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Sorry
I said sorry.
Everyone's a critic.
You know the Orpheus legend ?
How he plays music so well,
it moves mountains.
Now, I know it's only a myth,
but there's often
a kernel of truth
in even the wildest story.
- So, what if I just tried
- No no.
- It was just a thought.
- Here's another one.
I have a proposition for you, ladies.
Think about being skewered
against the stone a la carte,
or simply giving us what we want
and I do mean 'everything'.
You're not only ***,
you're dreamers.
And you, my dear, are stuck
between a rock and a hard place.
So what do you say
Shall we be civilized about this ?
Why start now ?
Yes !
The cart !
Xena, look out !
Lie down !
Gabrielle, now !
- Come on.
- We need a bigger cart !
Nothing like a good ambush
to liven things up, huh ?
- Yeah.
- Hey, you all right ?
Yeah, yeah, I'm good, I'm good
Considering I was almost road kill.
I'm I'm perfect.
Come on, we've been
in tighter spots than that.
Yeah, yeah you are right.
Yeah.
Since hooking up with you, well,
I've nearly been eaten by a Cyclops.
And, I was almost forced
to marry Morpheus,
and, practically squashed by a Titan.
Why did I just freeze up ?
I don't know, you're burnt out.
It happens.
It didn't happen to you.
No, that's why I always
try to remember :
'Act, don't react.
'
Go with your gut.
We'll have to double back
and take the coast.
It's longer, but it's safer, too.
- I don't think so.
- Sure it is.
No, I mean, I can't go with you.
Gabrielle, it was a dangerous situation.
You'd have been crazy not to be scared.
I froze, which put us both at risk.
- If you hadn't been there, then
- But, I was.
Today, yes.
But what about
tomorrow and the next day ?
I can't expect you
to always be there for me.
It was just one incident.
I can't endanger you.
Don't you see that ?
I'm just a liability.
It's a risk I think I can take.
But I can't.
I can't help you with this.
You're gonna have to figure
it out yourself.
I know.
- Where will you go ?
- The only place I know
Home.
Things are simpler there.
My sister, Lila's there
I can talk to her about this.
What, you can't talk to me ?
Of course I can.
I just
Sometimes, you you need
your family to help solve things.
- I'm sorry.
- No.
I have to find out what's going on
with me and I have to do that at home.
But, you're coming back, right ?
I guess that depends on what I learn.
In a time of ancient gods
warlords
and kings
A land in turmoil
cried out for a hero
She was Xena
a mighty princess,
forged in the heat of battle
The power
The passion
The danger
Her courage will
change the world
Another 22 leagues to go ?
How is it, Man can solve
the riddle of the Sphinx,
but he still can't make a decent
road map ? I don't know.
Please ! Please !
You son of a
Hey there, don't I know you ?
Come on, Come on, yeah.
You're the chatty one.
Boy, you've changed since I saw you.
Oh, well, yes.
You know,
it's a sad story,
- which began with King Sisyphus.
- Sisyphus
- I met him once a fat man.
- Well, actually, he's thin.
- Never married.
- His wife's name is Karras
- and she's lovely.
- Dumber than a door post.
Are we talking
about the same Sisyphus ?
'Fraid this is
where our paths diverge
You sure you're
gonna be all right ?
You know, it's still
a day's walk to Potadeia.
Oh, I'll be fine.
I know a shorcut throught these woods
that'll get me home in no time.
The woods ?
You sure that's wise
The shape you're in ?
Oh, don't worry
the exercise will do me good.
I don't know
you modern young women.
Suit yourself.
Ciao.
Come on.
Excuse me.
Beg pardon.
Sir !
I'm sorry to intrude
What happened ?
Damon's what happened.
Him and his gang of thieves
came for their tribute.
Only, this time, we held some
of the food back
You know, for our son.
Come winter, our little
boy gets awful hungry.
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.
We're well out of it.
You wanna pity someone,
pity the folks of Potadeia.
Potadeia ?
Wait, why, why Potadeia ?
'Cause that's where Damon
said he was striking next.
Thank the gods.
Where is everyone ?
Hurray !
Is that you ?
I can't believe you're back.
I know, I'll explain later.
Listen, a man named Damon, and
his gang, are on their way here.
To sack and burn the village ?
Strip it of everything valuable ?
Old news, Gabrielle.
Damon and his men have been
hitting us for food and supplies
every few months since you left.
They use us while his
men attack other villages.
I don't suppose you've brought
the woman wonder with you.
Who cares ?
We don't need Xena to save us.
We've hired a warrior of our own :
Meleager the Mighty
that's who we're here to welcome.
Isn't he the guy who
single-handedly killed 100 men
- at the battle of Liguria ?
- 200.
- 2 hundred and 50.
