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Welcome to the first episode of
"Tutorials For The Future"
Or TFTF
In the future, humans will spend
95% of their time on a website called
The Facebook.
In order to survive
you will need to learn how to use
The Facebook.
So let's begin.
To begin,
you will need to create an account.
This is much like a resume, but for your digital persona.
And don't worry!
It's 100% free!
Now that you have successfully created an account,
you're going to want to upload a picture of yourself,
otherwise called
a Self-O
Perfect! You are now ready to interact in the digital social network.
Caution! Daily users of the Facebook may experience:
Fear of the outside world, inflated ego, the need to force your opinions others,
the feeling of isolation despite being in contact with every other human at all times,
and so on!
Now that you are familiar with some of the dangers of the Facebook,
let's dive in.
As early as possible, you will want to begin collecting the most
valuable resource on the internet,
known as
"Likes."
Likes not only determine how popular you are,
but your overall value as a person.
Caution! Likes have no cash value.
To begin collecting Likes, you will want to obtain as many virtual friends as possible.
Power users of the Facebook know that the easiest way to obtain friends is via the popular app
Making your Self-O more fun!
And real world interactions.
Now that you have a few friends, let's start harvesting some Likes!
To do this, you will need to update your "Status."
It's a good idea to do this 15-20 times daily.
Topics that receive the most Likes include:
Controversy, your anger towards a specific person or product, your battle with crippling depression,
Self-Os that show a little too much of your body,
and hilarious internet videos.
Caution! By updating your status, you are exposing yourself to various causes of psychological harm,
Internet bullies, other peoples' opinions, other peoples' ignorance, and validation.
Now that you are familiar with updating your Status, let's take a few moments to learn about-
Caution!
All of your personal information is available to, and used by the Facebook to-
Caution!
-crippling addiction and-
(unintelligible)
-the Facebook is your friend!
You now know everything there is to know about the Facebook,
and how to thrive in the digital social network.
Take comfort in knowing that when the future arrives,
you will be one step ahead-
-of everyone else.
Thank you for watching
"Tutorials for the Future."
Make sure to tune in next time,
because the future is coming, and there's nothing we can do about it.