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♪♪♪
(Anthony) MEAT.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT.
TENDER, SMOKY,
SLOW-COOKED BUT STILL MOIST,
STICKY WITH SAUCE, FALLING OFF THE BONES.
YOU KNOW IT. YOU'VE SEEN IT.
CHANCES ARE IF YOU'RE ANY KIND OF AMERICAN, YOU LIKE IT.
BUT HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH?
TODAY WE'LL FIND OUT.
(man) AAH, YEAH!
I'M ANTHONY BOURDAIN.
THAT'S RIGHT!
I WRITE. I TRAVEL.
OH, LOOK OUT NOW!
I EAT, AND I'M HUNGRY FOR MORE.
♪ OOH, YOU'VE GOT TO ♪
♪ GET LOST ♪
♪ NO RESERVATIONS ♪
KANSAS CITY--
ARGUABLY THE BARBECUE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD.
TURN YOUR HEAD, THERE'S ANOTHER PIG WEARING A BOW TIE
OR A COW PERCHED ON A POLE.
IT'S TERRAIN THAT'S BEEN, YOU'D THINK,
PRETTY WELL PICKED OVER BY EVERY FOOD SHOW HOST
SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME,
THE GLORIES OF ITS SMOKED MEATS PHOTOGRAPHED FROM EVERY ANGLE.
BUT WE'RE HERE TO PROVE DIFFERENT.
LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR RIGHT UP FRONT,
IF I HAD ONE BITE OF BARBECUE LEFT TO EAT ON THIS EARTH,
I'D PROBABLY GO WITH SOME NORTH CAROLINA WHOLE HOG.
BUT IF I WANTED TO DELVE MOST DEEPLY
INTO A WIDE SWATH OF VARIOUS MEATS,
A DIVERSITY OF ANIMAL PARTS,
STYLES, FLAVORS,
TO REVEL IN THE GLORIOUSNESS OF THE DIFFERENCE,
K.C. IS WHERE I'D BE.
PIG IN ALL ITS MANY TEXTURES.
BEEF, SAUSAGE,
LAMB, CHICKEN,
EVEN CATFISH.
RIBS, BRISKET,
ENDS, AND SLICES.
IT'S A WONDERLAND.
AND EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, THERE'S SOMEBODY
WHO RESPECTABLE OPINION WOULD HAVE IT
MAKES IT THE BEST.
YOU'VE GOTTA LOVE A PLACE THAT HOLDS THEIR TRADITIONS DEAR
AND WHO TEND TO HAVE VERY STRONG OPINIONS
ABOUT WHO DOES IT RIGHT.
BUT IF I'M GONNA PLUNGE THIS DEEPLY INTO PURE AMERICANA,
HOE THE WELL-WORN ROW OF PINK RINGS AND TAILGATE PARTIES,
MAYBE IT'S RIGHT THAT I SEE IT FRESH,
THROUGH THE WIDE-OPEN EYES OF A STRANGER TO THIS LAND,
A NEWCOMER TO OUR SHORES
FOR WHOM THE GREAT STATE OF MISSOURI
IS AN EXOTIC PARADISE,
ITS CUSTOMS AND PRACTICES AS FOREIGN AS TIMBUKTU.
SO WHY HERE, TONY?
WHAT'S OUR NEXT THING TO LEARN?
(Anthony) YOU MAY SEE DESERTED WAREHOUSES...
YEAH.
UNDERVALUED PROPERTY. I SEE OPPORTUNITY.
I'M SPEAKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT THIS MAN,
ZAMIR GOTTA,
INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY,
BON VIVANT, ASPIRING TELEVISION HOST.
I WILL TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY
BETWEEN PLYING HIM WITH ANIMAL PARTS
TO TUTOR HIM IN THE MYSTERIOUS WAYS
OF FOOD AND TRAVEL TELEVISION.
IT'S NOT THAT HARD, REALLY.
IF HISTORY TEACHES US ANYTHING, ANYBODY CAN DO IT.
LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT RIGHT AWAY.
WE'RE AVOIDING WHAT ARE EASILY THE MOST ICONIC
OF KANSAS CITY BARBECUE EMPORIUMS,
ARTHUR BRYANT'S AND GATES.
YOU KNOW THEY'RE GREAT. EVERYBODY SAYS SO.
AND THEY'RE RIGHT. THEY ARE GREAT.
MY FAVORITE PLACE IS OKLAHOMA JOE'S,
JUST TEN MINUTES WEST OF STATE LINE ROAD
OVER IN KANSAS.
WE PROBABLY COULD HAVE SKIPPED THIS PLACE, TOO,
BUT I JUST WANTED TO EAT HERE.
SO WHAT ARE THE PRINCIPLES OF BARBECUE I NEED TO--
I SHOULD UNDERSTAND?
BARBECUE? WELL, WE'RE MOSTLY BEEF.
BEEF IS KING HERE.
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, OUR BARBECUE IS SAUCY...
RIGHT.
THICK, RICH, SAUCY, SPICY,
TOMATO, MOLASSES. IT'S SWEET.
BONJWING LEE IS A NATIVE OF KANSAS CITY
AND THE MAN BEHIND THE WELL-KNOWN
AND RESPECTED FOOD BLOG "THE ULTERIOR EPICURE."
HE'S EATEN AT SOME OF THE WORLD'S BEST RESTAURANTS,
AND HE KNOWS HIS (bleep).
ALL-AROUND BEST BARBECUE IN, UH, KANSAS CITY?
YOU'RE SITTING AT IT.
YOU--YOU THINK SO?
YEAH, OKLAHOMA JOE'S.
WHAT MAKES KANSAS CITY BARBECUE PARTICULARLY GREAT
IS THE VARIETY.
OPINIONS VARY ON WHO'S GOT THE BEST BURNT ENDS
AS OPPOSED TO RIBS AS OPPOSED TO BRISKET.
OKLAHOMA JOE'S, MY OPINION--
YOU COME HERE FOR THE RIBS
AND THE BURNT ENDS.
THOUGH DON'T GET ME WRONG,
THEY HAVE GOOD CHICKEN AND PULLED PORK, TOO.
FIRST RULE OF BARBECUE IN MY BOOK--
DO NOT WASTE PRECIOUS REAL ESTATE WITH A BUNCH OF SIDES,
NO MATTER HOW ENTICING.
SAVE MAXIMUM SPACE FOR BURNT ENDS
AND THE LONG-END PORK RIBS.
OH.
(Zamir) WOW.
HOLY CRAP, THAT IS AMAZING.
WOW.
(woman) PULLED PORK, BURNT ENDS,
AND HERE'S YOUR CHICKEN.
PEOPLE SAY THERE'S A CRISIS IN THE STATES.
BY THE AMOUNT OF FOOD SERVED, WHERE IS THE CRISIS?
I MEAN, THE PLACE IS FULL.
AND I'M HUNGRY FOR MORE, TONY. THANK YOU.
YEAH.
AND SO IT BEGINS WITH THIS YALTA CONFERENCE OF MEAT--
A NEW YORKER,
A KANSAS CITY-BORN ASIAN-AMERICAN,
AND A RUSSIAN.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GUESSING
YOUR RIGHT-WING, RED-STATE TEA PARTIERS LIKE IT.