- 3 hundred and 17
But, then again, who's counting ?
- Is he dead ?
- Dead drunk !
On three, OK ?
One, two, three !
Now, tell me again how
we got stuck with him ?
You're the only one who's worked
with a warrior before.
A warrior
Xena would never act like this.
It shows a total lack of respect
not just for us, but for himself.
And one thing a fighter
can't afford to lose
is self-respect.
As a matter of fact
Well, if Xena's so perfect, I'm surprised
that you can stand to be around
simple people like us
You know, your family.
What
And so, my friends and fellow citizens,
without further delay,
I give you Meleager the Mighty !
Meleager the Mighty !
Meleager the Mighty !
Greetings, good people of
Potadeia.
Sorry about yesterday's,
illness, but, I'm fit now
and ready to do battle with
someone.
Still, I'm gonna need
a few things, first.
Where's my money ?
Well, it's right here in the strongbox.
If you recall, the deal
was you get half up front
and the rest when
you finish the job ?
Ah, right, just checking.
All right, now, I'm gonna
need an arsenal.
So I want you to go gather your spears,
knives, bows, arrows
anything that's sharp and heavy
enough to become a weapon.
All right, run along now.
That's a very lovely hat, young woman.
You should have her bathed
and brought to my tent.
Lila, look, we need to talk.
Talk ? We haven't talked for months.
Why start now ?
I'm gonna go get our meat skewer.
It's not much of a weapon,
- but at least I can rely on it.
- boiling oil
What's that supposed to mean ?
Sun-dried hard rodents are good
to lift up off the road and
Anyway How am I doing ?
Lila, would you please
tell me what's wrong ?
I already told you
Nothing's wrong.
Nothing ? Well, if that big freeze
number of yours is nothing,
I'd like to see your idea of something.
- Now that would be
- My idea of something.
- Those men work for Damon.
- Let's get Meleager.
So, the Cyclops
says to the unicorn
Meleager, quick !
Damon's scouts are here.
Oh yeah ? Well, that's to bad,
because, this is empty.
- You're drunk.
- Yes.
What'll we do ?
Smart move stopping
right where you are
unless, of course, you want to take
on Meleager the Mighty.
Meleager ? I heard he killed
I heard 5
So, what's it gonna be, guys ?
I can't hold this killing
machine back forever.
Great job.
They're gone.
What're we gonna do
when they come back with Damon ?
That's that's a good question.
It's a cinch he won't be much use to us.
But he has to be !
He's all we've got !
Well, what about getting the other
villagers to band with us against Damon ?
Without a warrior, no one's got
the nerve.
That's why he has to it.
Is it true ? Was it Meleager ?
- Sure as we're standing here.
- They say he killed 500 men at Liguria.
I heard it was six-twenty-five.
But
that's not the number that interests me.
No, the figure I'm thinking of is 50,000
As in the 50,000 dinars that are being
offered for the capture of Meleager.
Who wants him that bad ?
A warlord named Cassius.
Turns out his sons were at Liguria.
Get some water Cold water.
I'm awake !
I'm awake.
I'm well aware
of my surroundings.
Where am I ?
Poder, Pewter, Podoohickey ?
- Potadeia.
- Potadeia.
Do you realize that there are people
out there counting on you ?
And this is what you show them.
What do you know
a farm girl like you ?
How could you begin to understand the kind
of work I do or how I live my life ?
- You might be surprised.
- I doubt it.
Blood, killing, the gore.
It would turn your stomach
to hear about it.
Never mind having to live day after day
never knowing when the next attack will come.
About the sieges ? Who's your enemy ?
Who's your friend ?
What you're going to have to deal with ?
How ? And when you might freeze ?
You lost your nerve.
That's why you drink.
Can you think of a better reason ?
No.
But I can think of
a reason not to.
We hired you to get rid of Damon.
Yeah, well you guys are going
to have to buy some decent weapons.
I'd say a rack of thoses Spartan
javelins would do quite well.
The kind that can shoot through
fifteen sheets of siege wood ?
They make that awful whistling sound
Scares 'em every time That's
what you're gonna hafta buy, yeah.
And with what ? The village couldn't
afford both you and weapons.
They chose you.
What good are special javelins
if no one here can throw them ?
The truth is You're all we've got
And you're a worthless drunk.
OK, no more wine until tonight.
No more wine till it's done.
Well, let's not be too hasty
What will I drink ?
My guess is they'll come this way
the most direct route.
Right.
If we don't stop 'em here,
it's the village or nothing.
What do you mean ?
What do you thing of stringing
a garotte along here ?
- What's that ?
- Good idea
- We're gonna need some coverage trees.
- Coverage trees ?
Right You go left,
we'll go right
The first one who finds
coverage shouts out.
