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Hi there.
I don't have a good life right now.
I have no job. No girlfriend.
Nothing to look forward to.
I feel like nothing interesting is ever to gonna happen to me.
So it makes the days go by much easier
if I revert into my own little world,
and my preferred choice of world is that of a Broadway musical.
Because when you hear this,
you can't help but think something important is about to happen
Interspersed with those dramatic bass notes
The mind floats
It's the start of the show
I'm at the checkout in Tesco
with one too many bottles of Merlot
and to my surprise
there's this beautiful woman with me
in the self-service row.
I try to crack a smile,
and quickly assess what I'm wearing...
I start despairing:
Jogging bottoms with illegitimate stains
and breakfast remains... it's not a good style.
I smile at her, like I've not nothing to lose
She smiles right back, but then she sees my ***
I say "I'm having a party...
would you like to come?" and she says
"Sorry, are you talking to me?"
I immediately panic, and think what can I do?
But I find an inner strength and say:
"Yeah"
She looks straight at me, straight into my eyes,
and then dips her vision and I think
"don't look at my Frey Bentos pies"
But the heat is on, because she's walking my way
And my self-service machine won't let me pay
I start sweating like I've got malaria
She's my unexpected woman in the bagging area
This is the magical bit in the musical
maybe at the end of the 1st act
where they kiss or something
She's getting closer and I think I've got it cracked
The world is turning bright,
even though my checkout has a red light
We're finally starting to flirt!
Then she says:
"Do you know you've got a cornflake on your shirt?"
Unexpected woman in the bagging area.
She types a magic code on my screen,
it changes my light from red to green
like she's done it all her life
and I think
this is my future wife.
She's amazing, she's so lovely,
this woman in blue.
Then tells me I should pay... twelve pounds two
Unexpected woman in the bagging area
Unexpected woman...
Sorry?
No, I don't have a clubcard
in the bagging area.