage.
So they're looking at that every day and they're they're monitoring that and
they're charting that.
And they're looking of course at their nose and ears because all the
extremities are the places where
they're going to be effected.
So that gives you an idea that they're staying safe in the winter time.
And even as I described this,
I fear that it almost sounds apologetic because i've said this
- and I want this to be the premise of this entire webinar -
wintertime at Second Nature and in wilderness therapy is a better program!
It is a more
profound program
for the child
and for their experience.
It's a more impactful program;
it sends a more clear message.
I think it can be more challenging in some ways;
all the lessons that we teaching all the time
seem to have an intensity or volume raised.
Sometimes when new staff come to the program, and as we enter into the winter
months with with colder temperatures and shorter daylight,
staff will raise the question in Inservice and say things like
"you know, Brad, how do we deal with
all the things we have to do
in a day and still do therapy?"
and I simply
and clearly explain to them "this is the therapy!
The act of primitive living -
the act of staying safe and hydrated and warm
and dry
is the therapy."
And you get the same kind of resistance, you get the same kind of
rebelliousness, you get the same kind of oppositionality, you get the same kind of
poor self care and poor self image
demonstrating in these acts
and interaction between
staff and students
that you get at home.
Around school and around cleaning their room.
And around drug usage
and around cutting on themselves.
So the metaphor of primitive living in the winter
so well
mimics the kind of issues that you folks are dealing with at home as the family.
So we use the primitive living model as a metaphor
for how your children are functioning.
And we watch them and we really
put a microscope over
and on everything.
And we're able to talk about with you, with them.
One time I was doing a camping experience (outside of Second Nature actually)
with one of our field directors
and it was a winter campsite and I was just impressed with how difficult it was.
I gotta tell you,
working with boy scouts is what i was doing
was much harder than working with any of your children.
They were playing in the snow, they were getting wet, they weren't respecting the
fact that the sun was going down.
It was a miserable evening - we had food that we cooked
that ended up being burnt on the outside and frozen on the inside -
and when it was finally time to lay down at night, and laid beside
the field
director
and I asked him and I said
"why do you do this for fun?
Why do you do this on your off week?" and he said
"it doesn't get any more real than this, Brad."
And it struck me at that moment of how
again
that this is life. This is not
a detour from life. This is not something that is outside of
life's lessons - this is life.
Struggling,
learning to care for yourself, learning what it means to be part of a group,
learning what it means to listen to people who are more experienced
than you,
following safety protocols. All those things
were real life.
And I think sometimes we think about camping - sometimes we think about
wilderness therapy -
as "outside", as not real life.
And in reality
there's nothing more real than that.
And it was a profound moment when I connected
to all the lessons in life that I was learning.
I told the story before
about my temptation to have therapy inside of a car during a cold October
rainstorm
and I have to tell you, October for me is the most difficult month in the field
because it's cold enough
that you're cold and you struggle to stay warm and yet it's
rainy and not cold enough to snow.
So it's very difficult to stay dry it's very difficult to maintain
a fire
so as we're struggling to maintain a fire and keep a shelter over us in
that battle,
I said to the staff "I'm gonna give you
two minutes to convince me not to have therapy sessions in my car."
And it only too Steven about ten seconds
to stop me when he
said to me
"Brad, show them how to struggle."
And then I realized what I was out there for.
I was out there to teach your kids how to feel,
how to suffer,
how to feel pain and frustration,
and how to deal with it. And immediately.
this actually made
my afternoon and evening easier
because it had a purpose and it gave my struggle a meaning.
I think there's something that I would say
for you guys
that this is something for you to focus on.
Because I think and I don't know how much of children know
how painful it is
for you to have your children out in the wilderness at any time, especially in the
wintertime
but I think it's valuable
for you to show them
the meaning or the value
in your own suffering;
you can share that with them, talk about painful and how hard it is.
And yet, at the same time, the implicit message is
you are still committed to this process.
Another thing that happens in winter (it happens all year round but I think
especially in winter)
is you can't take anything for granted!
I mean, taking a shower in the winter time,
going to the restroom in the winter time,
you're cooking food,
you can't just simply throw your jacket down on the ground,
you can't make a shelter
haphazardly,
everything has to be thoughtful and intentional.
And I think that's another powerful message that happens all year round and
especially in winter
for a lot of our students
is they see that everything is work.
