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Pseudoeuskalitis: The syndrome which forces you to speak in a Basque dialect other than your own.
Well, I have been suffering from Pseuedoeuskalitis for 2 months now,
and it hasn't been easy.
At first I could understand Wazenmank (Basque TV show)
Before, that was impossible for me.
Then, I started to speak Basque wherever I went,
even at the Spanish markets!
One day, I woke up and this was the only way I could speak.
Pseudoesukalitis is still a weird disease.
But it is spreading.
At first, we thought it was psycological,
but we have recently found out that a contagious virus is its cause.
It has spread quite quickly
since the first infected person was diagnosed half a year ago.
My life has changed completely.
I studied mostly in Spanish, and even though I knew some Basque, I could only use it up to a point.
Hanging out with my friends has become, let's say complicated ...
Obviously.
What's up?
Hey man! I told you that I was hungry that one time!
That is what having stomach lice means (Basque expression for being hungry).
I am not sick!
Damn it!
I have also had some problems with my girlfriend...
What? No, she hasn't reacted badly to my illness.
It has been quite the opposite, actually.
Honey! My cousin has sent an assignment for you to correct,
and you also need to help me do my report as a camp counselor.
Tonight, we must call my aunt Asun. She is a native Basque speaker,
so I am sure she will love it if we wish her a Happy Birthday in Basque.
Well, Alain and I have been together for eight months.
I mean, the relationship is super serious.
When he first got sick it was very hard.
But I decided to look at the bright side of things,
so I started learning Basque in order to be ...
How do you say that?
Solidary?
Yeah, in order to be solidary.
The worst part has been giving up rapping.
Alain thinks he can't do it,
and he hasn't rapped since he got sick.
I'm sorry ... sorry.
And we are ... getting by, saving some money.
Because the treatment is experimental and very expensive.
The treatment?
Due to the current economic cutbacks, there are not many resources.
Speech therapy, some pills ...
Fraud?
Not at all!
People are not looking for a solution;
what they actually want is hope!
And if some of them are willing to pay a fortune ...
Oh! One of those is here.
She has arrived early!
Good morning.
What? Aren't you going to introduce me?
My name is Claudia, I am from Neguri (rich area),
and I have been suffering from Pseudoeuskalitis for three weeks ...
No one knows anything.
I mean, imagine what people would say if they heard me speak like a villager.
No no, my friends and family think that I have a sore throat.
It is a pity not being able to speak at your own grandfather's funeral, right?
But, such is life.
Well, we'll start with the same vocal exercises we did last time.
You know that in order to recover your old way of speaking, you must loosen your vocal cords.
This has no scientific basis at all.
I got the idea for the sound from the movie "Dumb and Dumber"!
Come on, come on, come on!
I told you that your vocal cords are tied to your arms to!
In a big city like Bilbao, sometimes it is hard to find good service in Basque.
Many times people don't know what to answer,
and they often pretend they understand you.
Earlier today, I tried to buy pork (txerri in Basque) at the supermarket.
Anyway, my sex-life is what has changed the most ...
Sorry.
Yeah?
Rap now? No, I can't ...
El Tobias?
Ok, I'm on my way.
Bye, bye.
Where the hell did I put those pills?
Darling, you know that those pills are very expensive, right?
Don't worry. Money won't be an issue.
I come from a rich family, and that is why I can afford the treatment.
The origin of our wealth is a marketing idea my father had:
advertising products for old people in obituaries.
Actually, I have my grandfather's, right here.
Here you are.
Well, it is €3000 per bottle.
You know that we have to bring them all the way from Korea.
Well, if you don't have anything else ...
No
Then I'll be on my way.
See you next time, darling.
Let's see if I catch Guadalupe making a conference call.
She always tells me that it isn't her, but I know it is.
Then, I show her the phone bill, and she plays dumb.
Damn maid!
What's up?
Rap Battle: El Tobias V.S. Alain
El Tobias is one of the best rappers around.
Today a friend of mine had to rap battle him in the bar.
But his mother got caught in some medical fraud,
and Alain was the only option I had.
They make me rap because they know I win.
And I have to battle the worst of the rappers around.
His voice sounds like a woman's, like a dwarf's.
He is uglier than E.T. and doesn't know how to high-five.
Actually brother, he is high.
If they touch his calf, he already gets wet.
He is a looser, a huge nerd.
His favourite dance is tap dancing.
He invented the macalana,
and the only ones who admire him are cereal mascots.
Come on, man!
You are a Spanish knight.
I am Basque and deadly ...
You are a Spanish knight.
I am Basque and deadly ...
You only have simple words in your head.
in your head. (X2)
Do I have the voice of women or dwarfs?
You have the voice of a ***.
E.T. might have been ugly, but at least he had a house.
Your destiny is to live under some bridge.
I am a boss at tap dancing.
Instead you grind at bars,
because you don't know how to flirt.
You are making a fool of yourself,
and boring everyone else.
You are going to start crying
because I beat you easily.
I am a natural at making rhymes,
and that is why I am better than you.
Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Let's go!
Yeeeeah!
Dr. Maza? ...
My nephew swallowed the pills you gave me.
We are at the hospital and they are going to pump his stomach.
What was the name of the pills?
Tell me please, the doctors are asking me!