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(Clifton) WELCOME TO OSCAR'S BARBERSHOP,
NAMED AFTER MY DADDY, WHO PASSED IT ON TO ME.
IT'S BEEN A PART OF WASHINGTON D.C. A LONG TIME.
N CURTIS.
MY OWN BOSS AND LOVIN' EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
AND THIS IS MY LITTLE SISTER, TRACY,
AND HER HUSBAND, LEONARD.
THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY EARL.
AND THIS WONDERFUL PERSON,
WELL, THAT'S MY MAMA.
HEY, CLIFF.
HEY, EARL.
HEY, CLIFF, GUESS WHO'S IN TOWN?
COME ON NOW, TAKE A GUESS.
OK, I SAY IT'S--
WRONG.
.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GUESS.
BUT GUESS ANYWAY.
NOT EVEN CLOSE.
NO, MAN, FREDDIE HAMPTON.
OLD LOVER-BOY FREDDY.
YEAH. WAIT A MINUTE.
[laughing]
♪[trumpeting]
HEY, HOW'S IT GOING, BABY?
[both whooping]
OH, MAN, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HEY, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE THEM OLD ARMY DAYS, MAN.
HOW'S IT GOIN'? I HEARD YOU WERE MARRIED.
NO, MAN, I BEAT THAT RAP.
STILL HAULING THE CHICKS,
OH, STEADY FREDDIE'S ALWAYS READY.
HEY, TEN HUT, 2, 3, 4!
[shouting military orders]
OH, MAN, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HEY, REMEMBER THAT TIME THAT YOU, ME, AND EARL
PICKED UP THEM 3 WACS?
OH, MAN, YEAH.
WE DROVE 'EM DOWN TO THE BEACH
AND YOU HAD THIS WAC LIEUTENANT IN YOUR ARMS AND SHE SAID:
"SOLDIER, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHIN'?"
YOU SAID, "YEAH, BABY," AND YOU TOOK OFF YOUR GOOD CONDUCT RIBBON.
[all laughing]
YOU REMEMBER THAT, DON'T YOU, EARL?
NO.
HE'S STILL THE SAME, ISN'T HE?
OH, YEAH.
TELL ME, YOU SEE ANY OF THE OTHER GUYS FROM THE OLD PLATOON?
NO, MAN. NO. I'M OUT OF TOUCH, YOU KNOW.
HEY, YEAH. I RAN INTO HARRY CLAWSEN A FEW MONTHS BACK.
SERGEANT.
UH-HUH, RIGHT. CLIFF, YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHIN' WILD?
HARRY IS HOW OLD NOW? WHAT, 25, RIGHT?
WELL, DIG, MAN.
HE'S STILL LIVIN' WITH
[both laughing]
YEAH.
MAN, THAT'S TOO MUCH.
(Mama) CLIFTON, COULD I SEE YOU A MINUTE?
25... 25 YEARS OLD AND STILL...
LIVIN' WITH HIS MAMA.
UH, WHO'S WHO?
OH, THAT WHO. UH... UH--UH...
YOU, TOO?
HEY, MAN, FREDDIE, HEY, THAT'S--
THAT'S ONLY TEMPORARY, MAN,
YOU KNOW, UNTIL MY MAMA'S STRONG ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.
(Mama) CLIFTON!
TAKE CARE OF HERSELF? SHE COULD TAKE CARE OF GODZILLA.
IT'S, UH, SURE CONVENIENT LIVIN' WITH YOUR MAMA,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY, EARL?
MAN, YEAH. LOOK AT ALL THE POSTAGE YOU SAVE ON MOTHER'S DAY.
UH, VERY, VERY, FUNNY.
BUT, I MEAN, LIKE, THIS IS MY HOME, MAN. I GREW UP HERE.
THERE'S MY SHOP OUT IN FRONT,
THE HOUSE IN THE BACK. AN IDEAL ARRANGEMENT.
LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
FREDDIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' IN TOWN?
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?
I GOT A JOB HERE,
AND JUST SIGNED THE LEASE ON A 2-B
NOW ALL I NEED IS A ROOMMATE.
HEY, WELL, THAT SHOULDN'T BE HARD TO FIND.
YOU KNOW, SOMEONE WHO CAN KEEP UP WITH MY LIFESTYLE.
