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Hi, charlie.
Teddy here.
So right now
you're nine months old
and everything is going great.
Well, almost everything.
Now what I'm about to show you
is kind of disturbing,
So brace yourself.
Mmm, these sandwiches
will be yummy wummy.
Yes, they will,
yes, they will.
Mom and dad have been talking
like that ever since you arrived
And if it's not over soon,
I'm gonna go crazy wazy.
- P.
J.
!
- What?
What are you
listening to?
I downloaded a podcast
on the history of ballet.
- You like that?
- More than baby talk.
Would you like
some fishy wishies
with your cookie wookie?
Yes, I would,
yes, I would.
Wait, guys,
charlie isn't even here.
No, widdle baby take
a *** wappy upstairs.
So why are you guys
still talking like that?
I don't "weawy" know.
I guess
we're just kinda fried.
Well, we work all day,
take care of a baby all night.
Work shift, baby shift--
I've barely got time
to make doo-doo.
Well, when was t last time
you guys had a night out?
You know, like just the two
of you-- like a date?
Teddy made a funny.
A funny wunny.
Seriously!
You know what?
It's Saturday night.
You two, you go out,
have fun,
And do something besides
work, take care of the baby
and make doo-doo.
Well, it's nice to dream,
but who's gonna take care
of charlie?
Hello!
You've got three great
babysitters right here.
I'm glad I didn't
hear that.
I don't know, teddy.
It's really nice thought,
But we're really not ready
to go out without charlie
just yet.
- You guys want to see
a magic trick?
- Sure!
- Okay.
- Prepare to be amazed.
I could use
a night out.
( rock music playing )
day's all burnt toast
running late,
and dad says
has anybody
seen my left shoe?
I close my eyes,
take a bite
grab a ride,
laugh out loud
there it is
up on the roof
I've been there,
I've survived
so just take
my advice
hang in there, baby,
things are crazy
but I know
your future's bright
hang in there, baby
there's no maybe
everything
turns out all right
your life
is up and down
but trust me,
it comes back around
you're gonna love
who you turn out to be
hang in there, baby.
All right, you guys have fun.
Stay out as late as you want.
But not too much fun--
we have enough kids already.
I'm serious.
Okay, everyone, be good,
have fun, love you.
- Both: Yeah yeah.
- All right.
Hey, teddy,
thanks for doing this.
It's gonna be nice
for your mom and I to have
some special time together.
- Bob, move your butt!
- I'm coming!
All right, so we divide
it up evenly,
We each get to spend
an hour with charlie.
Who wants to go first?
I think you
should go first.
And second and third,
since this was your idea.
Hey, I'm not doing
this all by myself.
You guys have to help out.
Fine.
I'll go fourth.
- There is no fourth.
- I meant I shall go forth
to the park
To shooteth some hoop.
You want to go
to the park so badly,
Then why don't you
just take charlie?
What's a baby supposed
to do at the park?
Babies love parks.
You can show her
the duck pond,
The blue sky, clouds.
We're just gonna look at stuff?
That's what tv is for.
P.
J.
:
Yeah heh hah, all right!
This is great.
Whee!
Yes, whoo!
What are you looking at?
I was here first.
Hey, you can ride that duck.
I couldn't ride the duck.
I'd look silly on the duck.
Fine.
Hey there, charlie.
Are we having fun yet?
All right.
Man, you seen
a kid's birthday party
around here anywhere?
I'm the entertainment.
I saw a bounce house on
the other end of the park.
A bouncy house, eh?
Great.
Another trip to the e.
R.
Who are you supposed
to be anyway?
Plastic man,
rubber man?
No, those are all
registered trademarks.
I'm captain stretchy.
There used to be a "cs" here,
but it came off in the wash.
So what's your super power?
Super elasticity.
Hey, look,
there's a quarter.
Eh!
( mutters )
Ah, forget it.
Not like
it's a dollar, right?
- Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, yeah, I like
your taste in strollers.
Thanks, you too.
Oh, wow,
- That baby's so cute.
- You too.
Oh, I mean yours too.
- I'm emma.
- I'm p.
J.
- Who's this little guy?
- My brother.
We're just out
for our stroll.
We do this every day.
Us too.
Like I always say,
babies love parks.
- Would you like
to sit for a bit?
- Sure.
So I saw you talking
to captain stretchy
earlier.
Oh, yeah, he was lost.
- Not much
of a superhero, right?
- Oh, he's the worst.
We hired him
for my brother's
birthday party
- And he sat on the cake.
- That sounds awful.
Oh, it gets worse.
The candles were lit,
so he sat in the punch.
That is so weird.
