Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
So, you and Rachel tonight, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
It's actually our first official date.
Wow, so tonight may be the night.
You nervous?
Nah. No.
This is the part I'm actually good at.
What must it be like
not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?
It's okay.
How can you be so confident?
Well, I-I know exactly what I'm going to do.
Really, like you have a routine?
No, no, no, no, no.
See, each woman is different.
You have to appreciate their uniqueness.
Really?
No, I do six things.
First, I look deep into her eyes,
then I kiss her.
Next, I take my hand, and I softly graze her thigh.
You mean, like this?
No, not like that.
No. No, like this.
Ah, I see what you mean.
That's quite nice.
( clearing throat): Foosball?
And beer.
Yeah.
Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
and NBC
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪
♪ Your month, or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to fall ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, sweetie.
Wow.
Hey, stop staring at my wife's legs.
No, no.
Stop staring at your sister's legs.
I'm sorry, it's just...
How'd you get so tan?
She went to one of those spray-on tan places.
You got a spray-on tan?
Chandler gets pedicures.
Wh-What, you do?
Like with the-the toe separators?
Why? W-Why?
Still, I can't believe that's sprayed on.
I mean, it looks really good.
I wonder if I should get one.
Sure, and then you should get a miniskirt
so you can really show it off.
So do you get colors or just French tips?
Here.
Here's their card.
Thanks.
Hey, I know where this place is.
It used to be an *** video...
Florist.
Hey.
Hey, Phoebe.
Oh, you won't believe who moved back to town.
I know, Amanda.
She called me, too.
She's the worst.
Who's Amanda?
She's this girl who used to live
in the building before you did.
And then she moved to England,
and she picked up this fake British accent.
On the machine, this is her message:
( strange accent ): "Monica, darling, it's Amanda calling."
Are you trying to do a British accent?
Chandler gets pedicures.
Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect?
So you know what Amanda said to me
when she got me on the phone?
( British accent ): "Oh, so sorry to catch you
on your mobile."
If you... if you didn't want to get me on my mobile,
then don't call me on my mobile.
I know.
And she's always bragging
about all the famous people she's met.
Oh, I know.
( accent ): "Uh, I slept with Billy Joel."
All right, who hasn't?
Oh, what are we going to do?
I don't want to see her.
Oh, let's just cut her out.
What?
Cut her out of our lives.
Just ignore her calls and dodge her till she gets the point.
Well, I-I guess we could try that,
but it seems so harsh.
Have you ever done that?
Nope, had it done to me, though.
Feels good.
All right, Mr. Geller, right this way.
So, how dark do you want to be?
We have one, two or three.
Well, uh, I like how you look. What are you?
Puerto Rican.
Two, I think a two.
You're going to face the red light.
When the red light goes on, the spray's about to start,
so close your eyes.
When the spraying stops, count to five.
Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks,
then turn around so we can get your back.
You got it?
Spray, count, pat and turn.
Spray, count and pat.
Wow, you catch on quick.
Well, I have a Ph.D, so...
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Miss...
Wait! Wait!
I'm not... I'm not finished counting!
You sprayed my front twice!
You never turned?
No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.
Mississippi?
I said count to five.
Mississippi-lessly?
Well, how-how bad is it?
Not that bad, yet,
but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.
So, how dark is it going to get?
Well, you got sprayed with two two's and...
I'm a four?
Yeah, but your back's a zero.
You're going to want to even that out.
Really?
You might want to get back in there.
Oh, okay.
Wait, wait a minute.
There's no light on the back wall.
How do I know when it's going to start?
Hello?
Ow! My eye! Ow, ah...
Ah!
( spitting )
( grunting )
The same thing happened again.
You got two more two's?
I'm an eight!
Thanks for dinner.
I thought you paid.
Huh, guess we won't be going back there.
( chuckles )
So...
Yeah.
Hey, what do you say
we, uh, move this onto the likes of the couch?
I say, cheesy line, but okay.
What's the matter?
I-I-I don't know. I'm sorry.
I don't know why I did that.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm sorry. Again.
I don't know... don't know what happened.
I must be nervous.
I don't get it. Chandler loved it.
Okay.
I promise, I promise, I promise.
I won't do it again, I really do, I promise.
This is going to be great.
Okay.
Okay.
Uh, w-was that good for you?
( phone ringing )
No, no, don't get it.
Let the machine pick up.
Oh, yeah, it could be Rachel
asking if someone could baby-sit again.
It could be Amanda.
Oh, you're right. Oh!
I was just kidding about Rachel.
