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Hey, you're looking
a little under the weather.
You all right?
He most certainly is not.
He dined on that
lovely can of bacon fat
you've been hiding
under the sink.
Aw, geez. Poor little guy.
(doorbell rings)
You know bacon grease
is bad for dogs.
Ironic, considering its vast
health benefits for humans.
Hello.
Hi, guys.
Hello.
Hey.
Sorry
we're late.
Well, that's all right.
We're not having
lunch until 1 :1 5.
Oh, great.
Oh, long night, Niles?
Oh, a bit. We were out
at a party last night.
At Bill Gates' house.
Really?
Some sort of
charity event?
Oh, no, just a few
people over for dinner.
His wife has
been following
Maris's case, and she
wanted to meet us.
It seems the story's
captured everyone's imagination.
People want to get
the inside scoop.
Their house
is enormous.
I got lost
going to the loo,
but a voice in the wall
guided me back.
Sounds like fun.
Anyway, I thought
after lunch
we might stop
by the museum
for the Goya exhibit.
Actually, we're going
tomorrow night with
the Blenkinsops.
Tomorrow? But...
the museum's
closed tomorrow.
Not for Bunny
and Bruce.
Well. Oh.
With all the rarefied elbows
you've been rubbing lately,
I'm surprised you could
find the time for lunch
with a commoner like me.
Oh, now, stop, but if
we could get going,
I have a perfume launch at 4:00.
Oh.
(doorbell ringing)
It's a pretty lady
holding some mail.
Oh, you didn't pull
that trick again, did you?
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Step aside. Don't let her
slip it under the door.
Hello.
Hi. Sorry to disturb you.
Some of your mail
got mixed in with mine.
Oh, dear. How
did that happen?
Some of it just seemed
to be jammed in there.
Uh-huh.
Really? Well, you know,
we must make allowances
for our mailman.
He's a veteran.
So, uh...
my name's Dr. Frasier Crane.
Caroline Harwich.
Nice to meet you,
and this is my family.
My father, Martin Crane.
Hi.
My sister-in-law, Daphne,
and my brother, Niles.
You look awfully familiar.
Have we met?
I am somewhat
of a media figure.
No, your brother.
Oh, you're Niles Crane
from that big *** case.
I saw you on the news.
Mmm. He's been on
three times this week.
He's practically famous.
Oh, well...
hardly famous.
Yes, my brother doesn't like
to toot his own horn.
You know, I was discussing that
very personality type today
on my very popular radio show.
Oh, right, right--
Dr. Frasier Crane.
Yes.
Yes, my mother listens to you.
Oh.
Well, anyway, it was
nice meeting you all.
Yes, likewise.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
Yes, bye.
You know, isn't it nice to know
there are still
honest people in the world?
How come your mail
never gets mixed up
with that sweaty
fat guy's upstairs?
We should, we should
really be running along.
Yes, yes, you know, I'm afraid
we'll have to be
lunching at Vindaloo.
I couldn't get us in
at le Toque.
Mmm...
Oh, n...
Well, you know,
maybe I should call.
I've had the best luck
with restaurants lately.
Well, they swore that they were
absolutely booked solid.
Oh, dear.
Hello. Yes, wondering
if you could possibly
squeeze in three
for lunch today?
That's Dr. Crane.
No, actually Niles.
Oh, how lovely.
Thank you.
We'll see
you in a bit.
Oh, hey, Fras.
Oh, hi.
I'm so sorry
about the show.
I was a little
distracted.
Oh, yes, I sensed that
when you patched through Wanda,
who wanted to know
what our soup of the day was.
My sister Denise is in town.
I hate it when she visits.
She isn't happy until she make
me feel completely miserable.
Do you know what
she called my place?
"Cozy. "
Well, that's a compliment.
No, it's code for
smaller than hers.
Cappuccino, please.
She wraps every insult up
in a compliment.
When I try to call
her on it, she just says,
"Hon, I was trying to be nice.
You're so
sensitive. "
And of course everything
in her life is so perfect.
Her home,
her husband,
her stretch of highway
she keeps clean.
She's so competitive.
Mmm.
Well, if it's
any comfort,
Niles has been perfectly
insufferable of late.
This whole Maris affair has
gained him some mild notoriety.
He's been flaunting it
like a tattered boa.
I'm trying to do the right thing
and rise above it, of course,
but there are times
when I just want
to step on his feet--
and hard, too.
Ooh.
Denise!
Frasier, hi.
