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Hello, and welcome to "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jonathan Paula, sitting in for Jory Caron, who's on camera tonight.
Anyway, tonight's experiment is this Olympus digital camera. [Beep]! Why doesn't this work? It was sent in by Shane Knezevich. Let me see if I can turn it on here...
[Beep]! (Hits camera on table) Goddamnit!
This [beep] always works when Jory's hosting! [Beep]! Goddamnit, Jory, this is why I'm not the host! This is really hard! Let's just microwave this piece of junk!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Let's go find out! Here at the Jory Caron Microwave Laboratory, safety is our number-one concern. That's why we hide behind this big, ol' [beep]in' tin foil shield, because nobody...
Riley: (interrupts) Whoa, whoa, hey! Wait, wait- make me love you! Make me love you! Show me happy, happy!
Jory, is this what you put up with every week?! This *** interrupts you every time you try to say...
Jory: Yeah, twice a week, actually...
*Riley snaps picture*
Jory: Wow! That's a Facebook profile right there!
So, you're trying to tell me that, every time you try to say a catchphrase, this stupid *** comes out of nowhere and just interrupts you?!
Jory: Uh, I don't know what you're talkin' about...
Jon: (to Riley) Alright, get outta my face!
Alright, let's go into the laboratory, alright!
*camera snaps photo*
And here, we have our fans, for ventilation, 'cause, like I said, safety is our concern here at the lab. Alright, so in goes the um... Aw, [beep]!
Aw, man! There's so much to remember when you're hosting! This is a really hard job! I don't know how he does it!
Alright, so in goes our Olympus digital camera in Tracy, our Sharp carousel microwave.
Jon: Alright, so I'm just gonna push this little thing right here like that, and we're good!
How long should we put it in there for? You know what? I'M callin' the shots! I don't have to ask anybody! I'll do it on my own! You know what? I'll put it in there for my ATM number: 562...
Jon: No, no, no! Not so fast!
Jory: (eagerly) 562...
Jon: Uh, that's not my number at all! That's not... That has nothing... My number? That's not my number! Okay, and we're ready to go!
Jory: What's the fourth digit?
It's not "1" or anything! (laughs) It's not that at all!
Jon: Alright, camera's away!
Riley: Already on fire...
Jon: Wow! It's pretty much already on fire, and it's already sparking. And that could've been the flash.
Riley: You think so?
Jon: The digital camera doesn't have the batteries in it, but it did have the flash, though. So, there's still a little bit of life left in her. She can still, you know, have a little *** for her buck!
Jon: I like to get quiet when the microwave doesn't do anything. I feel like I can really connect with Tracy on an intimate level.
Jon: Oh! We've got somethin' there! Do you think that's the string? We're really, really horrible about keeping a controlled environment here at the Jory Caron Microwave Laboratory #2.
Riley: We really don't give a [beep]!
Jon: That's probably my fault as the producer. Really, I should be better about that.
Jon: Jory, feel free to talk, too! You don't need to be silent on the stairs, just because you're a cameraman now!
Jory: Nah, I'm learning my space.
Jon: You're learning the craft!
Riley: I feel like the camera has already done its thing.
Jon: I'm not convinced yet. I think Jory cuts these things too early! I'm gonna be a little bit more liberal with my decision and let it keep goin'.
Riley: As you should have been! It's still going, and I feel... Yup, yup!
Jon: Now, the camera is definitely on fire at this point, and I think that's probably not a bad place to have it keep going.
Riley: Yup, three minutes, fifty seconds in...
Jon: This is just a lotta burning! I've noticed the fifth season of "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?", you know, I edit it every week, and I've noticed that I feel like I'm editing fire! It's just a lotta fire!
Jory: So, Tracy gives you a burning sensation?
All the time! Am I right? Am I right?
Riley: Yeah, yeah! He's right, alright!
Jory: Yeah, sorry about that, guys...
Jon: (in overexaggerated Boston accent) I mean, jeez! I'm gettin' sloppy seconds over here, but Christ! This chick's on fire all the time!
