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For ten items or less, I
can help you over here, sir.
Hey, if you don't
have your rewards card,
don't worry about it.
I'll let you use mine.
We need some more peanut butter,
the organic type, and eggs
and coconut water, the
one with the flakes in it.
All right, Junior, we
talked about this, man.
You can't come over to my house
and take stuff out of my kitchen.
- Unless of course it's my mom.
- I can't remember.
Did we talk about me coming
over and asking for money?
- No, and hell, no.
- Before you say no
I'm having a cash flow situation.
My investments haven't yielded the
returns I have been anticipating.
You mean you didn't win the Powerball.
A bunch of cafeteria
workers in Fresno screwed me.
[sniffs]
Why do you smell like lemons?
[chuckles]
[sniffs]
Ooh! With jasmine undertones.
It scares me that you know that.
I was at Barneys and
this beautiful woman
at the makeup counter
sprayed me with perfume.
Yeah, I get sprayed a lot too,
but usually they're blowing
- a whistle at the same time.
- No, not like that.
This woman and I had
an instant connection.
Really?
Did you take her into the dressing room
or right there behind the counter?
Sasa! Sasa! Sasa!
No, Junior.
An emotional connection.
Like, like, we just clicked.
I was like I knew her, you know?
Even her name sounded familiar.
Suzanne Duval.
Wasn't she that lady that killed
her kids in North Carolina?
Yeah, Junior, that's
her, and she's on the lamb
in Beverly Hills, spraying people with
perfume to throw 'em off the scent.
Wait a minute.
Is that my new iPad?
Hey, I keep strict inventory
of everything I take from this house,
so that one day, I could repay you.
If you notice, item number one?
Your iPad.
Oh, George, George, check this out.
Is this your perfume lady?
Yeah, that's her.
"Suzanne Duval,
founder and CEO of Lumineer Cosmetics.
"
Wait a minute.
Let me see that.
Junior, it says right here
she's the fifth-richest
- woman in the country.
- Yeah.
But why wouldn't she tell me that?
Isn't it obvious?
If she has more money than you,
then she's the one with the
power in the relationship!
She'll be the man, you'll
end up being the lady.
That's crazy.
I've been around powerful women before.
George, you can't argue with nature.
Like daddy always says, "the man
has to be in the power position.
"
What do you know about
the power position?
You're stealing groceries
out of my refrigerator.
1x10 - Rich Girl
[groovy rock music]
'Sup, fool?
Wow.
What smells so good?
I'm making bunuelos, mijo.
Bunuelos? Hey, what the hell?
And I'm making homemade tortillas.
Corn and flour.
Okay, wait a minute.
No, really.
What's going on?
What do you mean, "what's going on?"
I can't do something nice for my son?
No, you can't.
What's going on?
George
give me your hand.
Come on, mijo.
Give me your hand.
[sizzles] Aah!
Son a ***! What the hell?
- Now, go ahead, do it again.
- Why would I do that again?
Because you never learn.
If you go ou with that woman tonight,
you're gonna get burned again.
Another white ***.
Okay, listen, mom.
Suzanne is not Mackenzie.
Well, I'm sorry.
I get your *** mixed up.
I'm just going on a date with Suzanne.
- I'm not marrying her.
- She's gonna run all over you.
They always do.
You never speak up for yourself.
Can I tell you something
and you won't get mad?
- Oh, no.
- You should have married Sonia.
Mom, Sonia again?
She weighs 300 pounds!
And you don't?
Yeah, she's fat now, but you could
have had her when she was thin.
Are you gonna eat these?
Otherwise I'm just
gonna throw them away.
Send them to Sonia.
She'll eat 'em.
That's true.
So, Suzanne, when you're not working
the perfume counter,
what do you like to do
in your spare time?
Cycling? Yoga?
Take your company
public for $80 a share?
- You googled me.
- [chuckles] My idiot cousin did.
Hey, how come you didn't say
anything when we first met?
Well, I wanted to, but
I was having too much fun
playing the perfume spritzer
and the sexy customer.
