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I MADE IT THROUGH MY PROCEDURE YOU GUYS
AND IM BACK ...BUT IT WAS HARD 4 ME
AND IT WAS SCARY........ BUT
I WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU GUYS.... A LOT OF PEOPLE ASK ME
WHERE I HAD GOTTEN THE IDEA TO
TO NAME MY DAUGHTER
EN'VIZION... AND ITS A PERSONAL STORY
THAT I DONT TELL PEOPLE BEHIND IT.... MY DAUGHTER.. AGAIN
HER NAME IS EN'VIZION
AND ME GOING THROUGH THIS PROCEDURE, MADE ME FEEL SOMETHING
THAT I WANTED TO SHARE WITH PEOPLE
AND UUUMMMM..... WHEN I WAS YOUNGER
MY DAUGHTER WAS NOT MY 1ST PREGNANCY
I WAS PREGNANT BEFORE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, AND MY MOTHER WAS STILL
ALIVE AT THE TIME..AND
WHEN I GOT PREGNANT..... IT HURT HER
IT HURT MY MOM SO BAD
THAT... THAT IT WAS A HARD
TIME 4 ME... BUT
I GOT AN ABORTION
THE 1 AND ONLY
AND IT TOOK ME 3 YEARS
3 HARD YEARS TO GET OVER THAT DECISION
THAT I MADE IN MY LIFE, IT WAS 1 OF THE TOUGHEST THINGS I
EVER HAD TO DECIDE
IT HURT SO BAD..... AND I NEVA EVA EVA
GOT PREGNANT AGAIN, EXCEPT FOR WITH
MY DAUGHTER EN'VIZION, AND I SAY THAT TO SAY
WHEN I WOKE UP, WHEN I WAS WAKING UP FROM MY PROCEDURE
FROM UNDER THE ANESTHESIA
I DID NOT KNOW WHERE I WAS, I DID NOT REMEMBER
FOR A SECOND, BUT IT FELT LIKE I WAS THAT KID AGAIN
IN THAT PROCEDURE...
WAKING UP... AND I THOUGHT I SAW
MY MOM... STANDING WITH ME. AND IT TOOK ME A MINUTE
TO COME THROUGH, BUT WHEN I DID IT WAS
SO HARD BECAUSE I REMEMBER
THE PAIN BEHIND GOING THROUGH THAT WHOLE PROCESS
AND I JUST WANTED TO SHARE
THIS WITH EVERYBODY BECAUSE I AM GOING TO ELABORATE ABOUT IT MORE IN
MY BOOK....BUT.... I SAY THIS TO SAY
MY DAUGHTER'S NAME IS EN'VIZION BECAUSE
BECAUSE... SHE'S EVERYTHING I ENVISIONED
I NEVER STOPPED THINKING ABOUT THAT CHILD, THAT I NEVER ALLOWED IN
THE WORLD.... AND IT'S LIKE
MY 1 CHILD THAT I DO HAVE..... IS EVERYTHING
THAT I ENVISIONED
SHE'S MY WORLD... AND.... I JUST WANTED 2 SHARE THIS
WITH EVERYONE BECAUSE IT'S SO PERSONAL
TO ME THAT I DID NOT EVER THINK THAT I WOULD BE ABLE
TO TALK ABOUT THIS FREELY BUT... I HAVE TO GET
TO THAT POINT WHERE.. YOU KNOW.. WITH IT BEING IN MY BOOK AND STUFF
AND THEN THERE IS ANOTHER ASPECT AND STUFF OF PEOPLE BEING ON FACE BOOK
AND OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA SITES
BEING CONCERNED WITH WHAT OTHER PEOPLE POST
ON THEIR PAGES, AND ITS PEOPLES FREE WILL TO SPEAK ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT TO SPEAK ABOUT
AND WHEN I SPEAK ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS, IT'S BECAUSE I AM READY TO RELEASE IT
IM READY TO LET GO
AND
THIS JUST BROUGHT BACK AS I SAID, A LOT OF FEELINGS WITHIN ME.. BUT I
JUST WANTED TO SHARE THAT WITH EVERYBODY. I THANK GOD THAT I MADE IT THROUGH PEACEFULLY
AND EVERYTHING IS OK
AND... YEA... IT WAS JUST AN EMOTIONAL FIGHT FOR ME
BUT I THANK EVERYONE WHO PRAYED 4 ME
AND EXCUSE MY VOICE BUT PART OF WHAT IM GOING THROUGH, MY VOCAL BOX
IS KIND OF IF U MAY, IN A TERM
BURNED OUT AND
YEA
(THOUGHTS) >LIFE LESSON LEARNED THE HARD WAY<
YOUR BIGGEST DECISIONS WILL STAY WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. IT DID FOR ME... I THOUGHT MY DECISION TO ABORT MY CHILD, GARNISHED MY ABILITY TO EVER HAVE A CHILD BECAUSE WHEN I WAS READY. PREGNANCY JUST WOULD NOT COME TO ME. THAT BEING; IT RUINED A COUPLE OF MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS TO ME, THAT I WAS TRYING 2 BUILD A FUTURE IN . I WAS ALONE!!! I BEGAN TO FEEL BOTH WORTHLESS AS A WOMAN & HELPLESS TO MY SELF AND I GAVE UP HOPE, THIINKING THAT WAS MY PUNISHMENT FROM GOD. I CRIED PLENTY OF TEARS & MANY NIGHTS BECAUSE ALL I WANTED WAS A FAMILY OF MY OWN. A LEGACY!!! IT TOOK 13 YEARS & NO RELATIONSHIP 4 GOD TO RE-BLESS ME WITH A CHILD AND, I DID NOT HAVE A EASY COMFORTABLE PREGNANCY
THIS IS ME FACING THE PAIN BEHIND MY DECISION THAT HAS NEVER GONE FORGOTTEN, I NEEDED MANY YEARS OF THERAPY TO MANAGE THE GUILT AND EVERY YEAR FOR 5 YEARS I SECRETLY ALONE CELEBRATED WITH TEARS A BIRTHDAY 4 MY UNBORN CHILD. MY WHOLE LIFE COULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT BUT I WILL NEVER KNOW JUST HOW MUCH SO.. HOWEVER TO ME I HAVE 2 BABIES IN ONE & WOULDN'T TRADE HER 4 THE WORLD BECAUSE EN'VIZION WAS GODS GIFT 2 ME AFTER MANY PRAYERS, TEARS, MORE BAD DECISIONS & CONSEQUENCES..... FOR MORE OF MY STORY STAY TUNED IN FOR MY BOOK "TWO GIRLS & THE ROAD AHEAD; LIFE'S DEEP".. THIS IS MY STORY YA'LL...