Got it ?
- I still don't know what we're doing.
- We're looking for coverage trees
Then we'll anchor
a garotte for the ambush.
- Now, what part didn't you get ?
- All of it.
Never mind.
Xena taught me
what to look for.
Tell me, Gab, is there
anything Xena doesn't know,
or should we build her
a temple right now ?
- Lila, are you jealous of Xena ?
- Jealous ?
No, just because
you chose her over me.
- I didn't choose her over you.
- Sure you did.
But I don't blame you.
Next to Xena,
I must seem pretty dull.
I don't even know
what a coverage tree is.
Lila, we talked about this
before I left.
Now, I thought that you were happy
I was getting out to see the world.
I was happy,
until I realized getting out
meant leaving me.
How come it took you
so long to come home ?
You hardly ever sent word
It was like you forgot I existed.
I never forgot you ever.
Look, Lila, Xena's my friend,
yes, but you're my sister.
Nobody could ever replace you
In fact, you're the reason
I came home for good.
Mealeager must have found something.
Now, look, you see, we have to have
Where'd he go ?
Wherever it is, it's a sure bet
he didn't go willingly.
One guy came in.
He moved here.
Meleager took him down.
Two of them
hit him from behind, and
Fresh drag marks
The kind a litter makes.
And they're deep, which means that
they were carrying something heavy.
Meleager.
Do you think
somebody killed him and
No, if they'd killed him,
they would have left the body
minus the head, of course, as proof.
- I'm going after him.
- Me too.
No.
Look, the important thing
is to safeguard the village, right ?
The people would panic
if they knew Meleager was missing.
You have to stay and make sure
they don't find out.
Will you do that ?
- You want me to join you ?
- Why not ?
You could be worth a lot more to me than
the 50,000 dinars Cassius is offering.
But if I have to, I'll take
the 20 for your head.
Your reputation alone's enough
to make whole towns surrender
to us without lifting a sword.
So, what do you say ?
Remove these chains
You'll get my answer.
You make me sad.
- Take him away.
- Come on.
We caught her near the horses.
Who are you ? What do you want ?
Well, those are
two very good questions, and
not to be answered lightly.
After all, do any of us
really know who we are ?
And as for what we want, well,
I think it was Sophocles
who once said
- Kill her.
- Oh, no.
You know
Wait ! You still want me to join you ?
A little incentive might help.
You know what I mean ?
Why not ?
I'll even throw in my tent
for some privacy.
All the better to persuade you.
Hey, hey, hey Listen, guys.
I really think we can work
this out.
Just listen to me
What, in the name of Zeus,
are you doing ?
- What does it look like ? I'm rescuing you.
- That's not what it looks like.
Maybe not But it will,
now that I'm on the inside.
- You have a plan ?
- Any minute now.
Oh, Meleager
The gods preserve me.
Oh, the gods ! Oh, yes !
No wonder
they call you the Mighty !
Once we're out of here
That ought to slow Damon down, huh ?
- Yeah, we got a lot to do.
- Let's get to it.
Good.
Good.
Nice job.
We need to concentrate on
which part of the village
they're gonna be coming in from
I've got it.
Everyone's clear about
when to stay on watch ?
There's only one thing left to do
and that's to thank the man
whose courage and skill
we can rely on to protect us
a man whose very name strikes
fear into the hearts of his foes.
Fellow citizens, I give you
Meleager the Mighty !
Go on.
Look, the town needs a warrior.
The town has a warrior.
This time tomorrow, you'll be taking the rest
of the money from this strongbox
and leaving, never to think of us again.
But, for the rest of our lives,
we'll always be grateful
for your strength and fearless bravery.
Three cheers for
Meleager the Mighty !
Gabrielle.
I fell asleep on watch.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
It's all right.
It's all right.
I was keeping an eye out.
Besides, you deserved it.
I watched you yesterday.
You know what I saw ?
I saw a competent, caring woman.
You weren't the little girl you were
when I left here.
It just hit me.
You are You've grown up.
Sometimes I just think
I'm growing old.
But you Planning all
those traps, getting set,
Figuring out those strategies
Xena really taught you a lot, huh ?
Yes, she did She taught me
when to fight, when to talk.
She taught me how to know the difference
between a friend and an enemy.
And, she taught me what it means
to have a best friend.
Then, why'd you come back ?
Because some things can't be taught.
Some things,
you either have or you don't.
Like the connection you can
only feel with your sister.
Xena can't teach me that
I already have it
All right, enough
of this mushy stuff.
No We need to be on watch.
I can only imagine what Xena
would say if she saw us.
There they are !
- No, but, I mean, after she said that.
- No, there they are Damon and his gang !
OK, you find Pharis.
Tell him to sound the alarm.
- I'll get Meleager.