Hello, Denise.
How are you?
Good to see you.
Well, you are looking
very distinguished.
Thank you.
That's code for old.
i know.
Oh, i am so
sorry i'm late.
Craig called.
The poor thing,
he misses me so much
it's just impossible
to get him off the phone.
i hope this makes it up to you.
Now, Roz, i know
you love your sportswear,
but trust me, men like women
who wear dresses
once in a while.
So you've said.
Denise, you having
fun on your trip?
Oh, yes. Staying with Roz
is always so much fun--
it's sort of like camping.
(phone ringing)
Ooh.
Hello?
it's my contractors.
Take my advice-- never
build a pool house.
Oh, hon, i picked us up
a Seattle magazine
so we can find some
fun things to do this week.
Does that include rolling it up,
turning it sideways and...
Now, Roz.
At least she's trying.
She did get you
a gift, after all,
and look, it's very chic,
and expensive, i'm sure.
And two sizes too small.
All right, she's a ***.
Thank you.
Hey, hey,
it's Mr. Sea Bees.
The nominations
are in?
Yeah, two of them.
Oh, Roz!
Yay!
Actually, Roz,
they're both for Frasier
You're up for Best Host
and Best informational Special
which gives you the lifetime
record for most nominations.
Oh, my God! i'm...
i'm so flattered.
i hope you two will
join me at my table?
Ugh, those awards
are endless.
They're torture.
Can i bring my sister?
Of course.
Oh, look. it's Niles.
You going to tell him you
broke the SeaBees record?
if it comes up.
You know, Doc, we should
take advantage of this thing.
i got a friend at the Seattle
Times who owes me one.
i could ask him to write
a big profile on you.
Thank you, no, Kenny.
let others engage in that sort
of shameless self-promotion.
i'm not interested in playing
that sort of game.
Oh, Niles.
Hi. listen, Frasier,
i'm so sorry.
i have
to cancel tonight.
i-i-i'm going to go
hear Tony Bennett.
Oh. Really? Really,
where's he playing?
At Frank Gehry's
birthday party.
Well, speaking
of glamorous parties, Niles...
Oh, no,
is that Seattle magazine?
i was hoping
you hadn't seen it.
Seen what?
Oh, nothing. Nothing.
it's a silly thing
. it's page 30.
Oh, it's one of those
"What's Hot- What's Not"
lists. i love these.
"Heirloom
tomatoes, hot.
Sun-dried
tomatoes, not... "
Give me that.
Ha-ha.
"Dr. Niles Crane, hot.
Dr. Frasier Crane... "
Well, you see where
they're going with this.
Well, we'll just see
who's not hot
when the winter/spring edition
of Seattle Broadcaster
comes out.
For your information,
Niles, i have recently...
Excuse me.
i'm so sorry for this.
i'm going to
get some coffee.
Oh, dear. Oh...
Oh.
Hello. Hello, Daphne.
A delivery from Bill and Mindy?
Aren't they sweet?
(sighs)
No.
Don't uncrate it
till i get home.
Kenny, about
that article.
Way ahead of you, Doc.
No, he'll make
for a great profile.
SeaBees record holder,
doctor, big ladies' man--
the whole ball of wax.
Uh, well, you can
ask him yourself.
Hello. Yes, well
, when would be agood time for you?
Oh, i've just had
the greatest idea.
What if you interview me while
we're at the SeaBee Awards?
Yes, it'll be
a freewheeling chat
against a glittering backdrop.
Splendid. i will
see you anon.
Hey.
No, he always talks like that.
Why are you
taking him to the SeaBees?
Because i want him
to see me at my best, Roz.
Do your realize, i'm giving
the opening remarks this year,
and if i do say so myself,
they will change you.
Yeah, from an awake person
to a sleeping one.
(gasps) Perfect.
All i was lacking
was the appropriate piece
of arm candy to accompany me
and there she is.
Who's she?
it's a neighbor of
mine in the building
whose acquaintance
i have recently made.
Oh, right. Daphne told me
you pulled that old mail
trick out of moth balls.
Caroline.
Frasier, hello.
Hi. Good to see you.
Cappuccino, to go.
Thank you so much
for those flowers.
Oh, gosh, it was
the least i could do
after that stumblebum
of a mailman
made you do his job for him.
Oh, i'd send him a complaintit.
letter if i'd think he'd get
(laughing)
That's delightful.