You know when you're a child you think that
ninety five percent a year time at least should be fun
maybe five percent work. And of course is become an adult,
you figure that on a good week
twenty percent of it is enjoyable. That's a vacation actually.
And I think that's one of the lessons the children begin to learn
is that life
takes work.
And education
self-care,
battling depression, bipolar,
the impulse to abuse drugs or alcohol,
become sarcastic, to find whatever it is
takes work and effort so nothing gets taken for granted.
And that primitive living model in the winter
reinforces that lesson.
I talk a lot about natural and logical consequences; there's probably more
an emphasis on logical consequences
in winter programming.
The natural consequences of not keeping dry would be
frostbite on your fingers -
we're not going to allow children to suffer that.
You know the natural consequence of not hydrating yourself would be
to get hypothermia - we're not gonna allow kids to suffer that.
So we're going to talk about logical consequences.
We're going to talk about
some group participation activities and games;
we're going to talk about some other privileges.
Maybe there might be food privileges that are related to desserts
or sugary foods or hot chocolate
that the group gets to enjoy.
So we're going to talk about logical consequences instead of natural consequences
in the winter time.
And again like I said before, there is in addition of intensity
an amplification of all the lessons that you
and we're trying to teach.
And I'll
tell all of you it's very important to you realize
that it's a more
profound lesson in the winter.
And i don't ever apologize for it.
I said
and many of you have heard me say
if I ever had to send my child
to Second Nature, I would hope that it would be in the winter time.
And of course as many of you know my son obliged
and several years ago on Halloween ended up
earning his right to the Second Nature was there for
Halloween, Thanksgiving, the December holidays,
New Year's and his birthday.
And I wanted him
to be there at that time.
And I wanted the emotions that come up from that
that drew him back toward the family
to be more present and impactful at that time.
During the holidays,
your children are going to participate in traditional
holiday meals
whether that be on Thanksgiving, where we have the traditional
turkey or ham provided for them
stuffing, mashed potatoes, salad
cranberries, they're going to be provided all of that - it's either going to be pre cooked
so they make cook it
or heated up
in Dutch ovens -
and mostly that day
is going to be a day of fun and games.
I'll talk about what we might do with group
or some teaching later on
but we're going to spend a lot of time...
and really we don't place a lot of emphasis during the holidays
on earning things
(you don't have to "earn" the holiday meal)
I mean of course if you are being extraordinarily
disrespectful
you might lose some privileges with participating with some
group games or some group activities
but other than that, you're going to be granted the privilege.
We're gonna spend some time individually and in groups celebrating
and appreciating family
and this is really where
I want to drive the point home.
We want your students to miss you during the holidays.
We understand as a parent (and I think one of the most challenging things as a
parent
is whenever you consequence
your children
you're experiencing some of the same consequence that they are)
so we recognize you're missing them too.
But we want them to miss you.
We want them to be drawn back to you.
Without rubbing their noses in it, I would say to my students sometimes
"you see that feeling that you have right now..." and I think it's all year round
especially during the holidays, "... you see that feeling you have about
missing your family,
remember that.
and the decisions that you were making - it does not matter if it's depression or drugs or
school refusal
whatever the behavior was,
those are decisions that that lead you away from your family.
and that lead you away from that that life giving
that life-meaning connection."
So we want your children to
reconnect, appreciate the family and we're gonna focus on that
during groups and activities and discussions.
Sometimes they will have
other groups where they'll work on a letter to home;
it might show up before the holiday
or they might write on the holiday.
At times the group will organize themselves so that they'll create gifts
or crafts. They'll use some of the things that we provide for them
and they'll send those home to you, as gifts.
We want them, like I said, to understand the path that leads them away
from home. We want them to make the connection -
we want them to make the connection between
the decisions that they were making and this very distant place they are right now
physically
from all of you.
And it's a time to enjoy
themselves
but also to cement
the lessons of the program.
I said this before and I know it can sound like a cliche but I mean it,
I don't care about
Thanksgiving,
Christmas, Hannukah, New Year's,
birthdays (for 2009),
our commitment and our work for your children, for your family
are for the holidays in 2010
2011 and 2012 and on.
So that's what we're committed to and we recognize
that there is an investment and emotional investment
that all of you are making
during this holiday season.