Go.
- All right.
Mealeager, quick, they're here !
- I ran into Pharis.
- Where's Meleager ?
- He's not with you ?
- No And look The money's gone.
So is Meleager.
We should have given up
in the first place !
If we give them the food,
maybe they won't
Pharis, let's not panic.
Now,
Meleager was important to us, yes,
Important ? We're farmers,
not fighters.
We counted on him.
He stole our money
and left us to die.
I can't explain why he left.
But, this is our chance to
start counting on ourselves.
Now, we have these traps.
Meleager's the key
to our whole defense.
- Without a warrior, we're dead.
- But, we have a warrior.
- Gabrielle can lead us.
- Me ?
Who better
than a student of Xena's ?
Everybody, please stop !
Listen to me !
I'm no hero, believe me.
But, the way I see it,
we have two choices :
We either take a stand
and possibly die.
Or, we surrender, and die for sure.
It's time to stop talking
and start fighting !
Isn't that right, Gabrielle ?
Isn't that what Xena taught you ?
Right.
Damon and his men
won't be satisfied
till they've picked
this place clean.
Now, if you want a future,
we have to stop them now.
Run along, Gabrielle.
This is a decision for the
whole village, not an outsider.
Hold it ! In case you hadn't
noticed, this is Gabrielle
my sister !
This is her village !
And if you people were smart,
you'd realize that Xena
has taught her more about
the warrior arts
than you'll ever know
about anything !
Damon's men have
cleared the woods.
They're heading
straight for us !
Come on, we've gone this far.
Let's give these sons of griffens
a welcome they'll never forget.
- Now, what do you say ?
- Yeah !
You want food ?
Here ! Take it !
Yes !
Yes !
Yoo-hoo ! Boys !
Give me some of that !
Now.
Hey, mead breath ! Woo-hoo !
Get them !
Yes !
We did it !
Have we done it ?
Have we beaten them ?
No, they've gone to regroup.
Listen ! We surprised them once,
but they won't fall for it twice.
Regroup ? This is madness,
we can't possibly win.
I'm going to Damon
to offer our surrender
- before we're slaughtered.
- No, you can't !
- Listen ! There's gotta be
- You fools !
You let women, children, and old men
kick your behinds !
Now, take this village
or die by my blade !
Front line form !
And move !
Hey ! Hydra-heads !
Am I glad to see you.
Pharis thought you took
the money and ditched us.
I needed the cash
to buy the javelins.
- Gabrielle knew you'd be back.
- That's why I'm here.
All right, ladies, get out
of here Let me do my job
move !
- I did it.
- Guess again.
Move or I'll slaughter her
like a sacrificial lamb !
I swear it.
All right, let's go.
- Oh, my foot ! It's asleep !
- Well, wake it up fast !
Maybe this'll help.
You're real tough with the girls.
Why don't you try
someone your own size ?
Hey ! Look, I'm sorry, OK ?
Can't blame a man for trying.
Act ! Don't react !
Oh, sure, there were
a few tense moments,
but I never had
a doubt that we could do it.
A dinar for your thoughts ?
Don't waste your money.
Then I'll tell you.
You love this village.
Love
your family, your friends.
But you have to leave, and you
don't know how to tell us.
It's not just that.
Oh, Lila, I wanna be a part
of your life.
A day didn't go by that I didn't think
of you, and, I missed you terribly.
You're dreams are elsewhere.
Gabrielle, you are
destined for great things.
Your heart belongs on the road
not here in this little village.
If you stay here, your life
will never be complete.
Live life, Gabrielle.
Don't let it pass you by.
I thought I was
the only oracle in the family.
It doesn't take an oracle to realize
that you belong out there in the world
with Xena,
helping to change people's lives
for the better like you did here.
You knew all along, didn't you ?
Yep.
You're my sister, and I love
you more than anything.
Don't forget to visit us, OK ?
You can count on it.
Well, well, well, we meet again.
I guess you would call this
a little rock and roll.
You're not so brave without
your well-muscled friend, are you ?
Last time we did this,
you and your friend chose
to fight, rather than submit.
Care to rethink your decision ?
Not again !
When did you get here ?
In time to see you vault
that cart Gutsy move.
That was gutsy, huh ?
I didn't freeze.
No, you didn't.
Did you find the answers
you were looking for ?
Yeah, yeah, I did.
You know, it's kind of funny,
don't you think,
that we should just
run into each other, I mean, here ?
Not really I was on my way to Potadeia
just to see how things were going.
Really ?
So you like that move, huh ?
- Yeah, it was all right.
- All right ?
Well, I could teach it to ya.
Meleager the Mighty, the generally
Tipsy and Carousing Warrior-For-Hire
was not harmed during the production
of this motion picture.