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The time we started shooting this is far, far away....
BEATCLASH 2
Starring
Produced by
Written and directed by
Well then? How is your objective?
- Got it. - Excellent...
I've got another job for you. It's about Goldenace.
It's been more than a year since the last message. All investigations have failed.
What's your point?
I have good news. We found his wrecked ship and managed to boot the computer.
Last records mention Goldenace's encounter with a Clasher on the planet of Norma. I'm transmitting data now.
Find the guy and bring him to me. I have to find out what's happened to Goldenace.
Yes, master. Easy peasy.
It should be, but be careful. I must go now. I've got some work to do.
Let's take a look at daddy's data. Ah, play the record...
Entry R-G-B / Capital omicron:
Dear diary, after blowing up that storehouse on Norma I wanted to fly away.
But I was surprised by a Clasher. We had a dispute and he managed to convince me to talk.
Over tea, I understood he's quite friendly.
He was a student of BeatClash Academy named Copi-Wan Icewalker.
I've learned of much better things than just power and money. Hmmm...
I don't know if studying the Mighty Side has any meaning. Anyway, my master prefers Yul to me.
I think I won't return and I'll start over on some remote world...
So, where's that planet called Norma?
Ah, there it is...
Have a good time, Gonzal. And be good!
Gotta go...
Sorry, sir.
Gee, your mug looks weird to me.
That's because of sunlight absence. Therefore, I'm going to catch bronze.
- You could go with me then. - Thanks, but I've got the tickets already.
You'll go with me, understood?
Ciao.
So long!
My lord wants to talk to you.
- Lord of the Xit? - Yeah, that one.
Baldhead...
What's wrong, Yul?
That Icewalker nipped off, he certainly knows something. I'm going after him.
Don't forget I want him alive, if possible.
Yes, my lord.
Oh, the youth...
What have you done to Goldenace?
Nothing! We had a tea and then he simply disappeared.
That's truly him. Voracious, greedy and irresponsible.
Do you know the Dark Forces 6: Jedi Knight 8 or Mysteries of the... hmmm...
Outcast video game! Damn! I can't remember which volume of what it truly is. Anyway, blast it.
- What do you wanna do now? - A question: How do you avoid sunburns?
I use a lotion every day. It's annoying, but still better than tressing a pigtail every morning.
- You should try it once. - I'm not sure. But I certainly defeated you...
You can't survive. Except if you wanted to visit my master. What will you do?
Going...
I hope I've got rid of him...
Ouch! You ***! First, you kicked me to my balls and now to my hand!
Sorry. But throwing my sword away wasn't fair either.
Spit on it!
Hey, you haven't drunk your juicie today, right?
You know, first my straw broke and then...
Hey! Stop making fun of me!
Ouch oh ah... I wanna go home.
- I have you now. - NOW is only an instant.
If you th...
- Ouch! - You'll find out what OUCH is like.
??? Damned werk!
Wait, I can do this as well.
Pah!
I want a normal vacation.
Stupid sandals...
I've got more luck than brains...
You're so right.
- I wanna go to my hotel. - You don't understand. I can't let you go.
- You bore me. - And it's just afternoon.
I'd say an early evening. You see the bloody sun?
That's a bad omen.
Ah, it's raining a bit...
- Hey guys! Where did you get these damned good fluor tubes? - Get lost!
- Easy, buddy. I'd just want... - Hands off!
You ***!
- I can't stand people harming innocents. - I can't stand innocents!
- Let's have a snack... - I've already eaten.
You come here threatening me... And you want me to visit your master?
Maybe I'd do it, but now I'm on my vacation. And nobody's allowed to bother me!
Look, you're a good guy. You'll go with me to my master and then... we'll see.
Won't go anywhere!!!
- Your destiny lies in my hands. - I'd like to lie somewhere else.
It's late for that. It's getting dark soon.
Icewalker, do not kill me! I'll do anything you want!
Well then. You take your sword, your ship... And you'll never return to Never Land.
You fool!! Yul Brynner is Never Land!
You're such a fool...
MAIN STARS
MAIN STARS Pepa as Yul
MAIN STARS Icewalker as Copi-Wan Icewalker
THE OTHER STARS
THE OTHER STARS Luks as Lord of the Xit
THE OTHER STARS Zleba as Tourist
THE OTHER STARS Homer as Passer-by
THE OTHER STARS Sifi as Vermin
THE OTHER STARS also Lukasek as Gonzal
THE OTHER STARS Vitaj (cut)
DUBBING Icewalker and goldenace
PRE-PRODUCTION Icewalker, Pepa, Homer, GooF and that man we borrowed a bed sheet from (without asking)
PRODUCTION Vitaj, Icewalker, Pepa, Homer, Foton photo-studio, Zleba, Vachyc, Meda
POST-PRODUCTION Vitaj, Icewalker, Keymaster, Kubi-Wan, Homer (and Ben Burtt)
USED MUSIC John Williams, Michel Magne, Benjamin Bartlett, Michael Jackson, Jesse Harlin
SHOT ON LOCATION Croatia and the Czech Republic
THANKS TO
THANKS TO Professors Pacakova and Romanova for letting us shoot
THANKS TO - Croatian sun for shining - All the supporting people
THANKS TO Vitaj's employers for the job
THANKS TO George Lucas for standing all those horrible fan-films like this one
THANKS TO John Williams and Michel Magne for their scores
THANKS TO - All the people that partipated in this - Our families for their support
We eliminated all micro-organisms we were able. Also a tripod, a lot of brain cells and almost one whole goat.
What the hell is that damn GRIP?
You've just watched Icewalker's fan-film BEATCLASH 2
I love the wife of head forester She's so sweet and her name is Esther
For her, her husband does every deed She reads a lot of books, so she is quite studied
Women like these I really love to squeeze
In my arms they please Me as I just wheeze
The End.
Released by DallArt in 2006; Re-released in 2010 http://www.dallart.net
English translation and subtitle-timing by Icewalker Translation revised by kernel32