Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
TRANSREGARD DVD
Katherine: If I was concerned about my mental health and I went to a professional,
I would want them simply to just accept me as a trans person
even though they might not know too much about it.
I think that it's more important that they are just happy to listen to you.
Ben: I immediately look for an empathetic face, an empathetic answer,
and I look for somebody that is not judging me by what they see in front of them,
or even my history necessarily, rather than what is going on right now for me.
If I get an unsympathetic response, which is what I'm used to
off of other professional organisations, I just clam up
and I don't want to know and I don't ever want to go back to that place again
because I just can't see the point. They're not seeing me as a person,
they're just seeing me as another number on their sheet
and why should I bother with them if they're not going to bother with me?
Jan: The times I've asked for help, I can really go back to when I had to go to
the doctor's to tell them how I felt and my doctor was so laid back it was like
I was telling him I had the flu. But in saying that, he admitted that he'd
already helped someone like myself to go through and start a journey. It so relaxed
me because - I think I've spoken to you before -
it was like standing under a shower and thinking at least someone is believing me now.
But as I said, that night when I walked in and it was like
in fact he stunned me that night because he said to me "how far do you want to go?"
and I thought "what does he mean?". Because at the end of the day, he explained
to me the different things you can get done to yourself
but I just wanted to feel me.
Ellis: I think when I first started working with trans clients and the trans community,
I was very aware of what I didn't know about them.
I felt like I had to work quite hard to try to fill in the gaps of the knowledge that
I didn't have. I think as I've worked more and more with
trans people it's turned around and I now have to work quite hard to remember
that I don't know their story. What I've been really struck by is just how
different for each of them the process has been,
how different what it means to each of them. And I guess that what's important for us to
remember is that everybody has a unique relationship with
their gender. Whether or not we think of ourselves as male,
female or something else, there's quite a unique relationship there
and one of the challenges, I think, is trying to really be as close to the client's
relationship with their gender as possible.
Maxwell: I think if you end up making assumptions about somebody and those assumptions aren't
correct, then in some way there's a barrier between you and that individual.
And people can end up going away thinking about their sexuality and
thinking "well, am I trans or am I gay, or am I straight or am I bisexual?"
but not having a place to explain that.
Anne: I first became his support worker and I didn't know he was trans at the time.
Somebody so young as well, it seemed like such a huge thing for him to go through.
But listening to them, very quickly on I learnt that the person I was supporting really knew
what they wanted for themselves and what would make them the best person they wanted to be;
to live the life they actually wanted. So I learnt to trust the person on that.
But sometimes they would have doubts and they needed to talk about that.
And I think the really important thing was to give that time and space to talk about
it without saying "Well if you think like that
you probably shouldn't transition, you're probably aren't really trans".
I think everybody has doubts if they have to do anything difficult or make a big decision.
There was rocky times for them and they needed some support more than others
but they often weren't anything to do with being trans.
They were to do with the same things that everyone else has to deal with,
like ups and down in life and difficult relationships and this person being young.
Some were just to do with growing up.
Ben: There's been many times I haven't asked for help when I've been struggling.
I can quite honestly say that last year I had a terrible, terrible year for
mental health difficulties and it took me a long time to ask for help because
I was scared that they would shove it all onto my transition and
it would somehow stop me from getting surgery that I so desperately need.
It would all be lumped in together rather than looking at, as I said before,
the individual problem that was going on right then right there.
Rather than "oh, this has all got to do with you being transgendered".
Katherine: If a person has mental health difficulties and is ***,
I think it is quite important not to keep almost harping on about the medical condition.
My wish is just to get on with life as a normal woman and
therefore I don't want to be reminded constantly about it.
I just want it to be something that's there but doesn't need to be brought up all the
time.
Maxwell: What I hear from folk is that the trans part of their lives is often really
positive, the really good bit of their lives. The bit
that they feel proud about, the bit that they've spent time, years sometimes,
working on and coming to a resolution they feel really happy with. It's about their
identity not being validated and what they feel, how positive they are
about that, not being celebrated and valued. There's also something around not expecting
that individual - a client, a patient, a service user - not expecting them to teach
you everything you need to know. Because you need to go away and do your own
learning and research. Speak to other peers and other professionals
if you don't know and not be scared to do that.