AHEM.
MAN, I'M PLANNIN' SOME HEAVY,
I MEAN HEAVY ACTIVITIES.
[clearing throat]
I MEAN, I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THAT ACTION MYSELF.
[clearing throat]
YEAH.
YOU BETTER DO SOMETHIN' ABOUT YOUR THROAT.
CLIFF, HOW ABOUT THAT?
HOW ABOUT WHAT?
MOVIN' IN WITH ME.
IT'S A GROOVY PAD AND IT'S ONLY A COUPLE OF BLOCKS FROM HERE.
OH, FREDDIE, YOU SURE MAKE IT SOUND TEMPTIN'.
AND, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT ABOUT GETTIN' MY OWN PAD A COUPLE OF TIMES.
WE GONNA HAVE OURSELVES ONE BIG FAT BALL.
HMM. I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR MAMA?
ALL RIGHT, NOW, DON'T START PLAYING THE DOZENS, MAN.
YOU KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO ASK MY MAMA ANYTHING.
[sighs]
FREDDIE, YOU WANT A ROOMMATE, YOU GOT ONE.
OUT OF SIGHT. WHOO!
(Earl) OH, YEAH?
NOW HOW ARE YOU GONNA TALK MAMA INTO LETTIN' YOU MOVE OUT?
HA-HA, TALK HER INTO IT?
I JUST GO IN AND TELL HER.
HEY, COOL. I'LL GO IN WITH YOU.
[tittering]
NO, UH, FREDDIE, WE'D BETTER SPLIT.
AIN'T NO WAY. I'M GONNA STICK WITH MY BUDDY.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THE WAR TOGETHER.
OH, FREDDIE.
[chuckling]
YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS THE WAR? MMM-MMM.
WAIT UNTIL YOU MEET MAMA IN MOUTH-TO-MOUTH COMBAT.
YEAH.
MAMA, I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
I'LL TAKE IT, MR. GREENWAY,
THANK YOU, GOODBYE.
MAMA...
CLIFTON, REMEMBER THAT RECLINING CHAIR
YOU WANTED FOR YOUR ROOM?
WELL, I JUST BOUGHT IT
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
OH, TE
OH, IT'LL BE PERFECT WITH THAT GREEN PAINT
I'M PLANNIN' FOR YOUR WALLS.
OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY, DID YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING?
MAMA, I'VE BEEN DOING SOME SERIOUS THINKING
AND I'VE COME TO A DECISION.
ABOUT WHAT
YES?
...I THINK MY ROOM WOULD LOOK MUCH BETTER IN BLUE.
CLIFTON.
IT'S NO USE. MY MIND'S MADE UP.
LL RIGHT, CLIFTON, T.
SPILL WHAT?
[whooping]
JUST ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE.
UH, RECEIVE WHAT, JUNIOR?
MY BODY.
WELL, WHO WOULD WANT YOUR BODY?
CLIFF, TO HELP HIM MOVE OUT.
MOVE OUT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
I'M TALKING ABOUT CLIFTON AND FREDDIE
GROOVIN',
IN A PLACE WHERE PRETTY PIGEONS
COME TO SPREAD THEIR WINGS
AND FLY.
JUNIOR, SHUT UP.
JUNIOR, TALK SENSE.
I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO DO EITHER.
WELL, WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?
A PAD
AND GET DOWN LIKE MAD.
AND LAY CLAIM TO A NOBEL PRIZE
IN THE FIELD OF FREELANCE. WHOOPEE.
CLIFTON, WOULD YOU REPEAT IN MY LANGUAGE
WHAT HE'S SAYIN' IN HERE.
AND IF IT MEANS WHAT I THINK IT MEANS,
I WON'T BOTHER.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU NEED ANY HELP MOVING, YOU KNOW,
JUST LET ME KNOW, MAN. I GOTTA SPLIT NOW,
BEFORE MY CHICK, BIG BERTHA BAKER, GETS A TICKET.
WELL, SHE'S PARKED IN A NO-STANDING ZONE.
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW BIG BERTHA HAD A CAR.
SHE DOESN'T. SHE'S JUST STANDIN'.
ALL RIGHT, CLIFTON, START EXPLAINING.