(Bonjwing) OH, FOR SURE.
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
NOW SERVE THE PORK AND PASS THE AMMUNITION.
OUTSIDE KANSAS CITY LOOKING IN,
WHAT DO YOU THINK PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND
ABOUT KANSAS CITY BARBECUE, THE MENTALITY HERE?
I DON'T THINK THEY UNDERSTAND HOW SERIOUS IT IS.
MM-HMM.
PEOPLE HERE ARE SERIOUS ABOUT THEIR BARBECUE.
HMM.
THE BURNT ENDS ARE IMPECCABLE.
PULLED PORK IS MUCH BETTER THAN I, UH--THAN I REMEMBER.
I WAS DETERMINED TO AVOID THE RIBS,
BUT, DAMN, THAT'S GOOD.
THE KANSAS CITY BARBECUE SOCIETY ALONE
HAS ABOUT 30,000 MEMBERS.
AND THE AMERICAN ROYAL BARBECUE COMPETITION HERE
IS THE LARGEST IN THE WORLD,
LAST YEAR DRAWING 5,000 COMPETITORS FROM ALL OVER.
JEFF STEHNEY, THE OWNER OF OKLAHOMA JOE'S,
STARTED THIS PLACE IN 1996
AFTER WINNING SEVERAL YEARS RUNNING.
NOW THIS IS VERY DIFFERENT BARBECUE THAN TEXAS,
PARTICULARLY VERY DIFFERENT THAN NORTH CAROLINA.
YEP, ABSOLUTELY.
I GUESS PEOPLE HAVE MORE TEETH OUT HERE.
THE QUALITY OF DENTISTRY MUST HAVE BEEN VASTLY BETTER.
AND I THINK WE ALSO HAVE THE INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY
TO ACTUALLY HANDLE MORE THAN ONE TYPE OF ANIMAL.
YOU KNOW...
OOH, THOSE ARE FIGHT-- THOSE ARE FIGHTIN' WORDS.
TELEVISION IS A CRUEL MISTRESS.
TO BE WITH HER REQUIRES THE SAME QUALITIES
YOU'D REQUIRE OF MADONNA'S CABANA BOY--
STAMINA, ENDURANCE, A STRONG STOMACH.
WHICH IS WHY AS PART OF HIS TRAINING REGIME,
I DRAG ZAMIR'S SMOKY AND STICKY CORPSE
STRAIGHT OUT AFTER ONLY A SHORT NAP
TO MEET THE CHALLENGE OF JACK STACK.
WOW, THIS IS A BIG MENU.
YEAH, IT'S, LIKE, TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
I'M GUESSING IT'S ABOUT THE RIBS HERE.
I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY, 'CAUSE I HAVE A FEELING
THAT THESE ARE NOT GONNA BE AMUSE-BOUCHE PORTIONS.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING NEW HERE.
AND JACK'S DOES NOT DISAPPOINT.
AFTER A FEW BOURBONS, WE TEAR RIGHT INTO THE DELIGHTS
OF THE BARBECUED BEEF SHORT RIB
WITH A FEW AMUSE-BOUCHE OF PORK RIBS,
LAMB RIBS,
LONG, SHORT, SPARE,
AND SO ON.
(speaking indistinctly)
I'M GOING RIGHT FOR THIS MONSTER BEEF RIB HERE.
A HAUNCH OF FLINTSTONE.
WOW, IT SMELLS LIKE--
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
THAT IS PRETTY (bleep).
IT'S GREAT STUFF.
A LITTLE TOO CLEAN IN HERE, BUT...
YEAH.
IT COULD USE A LITTLE MORE FILTH.
THE FOOD HERE--EXCELLENT.
THE AMBIENCE--FAMILY FRIENDLY.
PERSONALLY, I PREFER A PATINA OF FILTH,
AN ELEMENT OF RISK.
BUT LIKE I SAID, THE FOOD--EXCELLENT.
DON'T HOLD THEIR CLEAN, WELL-ORGANIZED DINING ROOM
AND PROFESSIONAL HOSPITALITY AGAINST THEM.
I DIDN'T... MUCH.
ALL OF THE ELEMENTS FOR A HIT SEASON OF TELEVISION PROGRAMMING
ARE RIGHT AT THIS TABLE. THEY'RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.
EXACTLY.
SO FOOD UNITING PEOPLE-- AMAZING.
AND FLATULENCE.
(bleep)! IT'S A HOME RUN.
HOW DID YOU LEARN ALL THIS?
YOU DIDN'T GO TO HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL, RIGHT?
TEN YEARS OF GETTING BUTT-ROGERED BY NETWORKS.
AND THAT'S IT?
IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
I SEE.
I'M TELLING YA,
I SMELL HIT. OR IS IT FECES?
(clears throat)
(sighs) AMAZING, TONY.
OH, YES, ZAMIR IS COMING ALONG NICELY, I THINK.
MEET THE HOST OF THE UPCOMING HIT SERIES
"ICE ROAD GHOST PACKERS"-- OR IS THAT "SIBERIAN PICKERS"?
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE TONE.
BITE AFTER BITE--
AFTER MOUTHWATERING BITE.
MOUTH AFTER MOUTHWATERING BITE.
WELL, CLOSE ENOUGH.
BACON AND CHEESE...
I'M GETTING INTO IT, MAN.
(Anthony) WE JUST NEED A CATCHPHRASE NOW,
SOMETHING LIKE, "WOW, THAT'S A MOUTHFUL."
WOW, THAT'S A MOUTHFUL.
WOW, THAT'S A MOUTHFUL.
I'M GETTING THERE.
THAT'S, LIKE, STEP BY STEP. LET'S GET INTO IT,
LIKE, PENETRATION FROM THE REAR KIND OF THING, RIGHT?
♪♪♪
AT L.C.'s THEY'VE GOT THE PIT RIGHT BEHIND THE COUNTER
AND L.C. HIMSELF
DOING BUSINESS FROM A ROLLING OFFICE CHAIR
RIGHT OUT IN THE DINING ROOM.
THIS IS MORE MY STYLE.
(Anthony) SO YOU'RE STILL WITH US, ZAMIR?
YOU'RE HANGING IN THERE, YOU KNOW, NOT BARBECUE-ED OUT?
(Zamir) NO.
AND THE MORE WE SEE, THE MORE I LEARN,
LIKE, THAT SIGN SAYING "BARBECUE, BASEBALL, AND JAZZ."
SO, TONY, DO I HAVE IT CORRECTLY THAT THIS IS, LIKE,
A CROSS-CULTURAL THING. IT'S NOT JUST THE FOOD.
I THINK YES.
I MEAN, BARBECUE IS A FUNDAMENTAL ELEMENT...
RIGHT.
IN ALL AMERICAN CULTURE.
IT IS PERHAPS THE ONLY TRULY AMERICAN CUISINE TO START WITH.
AND LIKE ANYTHING ELSE THAT'S PURELY AMERICAN,
IT IS A MUTATION OF INFLUENCES FROM AROUND THE GLOBE.
THERE CANNOT BE ENOUGH SAID
ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF THE MYSTERIOUS PINK RING,
BUT THE BURNT ENDS
DEMAND SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
THEY GO BEYOND THE RING.