And I'm not
judgmental;
I don't think it's trite
when I hear parents talk about the sadness
and the loss
of their children during this time of year.
We're going to encourage
people to share in the groups,
whether that be young adult or
adolescent children, encourage them
to share
the religions and traditions
of their "family
of origin".
So for the children who have...
our Jewish children, we're going to encourage them to celebrate Hannukah. We're going to
provide them with
traditional Hannukah foods
If they don't know - and some of them don't know -
the story of Hannukah,
we'll have them teach that to the group.
We'll provide them with candles so they can
light the menora.
And they're really becomes a
respect.
In fact, when they teach it,
they become more connected
to the traditions of their families.
We're also going to provide
the same opportunity for children who are celebrating Christmas. And they're
will be some children who don't celebrate either.
We're going to ask them to talk about their family traditions.
One of the questions that I had
coming into this webinar was
"how do you creating a level playing field?
How do you create mutual respect and tolerance
with everybody
in the groups?" And really what it is everybody gets to tell their story
everybody gets to tell their traditions
and the experiences that their family has.
They become more connected,
more invested,
more committed to their family of origin.
And they also learn tolerance and learn acceptance
and they become more educated,
either as the teacher
or the student in these experiences.
And we do provide
for all of them,
the basic things that they need
to be able to celebrate their holiday
One of the biggest questions we have every year
is around gifts.
Now you should ask
your parent coordinator and your therapist but I will tell you the
default position
that Second Nature takes:
less is more.
We don't want you
to believe that you have to create
this enormous
gift experience for your child. The gift for your children is Second Nature.
Oftentimes what we will ask you to do is this -
put together a card (or cards)
of family members,
or friends
that you trust
and put that together for your child
so that it arrives at the program in time for the holiday
(whether it be a birthday
or whether that be the December holidays)
and send that.
At times the programs will allow you to send a gift out
if it is very inexpensive
(maybe like a frisbee) but it would have to be a group gift. It would have to be
something that everybody could enjoy:
could be a frisbee could be a hackysack
could be a football
could be something like that in the entire group could enjoy.
Or you can send out dried fruits or not
nothing that has a lot of children
nothing that has a lot of processes sugar but something
it is not an intended
but i understand this
it's not necessary the cards are not
sometimes we've asked parents a standout
a little photo album of the family
because again
the emphasis
initiate for these children
is where they start to think about
who they showed up to
instead of the the the material possessions that they're getting
and that we would use that becoming a spat spiritual
transformation
for the students on the premier recognize that
is allow them to do that
allow them to go to the sixties and i'll tell you something about the holidays
the staff often talk about it
as being one of their favorite ships
but yourself also note that the students will remember this holy for the rest of
their life
and i think is the worry about
it being in this deprivation or
punitive experience
i would just encouraging
allow your children to be here
allow them to access their own resilience
allow them to access their own resources
allow them be present with just themselves
and the spirituality
of this entire process
so the take-home message is for families
for for famine they have the children in the program during the winter during the
holidays
blur apologize
for saying it turned out to the world
it might be painful you might have tears i had parents
uh... spend the night outside
in the winter months in the hallways i had up at one time who would wear jacket
because she sent her son up to the world
and the masses that that sends a message that that
apologizing for this experience ends
is that they didn't deserve it they don't owning
so allow you to look at home
on me
it doesn't have to be that you're right he just have to be their choice
the decisions that they made
consciously or unconsciously
that led to this point their life
that there's something i wish i could die painted i wish i could do this
magically
and that is
anchored all of you to let go of your guilt
but this process and that goes back to the first bullet point
you should understand this and this is really my belief
one of the greatest barriers
to encouraging self-esteem in our children
is that correct or guilt
because when we need have a lot of print algo it's not that we're perfect
and it's not that we don't have a conscience it's not that
it is the one we carillon around a lot of guilt for our mistakes
we don't
a lower children
the respect
we'd all of them
resilience we don't we don't
implicitly
that they can overcome our mistakes in our weaknesses
that goes back to that idea right
uh... talk about what my students
when they're complaining about their pet i listen to empathize
i'm sensitive and compassionate about it
and in the end of the day very gently
sometimes with words in some time with with
when i don't think
the question comes to them
what do you do about it
even though your dad is too much this year mamas too much fat how you deal
with it