WELL, MAMA, THERE'S NOT THAT MUCH TO EXPLAIN.
AN OLD ARMY BUDDY OF MINE, FREDDIE HAMPTON,
JUST CAME TO TOWN, GOT A NEW PAD,
AND HE WANTS ME TO MOVE IN WITH HIM.
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN IN THE BACK OF MY MIND FOR SOMETIME
TO MAYBE SOMEDAY HAVE A PLACE OF MY OWN.
THIS SEEMS LIKE THE RIGHT TIME TO DO IT.
I UNDERSTAND.
AND IT'S NOT LIKE I WON'T BE SEEIN' YOU ANYMORE.
YEAH.
I'LL STILL BE IN THE BARBER SHOP DURING THE DAY
AND THEN STOP BY TO SEE YOU AT NIGHT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
MMM-HMM.
BESIDES, THE APARTMENT'S ONLY A FEW BLOCKS AWAY
IN CASE YOU NEED ME. WHAT DO YOU SAY, MAMA?
YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION WITHOUT ASKING ME...
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY.
...BUT IF YOU'RE ASKIN' ME, I THINK YOU'RE MAKIN' A BIG MISTAKE.
WELL, MAMA, LEVEL WITH ME.
UH, ARE YOU AFRAID TO LIVE HERE ALONE?
AFRAID?
WHY SHOULD I BE AFRAID?
[laughs]
THERE ARE A LOT OF DEFENSELESS OLD LADIES STILL LIVIN' ALONE
WHO HAVEN'T BEEN MUGGED OR ROBBED YET.
SO I'M RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
NOW IF YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE GETTIN' MARRIED,
I WOULD EVEN HELP YOU FIND AN APARTMENT.
BUT FOR YOU TO GO OFF SOMEPLACE
MESSIN' AROUND WITH AN OLD ARMY BUM--
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, NOW. FREDDIE IS NOT A BUM.
AND HE'S AS CLOSE TO ME AS ANY FRIEND I'VE GOT.
YOU CALL FREDDIE A BUM, YOU MIGHT AS WELL CALL EARL A BUM.
THAT.
UH...
WELL, CLIFTON, IF YOU'VE MADE UP YOUR MIND,
THEN I WON'T STAND IN YOUR WAY.
OH, THANK YOU, MAMA.
NOW, EVERYTHING'S GONNA WORK OUT JUST FINE, YOU'LL SEE.
COME ON, LET'S HAVE A SMILE.
AH, THAT'S MY GIRL.
NOW HOLD THAT SMILE.
THAT'S THE PRETTIEST SMILE IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
DON'T LOSE IT.
HEY, MAMA.
GET UP, SLEEPY HEAD. IT'S TIME TO MAKE BREAKFAST.
(Mama) SOON YOU'LL BE MAKING YOUR OWN BREAKFAST.
GO PRACTICE!
UH, MAMA, I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA ACT GROWN-UP IS?
COME ON, MAMA.
UH, MAMA, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'D LIKE SOME PANCAKES,
COUPLE EGGS OVER EASY, AND A MAGAZINE?
MAMA, THE KITCHEN'S THAT WAY.
AIN'T YOU GONNA MAKE ME SOME BREAKFAST?
MAMA?
SAY SOMETHING, WILL YOU?
HUH.
OK, YOU MADE YOUR POINT,
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO MOVE OUT.
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
NO, BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKIN'.
CLIFTON WANT TO
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THIS HOUSE. ANYTHING.
SE, JUST SUPPOSE
OUSE
S
AND JUST SUPPOSE THAT SHE AND I DECIDE
THAT MAYBE SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO GO HOME THAT NIGHT.
AND SUPPOSE YOU STOP RIGHT THERE.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
CLIFTON, IF YOU WANNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
RUNNIN' AROUND WITH ARMY BUMS
AND MESSING WITH THOSE FLOOZIES, BE MY GUEST.
BETTER STILL, BE FREDDIE'S GUEST.
ALL RIGHT, I WILL.
I THOUGHT YOU'D UNDERSTAND, BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T.
CLIFTON, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO PROVE,
BUT YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A FOOL.
FINE. FINE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS PLANNIN' ON LEAVIN' TOMORROW,
BUT THE WAY YOU'RE ACTING,
I GOT HALF A MIND TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW.
