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Hello guys
today is Thursday
and I am making this video for you
as I make videos every Thursday
so this week
is going to be one of those videos where I just talk to you from my room
i know we have been trying with the format
some various uh... new things but
this week was pretty much a bad week for us
wasn't a bad week in the sense that something bad happened or
anything but it's just that
ummm there are certain things are not in our control
and
when that happens that
those things don't go on the way the we planned
we just don't feel good
but we are over that and here we are
another video
in the new week so i've decided this time, this week..
to talk about the whole process of coming out of again
I know we did a video on this a while ago
but i decided that i would uh... like to talk a bit more about coming out
and your family
so i came out to my mother
very late in life, I think I was
close to thirty years old
when i told her
and uh...
I did wish that i had told her sooner
for many reasons
which i would like to discuss in some other video, at some other time
but basically
it would have been easier if i had told her much
uh... a long time ago rather than having waited so long
in fact i was pretty much out to everyone
my friends all of them knew
uh... my college buddies all of them knew
most of my co-workers they knew
and uh...
as for my boyfriend i think he came out before I did
so obviously his parents knew before my mother did
and my father obviously he is not in this world anymore so i did not need to come out to him
I was too young when he died
was not too young but
i never got around to telling him anyway...
so umm.. coming out is always difficult and
one of the most difficult things about coming out is that
you really don't know how people are going to react and what their reaction
will be
and sometimes uh...
things don't really go just as you planned them to
but in my case we were lucky both me and my boyfriend that my mother
although she took it quite hard for a week and it took her some time for it to all
uh... sink in
she
uh she basically saw
the whole point that i was who i was all the time and
i wasn't really a different person its just that I slept
with someone that she'd never thought
i would have been sleeping with
but actually i think she suspected all along because
uh... a long time back she had asked me quite pointedly if I was gay
and at that time I just didn't answer her question
and uh...
later on over the telephone.. I came out to my mother over the telephone she
asked me ..
uh... what i was doing and uh...
and she kind of knew what I was doing
and she said that uh...
why don't uh... i don't like the fact that you're not normal and that's what
she told me about so i was normal and everything was normal that i was just gay
and
being gay is completely normal and she didn't really accept that at first but
slowly and slowly she got around to the point that uh... yes i was normal indeed
perhaps she still doesn't accept it fully
it's not not like she has a choice
at the end of the day parents have to make a choice whether they want to
accept their children for who they are
or for who they want them to be
and it's not an easy choice
but they have to make this choice
it's not only in the case of uh...
gay children but it's also in the case
of straight children sometimes the life choices that children make are simply
not... what their parents had expected
so dealing with your parents is indeed
important and i would suggest anybody
who is young and who is..
who wants to have a good relationship with the parents to tell them the truth
take your time take as much time as you want to there is no hurry, just
make sure that your affairs are settled, you're comfortable
with yourself and that you can take care of yourself and tell them
one of the subscribers sent me
uh... huffington post article i'll post the link to it
it's about uh...
where are the gays in india? I mean it's it's an article i don't remember the
title exactly but
uh... i'll post the link below in
the description
and go through it and read it, its a good article and basically that's what i'd
wanted to talk about and the fact that
you really don't want your parents to go to their graves
um... never knowing the real you
it is far better for them to know who you are as a person
than for them to have
seen a person
who is not really their son
but is what they perceived to be their son
and
if you can put up
with this all your life good luck to you more power to you but i would suggest
for the sake of
your health your parents health
and also to some extent your sanity and your parent's sanity
that you tell them
because you owe it not only to yourself but also to them
they deserve to know the truth and
if you think you can live a lie
think about this
you always have the fear that someone or the other is going to tell
someone or the other is going to see something
and it is better that they hear from your mouth than someone else's, at least
then
there'll be no
deceit or they would not feel
that they've been cheated
by their own
flesh-and-blood think about it, it's really something that you should think about
as for indian parents and especially indian circumstances
their may indeed be a case
that they do not accept you for who you are
be prepared for that, coming out
does not always end up pretty
i'm not going to lie to you it is difficult and it is hard.
and i suggest that you
be prepared
for the worst but
do not think that it's going to be the worst
because ninety nine per cent of times at least that is what what i've seen what i've
experienced whenever i have told someone i was gay
they were accepting of it
they were accepting of it
they never thought it was a big deal
think about it
why should anybody care?
it's not really a big deal anymore
and even if it was a big deal
would you really want to spend time with someone
who doesn't really like you at the end of the day, would you?
that's all i want to say for this week
i hope you have a great weekend
and i hope
that you enjoy
as usual
and bye for now
see you next week