humiliating delete enough of this enough about how you can do it
so be careful
in guilt
is a choice
the i_d_f_ right for me is for for you to make it a conscious choice
the chicken and lekhal
still motivated to be the best
part of the best mother that you can be
but but do it out of love not appeal
to letting go of growth as an important
message especially during the holiday
i talked about this but i want to emphasize over this bullet point let
your children struggle
but their struggle so that they can build their self-confidence one of the
greatest things that that
that lead to self-esteem is overcoming something challenging
i know i shared a recently
but many of you and i shared it prior to going on vacation but i just completed
the iron man in florida
bystanders this previous saturday
and that was up personal battle for me i was a
uh... years in respect for the last year
a great challenge for me
and the pride that i had
incomplete man-to-man
and that was all about going to pay
that is all about suffering in this trial and i'll tell you when i was
struggling on that one
this is something that i thought i was surprised by actually
when i was struggling online ron
for those you don't know and i meant distances is two-and-a-half miles
in this case in the ocean swimming anaheim twelve mile bike ride
and then the twenty six mile run
and from about a mile
thirteen or fourteen on and iran it hurt a lot
and you know pulled me through it wasn't all the great work is going to workouts
that i have not had a lot of great workouts this summer and fall
a lot of work out when i finished
it was pretty easy and i felt like
superman
the thing that i focus on the thing that i thought about when i was suffering
was the workouts worked out sick
for the workouts where i was tired
and work out for was to call
the workouts weight just didn't happen
and i thought about those workouts and i thought about that pain i i did that i
can do this
so loud your children and the messages
allow them to struggle allow them to work through difficult thing it will
build on that confidence
it'll it will be
it will be for the future and again
the implicit message
implicit can
me intrinsic message
when we feel too guilty
we try to rescue
is seeing them
you're not strong enough you can handle
and that's one of the very first lessons
islanders will raise their kids
remember you're making an investment in your life in your child life for the
future i know this is a big financial commitment for for every family
but it'll it also is an emotional best at hand
sadness the lost of grief
the loneliness that you are investing in right now
we'll have an impact
on your family in the month in the years to come
it's okay to suffer with them it's okay to military near in pain show them how
to do it children that you will it your pencil say me sometimes kind of talk
about missing my child we'll talk about this whole year
that's absolutely
and when you talk about it
it's also ok inappropriate
three minor children
that you're still making this choice
to keep them here
in the fall through with this plan
and then they hear from you
the this important icon
that you can hurt can still make the right decision
japan suffer
is still in there
i think when you get distracted when you don't know what to do with yourself work
on your work
now go to your individual factors
take with you the letters to your children right take with few the letters
that you right
how do you fear appears
listen in
on a phone call with the second nature pappas
so they hear that teams in the messages that we are teaching
work on
the prints for letting go they teach
an alum
and families in on this
and other situations where families are are in this
this this cycle
of the national rescuing
and they want to work on letting go and attachment
needs something
after some reading assignments
if he can't
if you don't have any that are given to reach outing at the sky by gay fairness
in the talks about
his experience analyst at the program
are read mansur trimming medicare frenkel
the the the foundational tax
that we used when we started second nature
ask for signs ask if there are any assignments fee to be working on work on
those
and probably the hardest assignment of all he's been on assignment
you many times especially
in the first
half of the child's program all say the parent
num working with
your some of this week as they do nothing in fact
i want you to include any alleged child this week
i want to see bradystein we do nothing this week
animal kinda waiting for you to get started
and yes i might be the one how fun
throughout the game
goto movie going to make asian
into enjoy yourself it's not running
the child's knows anything
it's in a very healthy way saying to them i'm ok i'm sad
but i can take care of myself
inoculum ie my happiness be held hostage
by your finger at me
by your blame of me
by your own self-defeating behaviors
so sometimes than on assignment can be
he must challenging part of us in our process
so i i i guess my my son is when people ask me about winter programming with
when parents asking about the cold
i explain very briefly
about how we keep each other and safe and warm
and then i just don't apologize and i just explained to them
if you could say child anytime soon and during the winter
an obvious it doesn't work out that way
but the lessons are more more impactful
one-tenth more clear
the body was turned up on the man in a minute
continue as parents
i don't think any of you
one of these two happen it wasn't something where you set up
for your family
this has happened
this is where
their journey has led them in llanview