YOU'VE GOT HALF A MIND, PERIOD.
IS THAT YOUR LAST WORD ON THE SUBJECT?
NO, I'VE GOT ONE MORE WORD, GOODBYE.
TRACY, I THINK I OWE CLIFTON AN APOLOGY.
I THINK YOU DO, TOO, MAMA.
CAUSE' THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT,
WELL, CLIFTON'S HAPPY NOW.
YOU KNOW, HE SHOULD STAY WHERE HE IS HAPPY.
♪[music playing]
DYNAMITE?
OH, RIGHT NOW HIS FUSE IS A LITTLE WET.
CLIFF, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET GINGER.
MMM, MMM, HE'S CUTE.
AND WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE HER FRIEND LILY MAY. SHE'S COMING OVER SOON.
LILY MAY?
OR LILY MAY NOT, HONEY. IT DEPENDS ON YOU.
g]
[music stops]
HEY, MAN, WHAT YOU DOIN'?
OH, FREDDIE, HEY, BLOOD, MAN.
CAN'T WE COOL IT FOR TONIGHT, HUH?
AINT' BEEN NOTHIN' BUT CHICKS OVER HERE EVERY SINGLE NIGHT
FOR 3 WEEKS, MAN.
IT'S LIKE A RELAY RACE.
THEY DO EVERYTHING BUT PASS EACH OTHER BATONS.
YEAH, BUT IT'S ALL ARRANGED.
WELL, CAN'T WE SWITCH IT
TOMORROW WE'VE GOT HONEY AND BUNNY COMIN' OVER, REMEMBER?
FREDDIE.
WE MAY NOT LIVE TILL TOMORROW.
BUT, BABY, WHAT A WAY TO GO.
♪[music playing]
PLEASE. MY HEAD.
BLOOD, MY HEAD IS SPLITTIN'.
POOR CLIFFIE.
MAYBE HE'S HUNGRY.
YOU WANT ME TO FIX YOU SOMETHIN' NICE AND HOT TO EAT?
GINGER, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD THAT SOUNDS.
HEY, IF THAT'S ALL YOU NEED, WE'LL GO OUT AND PICK YOU UP SOMETHING.
WHAT DO YOU WANT, CLIFF, FISH CAKES OR CHICKEN POT PIE?
FREDDIE, FROZEN DINNERS AGAIN?
BUT WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE WAY I PREPARE IT.
I'M A FANTASTIC COOK.
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. SHE CAN DEFROST ANYTHING.
I'M SURE SHE CAN.
(Freddie) YEAH, SEE YOU LATER.
HI, EARL.
I JUST HAPPENED TO BE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
AND WAS A LITTLE THIRSTY AND I FIGURED OUT--
EARL, GO HELP YOURSELF.
I'M SORRY.
WEET.
PRIVACY, FREEDOM,
EARL, I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET, MAN.
I HAD MORE FREEDOM AND PRIVACY AT HOME.
YOU'RE JIVIN' ME.
NO, MAN, I MEAN IT.
AT LEAST WHEN I WAS AT HOME,
I COULD GET A LITTLE REST EVERY NOW AND THEN.
.
ALL RIGHT, I ADMIT.
I ADMIT I'M HAVIN' A BALL,
BUT, I MEAN, SOMETIMES IT'S LIKE TOO MUCH.
LET'S FACE IT.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST WILD WOMEN, ***,
AND NONSTOP PARTIES.
THERE IS?
[laughing]
EARL, LET ME PUT IT TO YOU THIS WAY.
AS WE FEAST UPON THE GOODIES OF LIFE,
YEAH.
...THERE'RE THOSE OF US WHO BECOME GOURMETS
AND OTHERS REMAIN GLUTTONS.
THAT'S HEAVY, MAN, REAL HEAVY.
NOW IF YOU'RE THE GOURMET
AND FREDDIE IS A GLUTTON, WHAT AM I?
AH.
A GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
MAMA, HOW'S CLIFTON THESE DAYS?
OH, HE'S JUST FINE.
I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HIM LATELY.
I WONDER WHY HE DOESN'T CALL.
HE DOESN'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO LIFT THE TELEPHONE.
A LITTLE JOKE THERE.