Is that like the pool boy
and the lonely divorcee?
'Cause I've played that, but I'm
always the pool boy.
[both chuckle]
Well, there there
was another reason too.
Most men are intimidated by the
idea of dating a powerful woman.
Most men are.
- I am not.
- Mm.
Good.
Well, now that we have
everything out in the open,
- let's get a drink.
- All right.
What should we have?
Wine? Beer?
La Energia?
Aha! [laughs]
- You googled me too.
- My assistant did.
Why didn't you tell me you
were a sports drink mogul?
Were you worried the
counter girl was gonna go
all gold-digger on you?
[chuckles]
Well, I think the important
thing is that we're two days
into a relationship and we're
already lying to each other.
[both laugh]
I think we're off to a good start.
I think wee off to a great start.
Did we settle on a wine, SeƱor Lopez?
Yes, Martin, we'll
have the '96 Opus One.
[Martin] Ah, excellent.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's just my favorite.
Did you want to get something?
No, no, no, no.
That's fine, Suzanne.
I mean, I like a woman
that can take charge.
Good.
I was gonna order a box of
house red with two nozzles.
[laughs] I'm sorry.
[George] Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm sure your $300 bottle of wine
will be just fine.
[laughs]
Oh, my god.
You're Suzanne Duval.
I am so in awe of everything
you've accomplished.
What are you doing with him?
Excuse me?
- Suzanne, this is my ex-wife Mackenzie.
- Hi.
- I hope this isn't awkward.
- No, it's fine.
I'm done with him.
I just want you to know
that I would be lost
- without your makeup.
- Oh, please.
Oh, no, no, she's right.
Suzanne, you are a miracle worker.
I've seen her in the morning.
That green stuff she puts on?
She looks like a hungover
Kermit the Frog.
[giggles]
Um, I know how generous you are
in supporting worthy causes.
I'm hosting a charity
auction here Saturday night
to benefit anaphylaxia.
I would be so honored if you
could attend with George
or whoever.
Well, actually, Saturday night, Suzanne,
I was thinking that maybe you
and I might drive up the coast and
I love charity auctions.
We'll be there.
Oh, terrific!
Oh, thank you so much!
Yes, Mackenzie, "thank you so much.
"
[cell phone rings]
I'm sorry.
I have to take this.
Excuse me, George.
- It was so nice to meet you, Mackenzie.
- It was so nice to meet you.
I need Suzanne at this
auction Saturday night.
So whatever you do, don't let
her see you naked before then.
[vehicle approaches]
[woman screams on TV]
Daddy! Daddy, wake up!
Wake up! Georgie's home.
[grunts]
[groans]
Daddy, don't make me get
the car battery again!
Wake up!
[vehicle door closes]
Junior
why did you rousted
me out of my slumber?
Georgie is home with the
lady from the perfume.
Ah! The lady from the perfume.
You know, I've never been
walked to my door by a woman
after a date before.
[chuckles]
So how does this go?
Look at him, daddy.
Laying the groundwork
and then laying the pipe.
[Tio] Yeah, he's doing the
chitty-chatty right now.
You are so cute, George.
Well, we stand here,
we look at each other and smile
and then you start wondering
if I'm gonna kiss you.
[giggles]
[Junior] This is where
he's gonna make his
[Tio gasps]
[Tio] She went in first!
[grunts]
I'm getting warm watching, daddy.
Close your eyes and don't
get so close to me, mijo.
Wow.
Oh
Aye.
That was really something.
This was fun.
- So, the auction
- Yeah.
Can you give me a little hug?
[mouths silently]
[mouths silently]
So, the auction I'll
have my driver pick you up.
Oh, you know what?
I thought I would drive.
Maybe we could have a drink before.
I'm never out of the office before 7:00.
I'll send my driver.
- Good night, George.
- Mmm, good night.
[slap]
[laughs]
Okay.
It's 1:00 in the morning.
Somebody better be dead.