ANYTIME PROTEIN'S BROWN AND CARAMELIZED,
THE ENSUING FLAVORS AND TEXTURES
ARE REFERRED TO AS THE MAILLARD REACTION,
NAMED AFTER A DR. MAILLARD.
AT L.C.'s THEY TAKE THE BROWNING AND THE BURNING
AND THE CHARRING INTO A WHOLE NEW FLAVOR ZONE.
HERE THEY SAY IT'S ALL ABOUT THE RIBS
AND THE ENDS
AND THE BRISKET SANDWICH,
WHICH I'M PARTICULARLY UP FOR RIGHT NOW.
OH, NOW THIS IS EXCITING.
WOW,
WOW.
THANK YOU.
NOW THAT LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
THESE LOOK UNLIKE ANY BURNT ENDS
WE'VE SEEN SO FAR.
MMM. THAT'S PRETTY AWESOME.
SO THE SAUCE IS AN IMPORTANT INGREDIENT,
IF I UNDERSTAND THIS.
IT'S MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU ADD TO THE MEAT.
NO, IT'S ABOUT THE MEAT FIRST.
OKAY.
IT'S THE PINK RING, DUDE. PINK RING.
THE PINK RING?
PINK RINGS ARE VERY IMPORTANT.
I'M GETTING ALL STICKY AGAIN.
I DIDN'T THINK WE WERE GONNA DO
THE COMPLETE ACT OF DESTRUCTION THAT WE JUST DID ON THIS,
BUT WE-- WE DID WELL.
WE DID WELL.
SO WHAT'S OUR NEXT DESTINATION IN KANSAS?
I'M GONNA GO HOME AND GO TO SLEEP.
WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING ON DOING?
I JUST CAME ACROSS SOME INTERESTING INFORMATION,
BUT IT WAS SOMETHING I DIDN'T QUITE UNDERSTAND.
WHAT COULD BE THE HAIR MUSEUM?
IS THERE ANYTHING WHICH CONNECTS YOU TO THE MUSEUM
WHICH IS...
IT SOUNDS INTRIGUING. HAIR MUSEUM, YOU SAY?
YEAH. WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN LEARNING...
I'D LIKE--PERHAPS YOU SHOULD GO AND REPORT BACK TO ME.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
THE QUESTION OF WHERE ZAMIR WENT WAS ANSWERED LATER.
I SAW THE FILM.
EAGER TO PROVE HIMSELF,
HE APPARENTLY BRIBED ONE OF MY CAMERAMEN
WITH SOME ROMANIAN PRESCRIPTION DRUGS
AND WENT TO A TOURIST DESTINATION
THAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF.
(bell dings)
(Zamir) DATELINE AMERICA.
MY FRIEND TONY THINKS HE IS THE ONLY ONE
WITH ABILITY TO DISCOVER NEW MODELS OF AMERICAN CULTURE.
BUT HE WILL CRY OUT WITH JOY WHEN HE SEES THE JACKPOT
OF GREAT AMERICAN CULTURAL TREASURE I FOUND.
ME RESEARCH BROUGHT ME TO THIS UNIQUE EXAMPLE OF HERITAGE,
THE MUSEUM OF HAIR.
(woman) THIS HAIR WREATH IS THE LIVINGSTON FAMILY,
THIRD SIGNER OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
FOREFATHERS.
MM-HMM.
AMERICAN CONSTITUTION, CORRECT?
MM-HMM.
SEE, THEY HAVE THE NAMES WRITTEN ON THE BACK.
IT'S FAMILY HISTORY. IT'S GENEALOGY
BEFORE THE CAMERA WAS INVENTED.
THIS IS WHAT THEY DID WITH HAIR.
I SEE.
I HAVE SOME FAMOUS PEOPLE
OVER HERE ON THIS WALL.
THIS IS RONALD REAGAN'S MANICURIST.
AND SHE'S A FRIEND OF MINE.
RIGHT.
THAT WAS MICHAEL JACKSON'S HAIR
THE DAY THAT HE CAUGHT ON FIRE.
JOHN KENNEDY.
ABE LINCOLN.
I AM FASCINATED BY STORIES AND EXAMPLES
OF FOLLICLE-RELATED HISTORY.
IN RUSSIA, I STUDY SATELLITE PHOTOS
OF THE HAIR OF MR. DONALD TRUMP FOR SIX YEARS
AT SRPSKI INSTITUTE OF PARANORMAL PHENOMENA,
SO THIS IS FOR ME PARADISE.
WHEN I LOOK AT THESE,
AND PEOPLE ASK ME QUITE OFTEN WHICH IS MY FAVORITE...
RIGHT.
I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE.
I LOVE EVERY PIECE THAT'S IN HERE.
EVERY PIECE IS A PERSON
THAT WAS HERE AT ONE TIME
THAT I CAN STILL TOUCH.
IT'S LIKE YOU FEEL
THAT YOU COULD TOUCH J.F.K.
AT ANY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?
RIGHT UP THERE ON THAT WALL.
AND DON'T TELL MY HUSBAND.
(laughs)
THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER.
AMERICA IS A VERY CONFUSING PLACE,
BUT I THINK I'M GETTING IT.
I INVESTIGATE THE JOYS
OF TYPICAL AMERICAN DINING ESTABLISHMENT,
STROUD'S CHICKEN FAMILY RESTAURANT.
I THINK I'M THE LUCKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD,
NOT ONLY BECAUSE I'M HERE IN KANSAS
AND NOT SO MANY PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF U.S. KNOW ABOUT IT,
BUT FOOD-WISE,
MY MIND IS, LIKE-- IT'S LIKE A BLAST FOR ME,
EVERY--EVERY OTHER PLACE.
AND MY FRIEND COULDN'T MAKE IT FOR SOME REASON.
IT COULD BE A SETUP, SO I'M GONNA CHECK THAT.
BUT I TRUST YOU,
AND I WOULD RELY ON YOUR ACCOMMODATION
ON THE FOOD FRONT.
OKAY.
WE ARE FAMOUS FOR THE PAN-FRIED CHICKEN.
SO THAT WOULD BE MY BEST SUGGESTION.
AHA.
FORGET ABOUT KENTUCKY FRIED, UH, FRANCHISE.
IN SOVIET TIMES,
A MEAL THIS PLENTIFUL WOULD HAVE BEEN UNIMAGINABLE,
EVEN BY MEMBERS OF THE NOMENKLATURA.
LENIN HIMSELF WOULD SURELY HAVE HAD
HIS FAITH IN INTERNATIONAL SOCIALISM TESTED
BY THIS CRISPY, DELICIOUS CHICKEN,
APPARENTLY PREPARED BY SECRET PROCESS
WHICH OWNER DOESN'T WISH TO ENTRUST TO ME,
FILLED WITH NOURISHING QUALITIES
AND EXTRAORDINARY FLAVOR LIKE NO OTHER.
WOW.
BEST CHICKEN I EVER HAD.
I LOVE THE SKIN. I KNOW IT'S CHOLESTEROL,
BUT WHO CARES WITH FOOD LIKE THIS?
THIS CHICKEN IS IVAN DRAGO OF POULTRY.
IT'S AMAZING.
WELL... (clears throat)
THAT'S ALWAYS A DILEMMA. TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT?