Jon: Back to our experiment at hand! We can see that the digital camera is definitely...
Riley It is definitely engulfed in flames!
Jory: If pictures are a thousand words, how many words do you think THIS is?
Jon: I'm gonna say at least like five or six, maybe? This is what I'm talkin' about right here!
Jory: It's actually only three words: "camera on fire"! You guys are wrong!
Jon: Yeah, you're an idiot! This moment right here is when you're not gonna get your camera pictures off that card anymore!
Riley: Nope! Talk about burning images, eh? (laughs)
Jon: "Hey, Mom, can you burn those images to a camera for me?" Not gonna do it!
Riley: "I accidentally threw it in my microwave!"
Jon: Alright, so I think we should give this thing a stop.
Riley: Alright, ready? I get it, it's alright.
Jon: I think it actually already did stop, which, um...
Jory: We didn't even notice!
Maybe that's a bad thing? Maybe it's broken? Who knows? We'll find out in a minute!
Jon: Uh-oh! We might've killed Tracy!
Jory: Jory's gonna be pissed!
Jon: Jory's gonna be pissed!
Jory: Don't tell him! Seriously, don't tell Jory, he's gonna be pissed...
Riley: Don't tell Jory!
Jon: Let's open her up! Turn the fan on to "high" here!
Riley: No, no, "high" is the second one...
Jon: I'm learning as a I go! I'm new at this, alright? Alright, stand back!
Riley: Oh, wow! Look at the smoke!
Jon: This is incredible! I've never seen it from this angle before! I'm always over there! Let's take a peek inside...
Jon: Oh, dude, check that out! She's gone, she's gone! I'm gonna pick it up by the camera strap here... Alright, that didn't work too well! I'm just gonna toss it over here!
Jon: Okay, this [beep]'s still sparking in there, man! This is scary!
Jon: This thing's falling apart! This is unsafe!
Riley: Pick up the thing and just pour it out. Yeah, there you go!
Jon: (in overexaggerated Boston accent) Alright, we're gonna dump it out over here, 'cause this thing scares the crap outta me, and I'm not gonna touch it! Just dump it right there, and there you go- that's what you've got!
Jon: (in overexaggerated Boston accent) We put that in for five minutes. Now, if Jory were doing this, he probably would have stopped it at, like, one, 'cause he's a pansy!
Jon: (in overexaggerated Boston accent) Now, see, I did it, and I'm kinda regretting it now, 'cause this is probably cancer here! This is what we're inhaling now! And what's this? What's this business? Is that my camera lens? Not anymore!
So, you're probably wondering, is it a good idea to microwave an Olympus digital camera? No! It's not a good idea to microwave this digital camera!
Riley: (in overexaggerated Boston accent) Forget about it!
So, for "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?", I'm Jonathan Paula. Jory Caron's on camera tonight- let him know how he did! See ya later!
Well, see ya later!
*end credits play*
Welcome back, my friends! I have sad news... Our Sharp carousel microwave, Tracy? Unfortunately, in my ONLY episode, I've killed her!
Jory: You son of a ***!
It's actually rather fitting! Jory gets to kill microwaves all the time! So, it's fun that I get to! But, as you can see, we'll take a quick look inside Tracy one last time...
*funeral montage music plays*
*funeral montage music ends*
Jon: Around here? THAT'S when she died! Mostly this section here... Not good for ya!
Jory: I hope the microwave fans will want justice as much as I do!
Oh, they'll get justice! New microwave next week! Stay tuned for that. In the meantime, if you see a pitch-black microwave show up at a flea market, don't haggle over the price, because it's worthless!
Goddamnit, why doesn't this work?! Jory, this is all your fault! If you were the host, this wouldn't be a problem!
*Jory cries out in pain*
This is why I'm the cameraguy! It's so much easier over there!
*Jory winces in pain*
Riley: You hit him right in the [beep]in' balls!
Did I accidentally hit you in the balls?