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So, I want to welcome you to another "Moment
for Moms." Last week we talked about body image. Today we are talking about friendship
and befriending kindness. So, I don't know if you're a girly girl or not,
but growing up I knew that there were girls who run-up I there were girls who had lots of friends, and it just seemed like they were naturally
gifted at being a friend, and then there were other girls who just didn't seem to
have as many friends. Maybe they had one or two, or they hung around with boys
most of the time,
but I believe that there is a type of kindness
that is useful in befriending people
that goes beyond natural temperament,
and that's what we're talking about today. Befriending kindness
is something that we all need to develop. I
went to a camp in Central Texas,
and it was the kind of camp that when you were born, your mothers put you on the waiting list
to go. It was far beyond any kind of camp you'd ever believe. I learned how to bow to the queen there.
Every camper needs to know how to do that. And we did
trick roping. But anyway, as a nine-year-old, I remember
that you started learning a song first time you got there (we were there for six weeks).
And it was the song for the ideal girl,
which was presented at the end of the six-week camp. And so you'd learn to
sing like this: (singing) "I'm singing now,
to the sweetest girl, in all
Camp Waldemar."
(laughs) And then it ends like this: "We'll never
forget her sportsmanship true,
for it be win or lose. And may happiness
shine on the girl so fine. She's the spirit
of Camp Waldemar." And everybody would just be
crying. As a nine-year-old, I longed
to meet this girl who was going to be given this prize at the end of the year,
and you'd look at the 16-year-olds, and you'd say,
"Is that the ideal girl? Is that the ideal girl?" And I
tended to look towards temperament. I looked for the
person who was nice. You know, some people are nice. Some of you are nice, some of you are not so nice.
You know, some in the room temperamentally are that way, and
I'm not saying that we had... (crowd voice)
And I went to camp
from age nine to 16, and we saw all kinds of people
receive the ideal girl award (and just for your information, I was not
one of them), but I
longed to be that ideal girl. I wanted to be nice, I wanted to be the
kind of girl that people would like. But, it reminded me of the book,
"Pride and Prejudice," if any of y'all remember it. The Bennett sisters.
Remember, the first-born girl, she was like me, she was a first-born. And so she was a
people-pleaser, and she wanted everybody to be at peace with each other, she just
needed everybody to be happy. And she worked in every way she could to get everybody
happy and to have peace. Why did she do it
that way? It was because she was the first-born, and she personally needed
peace. She desired to have peace in the home. So, it wasn't about making peace for
the sake of others, it was about, "I need peace and we are going to have it." The second one
was (I think it was Mary- the one that wasn't very pretty?)
Who was it? (crowd) Elizabeth? So,
the middle one was not attractive, so she figured out a way to be somebody, and
it was like being pious, to be a rule-keeper, to be religious. She had to do it all right, and what she
needed
was gratitude and respect. So, her goodness
was not about being good
for others, it was about being good so people would look up to her. Ok,
she wasn't the pretty one, but she was the religious one, she was the smart one. You know,
so that was her deal. But the last one, was
Lizzie, I think it was.
Yeah, Lizzie is the youngest. And she was the one who was kind of crass,
kind of brassy. A little bit confrontational, not that easy to get along with. She was smart
but
the story progresses and she is humbled into
being a friend and being kind to people.
So her temperament didn't start out that way, but she was humbled
into being that kind of person, and that's what I'm hoping we, as mothers, can
develop. Not that we are temperamentally one way or the other, but that we can be humbled into being
a person who befriends others. Not necessarily who is
naturally good at being a friend or not, but who is humbled
into it. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building
others up according to their needs, that it may benefit
those who listen." So, what this is saying, is that
it's not about what you need, it's about what they need.
That's what befriending kindness is. It's giving to
others in a kind way, in a palatable way, what
they need. And then, verse 32 says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another
forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you."
So being a kind friend, it's implied, that if
you are this
kind of friend, you're going to be offended, you're going to be hurt, and you need to learn
to be forgiving. And this book in Ephesians is written to an entire congregation,
so the assumption there is not that everybody is best friends.