Yeah, something's dead
all right your manhood.
What are you fools even talking about?
You should have been the first
to wield the tongue, not her.
Junior's right.
You're assering the woman's role!
That's ridiculous.
What do I care if she's the one
who decides what we have for dinner
or who kisses who?
Whoa! You let her decide
what you had for dinner?
[groans]
Ay que lastima, Georgie.
Well, look, I don't need to hear this.
- What are you guys even doing here?
- Look, we want you to facilitate
an introduction to your lady friend
so that we can pitch a cologne
that will dominate the ever expanding
$1.
2 billion male fragrance market.
Not to mention the
$75,000 latino market.
George, George
daddy's sweat attracts women.
[Junior] Right? Come on.
- Imbibe the essence.
- Oh, come on.
- Take a whiff.
- Take a whiff!
- I'm not gonna smell you.
- Take a whiff!
Put your arm down!
- You're repulsed, right?
- Yeah.
Let me tell you why.
Because you're a man.
Women find my
"pheromonies" irresistible.
When he walks through the
food court in the mall,
ladies flock to him like ducklings.
Isn't that right, daddy?
George, it's an
embarrassment of ***.
If only we knew someone
who knew someone in
the cosmetic business
- to bottle it up and make us all rich.
- Hint, hint.
Look, I'm not introducing
you to Suzanne.
No no, Georgie, look, look.
No names have to be exchanged, okay?
You just get me close to her
and my muskets will
take care of the rest.
That's for you.
It's from your sugar mama.
- You opened my gift?
- I thought it was for me.
Chew toys don't usually
come in a box this big.
Hey, and Suzanne is
not a sugar mama, okay?
She's a classy lady.
- Silk pajamas?
- It says your classy woman
wants to rip these off you
at the Four Seasons tonight.
Who's the chew toy now?
George, here
is the brochure for the auction.
I circled a few of the
more high-end items.
I I'm really counting on Suzanne
to drop some major cash tonight.
A lifetime supply of La Energia?
- Who donated that?
- You did.
But that's not one of
the more high-end items.
[Alma] George, I gotta
- Ooh.
- Oh.
Hey, man-***.
You dropped your lingerie.
These are nice.
Silk.
- Did Suzanne get them for you?
- She did.
I didn't realize you were at
the pajama buying stage.
She sure goes after what
she wants, doesn't she?
What are you trying to say?
That I should've been the one
that yielded the tongue first?
No.
And "ugh!"
I just didn't I just
you know, I just thing things
are moving kind of fast for you guys.
It sounds like you're
a little bit jealous.
Jealous? Ha!
Please!
Well, let me tell you somethiing.
It's refreshing to finally
be in a relationship
with someone that I connect with
emotionally, spiritually.
Is that why there are no bottoms?
[applause]
Okay.
This is very exciting.
Our next item a ride-along
with Sky Captain Bob
in the Channel 6 traffic copter.
Let's start the bigging at 1,000.
- 1,000.
- Great.
Suzanne.
Again.
Do I hear 2,000?
You!
[audience gasps]
Sold!
[cheers and applause]
You really do have deep pockets.
Some might even say bottomless.
Moving right along,
This'll come in handy later, huh, babe?
[both chuckle]
- Yeah, you know, about that
- Is something wrong?
Well, it's just that in the, you know,
last three days, you
you bought me dinner,
you know, you kissed me first.
[chuckles] You grabbed my ***.
I'm not complaining.
And then you, you know, booked
us a suite at the Four Seasons.
You don't like the Four Seasons.
Oh, no, no, no.
I love the Four Seasons.
I mean, it wasn't that long ago
I could only afford two seasons.
[both chuckle]
But, you know, since we met,
you've called all the shots.
Oh, come on, George.
I thought you were secure
in your manhood than that.
[chuckles] No, I-I am.
It's just that I'm starting to feel
- a little bit like an object.
- Mm, a handsome, sexy object.
[shouting]
Our final item for the night,
we've saved the best for last.