Jan: What happened a lot when I first came out,
and it was in the workplace that a lot of it would be, people would come up to me and
say "Hi Jan" and I would go "hiya" and then the next minute they would say "oh,
I don't have a problem withh you". So I'd just say "well I'm really sorry, but
I don't have a problem with you" and they would stare back. And the first thing
was "but I'm straight" and I would walk towards them and go "well
funny, so am I".
Ben: I've had people saying to me "where's your girlfriend?"
and "have you got a girlfriend yet?" etc, etc,
and I'm like " no actually, I'm gay". And then you get the question "if you like
men then why are you becoming one?". And it's like then you feel like banging your
head against a brick wall because you have to say to them "no, I've always been male,
it's just the fact that I'm in the wrong body". So you have to go right back to the beginning
again and almost come out and do it all again. And I've had that in a few places and it really
puts you off because you're like "well you obviously don't
understand transgender issues at all, please go back and read a book" because transgender
and *** orientation are two different things. I don't like people commenting on how well
I pass, unless I ask them that question. And like, yeah, I know I've got a rubbish
beard but it's my beard and I love it. And what makes a man for you might not make
a man for somebody else. "Oh we'll teach you how to be a man", I'm
like "well I already am so you can't teach me."
I'm the man I am. And if that's an effeminate camp gay guy walking down the street, then
fine.
Ellis: I can think of lots of conversations that I've had over time with people
who have really struggled to see a trans person in the way that they're asking to be seen.
Because we think we know what behaviours belong to women and we think we know
what behaviours belong to men, or which ways of looking. And I think it's about allowing
trans people the right to present themselves in whatever way they
want to and still have whatever gender identity they
want to have.
Ben: It's quite funny because I always like to think of myself
as somebody made a big mistake when I was born, something went wrong.
It's not a disorder, it is a mistake and it needs to be rectified
so please rectify it for me. But again, that's language
and some people are quite happy, I suppose perhaps,
with "gender dysphoria". So again, it's another question of ask the person.
It really needs to be a personalised thing.
Anne: I think it's really important that you look to the future that you can see
and share your idea of a future with the person you're supporting
to see that life post-transition can be really positive and fruitful.
And that your support through that person's transition has made a really huge difference.
Jan: When I got up in the morning and looked in the mirror,
it wasn't like me, it just didn't feel me. And the minute that I started on my journey
and being, probably, more honest with myself, and then getting the operation:
I now when I get up in the morning, I look in the mirror and recognise Jan
but I also identify with the person who has always been inside me.
And I smile because it's made such a difference to my life.
Back at the start I was very lucky that I had a doctor who understood
what I was wanting to put myself through and how I felt.
I don't know what it would have been if I'd got a negative response that night,
my journey could have been completely different.
Ben: Every time I have to go and see somebody new, it just feels like you're
having to endlessly come out - "oh, I'm transgender by the way" - and that
just feels really difficult when that happens. I'm hoping one day it will stop. I'm hoping.
Katherine: For example, if they say "well I'm not experienced in this,
I don't know anything about it, so you'll need to go to somebody else"
I think that would be a dreadful thing and I'd much prefer them to say
"well I don't know anything about it, I'm not experienced in this,
but I'm going to do my very best for you, let's do this together".
That would mean so much to me.
Anne: Trust the person you're supporting. Chances are they've done a hell of a lot more
reading and thinking and talking about the whole thing than you'll
ever manage.
Ellis: If we can have a look at how we have a unique gender identity ourselves,
I think we can start getting close to being there with our clients in their own look
at their very unique relationship with their own gender identity.
Maxwell: One of the things that I found helpful and think is important,
is to support people to get hooked into other community support.
When trans folk get the opportunity to spend time in the company of other trans folk,
just general conversation and having a good time,
then that's something that gives people a real confidence boost
and helps them realise they are not the only person
and that there is a big wide world out there that includes lots of different trans folk
with different ideas and identities.
END.