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[STREETCAR BELL DINGS]
DAKOTA, TONIGHT WAS JUST SO COOL.
UP THE COAST A FULL MOON,
THE ANIMAL GROWL AND MY SCOOTER ROARIN' IN MY EARS!
SORRY ABOUT THAT MUFFLER BURN.
IT WAS WORTH IT.
I'VE NEVER HAD SOMEONE RECITE HIS OWN POEMS WHILE APPLYING FIRST AID.
IT WAS SO COOL THE WAY YOU RHYMED "SALVE" WITH "CALVE."
I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.
YOU M
YOUR FAITH IN MY POETRY'S MEANT SO MUCH TO ME.
YOU GAVE ME THE COURAGE TO CHANGE MY NAME TO DAKOTA.
I LIKE IT SO MUCH BETTER THAN SHELDON FEINBERG.
ME TOO.
[MOANS] OH, BOY. THIS IS HARD TO SAY.
WHAT?
SPOKANE?
THEY NEED POETS IN SPOKANE.
BIG POETRY BOOM GOING ON.
WHAT ABOUT US?
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HERE.
"YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HERE"?
THAT WAS LAME WHEN E.T. SAID IT, OKAY?
MARGARET, PLEASE. I WAS HOPING YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO MAKE THIS MOVE IF YOU HADN'T CONVINCED ME I GOT WHAT IT TAKES!
MARGARET!
BEAT IT, SHELDON!
I SUSPECT BOY TROUBLE.
SHE'S OVER THERE EATING A DOVE BAR, DRIPPING ALL OVER THE SELF-HELP SECTION.
PROBLEMS WITH DELAWARE?
DAKOTA!
YEAH. HE BROKE UP WITH ME LAST NIGHT.
MARGARET, I TELL YOU THIS BECAUSE I CARE.
DUMPED.
OH, NO?
WHAT ABOUT THAT GUY, SHOTGUN?
THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHITE TRASH AND GARBAGE.
OKAY, MAYBE I HAVEN'T MADE THE BEST CHOICES LATELY.
YOU KNOW, I COULD FIX YOU UP WITH A NICE KOREAN BOY.
BUT THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY AND SPOIL YOUR PERFECT LIFETIME RECORD.
REALLY?
SURE. WHY NOT?
DON'T TOY WITH ME, MARGARET.
I'M SERIOUS. YOU COULDN'T DO ANY WORSE THAN I HAVE.
SO CALL YOUR MATCHMAKERS, ALERT THE LADIES IN THE CHURCH GROUP.
SEE FIT.
STAND ASIDE WHILE I BOOT UP.
"C, COLON, BACKSLASH,
SON-IN-LAW."
YOU KEEP A SON-IN-LAW FILE?
THIS ONE JUST GOES FROM "A" TO "PARK."
I KEEP TELLING YOUR FATHER TO FREE UP MORE MEMORY,
BUT ALL HE EVER THINKS ABOUT IS INVENTORY, INVENTORY.
HEY, DANIEL QUAN.
HE WAS VALEDICTORIAN.
UH-HUH. WELL, HE'S IN LOMPOC CORRECTIONAL FACILITY NOW.
INSIDER TRADING.
WHITE COLLAR CRIME. STILL HONORABLE.
OH, WAIT. HERE HE IS.
I HAVE FOUND THE PERFECT ONE FOR YOU.
RAYMOND HAN.
HE IS SMART, WELL-GROOMED.
HOW OFTEN WOULD I HAVE TO WALK HIM?
I TELL YOU, MARGARET, HE'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED.
IABLE,
LOOK. HE'S A DOCTOR.
AND FROM A GOOD TRADITIONAL FAMILY.
WOW, AND CHECK OUT THAT FREQUENT FLYER MILEAGE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT FOR MARGARET'S DATE.
YOU WEREN'T THIS NERVOUS BEFORE OUR FIRST DATE.
THAT WAS HARDLY ANY SUSPENSE.
WE'D BEEN ENGAGED SINCE WE WERE TWO.
YES, GRANDMA.
WITH RAYMOND HAN. HE'S AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST.
OH. GAS IS BIG BUCKS.
YOU CANCELLED WITH RAYMOND AND MADE OTHER PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
OBVIOUSLY YOU INTEND TO DINE WITH YOUR *** INSTEAD.
YOU CANNOT WEAR THAT FOR A TRADITIONAL BOY!
FINE. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO WEAR?
I DON'T KNOW.
HOW ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
EEW!
IT'S SO..."WIFEY."
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY IT MY WAY.
DID YOU MEAN IT... OR NOT?
LL WEAR THE DRESS.
BUT I REFUSE TO WEAR THE JACKET.
BUT IT COMPLIMENTS THE ENSEMBLE
AND MAINTAINS THE INTEGRITY OF THE LINE.
THE JACKET GOES OR THE DATE'S OFF.
THE HELL WITH THE LINE, THEN.
BUT REMEMBER, RAYMOND HAN'S FAMILY IS VERY OLD-COUNTRY.
AND A TRADITIONAL KOREAN GIRL MUST BE DEMURE
AND POLITE TO HER MAN AT ALL TIMES.
SWEETHEART, CAN YOU HELP ME FIND THE FIG NEWTONS?
WHAT AM I, YOUR MAID? I'M TALKING TO MARGARET!
DEMURE AND POLITE. GOT IT.
[SOFTLY] OKAY.
[GRUNTS]
[GASPS] WHERE'S MY SONY?
MOTHER, DON'T WORRY.
COUPLE OF WE
THAT'S...TWO WEEKS!