Uh, listen, uh...
i hope this isn't too bold,
but you see, i've been nominat
for a broadcast award,
twice actually,
and i was... well,
there's a, there's a black
-tgala on Saturday night.
i was hoping you
could accompany me.
Why, thank you. i'd love to.
Fantastic. i'll pick
you up around 7:30.
Well, i worked
my magic.
That magnificent creature
will be accompanying
me on Saturday night.
Frasier, the awards
are Saturday morning.
What? Of course they're not.
Yes, they are.
Who would plan an awards
ceremony on a Saturday morning?
Kenny was in charge this year.
He booked the room too late.
See you this weekend.
Oh... Yeah, bye-bye.
Uh... right.
Oh, oh, don't forget--
i'll pick you up,
7:30 Saturday morning.
Bye-bye.
Saturday morning?
Yes, Yes. Did i...?
i did mention
that, didn't i
Oh, gosh. it-it seems
the SeaBees are to be
a cheery breakfast
event this year.
but the good news is, actually,
i'll be able
to get you home by noon.
Bye-bye.
Yeah, i don't think that's
going to work for me.
i have Pilates on Saturdays.
Oh, gosh, i wish you'd
said something sooner.
i'm sorry. Bye-bye.
Yeah.
Oh, you can't
blame her, Frasier.
Who wants to get into hair and
makeup at 8:00 in the morning?
Well, somebody better.
i'm being profiled.
it's gonna looke
like i can't even scare up a date
You scared that one pretty good.
Cindy, where are you?
listen, this thing's
about to start.
Well, i'm sorry
you broke your heel,
but can't you just put o
n a different pair of shoes?
Oh, your actual heel. Ouch.
Well, uh... feel better.
(sighs)
Roz, are you sure
this dress didn't fit you?
Because i'm just
swimming in it.
Two Bloody Marys, please.
And there's a
20 in it for you
if one of
them's poisoned.
i don't even
care which one.
There's a face
i'm happy to see.
Frasier.
Not you, Roz.
Denise, listen.
Could you do me
a small favor?
,
You see, my date
didn't show up
and there's a reporter
here today
doing a story on me.
Could you pretend
to be my date?
Well, sure. First,
the valet hits
on me, and now this.
Hi, guys.
Some spread.
i got pigs in a blanket
lying on an omelet pillow.
And check it out--
it snowed cheese.
Oh, Roz, larry Gamba
couldn't make it.
So, if he wins, can
you accept for him?
Sure, Kenny. Nothing
takes the sting
out of not
being nominated
like accepting an award
for my former intern.
Now, Roz,
don't frown.
Those lines
don't go away.
Oh, hey there!
Randy! Over here!
This is
the reporter.
Here he is--
the Doc himself.
This is Roz Doyle,
his ace producer.
And this is my dad,
Martin Crane.
Dad, could you
move over one?
Thank you, Kenny.
Here we are.
And i'd like you
to meet my date,
the lovely and talented
Denise Dawson.
Oh, honey, stop it.
it's a pleasure
to meet you.
Very nice.
So, i'm so glad
you could join us
on our gala morning.
is this thing always so early?
No. But, then,
the SeaBees has always been
the wayward maverick
of award shows.
in fact, i plan
to touch on that
in my opening remarks,
while hewing
to my original theme
of communication as the engine
of social progress.
Sounds great.
Could i get a big cup
of coffee, please?
What's Niles doing here?
i gave him Ronee's ticket.
She said she hated to miss it,
but she didn't want to come.
Hello, i'm sorry i'm late.
i had to distribute
some sound bites.
That's quite all right,Dr. Crane.
i'm very excited to meet you.
Randall Schoonover
of the Seattle Times.
He's doing
Oh. Hello.
a profile of me:
"A Day in the life
of Dr. Frasier Crane. "
But if there's
anything you'd like
to tell my readers...
Oh, uh... thank you.
i'm just here
to support my brother.
"Supports
his brother. "
(music begins playing)
Oh! Well, i guess
it's time
for me to give
my opening remarks.
You just, uh...
sit tight, and i'll
be back in 20 minutes.
You want
to give me a cue
so i know when
to play you offstage?
Ah! You will
feel the pace quicken
as i build
to my climax:
a grim verbal picture of
the world without broadcasting.
Just tell me
the last words.
i'll say, "Thank you. "
Good morning.
i'm Dr. Frasier Crane,
and it is my great honor
to stand before you,
my fellow luminaries,
and welcome you to
the Seattle Broadcasting Awards.
i hope to do justice
to the dignity
of this most august occasion.
i've been asked
to inform everyone
that we are running low
on sausage...
so if you would please
limit yourselves
to one link or patty.