I me he looks like such
a quality entertainer.
You know, p.
J.
, I'm really
impressed that you take
your baby sister to the park.
My brothers would never
do anything like that.
I hope not.
She is my sister.
Now watch closely.
In this hand I have
a quarter
And in the other,
an ordinary egg.
Now I put them in this hat,
spin them around a little
And presto.
Just out of curiosity,
What was supposed
to happen?
I love this baby.
Anytime she wants to go
to the park, sign me up.
What happened to you?
Let's just say charlie made
a friend, p.
J.
Made a friend.
Oh-- and did either you
Or your friend bother
to change a diaper?
There's no time for that.
I was too busy talking to emma.
- Who's emma?
- A vision,
An angel,
the girl who's moved
into my heart.
Did you tell her about
the vacancy in your brain?
- P.
J.
?
- What?
You brought home
the wrong baby.
What?
I did not.
Take a look!
Wrong parts.
There's nothing wrong
with those parts.
How could you bring home
the wrong baby?
I'm sorry.
I got a little distracted.
Emma is really cute.
Yeah, well,
so was our sister.
- Come on, let's go
to the park and find her.
- Relax! I got her number.
Then what are you waiting for?
Call her.
Wait a second.
Is it too soon?
- If I call now,
she'll think I'm desperate.
- Oh, you are desperate.
Good point.
Hello, is emma there?
This is a chinese restaurant?
Sure, I'll hear
the specials.
- She gave you the wrong number.
- Who couldn't see
that one coming?
But I gave her gum
and helped her change
a poopy diaper.
It was so romantic.
Well,
what do we do now?
( cell phone ringing )
Oh no!
Hi mom, what up?
Yeah, everything's going great.
Why wouldn't it be?
We're just having
a grand old time here with--
Baby.
Yeah, sure you can talk to him.
Her her!
Talk to mommy.
Ooh-ooh ee ahh-ahh.
What do you mean that
didn't sound like charlie?
What, do you just think
I'm making baby noises
into the phone?
Mom, that's crazy.
All right, bye.
Say bye, charlie.
Ooh ahh-ahh-ahh.
Not that I'm in the position
to criticize,
But I was getting
more monkey.
Come on,
let's go to the park.
And meet the girl
who blew off p.
J.
?
I'm there.
- I don't see her.
- P.
J.
, what did she look like?
She was hot,
but what does it matter?
Maybe we should call someone.
Who do you call when you
search a baby?
Captain stretchy!
What is that?
- You're still here?
- Every Saturday and Sunday
all day long.
Stay in school, kids.
Just the guy
we needed to see.
- I think you can help us.
- Hey, kid, I'm just
an entertainer.
I can't get mommy
and daddy back together.
No, you don't understand.
I was talking to a girl
here earlier,
And she said that you worked
a party for her brother.
- So? I work lots of parties.
- Where was the party where
you fell on the cake?
You got three hours?
This is really important.
We need to find her.
Interesting situation.
You kids need info,
- And I need a mirdle.
- What is a mirdle?
That's a man girdle.
And they ain't cheap.
Yeah, neither is
dry cleaning, apparently.
Her name's emma.
Did she come back to the park?
Well, maybe she did
And maybe she didn't.
Stop rubbing
your fingers together
and answer my question.
He wants a bribe.
I can't believe it.
Here.
Here's what I know:
Her name is emma.
- I just told you that.
- I didn't say the information
was fresh.
Yeah, I know the girl.
She comes from a big family--
seven, eight kids.
For them I've been
Astronaut pete,
cowboy bob
- Magic marv?
- Yeah! You're familiar
with my work.
Yeah, and it stinks.
I'm just starting off
- And I'm a better
magician than you are.
- Oh yeah?
You think this is easy, huh?
Here.
Turn that into a schnauzer.
You can't do it, huh?
Maybe it's because
you don't have the chops!
Well, stretchy, do you
know where she lives?
Yeah, around here
somewhere.
- I'd know it if I saw it.
- Great!
Now you help us tonight
and we'll get you into
that mirdle tomorrow.
Oh, and you understand
we're not actually
Gonna put you into it?
That you have to do by yourself.
Yeah, I get it.
All right, come on, guys,
we have to go find her.
Uh, hey--
captain stretchy, away!
- Truck's this way.
- Oh, okay.
Order whatever you want, honey.
I get a discount here.
This place is one
of my best customers.
Not what you want to hear
from an exterminator.
- ( baby cries )
- oh, look at that.
Oh, fajitas.
Not that,
the baby.
A little baby
in a stroller
just like ours.
Yeah, okay, honey,
this is supposed to be
a night away from the baby.