SO JUST DO WHAT YOU DID BEFORE YOU HAD TV.
THAT'
RAYMOND JUST DROVE UP. OKAY, EVERYONE, MIND YOUR MANNERS.
WE WANT HIM TO SEE THE FAMILY AT ITS BEST.
AND JERRY MATHERS AS THE BEAVER.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[SPEAKS KOREAN]
MR. AND MRS. .
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, RAYMOND.
TH
I'LL GO SEE IF MARGARET IS READY.
AND I'M STUART.
AND THIS IS OUR GRANDMOTHER.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SO YOU'RE AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST?
CARDIOLOGY IS MY GAME.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMS I'VE SEEN A PATIENT WITH HIS CHEST SPLAYED OUT
AND I THOUGHT, "IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE GOOD WORK OF AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST,
THIS GUY WOULD BE SCREAMI'' HIS LUNGS OUT!"
WELL, ENOUGH SMALL TALK. HAVE A GOOD TIME.
I STILL THINK YOU SHOULD WEAR THE JACKET.
RAYMOND WILL RESPECT YOU MORE IF YOU'RE DRESSED CONSERVATIVELY.
I AM NOT WEARING THE JACKET. THIS IS AS FAR AS I GO! LOOK AT ME!
I'M MIDDLE-MANAGEMENT BARBIE!
OH, AND HELLO, KEN.
OF COURSE, HE'S CUTE.
YOU THINK I WANT UGLY GRANDCHILDREN?
I HAVE TO HOLD THEM, YOU KNOW.
HELLO. IT'S A GREAT PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. I'M RAYMOND.
HE BROUGHT FRUIT.
MY MOTHER SAID YOU WERE LOVELY.
AND SHE'S NOT OFTEN GIVEN TO UNDERSTATEMENT.
THANK YOU. [GULPS]
SO, SHALL WE GO?
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T.
NOT WITHOUT MY JACKET.
[MOUTHS WORDS]
OOH! THERE'S S TOO!
HE PICKS ME UP AFTER CLASS, HE NEVER LETS ME PAY FOR ANYTHING.
HE SENDS ME FLOWERS EVERY DAY,
AND LAST NIGHT, RAYMOND CHARTERED A SAILBOAT FOR AN INTIMATE DINNER ON THE BAY.
[SIGH]
COUNT ME OUT.
GOOD ONE.
LOOK. SAUSALITO DINNER THEATER. LOVE LETTERS, STARRING ROSIE PEREZ AND ROSEY GRIER.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
[WITH ACCENT] DEAR ROSEY, I COUNT THE DAYS UNTIL I COULD SEE YOU AGAIN.
LOVE, ROSIE.
HERE'S ONE FOR YOU, MARGARET.
KOREAN FOLK DANCING AT THE PAN PACIFIC CULTURAL CENTER.
OH, GOD.
BAD, HUH?
HAVE YOU EVER FALLEN ASLEEP WHILE YOU WERE THROWING UP?
YEAH, I'M ON A DIET.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DON'T THINK I HAVE A FAT BODY. I JUST HAVE A REALLY BIG HEAD.
I DON'T THINK YOU COULD LOSE WEIGHT IN YOUR HEAD.
YOU CAN'T? OH, GREAT. I JUST WASTED 12 DOLLARS ON A BOOK.
OOH, GOOD ONE!
[SNORTING]
[CONTINUES SNORTING]
RAYMOND.
I HOPE I WASN'T INTERRUPTING ANYTHING.
[GASPS]
THANK YOU.
THIS IS RUTHIE AND GLORIA.
THEY WORK WITH ME AT THE DEPARTMENT STORE.
[RUTHIE, GLORIA] IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
HEY...KOREAN FOLK DANCING.
I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE FIND THIS STUFF DULL, BUT IT'S ACTUALLY A LOT OF FUN.
I WENT LAST YEAR. THIS GIRL IN THE AUDIENCE, SHE RUINED IT FOR EVERYONE.
YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, MARGARET? WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO?
RAYMOND, I'D LOVE TO.
GOOD. PACK SOME SANDWICHES, MAKE IT A PICNIC LUNCH.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US?
NO OFFENSE, BUT I DON'T EVEN LIKE MY OWN COUNTRY'S FOLK DANCING .
...NO.
[PAGER BEEPING]
IT'S THE HOSPITAL. I HAVE TO TAKE THIS. EXCUSE ME.
WHAT?
[DEMURELY] "YES, RAYMOND. NO, RAYMOND.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, RAYMOND."
[GIRLISH GIGGLE]
OH, COME
IT'S LIKE THE MOMENT HE SHOWED UP YOU BECAME A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
WHY DON'T YOU CART HIM AROUND IN A RICKSHAW?
OKAY, SO I TONED IT DOWN A LITTLE. SO WHAT?
NO. AND I NEVER WOULD.
PLEASE! YOU'RE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT IN YOUR HEAD!
I KNOW RAYMOND'S NOT LIKE THE GUYS I USUALLY GO OUT WITH, WHICH IS WHY I LIKE HIM.
HE TREATS ME GREAT, HE'S NOT SOME SELF-OBSESSED JERK,
AND WHEN HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO CALL-- YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS-- THE PHONE RINGS.
SUBSERVIENT?
DEMURE...THEN IT'S MY BUSINESS.
SO SHUT YOUR BIG FAT MOUTHS!
ANYWAY, IT'S NOT LIKE I'M WALKING 10 PACES BEHIND HIM.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
YOU BECOME A DOCTOR, SUDDENLY ALL THESE SICK PEOPLE START BUGGING YOU.
[GIRLISH GIGGLE]