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Dad's need to step up and mum's need to step back if we are going to stop this tide of boys going to prison.
Celia Lashlie was talking, she remains a guru when it comes to talking about boys. These are just a few of my thoughts around the stuff she was talking about.
Boys are made to feel wrong. In our current parenting style and in our classroom
and educational system boys are placed in the position where they feel that they are
just made to be wrong. Some behaviours, Celia was talking about are not necessarily inherently
bad they just are boyish. It is up to us to be able to identify whether a particular behavior
is bad or whether it is just them being a boy. Boys need time and space. Far too often
I exclaim to my son. Get your coat on, where's your shoes? We've gotta go, let's go, let's
go' let's go. But the reality is he needs more time than that. Boys need more time than
that. Time frames are important. It is much better, Celia was explaining, that you give
them time references. You know? Dinner is when this episode has finished. Or we need to go in 15 minutes.
We have to tell the truth to our boys. Regardless of whether they are
five or eighteen, it doesn't really matter. We have to identify the vocabulary that works,
but we have to tell our boys the truth. Tell the truth to boys, it puts them in the picture.
It helps explain the world around them and they respond really really well to that. We
as adults have a lot of collective wisdom we've been around for a little while. But those boys
aren't hearing that knowledge. The way we talk to boys it needs clarity and it needs
conviction. You know without the extrapolation and the exaggeration and the
flowering up of stuff, we need to talk plainly to our boys. Boys think and then talk.
Boys process stuff, they take it on board, they think about it, they work it out and then they talk to
whoever about whatever needs doing. Whereas women take a different approach. They're just
thinking off the top of their head, you know kinda like ... Celia did this brilliant thing,
like a little demonstration, it was great. There is just no way I could do anything like
that. Women kinda thing and talk at the same time, they are working things out, they kinda
do it all. That;s a whole lot of talking that really isn't relevant to said boy. So no wonder he switches off.
Over the years boys pick up on everything. Deep down inside them there
is this kinda knowing about stuff. They might not be able to articulate it. They might not
be able to bring it to the surface whenever they feel like it. They are not particularly
reflective thinkers. So it is up to us to identify the question and I say question in
singular because you can't pepper boys with questions. The more you pepper boys with questions
the more they shut down and they don't bother. It is better to go in with a focused question
and expect a response. There is one thing that boys do inherently know that is
"If she asks you question, you give her a moment and she'll answer it for you". So you have to
give boys time. First of all the boy has got to work out that you are not going to answer
for him. Then he needs the time to process what that is, what response is required and
then he needs to deliver it. The other thing is, and this is me not Celia, but.
Boys need to be listened to. Let's model good listening practices. I am going to link to the stuff
in the doobly-doo. There will be links to Celia's two books, she;s got another one out now too.
And any other sort of useful information and stuff. Please leave a comment if you would
like. Don't forget to subscribe. And 'like' it if you do. Thanks a lot. See you next time,
bye.