A romantic lovers' weekend
in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
[applause]
- You know, babe, I've got it.
- No, I've got it, honey.
- No, sweetie, I've got it.
- No, lover, I've got it.
***, I got it.
$5,000.
[audinece gasps]
- Any married couples?
- 6,000.
[audience murmurs]
Do I hear 7,000 from somebody else?
- Anybody else.
Please?
- Huh.
7,000.
[gasps and murmurs]
[murmuring continues]
- 11
- 15.
[oohs and ahhs, applause]
- What is your problem?
- Nothing.
I'm just having fun.
Okay, well, can you have
fun with your paddle down?
I'm confused, George.
You told me you weren't
threatened by a strong woman.
I'm not threatened by a strong woman.
I'm threatened by a weak man,
which is how you're making me feel.
Okay, I want my manhood back.
And I'm willing to pay
$20,000!
[loud gasps, applause]
Going once.
Going twice.
Harold, I know your wife just died,
but I hear Cabo is a
great place to grieve.
All right.
Fine.
Sold!
To the man who's dating
way above his pay grade.
[cheers and applause]
So that's how you want
this thing to end, huh?
Yeah.
That's how I
want this thing to end.
Hmm.
It's too bad, George.
Well, enjoy your romantic
lovers' weekend alone.
I just spent $20,000 to
send a Mexican to Mexico!
[cheers and applause]
You don't have to be that happy.
[laughter]
Thanks to your generous donations,
you are now looking
at the most successful
fundraiser in the history
of Woodlands Country Club.
Hey, congratulations.
And once again, my pain is your gain.
I'm sorry it didn't
work out with Suzanne.
- No, you're not.
- No, I'm not.
[chuckles]
Hey, so you were jealous.
Maybe I was.
I mean, you were never jealous of me
going out with women before.
- I mean, why her?
- I'm still trying to figure it out.
It's not like she's that
much more beautiful than you.
You know, in my head, that
started out as a compliment.
I guess it was seeing you
with such a successful woman
brought home how little I've achieved.
You know, at this point,
I thought I'd have a real career.
Not just filling my time
curing diseases that aren't even fatal,
just annoying.
Don't sell yourself short, Mac.
You've done a lot with your life.
You've had a very successful divorce.
You've done a lot with your life.
It's all right.
I get it.
You know, La Energia hadn't taken off
and we had Harper.
I had to drop out of design school.
You know, somebody's dream
had to take a backseat.
You wouldn't understand.
[glass clinks]
Well, you know what?
Actually, I would.
I mean, I just spent some time
riding in the backseat
of someone else's life.
- It's not a lot of fun, is it?
- No.
Her driver thought I was the driver.
Hey, if you don't
like your life, fix it.
How? By beating you to death
and becoming a rich widow?
[chuckles]
No, I'll tell you what.
If you make this putt,
I'll invest in your dream.
- Really?
- Yeah, sure.
Why not?
- You don't think I can make it, do you?
- Not a chance in hell.
I just gotta get it into
any one of these holes.
[chuckles]
Pick the one in the middle.
- Hey, you made it!
- No, I didn't.
Yeah.
The ball's in the hole.
Really?
You mean you're gonna help me?
[hyperventilating]
Thank you, George! Whew.
You don't know how
much this means to me.
I-I really have a million ideas.
You know, I wanna I
wanna open my own boutique,
and I wanna do the
you know I wanna do all those things.
Well, hopefully you'll be
so hungover in the morning
that you won't remember
having this conversation.
[giggles]
- Yes, I will.
- No haba Ingles.
All right, George,
I hope you've emptied your bladder,
because we're about to blow your mind.
Junior, I told you, man,
there's no point in me looking at this.
- Suzanne broke up with me.
- You still have her address, right?
Throw the DVD in her window.
[romantic music]
How do I love me?
Let my doubt the ways.
"Wanna Tio!"
Men's sweat in a bottle.
- Oh, man!
- I know.
Powerful, right?
"Wanna Tio!"
- Want see it again?
- No!