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Byron Katie: So, who would volunteer to read what you've written? Yes, good.
Woman: "I need Loren to open his heart."
Byron Katie: Is that true?
Have you ever had that thought? "I need my partner to open his heart."
OK, so go there as though it were your Work, because, guess, what? It is.
If you feel stress, this is an opportunity to look at it.
"You need him to open his heart." Is that true?
Woman: I don't know that that's true.
Byron Katie: How do you react when you think that thought, and he does not open his heart? He is not going there?
Woman: Well, I close my heart. I get upset and I feel like this is wrong to be in this relationship, he's not good for me.
Byron Katie: So, you begin to emotionally move away from the relationship.
Woman: Yes.
Byron Katie: And then what do you do?
What do you do? Do you put your coffee cup down on the table a little too loudly?
Woman: I get, like, this sad look on my face.
Byron Katie: Oh, that's a good one. We love that one.
Woman: He hates that.
Byron Katie: Well, why else would we do it?
I mean, after all, don't we want a good relationship?
Give me a stress-free reason to believe that anyone on this planet should open their heart.
Who do you think you are? "You should open your heart." That's it. "Mine is a little shut down now, but you should open your heart."
It's like, "My heart will open when yours does, but you do it first."
So, the whole planet is waiting for someone to do it first.
What happened one day was, I just thought, "Let it begin with me." And stop waiting for all of these relationships: my daughter, my sons.
Who would you be if you were just put on this planet without the ability to believe that?
"He should open his heart." Who would you be without that thought?
Woman: I think I'd be better able to see who is in front of me.
Byron Katie: Yes. "Loren should open his heart." Turn it around.
Woman: "I should open my heart."
Byron Katie: Angel, what do you think he would open his heart to, at a faster rate, the way you look right now, with your heart open?
Or the other woman? When your heart's open like this, do you even care if their heart's open?
It's delicious.
Let's hear the next one.
Woman: "He shouldn't be so judgmental."
Byron Katie: What does he say that's so painful?
Woman: Well, this is really funny, the last thing. He was really mad at me before I left because I don't vacuum anymore.
I mean, he was so mad he wasn't talking to me.
Byron Katie: What does he say? "You don't dust?" Or, "You don't vacuum?" You don't vacuum.
Woman: "And I can't breathe."
Byron Katie: Yeah. "You don't vacuum and I can't breathe."
OK, so say that to me.
Woman: "You don't vacuum anymore. I can't breathe in this room."
Byron Katie: "I'm so glad you shared that with me. My goodness, sweetheart. You can't breathe. I really get that. I really get that."
"And you're right: I don't vacuum. Isn't that strange?"
"You know, we should talk more."
"I'm open."
"What do you think we should do about this?"
"You can't breathe. The floor's not vacuumed. And I'm going to Malibu."
"How can we; what solution can we work out here, between the two of us?"
Woman: That's different from saying, "Well, you know, you could vacuum."
Byron Katie: Yeah, it's different. It's like when you have loving communication, they come to it themselves. 0:04:27.000,0:04:38.000, This could be a man it never occurred to him that he's who's left when you're in Malibu. And he can't breathe.
But when we go like that, you know, they're used to us saying, "You should open your heart, too, by the way, after you vacuum."
"And when that's done, I've got another list."
Until we're clear and we're listeners, we're at war.
All he said was, "You don't vacuum and I can't breathe." What he said was absolutely correct. He just told the truth.
How do you react when you think the thought, that "he should not judge you"?
Woman: Here's how I reacted.
I came to visit my sister in California before I came here and I was telling her how maybe I want to leave him. That was my reaction.
Byron Katie: Yes. If they don't change, I'm out of here.
Maybe the next one will not judge me.
Woman: He'll have an open heart and some money.
Byron Katie: Who would you be without this story?
Who would you be living with this amazing man without your story, "He shouldn't judge me"?
You know, it would be; here's what it's like for me, walking through the house, walking through the house,
just waiting for a judgment to come out. From this. From that.
My children, my husband, my friends, the telephone. From here.
What do I defend against? What could anyone say that would hurt me? I need to look at that.
Otherwise, I live as a façade in the world.
Woman: I really am getting this, and I can say this time that I look forward to that.
Byron Katie: Exciting. There's nothing more exciting.
What could you say that would bring me anger? That's the pearl. It's the diamond.
What do I fight? What am I at war with?
Woman: I'm always looking at what's wrong with him. It seems to be there's so much wrong with him. That's how I think, usually.
Byron Katie: Well, you know, look, stop it.
And I know you can do it because that's what you've been expecting of him.
Just to stop it. We all would if we could.
And any thought I would have that would tear you down as an enemy, I would question and then it drops and I see you.
Any thought that I hold as an obstacle between us I question it and then I get really excited to see if it worked.
And it works or it doesn't. But in my experience, I go in for the love of truth.
That's the thing that cannot be broken. That's what's present.