I'M, LIKE, TRANSFORMING INTO NEW HAMLET,
AMERICAN HAMLET.
WILL PEOPLE BELIEVE ME? I DON'T THINK SO.
(Anthony) BY NOW, ZAMIR'S HAD IT.
GEESE.
HE'S SO STICKY AND SMOKY THAT AT LAST CONFIRMED SIGHTING,
HE WAS FLEEING FROM AN ARMY OF HUNGRY,
POSSIBLY RABID SQUIRRELS
AS THEY CHASED HIM DOWN THE STREET.
ALONE AND ALIENATED, I WANDERED THE TRACKS.
(horn blaring, bell clanging)
PERHAPS IT WAS THE BOURBON I'D BEEN HITTING ALL DAY,
BUT MY JUDGMENT WAS TEMPORARILY CLOUDED.
AND WHEN A BATTERED VAN PULLED UP
AND TWO STRANGERS OFFERED ME A RIDE
AND SOME MORE BOURBON, I ACCEPTED.
(Black Keys) ♪ EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE REACTING ALL ALONG ♪
THEY SAID THEIR NAMES WERE DAN AND PATRICK.
THEY WERE ON TOUR WITH THEIR BAND, THEY SAID,
THOUGH I SAW NO EVIDENCE OF INSTRUMENTS--
A GROUP CALLED THE BLACK KEYS, I GATHERED,
THOUGH THEY DIDN'T LOOK LIKE ANY ROCK 'N' ROLL STARS
I'D EVER SEEN.
DON'T--DON'T TOUCH THE DUCT TAPE.
RECONSIDERING MY DECISION TO JOIN THEM
IN THEIR VAN OF DEATH AND POSSIBLE DISMEMBERMENT,
I DECIDED TO HUMOR THEM, DIVERT THEM, PERHAPS,
WITH SOME FINE BARBECUE.
SCHLOEGEL'S WOODYARD BARBECUE SEEMED THE PERFECT PLACE
TO GIVE THEM THE SLIP.
FIRST AND FOREMOST A WOODYARD THAT PROVIDED FUEL
TO KANSAS CITY PIT MASTERS,
THEY DECIDED THEY MIGHT AS WELL GET IN THE GAME THEMSELVES.
THE BLACK KEYS, AS THEY CALL THEMSELVES,
CLAIM TO HAVE DRIVEN ALL THE WAY
FROM THEIR HOMETOWN OF AKRON, OHIO,
A KNOWN BREEDING GROUND FOR SERIAL KILLERS, BY THE WAY.
WHEN WE FIRST STARTED TOURING, WE--WE HAD $5 A DAY
WE COULD EACH SPEND ON FOOD.
DAN, THOUGH, WOULD USUALLY SAVE HIS MONEY
TO GO EAT WONTON SOUP.
BAD CHINESE FOOD IS-- IS REALLY...
IT'S AWFUL. IT'S REALLY BAD.
ESPECIALLY BAD WONTON SOUP.
YEAH, THE REAL THICK WONTON NOODLES.
THAT BEING SAID,
I WELCOME THAT BOWL OF SOUP OVER, LIKE,
SOME SORT OF WEIRD BURGER PATTY THAT'S JUST LIKE...
RIGHT.
UNIDENTIFIABLE AND GROSS, YOU KNOW?
(The Black Keys's "Money Maker" playing)
♪ OH ♪
♪ SHE WANTS MILK AND HONEY ♪
AT THE WOODYARD,
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WOOD, ACTUALLY--
NOT HICKORY, LIKE YOU MIGHT EXPECT,
BUT A MIX OF APPLE AND CHERRY.
♪ BUT, OH ♪
♪ THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT GOES ♪
THAT MIGHT BE THE PERFECT FOOD RIGHT THERE.
YEAH.
THE PICKLES ARE MY FAVORITE PART THOUGH,
I MEAN, I HAVE TO SAY.
WHAT'S ONE OF YOUR GUY FIERI JOKES?
I MEAN, IT'S JUST SO EASY, YOU KNOW?
EVERY SINGLE EPISODE IS THE SAME THING.
HE'S ALWAYS EATING GIANT BURRITOS.
AND HE'S ALWAYS LIKE, "***' BURRITO, BRO.
OH, THE SWEET, THEN THE HEAT. OH, MAN."
GOTTA DO THE FAUX GANG SIGN.
I WORKED IN RESTAURANTS FOR FIVE YEARS.
I MET THE CRAZIEST CHARACTERS WORKING IN KITCHENS.
CRAZIER THAN-- THAN MUSIC?
YEAH.
MM-HMM. THE OWNER OF THE RESTAURANT I WORKED IN
CARRIED A LITTLE BRIEFCASE AROUND WITH HIS HANDGUN IN IT.
AND HE WAS DOING A LOT OF ***.
AND HE WOULD GET FURIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING.
HE WOULD, LIKE, TAKE A TOASTER OUT BACK
AND JUST SHOOT THE (bleep) OUT OF IT.
THAT SEEMS ENTIRELY REASONABLE TO ME.
RIGHT,
BUT YOU WORKED IN A KITCHEN.
THOUGH MY RIBS AND BRISKET WERE DELICIOUS,
I COULD BARELY CHOKE IT DOWN,
MY THROAT CONSTRICTED WITH FEAR.
PERHAPS I COULD SHARPEN A BONE
FROM ONE OF THESE TASTY, TASTY CHICKEN WINGS,
USE IT AS A WEAPON IF NEED BE.
WHICH IS, UH, MORE SATISFYING,
THE RECORD OR THE TOURING?
WE'VE GROWN TO REALLY LOVE PLAYING SHOWS.
THE ONLY WAY TO REALLY MAKE A LIVING...
IS THE LIFE.
YEAH.
PRETTY MUCH.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE SELLING ANY LUNCHBOXES ANYTIME SOON?
I MEAN, WE WOULD. WE'LL SELL WHATEVER.
WE DON'T CARE.
REALLY? IS THERE MONEY IN MERCH?
SHOULD I BE LOOKING AT MERCH? I'M SERIOUS.
YOU GUYS ARE SELLING T-SHIRTS OUT OF THE BACK OF THE CAR.
ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GONNA SELL T-SHIRTS?
I DON'T SELL T-SHIRTS,
AND APPARENTLY I'M A (bleep) IDIOT.
WHAT WOULD BE ON MY T-SHIRT?
YOU COULD PUT ANYTHING ON THERE.
(laughing)
IN THE END, THEY DIDN'T KILL ME OR MAKE A SKIN SUIT OUT OF ME.
FOR TRANSIENTS WHO CLAIM TO BE IN A BAND,
THESE BLACK KEYS GUYS TURNED OUT TO BE OKAY.
IN FACT, WITHIN HOURS OF THIS MEAL
THEY BECAME THE NUMBER TWO ALBUM IN THE COUNTRY
AND SOLD OUT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
IN 15 MINUTES.
♪♪♪
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEARN AND TO KNOW
WHAT TONY BOURDAIN THINKS ABOUT HAIR MUSEUM, GO TO...
(man) NAILED IT!
♪♪♪
FROM THE LATE 1800s
UNTIL SOMETIME IN THE '70s,
ORGANIZED CRIME'S INFLUENCE
OVER KANSAS CITY WAS PERVASIVE.