WHERE?
YOU KNOW, I SORT OF ENVY CLIFTON.
I WISH I COULD HAVE DONE WHAT HE'S DOING BEFORE I GOT MARRIED.
IT'S SORT OF LIKE LIVING THROUGH A ROMANTIC NOVEL.
LEONARD, WITH YOU IT WOULD BE A SCIENCE FICTION.
[laughing]
HI, EVERYBODY.
HI, HONEY. WE'RE JUST TALKIN' ABOUT YOU.
YEAH, WE EXPECTED YOU TO ARRIVE IN A WHEELCHAIR.
[moaning]
LEONARD MADE A JOKE.
WELL, THIS IS A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
HIYA, MAMA.
I WAS ON MY WAY TO MEET FREDDIE,
THOUGHT I'D STOP BY AND SAY HELLO.
MMM, LEONARD, LOOK AT THE TIME.
WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE MOVIE.
GO AHEAD, I'LL DO THE DISHES.
WOW. THANKS I'LL SEE YO
NOW, CLIFTON,
SOMETIME I'D LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LATEST COMBAT MANEUVERS.
LEONARD, I'M NOT IN THE ARMY ANYMORE.
I KNOW.
LEONARD, YOU'RE SO NAUGHTY TONIGHT.
YEAH, COME ON, BABY.
WE GONNA SAVE SOME OF THAT NAUGHTY FOR LATER.
WELL, SON, IT'S BEEN 3 WEEKS NOW.
YOU MUST BE COMFORTABLY SETTLED IN THE APARTMENT.
OH, YEAH, MAMA. EVERYTHING'S FINE.
MAMA--
OH, I FORGOT.
I HAD THE CARPENTER OVER THE OTHER DAY
AND WE TALKED ABOUT TAKING DOWN THAT WALL BETWEEN YOUR ROOM
AND THE STORAGE ROOM AND TURN IT INTO A NICE APARTMENT.
OH, REALLY?
YEAH, WITH A PRIVATE ENTRANCE FROM THE STREET.
OH, MAMA, THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC.
JUST THINK HOW MUCH MONEY I CAN GET
WHEN I RENT IT OUT TO A BOARDER.
A BOARDER?
WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS GONNA DO, OPEN A MASSAGE PARLOR?
WELL, DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME SOMETHING?
YES, AND I DON'T QUITE KNOW HOW TO PUT IT.
BUT THERE'S AN OLD SAYING THAT GOES:
N MAKE AMENDS.
WHO SAID THAT?
WELL, IT WAS EITHER WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE OR LEON JAWORSKI.
CLIFTON, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU GETTIN' AT?
MAMA,
I MADE A BIG MISTAKE MOVIN' OUT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS THE RIGHT MOVE AT THE TIME,
BUT I FOUND OUT IT WASN'T.
WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
I'D LIKE VERY MUCH TO COME BACK HOME.
OH, ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL.
[laughing]
BUT I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU DO IT.
WHY?
CLIFTON, DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
E
MAMA.
I'M NOT DOIN' IT FOR YOU. I'M DOIN' IT FOR ME.
WELL, HOW'S THAT?
WELL, FREDDIE'S A NICE GUY, BUT QUITE FRA
I'VE OUTGROWN HIS WAY OF LIFE.
HE'S A LITTLE IMMATURE. HIS INTERESTS ARE LIMITED.
HE'S USED THE SAME 5-DAY DEODORANT PAD
FOR THE LAST 3 WEEKS.
CLIFTON, YOU REALLY DO WANT TO COME BACK, DON'T YOU?
OH, YES, I DO.
WELL, YOU KNOW YOU'RE WELCOME.
BUT I THINK WE BETTER GIVE IT A LITTLE MORE THOUGHT
TO BE ABSOLUTELY SURE.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, MAMA.
WELL, I GOTTA GO.
AND, UH,
THANKS FOR THE UNDERSTANDING.
CLIFTON, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LITTLE LONGER
AND I WANT YOU TO COME BACK IN RIGHT NOW.
I BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO MAKE UP MY MIND THAT FAST.
[exclaims]
MAMA, YOU SURE SURPRISED ME.
NOW.
(Clifton) THAT'S MY MAMA WAS RECORDED ON TAPE
BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.