The "one another" part means the people that you come in contact with. So, this whole idea
of being a friend and coming in contact with people,
these principles of kindness are what we need to develop. So it's not so much about
one-to-one friendships or being a best friend or being a BFF
forever, it's about being a friend to someone else, showing kindness
to them. And you may say that's impossible, but is says this,
"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children
and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up to us."
So how in the world are we going to be able to be that kind of
person who continues to forgive, who continues to let people in,
who continues to speak what is good for others instead of what is good for me,
to demand what is good for others and let go of what you think is the best thing
for you?
How can you do that? Can you open your arms
to anybody or are you picky in the way that you do that? The only way we can open our arms
to anybody, is to see Jesus stretching His arms out
for us and being nailed to the cross. He's the One that
changes us, He's the One that can enable us to have this kind of steadfast
kindness, and that is the mom's moment for today.
May we be that kind to a friend.
Now, one of the things that I know you are frustrated with, being a young mother,
is that you got chaos in your home all the time. And yet, God has made us
to bring beauty out of chaos in our homes.
And so, Debbie is the best at this. So, throughout the year we are going to
have workshops, and she is going to be bringing ideas of things that you could do to make things beautiful.
Just real quick, and then we'll have workshops throughout the year where we can spend an hour or two on it.
I have been there, and had a
two-year-old and a four-year-old, and so it was fun.
I made it more of a fun thing, and we would do fun
opportunities together, because I like being creative too. And of
course you don't always have the most money
at that time, because you're buying clothes and educating, and
getting ready to do all of that, and trying to get your house started. But,
any kind of decoration that is child-proof and that you can,
you can buy these like at Dollar General, and they come
in all colors and sizes, and you can just create your dining room table
or your kitchen table, or wherever the kids eat, or just
kinda glue one down on the placemat or their
highchair. But, I wanted to show y'all
a couple of samples of things that
you could do, that I hope I'll show y'all how to do.
Ok, this is a little something from Easter. And what I did with it, I
am charged with
in my husband's business, I do little secretary gifts.
And that gets expensive. There's about 24
that I have to do every holiday, so I
really have to try to be creative and keep it,
I can't spend 10, 15 dollars per,
you know, I really have to keep it down. So, what I found, I did last year,
this was a paper,
I found it at Walmart.
But, it was to bake cakes in.
But what I did, was I put a ribbon around it, and made it look like Easter, then I wrapped it
in Easter paper, and I put jellybeans in it
and little grass at the bottom, and it was
not
baking 24 cakes, it was just filling it and presenting it,
and they kept it on their desk. This,
of course with Halloween coming up,
you seem them in magazines,
these, just buy plastic ones
and just put a little sticker on.
The stickers, you can just buy in packs.
Any idea for a birthday party
for kids, or anybody.
Then, this is what I'm doing this year
for the secretaries, and I've started with
a little basket, again, from the dollar store.
And the grass, which you can buy
that feels about six to eight
of these little baskets, and then
I'm filling it full of candy so that they can have it, because they love candy.
And then, a little cookie. This is great for class parties, it's great for
you know, yourselves, or to hand out. I know in some neighborhoods,
parents don't like to hand out anything,
but packaged things,
but if you're having to do something for a classroom- a cookie or a muffin or some things
like this would look cute. And then,
these were on picks,
again- Dollar Tree. I tore them off and glued them
and I'm going to teach y'all, if you don't know,
how to make ribbons, make bows
for every holiday. A bow will decorate
when nothing else will. If you cannot afford
to get your trees and all of that,
you can put black-and-white check, or whatever your theme is
around each one of those light fixtures,
getting a little bit wider ribbon.
That's an inexpensive way of dressing it up.
And then, this, just to give you an idea,
this is a, I found it in the hot dog section,
department for the Fourth of July, and it was for hot dogs.
Well, I turned it around and made it into
a little Christmas goodie, and then all of us make little
Christmas cookies of some kind,
or whatever. Or you can bake
before decorate. You can bake in it because it's that special
paper. But, just glue gun and a sticker.
Isn't that a great idea? Aww, Debbie you're wonderful!
Thank you so much! Well, and any of y'all ideas or
want to learn something, we'll plan some dates if you want to and
we can come to my house
and I'll be happy, and I've also done cooking shows before
so if you would like to learn how to cook something special,
we could do that too. Thank you so much, Debbie. It's going to be fun, isn't it?