THEY PRETTY MUCH HAD THE TOWN ALL SEWED UP.
IT ALL BEGAN AROUND THE TURN OF THE CENTURY
WITH AN INFLUX OF SICILIAN IMMIGRANTS
AND A SINISTER EXTORTION OPERATION
CALLED "THE BLACK HAND."
PAY OR DIE WAS PRETTY MUCH WHAT IT MEANT.
FROM THIS TINY ACORN GREW A MIGHTY BUT ROTTEN OAK.
WHAT BROUGHT THE KANSAS CITY MOB TO NATIONAL ATTENTION
WAS THE KANSAS CITY MASSACRE.
WHERE FOUR LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS,
INCLUDING AN AGENT OF THE FBI,
WHERE SHOT AND KILLED
DURING A BUNGLED ATTEMPT TO FREE A PRISONER.
TOM PENDERGAST WAS THE POLITICAL FRONT
FOR A SEETHING UNDERWORLD.
FIXED ELECTIONS, A BRIBED POLICE FORCE,
FRAUD, INTIMIDATION
WERE PRETTY MUCH THE ORDER OF THE DAY.
THE MACHINE WAS SO POWERFUL
THAT THERE WOULD VERY LIKELY HAVE BEEN
NO PRESIDENT TRUMAN WITHOUT PENDERGAST AND THE MOB.
WHEN TRUMAN RAN FOR SENATE,
PENDERGAST PROVIDED 75,000 FRAUDULENT VOTES,
PROPELLING HIM TO VICTORY AND THE NATIONAL STAGE.
(cheers and applause)
THROUGH THE '50s, '60s, AND '70s,
THE OUTFIT WAS RUN
BY THE LESS-THAN-AMIABLE NICK CIVELLA,
WHO ENDED UP DYING IN PRISON.
IT IS MY BELIEF THAT BEHIND "CITIZEN KANE"
AND THE EARLY WORKS OF ROBERTO ROSSELLINI,
THE PATRICK SWAYZE MASTERPIECE "ROAD HOUSE"
IS THE FINEST FILM EVER MADE.
BACK IN THE BAD OLD DAYS,
KANSAS CITY WAS NOT TOO FAR FROM THAT WORLD OF CORRUPTION,
CRIME, AND VIOLENCE.
IT TOOK 20 YEARS BEFORE PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN
WERE REALLY COMFORTABLE
WRITING ABOUT THAT SUBJECT.
LOCAL EXPERT TERENCE O'MALLEY
MEETS US AT B.B.'s LAWNSIDE GRILL
TO DISCUSS THOSE TIMES.
I MEAN, THE ITALIAN COMMUNITY HERE,
THEIR LIVES WERE TOUCHED BY IT, YOU KNOW.
THEIR RELATIVES WERE--
AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER, THEY WERE EITHER PERPETRATORS
OR THEY WERE VICTIMS OF IT,
AND IT WAS A VERY REAL THING TO THEM.
LAWNSIDE'S BEEN SELLING THE BLUES
AND BARBECUE FOR OVER 20 YEARS
AND FEELS LIKE THE KINDA PLACE
WHERE SWAYZE'S OTHERWORLDLY MULLET
COULD'VE BLOWN FREE.
THIS WAS A GOD-FEARING SECTION OF THE COUNTRY. STILL IS.
YEAH.
WHY IS IT IN THOSE SAME STATES--
I MEAN, IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR THE VICE CAPITALS OF AMERICA...
I MEAN, YOU HAD NAKED LUNCH HERE.
YEAH, YEAH.
RIGHT? BACK IN THE '30s AT THE CHESTERFIELD CLUB?
ABSOLUTELY. THE CHESTERFIELD CLUB,
WHERE WAITRESSES WORE CELLOPHANE APRONS
AND THE *** HAIR WAS CARVED
INTO THE SHAPE OF PIPS OF CARDS, YOU KNOW...
REALLY?
HEARTS, CLUBS, DIAMONDS.
THIS IS FOR LUNCH IN THE '30s.
YEAH, SOUP STRIPTEASE.
DO YOU HAVE THIS IN RUSSIA?
NO, NOT YET. I'M MAKING NOTES.
HERE IT'S SUGGESTED YOU WANT THE BURNT ENDS,
ALSO RIBS,
AND THE CATFISH.
YES, DEFINITELY THE CATFISH.
I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU GUYS.
NO PROBLEM.
WOW, THAT'S A BIG DAMN FISH.
YOU'VE GOT SMOKED CATFISH.
YOU'VE GOT BURNT ENDS.
YOU'VE GOT PORK RIBS.
AND BEER.
AND BEER.
(Zamir) YEAH.
I THINK ALL OUR BASIC FOOD GROUPS ARE COVERED HERE.
THANK YOU. YEAH, THE RIBS ARE INDEED AWESOME.
SO NOT ONLY DID THEY HAVE
RELATIVELY SMART MOBSTERS HERE,
BUT UNLIKE MANY CITIES,
UM, THE MOB AND THE POLITICAL MACHINE
GREW UP TOGETHER.
ABSOLUTELY.
BOSS TOM PENDERGAST HAD CONTROL OF THE TOWN
FOR 13 YEARS.
AS I UNDERSTAND IT,
HE KEPT POLICE SALARIES DELIBERATELY LOW
SO THAT THEY WOULD HAVE TO GO ON THE TAKE
JUST TO GET BY.
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,
WHICH OF COURSE LED TO THE JAZZ SCENE HERE,
BECAUSE BOSS TOM ALLOWED ALL THE SIN BUSINESSES TO THRIVE.
I MEAN, THIS WAS WHERE SWING SORT OF MORPHED INTO BEBOP,
SOME SAY.
IT DID. YEAH, IT DID.
AND OF COURSE, YOU KNOW, CHARLIE PARKER TOOK THAT
AND TOOK IT TO NEW YORK.
RIGHT.
SO THAT'S ONE OF THE POSITIVE BENEFITS
TO, UH, POLITICAL RULE AT THE TIME.
THE MOB BEING FREE MARKET TYPES TO SAY THE LEAST,
INADVERTENTLY BROUGHT ENLIGHTENMENT
IN THE FORM OF JAZZ, JAZZ DANCING,
JAZZ HANDS, AND GAY BARS,
LEADING TO R&B AND EVEN ROCK 'N' ROLL.
IF THERE WAS MONEY IN IT, FINE WITH THEM.
THEY HAD BIG DREAMS BACK THEN, THOUGH,
AND ONE OF THE WONDERS OF KANSAS CITY
IS THE OUTSIZED AMBITIONS OF ITS ARCHITECTURE,
THE GRANDEUR OF ITS FORMER DAYS.
THEY DIDN'T JUST BUILD BUILDINGS.
THEY PUT UP HUGE, IMPOSING STRUCTURES
THAT LOOKED TO LAST FOREVER.
THE SAVOY IS A HOLDOVER FROM THOSE GLORY DAYS
WHEN POLITICIANS AND MOBSTERS
AND MONEY NEW AND OLD WOULD CONGREGATE
AT THE SAME CENTERS OF POWER.
HARRY TRUMAN AIN'T HERE.