Thank you.
(band plays)
But i'm not finished.
Thanks, Frasier.
Oh... oh, thank you.
Now...
who wants to hand out
some hardware?
Angela DiStefano...
Keith Meebly...
and Chet Hardy,
the legendary host
of "it's Your Dime. "
So many greats this year.
This is for you, my dear.
(phone rings)
Hello.
Oh, hi, Craig.
Honey, i've got to take this.
Oh. Okay.
Hurry back, love.
So, Randall, where were we?
Your brother was
just telling me
how Maris is
coping with jail.
So is it true that Maris
tried to break out?
Oh, no, no, no.
Her eyebrow pencil
simply rolled
out of her cell,
and she went to get it.
it's really
the jail's fault
for making those bars
so far apart.
This is really
my brother's day though.
And now the nominees for
Best informational Special.
Doc, this is you.
Riley Austin for
Underground Skateboarder.
Harper Norton for
inside the Statehouse,
and Dr. Frasier Crane
for The Young Person's
Guide to Depression.
And the winner is...
Riley Austin.
i'm just going to track down
some Sweet'N low.
Well, Niles, you should have
powdered your nose
if you planned to spend
so much time in my spotlight.
i was just making conversation.
Well, stop it.
Knock it off, you two.
if you can't share
this reporter,
i'm going to ask him
to leave.
Roz, get ready. This
is larry's category.
i can't believe
that this happened.
No, it-it's all right.
i-i'm still up for Best Host.
Craig... He's leaving me.
What?
He met someone else.
i can't believe this is happening to me.
And the winner
is larry Gamba for KACl.
KENNY:
Roz, get up there.
This is so terrible.
i know, i know.
How would you know
what it's like
to lose a husband, Roz?
You never even had one.
Accepting the award
is Roz Doyle.
(sobbing)
Um, thanks, Plum.
Um... larry
couldn't be here today,
but if he were here,
he would say, um...
Yes!
Thank you, God!
Yes! This is the best day
of my entire life!
i-i've just been
waiting for this
since i was a little girl!
Yes!
(music playing)
You have no idea
how much this means to me!
Yes!
Thank you. Thank you so much.
i hate men.
Now, now, Denise...
Shut up.
You're all the same.
No, listen, Denise,
i know...
Get your hands off me!
Stop it!
There's no need for
you to write that down.
And now the nominees
for Best Radio Call-in Host.
Better get ready,
Doc-- this one has
your name on it.
Well, it better, because this
whole show has been a nightmare,
not that it actually
could be a nightmare,
because it's mid-morning.
And the SeaBee goes to...
the late Chet Hardy,
for "it's Your Dime. "
(music plays)
MARTiN:
Sorry, son.
You can't beat
a dead guy.
Dead. That's
the best kind of guy.
i think maybe
i have enough.
Uh, no, pl-pl-please
don't go.
Uh, listen, the show'll
be over very soon.
They actually have a Bat Mitzvah
booked for noon,
so maybe we can finish up
in the lobby.
Okay, i'll get my coat
.
Thank you.
i hope you can
join us, Niles.
Oh, uh...
Don't you dare.
You have been monopolizing
that man's time all morning.
You should be thanking
me for distractinghim from this circus.
You should talk--
You've been the ringmaster
of your own media circus
for the last week.
And it's just killing
you, isn't it?
if you think i am jealous
of your *** notoriety,
then you don't know
who i am.
Just like most of the
people in this city.
You go too far!
(woman screams)
Doc, that's Jerry Edwards.
He's supposed to close
the show.
is he all right?
Oh, no,
you knocked
his glass eye out.
You're going to have
to close the show.
What?
Well,
you took him out...
and you'll be the only guy
in history to open
and close the SeaBees.
Really?
Nobody's ever
done it before?
But i don't have
anything prepared.
Don't worry, it's all
on the TelePrompTer.
Now get up there and sing.
it's to the tune of Moon River.
Ooh, think i just
kicked something.
("Moon River" playing)
The SeaBees
now are at an end
We hope you've made
a friend or two
And the SeaBees
Have great freebies
Just pick up your bag
At the door to your right
Found it!
That's an olive.
The SeaBees
We hope your day was great
And yes, we validate--
right there
See Rico, Eduardo or Jen
They'll bring it
round the bend
A Hyundai or a Benz
The SeaBees are through.