Baby-sitting's a gas.
AMANDA ( on machine ): Hello, Monica.
It's Amanda calling again.
I'm in the neighborhood hoping I could
pop by your flat.
You're from Yonkers!
Your last name is Bouvamonteezy.
Let's see.
So should you get this directly,
ring me back on my mobile.
Okay, don't hold thy breath.
( dialing )
CHANDLER: Hello? Is someone on the line?
AMANDA: Yes, I-I was looking for Monica.
CHANDLER: Hang on.
She's right here.
Someone's on the phone for you.
We weren't picking up. It's Amanda.
I get pedicures.
Hi, Amanda.
Uh... actually, now is-is not a good time.
Dinner tomorrow night?
Okay, Phoebe and I will see you then.
Why? Why? Why didn't you just say no?
Well, I said no to her coming over now.
I couldn't say no twice.
I've got this uncontrollable need to please people.
Fine. Fine.
You would not hold up well under torture.
Oh, and you would?
I did.
Uh... Rach, are you sure you want to do this?
Absolutely. Absolutely. I... it's just
a little weird-- it's you, and it's me.
Okay.
Okay, well, uh...
h-how can we make it easier?
Okay, let's work from the top down.
Just work the bra, Joe!
Okay.
All right.
Mm.
Okay, uh...
Mm.
Okay.
All right.
Turn around-- I got to get a look at this thing.
( sighs ): Okay.
( snaps )
Ow!
Sorry.
Well, this is romantic.
( sighs ): I'm sorry!
This had never happened to me before.
I'm an expert at taking off bras.
I can do it with one hand.
I can do it with my eyes closed.
One time, I just looked at one, and it popped open.
I blame your bra.
It's a standard issue bra clasp.
Well, then, I blame you. Yeah.
That's right. You threw me off with all your slappin'.
Okay, look...
Well, I'm really... I'm sorry about that, Joey,
but do you think maybe on-on some level,
you-you... you don't want to take off my bra?
No, I don't have another level!
CHANDLER: Hold on.
There's something different.
I went to that
tanning place your wife suggested.
Was that place... the sun?
Oh. And it gets worse.
Oh, my God, you can do a duet
of "Ebony and Ivory" all by yourself.
How could you mess this up?
It's so easy.
You go into the booth, you count to five,
and you turn around.
How do you count to five?
One, two, three...
Damn it!
( gasps )
I know!
( laughs )
Oh, what is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic?
How was your date with Joey?
Well,
it was... good
until we got back to our apartment,
and then we were fooling around,
and he started to put his hand up my leg,
and I kept slapping it away.
You didn't like that?
Well, it wasn't just me,
all right?
He freaked out, too.
He couldn't even undo my bra.
Wow, really?
One time he just looked at my bar, and it popped open.
I do not know what's wrong with us.
I mean, we-we've kissed before, and that's been great.
But this time it was leading somewhere,
and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me.
Well, you guys have been friends forever.
Remember the first time that you kissed Ross,
how weird that was?
You couldn't stop laughing?
You got through that.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
That's true. That's true.
We can do this.
You're right, you're right, we can do this.
We're just going to power through.
Hey. Ah, Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?
No need, problem solved--
we are powering through.
Chandler, stop.
It's not going to pop open.
You don't know.
Hi, Phoebe.
Hey.
Okay. Is Amanda here yet?
Oh, good.
Hey, look, I am so sorry
for screwing up that cutting-her-out plan,
but I have a new plan.
Chandler agreed to call here
in a few minutes with an emergency.
Oh, well, okay, what kind of emergency gets us both out of here?
Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler
being in a car accident?
Are you kidding? I love it!
Here she comes.
Hi!
( laughing )
Hello! Hi!
It's so nice to see you.
Both of you, look at me.
Look how young I look.
Oh, gosh, we have so much to catch up on.
But first things first.
Touch my abs.
I don't exercise at all.
Oh, gosh. So Monica, you're married.
Yeah. Yeah, his name is Chandler, and he's...
Oh, smell my neck.
It's not perfume, it's me!
It's my natural scent.
M-Musty.
Oh...
Gosh, this is brilliant.
Gosh, it's just like old times.
I'm so happy you two are friends again.
When were we not friends?
Well, it was 1992, and I remember,
because that was the year I had sex with Evel Knievel.
( giggling )
Oh... uh, we were friends in 1992.
No, I distinctly remember you were dodging her calls
and trying to avoid seeing her.
Wait, you were going to cut me out?
Well, kind of.
Oh, my God.