THIS HOTEL HAS BEEN OPEN
CONTINUOUSLY SINCE 1903,
EXCEPT DURING THE DEPRESSION.
I THINK IT CLOSED FOR THREE WEEKS.
CHARLES FERRUZZA IS A LOCAL RADIO PERSONALITY
AND FOOD CRITIC.
HE EATS HERE AT THE SAVOY EVERY COUPLE OF YEARS,
JUST TO MAKE SURE, I SUSPECT,
THAT INDEED NOTHING HAS CHANGED.
I THINK THE AMAZING THING
IS THAT IT'S STILL INTACT.
IT IS AN AMAZING-LOOKING ROOM,
BUT I'M LOOKING AT THIS MENU. THIS IS A (bleep) MENU.
I MEAN, THERE IS JUST TOO MANY DISHES
TO POSSIBLY DO ALL OF THEM WELL.
THERE ARE SOME DISHES HERE
THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN ON A MENU IN--IN 30 YEARS,
LIKE TOURNEDOS ROSSINI,
LOBSTER NEWBURG, LOBSTER THERMIDOR.
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW A CRèME DE MENTHE SUNDAE
ON ANY MENU?
NO.
"UNTOUCHED BY TIME" WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT--
THE CRACKERS IN THE BASKET WITH THE NAPKINS,
THE VETERAN WAITERS,
SCONCES, STONEWORK,
DARK WOOD BAR.
THE MENU, TOO,
SEEMS EQUALLY UNTOUCHED BY MODERN TIMES
OR FASHION OR GOOD SENSE.
CHARLES GOES WITH THE DEVILED CRAB
AND CRAB CAKES,
SOME FRIED FROG LEGS--
CLASSIC GARNI OF LEMON WEDGE AND PARSLEY SPRIG.
I'M GETTING A STEAK AND POTATO,
WHICH IS WHAT I RECOMMEND YOU DO.
MMM. IT'S PRETTY GOOD, ACTUALLY.
GOOD STEAK. VERY GOOD.
IF YOU CAN'T FIND
SOME LOVE IN YOUR HEART FOR SOMEPLACE LIKE THIS,
ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING HOW HARD THEY'RE HOLDING ON...
THE PLACE ISN'T EXACTLY BUSY, UNFORTUNATELY,
BECAUSE, LET'S FACE IT,
THEY DON'T MAKE ROOMS THIS BEAUTIFUL ANYMORE,
BUT THE MENU-- LET'S CALL IT WHAT IT IS--
INSANE.
♪♪♪
(Zamir) I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH FROM TONY,
'CAUSE IT'S NOT JUST A BURGER,
IT'S A BURGER WITH CHEESE,
AND NOT JUST ANY CHEESE.
OWNER BIFF JERKINS
MAKES HIS OWN SPECIAL BLEND OF CURDS.
AND HE IS SERVING IT UP COWBOY STYLE.
YAY, BUCKAROO!
THIS IS
AMAZING BAGEL
AND CREAM CHEESE ON TOP,
WHICH MAKES ME FEEL
GLORY, DUDE. YEAH.
(bleep) SURREAL.
(Anthony) ONE FINAL STOP
ON OUR BARBECUE STATIONS OF THE CROSS.
ROSEDALE'S IS A PLAIN BRICK BOX
THAT'S BEEN AROUND IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER FOR 70 YEARS.
(Zamir) MORE BARBECUE.
FINAL PUSH, MY FRIEND.
COULD I TRY CHICKEN AND PORK RIBS THEN?
YES, I THINK-- YEAH, I THINK YOU CAN.
THE BEEF BRISKET SANDWICH CALLS TO ME.
ZAMIR, HOWEVER, CANNOT BE DETERRED,
INTRIGUED BY SOMETHING CALLED A FLYING PIG.
WHAT YOU ORDERED IS KNOWN AS THE FLYING PIG.
SERIOUSLY?
AND IT'S A HALF OF A CHICKEN,
THREE RIB BONES AND THEN A SIDE.
I'M A FLYING PIG.
OKAY, FLYING PIG.
IT'S MY NEW IDENTITY.
SO I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT SOME SERIOUS BUSINESS.
THE SECRET TO SUCCESS IS ALL IN THE INFLECTION.
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT JUST A BOTTLE OF BEER.
IT'S A REALLY EXCITING BOTTLE OF BEER.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE EVERY WORD SOUND LIKE THE NEXT BITE OF FOOD
IS GONNA BE FILLED WITH GOLD NUGGETS.
IT'S NOT... (speaking indistinctly)
THIS IS A FORK.
FORK.
(bleep) FORK.
THE FLYING PIG WILL EXPLAIN
WHERE TO PUT IT.
THIS IS A FAMILY-FRIENDLY SHOW, DUDE.
OH, LOOK AT THAT.
IS IT THE FLYING PIG?
(woman) YES.
AND WHY FLYING PIG? I MEAN, WHAT'S THE ASSOCIATION?
CHICKEN WITH WINGS AND THE PORK,
SO FLYING-- FLYING PIG.
I'M READY TO TAKE OFF.
(laughs) OKAY.
IT'S ALL ABOUT--I'M READY TO CROSS-FERTILIZE IN THIS CITY,
IN THIS COUNTRY.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO REPHRASE THAT.
OH, YES.
OH, YES.
THAT'S A SANDWICH, RIGHT?
THAT, MY FRIEND, IS A SANDWICH, YES.
THIS IS THE SPICIEST BARBECUE SAUCE I'VE HAD.
OKAY.
THAT'S GOOD.
I HAVE TO ADMIT, I'VE BEEN SERIOUSLY WON OVER
BY THIS CHEESY CASSEROLE STUFF.
MORE, PLEASE.
THAT'S THE CHEESY THING.
OH, MY GOD.
WOW.
AWESOME, DUDE.
AM I SO HAPPY AND LUCKY.
AM I GOING TOO FAR WITH THAT?
I DON'T KNOW. WE'LL WORK ON THIS LATER.
I-I DON'T THINK I GET THE WHOLE PICTURE
OF WHAT QUINTESSENTIAL AMERICAN LIFE IS
UNLESS I REALLY GET SOME FEELING...
OH, WE'LL--WE'LL STRAIGHTEN THAT OUT TOMORROW,
BECAUSE I'M GONNA INTRODUCE YOU
TO A LITTLE THING CALLED FOOTBALL.
SHOULD I BRING SOME CONTRACEPTIVES?
NO, YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING, MY FRIEND.
JUST BEHOLD--
BEHOLD THE RATINGS GOLD THAT WILL ENSUE.
OKAY, LET ME CONCENTRATE ON THE FOOD THEN.
YEAH.
LET'S NOT TALK POLITICS. YEAH, YEAH. MMM.
♪♪♪
A DISTANCE AWAY AND A WORLD APART
FROM THE BIG-CITY BARBECUE JOINTS,
AN ORGANIC SHEEP FARM CALLED GREEN DIRT FARM AND DAIRY,
WHERE LOCAL CHEFS DAVE CRUM AND HOWARD HANNA
ARE BUSY DOING WONDERFUL THINGS TO GRASS-FED LAMB.
