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Warm-up.
Underwhelming.
Public.
Wet.
Fun.
I got an email from the dating site!
That's great!
It was from a Patricia, nickname xoxo_P, or as I prefer it: xoxop.
Oh. Ticked the wrong box, did we?
No. She saw my profile and figured she'd give me a makeover.
Seriously? She's probably gonna ask you to remove your glasses.
Yeah, and the scrunchie.
You got any emails?
Actually, there was this really nice guy who wrote to me. And get this: his username is “He's Not Dead, Jim”.
Does that go with Last Redshirt Standing or does that go with Last Redshirt Standing?
Fascinating?
Fascinating!
Isn't that Will?
Nickname: Don Juan two point O. Yeah, that sounds like him. Maybe I should drop him a line.
Handpressed paper.
Handpressed paper.
Sunrises in Florence.
Sunrises in Florence.
Chocolate.
Violins.
Red roses.
Long talks.
Cuddling on a rainy afternoon.
Gazing into each other's souls.
Also,
puppies.
Hi Book... Pirate... Hi you!
My name's Zelda. You can call me that.
Patricia. So, wanna get started? First steps: contacts, get rid of the scrunchie and show some cleavage.
Are you for real?
Like now. I need to see what I'm dealing with.
In fact, you know what? I'm gonna come over. Just tell me where you live and I'll be there in half an hour.
Hey man!
Hey Zach, I just wanted to thank you for that brilliant tip with the dating site!
Yeah, about that... I have to tell you -
I've got dates lined up for the next three weeks. And they just keep on coming.
It's like paradise. It's all you can date buffet.
Dude, that's awesome but -
You should try it, too! It could do wonders for your love life. Anyways, I gotta go. Talk to you soon.
Thanks for listening, Jerk.
Oh, it's Honor Guard.
Dearest Lainey, I have been awaiting your reply as eagerly as the spring flower awaits the morning sunshine.
Awww. He's so sweet. Good thing Patricia made me write to him.
Let's talk about your profile. Glasses off!
First off, who the *** is Link?
Are you serious? Okay, lesson time. In 1986, there was this game developed for Nintendo by Shigeru Miyamoto and Takashi Tezuka...
So, that's Link. Only in the game version obviously. In the TV -
I get it, I get it. So, basically, you're looking for an underage elf with a big sword.
Big swords are a good thing.
Point taken. He'd still be an underage elf, though. By the way, mirror?
Now go change your clothes and we'll take some profile pictures!
My work here is done. Your profile is updated, you are upgraded and I am off.
To the Patcave!
Zelda? Is that you?
So, Stepford!Zelda, tell me what happened.
I... I'm not exactly sure. There were so... so many of them. And then the ninja squirrels took the cheese.
I'm thinking the make-up might have seeped into your cerebrum. It's a little disconcerting.
You know what's disconcerting? I actually let her do all this to me. It's such a stereotype, it's not even funny.
What? You didn't want to be prom queen?
I don't know whether I should be happy or disappointed if this worked out...
Disappointed.
Ah, it's from Will!
Hi darling, I got your mail. Your profile is so unique and special that I just need to meet you face to face.
How about you give me a call and we'll make it a date? Soon to be yours, Will.