Oh, ***. Should I not have said that?
Oh! I feel like a perfect ***!
Well, in America you're just an ***.
Oh.
( cell phone ringing )
Hello?
Chandler, what's wrong?
Oh, my God, are you all right?
Uh, yeah. I'll be right there.
Oh, I'm so sorry,
but Chandler was in a car accident.
Oh.
Yeah.
Was Mike with him?
Nope!
RACHEL: Hey!
Got champagne?
Yes, ma'am. Ready to power through.
Excellent! Okay, stick it in the ice bucket,
the phone is off the hook,
and in the interest of powering through...
Ooh... ooh!
Okay,
sexy, sexy.
Very sexy, sexy...
All right, let's do it!
Okay, okay, you're scaring me a little bit.
Oh, get over it, soldier, we gotta do this!
Okay.
Okay, ha-ha, you like that, huh?
( mischievous chuckling): Oh, yeah!
You like that?
Let's kick this into high gear, huh?
Oh, oh!
Ooh!
Yeah, baby, I'll show you how we do it.
( whimpering ): No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters!
What?
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
Joey... are you okay?
( voice cracking ): Soldier down!
We are not friends with Phoebe anymore.
If she asks, I protested a little, but... okay.
( door opens )
Oh, Chandler, thank God you're alive.
Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute?
I have nothing to say to you.
Wow, my flat is twice this size. Ooh.
Please, Monica, in the hall?
Ooh, that accident must have been terrible!
You look positively ghastly.
Well, aren't you a treat?
I can't believe you tried to cut me out.
Why, Phoebe, why?
It was... it was right after we were living together,
and you were driving me crazy.
Okay, you were really controlling and compulsive
and shrill.
Well, I'm still all those things!
You're also so generous and kind and scrappy.
I am scrappy.
Exactly.
L-Look, no matter what I tried to do,
I couldn't keep you out of my life.
Of all the people I've cut out,
you were the only one who ever clawed her way back in.
That's because I'm scrappy.
Yeah, you are,
and I'm so glad that you fought your way back in,
because I don't know what I would do without you.
Well, I don't know what I would do without you.
Ah...
( Phoebe chuckles )
Well, I guess we should go back in.
I mean, you gave me another chance.
I guess we should do the same for Amanda.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
All right.
Can you believe it?
I've never had any professional dance training.
Now, let me explain how this works.
You go into the booth, and you push the...
I'm going to stop you right there, Linda.
Okay?
Does it look like this is my first time? Huh?
Now, I want four two's, and I want 'em all on my back.
Okay.
Wait a minute.
There's two sets of nozzles!
Which one is it?!
Which-which-which-which one is it?
Oh...
son of a ***!
What is the matter with us?
Well, I know what's the matter with me.
No...
No, I mean with us, you know?
I mean, is it supposed to be this...
difficult?
( sighs softly )
I don't know.
That fake British woman's a real ***, but she sure can dance.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey, listen, can we ask you a question?
When you and Monica first hooked up,
was it weird going from friends to... more than that?
Kind of. You know, sneaking around,
having to hide from you guys.
RACHEL: No, no, no.
No, I mean... sexually.
Yeah, uh-uh, was there a part of you that-that felt like
it was... really wrong?
Actually, no.
No, it felt right, you know?
It felt like, uh,
"I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time."
I can tell
from your expressions
that's the good news you were hoping for.
Well, I'm going to go continue to spread the joy.
( sighs )
Well, just because it happened that way for them
doesn't mean it has to happen that way for us.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, just because something's difficult
doesn't mean that you quit.
Right, totally.
Yeah. And so we'll just
keep trying and trying
until we... do it.
Yeah, and if it doesn't work,
then we'll just be one of those couples
that never has sex.
( weakly ): That's a plan.
( sighs )
Wow...
I did not see this coming.
I know.
I... I don't get it.
I mean,
I was so sure this was what I wanted.
Mm-hmm.
Me, too.
( sighs contentedly )
Well, how come Monica and Chandler could do it?
I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.
Wow.
I bet you're right.
Mm.
So...
Yeah.
I love ya.
Love ya, too.
All right, I'm going to bed.
Yeah, me, too.
( groaning ): Ooh, yeah.
I'm not going anywhere for a while.
Dude, it's Chandler.
Go away.
I don't want to see anybody.
I know.
I went to the tanning place,
and the same thing happened to me.
You have to let me in.
Really?!
Did you count Mississippily?
You-you're not tanned.
No, I just had to get a picture of this.
( laughing ): I'll see you later.
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org