So let's come back.
Okay okay, I'm back.
I'm back.
Just gotta run
to the ladies' room.
Oh oh, hey, listen,
while you're in there,
Could you
check the traps?
Hola.
Adios.
Bob, will you go over
and look at that baby?
- I think it's charlie.
- What?!
You heard me,
that is charlie!
Sweetheart, would you
sit down, please?
I will not sit down.
A mother knows her own baby
and that is my baby.
Honey, seriously, what do
you think happened here?
In the last hour somebody
went over to our house,
Borrowed our baby then brought
her out for chips and guac?
I don't know,
it's a big family.
- Maybe that's how
they get their babies.
- Sweetheart,
I think you're just
missing charlie
And you're having a little
separation anxiety.
Oh, okay.
You're right.
Crazy wazy.
- I mean, that isn't
possible, right?
- Exactly.
I'm just going to go
to the ladies' room
one more time.
Sit down.
Now let's enjoy the rest
of our night out
At this very lovely restaurant.
- Okay?
- Okay.
I'm needed
in the kitchen.
- Charlie!
- Emma!
- Charlie!
- Emma!
- Marco!
- Polo.
Gabe, not helping.
Stretchy, is any of this
looking familiar?
Maybe it does,
maybe it doesn't.
- You are not
getting any more money.
- No, I have night blindness.
All I'm seeing is shapes.
- Why didn't you
mention that earlier?
- I needed a ride home.
Stop here.
Oh, great.
Mom's up.
- Maybe I'll just
hang with you kids.
- Captain stretchy, away.
- Good night, stretchy.
- Good night, stretchy.
Good night.
- Now what?
- We didn't hit the streets
on the north end of the park.
P.
J.
, we can't keep
driving around all night.
It's over.
We have to tell mom and dad.
- But--
- no, it'll be okay.
They know what to do.
They always do.
How am I gonna tell them
I lost our baby sister?
I'm the oldest.
They're gonna think I'm
the most responsible.
P.
J.
, if it makes you
feel any better,
Nobody thinks that.
Why do I always
mess everything up?
You know what?
This could have happened
to any of us.
All right, probably
most likely you, but--
This one, we're all
in it together.
Thanks.
Hey, look,
Captain stretchy dropped
his driver's license.
There they are.
All right, let's get
this over with.
Do you think it would be
better or worse if we had
the mariachi deliver the news?
If it's in spanish,
probably better.
Wait,
I don't believe it.
- That's emma.
- So that's charlie.
Yes!
Oh, we're saved.
- Not quite.
- Hey, kids.
- What now?
- I'll let you know
when I think of it.
Mom, dad, hi.
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
We just realized
you must be missing charlie,
So we brought her.
Oh, teddy, you're not
fooling me.
- I'm not?
- Nope.
You spent a little
too much time with charlie
And you're ready
to hand her over early.
Well, I wouldn't say
too much time.
Well, I am ready too,
so let me at her.
- Gimme gimme gimme.
- Mom, mom, mom.
You're on a date.
Let me bring her to you.
Here?
Wait, now?
Well, all right.
- Hey, mom.
- Hi, baby.
- Hey.
- Hey, dad.
- Something I want to show you.
- What is it, honey?
( "william tell overture"
playing )
And now for my next trick,
I'm gonna make
a boy disappear.
You know, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
You lead a guy on,
make him think you
have a connection,
And you give him
a fake phone number.
You put it in wrong.
That three is supposed
to be a two.
Oh, my bad.
So
You wanna get a table?
My widdle baby,
did you miss
your mommy and daddy?
Yes, she did.
Yes, she did.
Oh, I never thought I'd be
so happy to hear baby talk.
Teddy, this
isn't charlie's binky.
Where did you get this?
Oh, well, that's actually
a really funny story.
- See, what happened was--
- ( music playing loudly )
Too loud.
Tell you later.
Teddy: Yeah!
Well, charlie, now you're
home safe and sound
And everything
turned out okay.
For you.
It would have been okay
for us too, but when
we got home,
Mom started asking
all these questions
And no one really had
an answer to the pee stains
in the living room.
And that's when the truth
came out and all the kids
got into trouble.
So the lesson is if you ever try
to pull anything over on mom,
Good luck, charlie.
Couldn't have said it
better myself.
In this hand
I have a quarter.
And in the other hand,
an ordinary egg.
Now I put them in this hat,
Spin them around and
Presto!
Now hold out your hand.
Wow, that's a great trick.
How'd you do that?
Interesting situation.
It seems you need information,
Meanwhile I need
a new video game.
What a chump.
Who you calling a chump?
Hey, get back here.