STUFFED WITH SAUSAGE
AND SOUS-VIDE-ED SHOULDERS AND LEGS,
WRAPPED IN CAUL FAT,
LEFT TO ROAST SLOWLY, SLOWLY ON A SPIT.
THE STUFFING GETS MIXED WITH SWEETBREADS
AND KIDNEYS,
WHITE BEANS LEFT UNDER THE LAMB TO CATCH THE DRIPPINGS.
(Anthony) LOOK AT THAT, ZAMIR.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.
MY QUALITY OF LIFE IN NEW YORK IS JUST COMPLETELY (bleep).
(laughter)
(Bonjwing) OH, HERE COMES THE MEAT.
YEAH.
ALONGSIDE THE LAMB-- POTATO SALAD WITH PORK JOWL
AND PICKLED ONIONS,
CIDER VINEGAR COLESLAW,
AND CORNBREAD.
WE'RE JOINED BY OUR BLOGGING FRIEND BONJWING
ALONG WITH GREEN DIRT FOUNDER
AND HEAD CHEESEMAKER SARAH HOFFMAN
AND HUSBAND JOHN SPERTUS,
COFOUNDER JACQUELINE SMITH,
AND EVENT MANAGER TONY GLAMCEVSKI.
BEING A BARBECUE CAPITAL-- IS THAT A BURDEN IN SOME WAYS?
I DON'T--I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT IS.
I MEAN, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT FARM-TO-TABLE.
EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT LOCAL, LOCAL, LOCAL.
MM-HMM.
BUT REALLY, I THINK REGIONAL FOOD
IS WHAT'S MISSING IN THE U.S.
THERE'S A LOT OF COOKS, LIKE, OUR AGE
WHO HAVE GONE OUT IN THE WORLD AND COME BACK.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT USED TO BE. PEOPLE WENT AWAY,
AND THEN IT WAS--THEY GOT SUCKED INTO THE BIG CITY.
(Dave) THEY NEVER CAME BACK.
A LOT OF THE BARBECUE RESTAURANTS HERE IN KANSAS CITY
HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR A LONG TIME.
AND IT'S WORKING THE WAY THEY'VE BEEN DOING IT.
YEAH,
BUT THINGS ON THE PRODUCTION SIDE HAVE CHANGED
BEFORE THEY'VE HAD TIME TO CATCH UP.
WE'VE TALKED A LOT ABOUT THAT IN THE PAST.
YEAH.
LIKE, WHAT IF--YOU KNOW, WHAT IF STROUD'S HAD GOOD CHICKEN?
(laughter)
LIKE, REALLY, IT WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER.
AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT IT WOULD EXPRESS OUR LAND
AND OUR REGION, AND IT WOULD BE UNIQUE TO US.
IT WOULD BE REGIONAL.
PARDON MY BLUNTNESS, BUT YOU GOT SOME CHEESE KICKING AROUND?
MAYBE SOMETHING OLD AND DRY?
(Sarah) WE HAVE SOMETHING--
WE HAVE A COUPLE OF REALLY OLD CHEESES
THAT WE CAN'T REALLY VOUCH FOR.
SOUNDS LIKE MY KIND OF CHEESE.
OH, YEAH,
THAT'S PRETTY. WHOA HO HO HO.
WAIT A MINUTE. BACK UP HERE. YOU MADE THIS?
YES.
YOU MAKE A FUNKY, SOFT, RIPENED, STINKY CHEESE?
GOOD FOR YOU.
ANY NOTIONS THAT IT'S ONLY BARBECUE
GOING ON AROUND HERE
SHOULD BE ERADICATED FROM YOUR BRAIN NOW.
THAT IS REALLY EXTRAORDINARY.
JUST 'CAUSE WE SPENT NEARLY AN HOUR
SHOWING YOU NOTHING BUT,
DOESN'T MEAN THIS AREA ISN'T PACKED WITH GREAT COOKS
AND CHEFS DOING AMAZING THINGS. I'M JUST SAYIN'.
(Anthony) CHECK THIS OUT, MY FRIEND.
MMM.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
IT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION.
I MEAN, I-I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT
FOR TEN YEARS, OKAY?
TONY KEEPS ASKING ME.
WHEN PEOPLE ASK YOU DIFFICULT QUESTIONS LIKE THAT,
YOU SHOULD JUST TURN TO ME AND SAY, "WHAT IS IT I DO?"
AND I WILL ANSWER,
"HE'S AN INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY AND CONSULTANT."
MY BUDDY. YOU SEE? I HAVE THE GURU IN LIFE.
SO I DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.
(laughter)
EAT, GRASSHOPPER, EAT,
BECAUSE TOMORROW YOUR MOST IMPORTANT TRIAL,
A JOURNEY TO THE VERY HEART AND SOUL OF AMERICA,
A TRADITION THAT CUTS RIGHT TO THE BONE
OF THE AMERICAN DREAM.
THEY CALL IT FOOTBALL.
(indistinct conversation)
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO A TAILGATE PARTY.
DOES THAT MAKE ME, LIKE, GAY OR SOCIALIST?
IT'S CERTAINLY SUSPICIOUS, I'VE COME TO UNDERSTAND.
BUT (bleep).
SO LET'S PACK THE PACKERS, RIGHT?
YES!
(woman) PACK THE PACKERS.
(laughter)
REALLY, THE PERVERSE POINT OF THIS WHOLE EXERCISE
IS TO DO EVERYTHING IN ONE SHOW THAT I'VE ALWAYS AVOIDED,
TO EMBRACE THE FOOD NETWORK BEAST,
HOLD IT TIGHT, SQUEEZE UNTIL ITS EYES POP OUT
OF ITS EMPTY SKULL.
(laughs) THAT'S AMAZING. LOVE IT.
OKAY, I DON'T THINK YOU NEED THIS YET.
YEAH.
I THINK WE SHOULD PACK THIS ASIDE.
THANK YOU. IT DISTRACTS ME.
YEAH.
I TOLD ZAMIR I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING,
BUT I DON'T.
(man) DRINK THE SACK!
WHAT IS IT?
FRANZIA.
(man) FRANZIA-- THE GOOD STUFF.
(cheering)
I, TOO, MAY AS WELL HAVE GROWN UP IN MOSCOW.
GIVE IT A BIG SLAP! GIVE IT A BIG SLAP!
(man) YOU GOTTA SLAP IT.
GIVE IT A SLAP.
NO!
(all) OH!
(Zamir) WOW.
CHIEFS! CHIEFS!
I EVEN GOT YOU A JELL-O SHOT.
A JELL-O SHOT, EH?
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A JELL-O SHOT?
NEVER.
NEVER.
I'M OPEN TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES.
(man) HERE WE GO.
HOW WAS THAT?
THAT IS GOOD. NOW DID I SEE CHEESY CORN OVER THERE?
COME HERE. YES.
I BELIEVE I DID.
GO PACK!
GO PACK!
JELL-O SHOT, ZAMIR? I TAUGHT YOU EARLIER HOW TO DO THESE.
YES.
SHOULD I--OH. OH, THAT'S GOOD.
CAN YOU SHOW ME AGAIN?
(Anthony) OH.
I LOVE AMERICA!
(man) YEAH!
WOW.
I'M NEVER MAKING IT TO KICKOFF.
WHOO!
I MAY NOT KNOW OR CARE ABOUT FOOTBALL,
BUT I LIKE FOOD AND LIQUOR
AND THE COMPANY OF FELLOW ENTHUSIASTS IN THIS SECTOR.
AND I VERY QUICKLY COME TO REALIZE
THAT IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT FOOTBALL AT ALL.
IT'S ABOUT A TEMPORARY CITY
OF REALLY GOOD FOOD
AND LOTS AND LOTS OF ALCOHOL...
♪ ICE, ICE, BABY, ICE, ICE ♪
THE CAMARADERIE
OF A LARGE AND SPIRITUALLY CONNECTED TRIBE.
I CAME HOME LAST NIGHT DRUNK
AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING AND COOKED THESE RIBS.
REALLY? THAT'S-- THAT'S DISGRACEFUL.
THAT'S SERIOUS COMMITMENT FOR ME.
BOTTOM LINE--IS THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT THE GAME,
OR IS IT ABOUT EATIN' AND DRINKIN'?
MY QUESTION.
EATIN' AND DRINKIN'.
NO HESITATION.
(man) WHAT ARE YOU WEARING CHIEFS FOR?
WELL, IT'S JUST LIKE TO PACK THE PACKERS.
OH, GOOD...
RIGHT?
I'M SORRY. I'M COLOR-BLIND, GUYS.
I AM COLOR-BLIND, SO...
IT'S TRUE, ACTUALLY.
NO, YOU GOT IT RIGHT. YOU GOT IT RIGHT.
HE IS COLOR-BLIND.
JUST THE ONLY COLOR I KNOW--THE RED!
(Zamir) DO YOU NEED SOME QUARTERBACKS FOR THE TEAM?
NOW UNDERSTAND,
THE KANSAS CITY CHIEFS ARE GIVEN, LIKE, ZERO CHANCE
OF BEATING THE GREEN BAY PACKERS TODAY.
WHEE.
WHOO! TOUCHDOWN!
THE PACKERS ARE ON A NEARLY UNPRECEDENTED WINNING STREAK,
AND EVEN THE MOST LOYAL PARTISANS HERE
IN TAILGATE LAND
ARE REALISTIC ABOUT THEIR CHANCES.
SO WE'RE HOPING. WE'RE HOPING. YOU NEVER KNOW.
BUT WHAT THE PACKERS NEVER COUNTED ON
WAS THE ARRIVAL OF A LUCKY CHARM...
COULD I INDULGE MYSELF FOR A MINUTE?
A FORCE, A TALISMAN
WHOSE VERY PRESENCE IT WOULD SOON BE ACKNOWLEDGED
SINGLE-HANDEDLY CHANGED THE CHIEFS' FORTUNES
AND PROPELLED THEM MAGICALLY TO VICTORY.
WOW!
(cheering)
(Zamir) I FEEL LIKE A TSAR!
TONY, THE TSAR OF KANSAS.
THAT ANGEL WAS ZAMIR.
LET'S PACK THEM!
(chanting) OH!
EVEN NOW THEY SPEAK OF HIM IN KANSAS CITY
WITH HUSHED VOICES AS "THE ONE,"
THE STRANGER WHO BROUGHT, FOR ONE MAGICAL MOMENT,
VICTORY.
COME ON, GUYS! LET'S PACK THE PACKERS!
COME ON!
(all chanting) OH!
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
TOMORROW I'M GONNA BURN THESE STICKY, SMOKY,
AIRBORNE GREASE-INFUSED CLOTHES
AND GET MYSELF A NICE, GREEN SALAD
WITH A HUNK OF BRISKET ON TOP.
BUT FIRST, A NIGHTCAP
AND A COUPLE OF BOURBONS AT THE CIGAR BOX.
(cheering)
(Anthony) I'M TELLING YA, I LIKE THIS MAN.
I WANT HIM AT MY NEXT BIRTHDAY PARTY.
WELCOME TO THE CIGAR BOX TONIGHT!
(cheering)
FLOWERS?
I DON'T--
IS IT A ROMANTIC, UH, TIME OUT FOR US?
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING.
WHAT A PLACE, TONY.
CHEERS.
WILL KANSAS BE DIFFERENT
FROM A NEW YORK CITY BAR ON FRIDAY NIGHT?
THIS IS NOT KANSAS. THIS IS MISSOURI.
WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY.
I FEEL HOME. MY KIND OF CROWD.
(cheering)
WHERE MIGHT TWO GENTLEMEN OF THE WORLD,
WEARY FROM MANY COCKTAILS, GO FOR A LATE-EVENING BITE?
TOWN-TOPIC, OF COURSE, WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT,
ESPECIALLY WHEN DRUNK AND HUNGRY.
THIS IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK-***.
YOU KNOW, YOU GO OUT, AND YOU HAVE A COUPLE OF COCKTAILS,
AND THEN YOU HAVE A NICE BURGER
TO SOP UP THE ALCOHOL.
THIS IS--THIS IS AMERICAN TRADITION,
WHAT MADE AMERICA GREAT,
WHAT GAVE US THE STRENGTH TO WIN THE COLD WAR.
I THINK NOT. THERE'S SO MUCH MORE ABOUT THE WHOLE COLD WAR.
IT WAS CHEESEBURGERS THAT WON THE COLD WAR.
CHEESEBURGERS AND ROOT BEER.
PRETTY MUCH EXACTLY LIKE THIS FOR 40 YEARS
AND GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR CLOTHES SMELL
LIKE YOU'VE BEEN SWIMMING IN A DEEP FRYER,
IT'S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR LATE-NIGHT DELICIOUSNESS,
A MASSIVE, PROPERLY GREASY CHEESEBURGER,
ENDURING SYMBOL OF FREEDOM.
THAT'S LOOKING GOOD.
MMM.
THAT IS DEEPLY SATISFYING. IT'S THE ONIONS
THAT MAKES IT.
MM-HMM. IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
(straw squeaks)
THAT'S REALLY FILLING.
SO NOW TO SLEEP,
TO DREAM, WELL...
YEAH, LET'S DREAM WELL.
THE CHANCE TO FART.
(laughs)
SEE...
AMERICA IS A GREAT COUNTRY, MY FRIEND,
A GREAT COUNTRY.
YEAH. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THE EXPERIENCE.
(geese squawking)
(man) COMING THIS FALL TO A STATION NEAR YOU...
FINGER OF GOD.
THIS HUNGRY *** IS IN A HURRY...
IT'S A HOME RUN.
A HURRY TO DISCOVER AMERICA'S MOST DELICIOUS FOOD.
MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
JOIN HOST ZAMIR GOTTA...
WHAT A PLACE.
AS HE CHOWS HIS WAY FROM TRAILER
TO TOWN HOUSE...
TO GOOD TO BE REAL.
PARKING LOT TO *** LAB...
(clears throat)
SEARCHING FOR AMERICA'S TASTIEST TRAVEL TIPS.
INTERESTING.
HE'S THE RUSHIN' RUSSIAN...
AH, YEAH.
I NEED TO PACE MYSELF A LITTLE BIT.
AND HE'S COMING TO YOUR TV
THIS FALL.
(laughs)
(Zamir) CAN YOU TASTE THE AWESOME?
(laughs) YOU DESERVE IT. HMM!