Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
>> COMING UP ON "MARRIAGETODAY
WITH JIMMY & KAREN"...
Jimmy Evans: I HAVE NEVER IN MY
LIFE BEEN ABLE TO PREDICT WHAT
MY EMOTIONS ARE GOING TO BE. BUT
HERE'S WHAT I CAN PREDICT I AM
100% IN CONTROL OF MY WILL, AND
I CAN DECIDE AT ANY TIME,
REGARDLESS OF MY EMOTIONS, TO
TREAT KAREN RIGHT AND TO LOVE
HER THE WAY THAT CHRIST WOULD.
SO IF YOU'RE ASKING ME, WILL I
LOVE KAREN TOMORROW BASED ON
A DECISION, THERE WILL NEVER BE
A DAY IN MY LIFE I DON'T LOVE
KAREN EVANS. I'VE MADE MY MIND
UP ONCE AND FOR ALL, AND I'LL
NEVER CHANGE IT.
IN MARRIAGE, A LOT OF TIMES, WE
HAVE DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS OF
WHAT LOVE REALLY MEANS. THERE
ARE TIMES WHEN WE FORCE OUR
SPOUSE TO LOVE US THE WAY WE
WANT TO BE LOVED. TODAY, WE'RE
DISCUSSING THE DIFFERENT TYPES
OF LOVE AND HOW ONLY ONE TYPE OF
LOVE WILL LAST FOR A LIFETIME.
WHEN YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE
UNDERSTAND WHAT LOVE REALLY
MEANS, IT WILL DRAMATICALLY
CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE.
INDESTRUCTIBLE LOVE BEGINS WITH
THIS SCRIPTURE, AND IT'S JOHN
3:16. IT SAYS, "FOR GOD SO LOVED
THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY
BEGOTTEN SON THAT WHOEVER
BELIEVES IN HIM SHOULD NOT
PERISH, BUT HAVE EVERLASTING
LIFE." NOW, YOU MAY HAVE HEARD
THIS, BUT THE WORD "LOVE," FOR
GOD'S KIND OF LOVE, IS
A DIFFERENT WORD IN THE BIBLE.
IT'S THE WORD "AGAPE." AND GOD'S
TYPE OF LOVE IS A DIFFERENT TYPE
OF LOVE. NOW, I'M GOING TO GIVE
YOU THE DEFINITION OF AGAPE. IT
MEANS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, LOVE
BY CHOICE AND AN ACT OF
THE WILL. THAT'S THE SHORT
DEFINITION. THE WORD DENOTES
UNCONQUERABLE BENEVOLENCE AND
UNDEFEATABLE GOODWILL. IT WILL
NEVER SEEK ANYTHING BUT
THE HIGHEST GOOD FOR ANOTHER
PERSON. IT DOES NOT NEED
A CHEMISTRY, AN AFFINITY, OR
A FEELING. IT IS A LOVE THAT
ENDURES THROUGH ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES OR DIFFICULTY.
AGAPE IS A LOVE THAT EXCLUSIVELY
BELONGS TO GOD AND GOD'S PEOPLE.
NOW, LET ME SAY, A LOT OF PEOPLE
ARE GETTING MARRIED, AND WE KNOW
STATISTICALLY THAT ABOUT HALF OF
THOSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO
DIVORCE. AND THEY'RE SAYING,
NOW, IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING
MARRIED AND "FALLING IN LOVE,"
THAT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. BUT
WHAT WE ABSOLUTELY KNOW, THAT IN
MANY CASES, THAT LOVE WILL NOT
ENDURE. WHEN THEY'RE SAYING TO
EACH OTHER, "I LOVE YOU," THIS
WORD THAT THEY'RE USING IS NOT
AN ENDURING WORD. IT'S SIMPLY
NOT IT'S NOT STABLE ENOUGH TO
PROVIDE THE FOUNDATION FOR THEIR
RELATIONSHIP. AND WE KNOW THAT
BECAUSE OF ALL THE RELATIONSHIPS
THAT FAIL, BUT ALSO ALL
THE MARRIED PEOPLE THAT ARE
STILL MARRIED BUT THEY HAVE
FALLEN OUT OF LOVE, WHICH IS,
AGAIN, A VERY COMMON THING IN
OUR CULTURE. THIS IS WHAT
HAPPENED TO KAREN AND I. SO I'M
NOT CRITICIZING ANYBODY, 'CAUSE
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WE DID.
I LOVED KAREN, TOLD HER
I LOVED HER, FELL IN LOVE
WITH HER, WE GOT MARRIED, STILL
LOVED EACH OTHER, BUT AFTER 2 OR
3 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, WE WERE OUT
OF LOVE. WE WERE OUT OF LIKE,
AND WE WERE OUT OF LOVE. WE
DIDN'T LIKE EACH OTHER. WE
FOUGHT SO MUCH THAT WE WERE
NUMB. AND WHEN I TALK TO PEOPLE
AND PEOPLE SAY, YOU KNOW,
"JIMMY, I DON'T THEM ANYMORE," I
TELL THEM, LISTEN, I COMPLETELY
UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN BY
THAT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE WE
WERE IN OUR MARRIAGE. AND SO,
UNDERSTAND, MARRIAGE WAS CREATED
BY GOD. IT'S HIS EXCLUSIVE
DOMAIN. AND GOD CREATED MARRIAGE
TO FLOURISH UPON THE FOUNDATION
OF AGAPE LOVE. WE'RE COMMANDED
TO LOVE EACH OTHER, HUSBANDS AND
WIVES, WITH GOD'S LOVE. WHEN
THE BIBLE SAYS, "HUSBANDS, LOVE
YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED
THE CHURCH," THE WORD THERE'S
AGAPE. AND SO LET ME BEGIN BY
TALKING ABOUT THE DIFFERENCES
BETWEEN GOD'S LOVE AND OTHER
TYPES OF LOVE. AND WE'RE GOING
TO ASK SOME QUESTIONS. AND SO,
I'M GOING TO BEGIN AND DON'T
DON'T ANSWER OUT LOUD, PLEASE.
DO YOU LOVE YOUR SPOUSE?
OK. DO YOU LOVE YOUR SPOUSE? OK.
IF YES, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY
THAT? OK. JUST KIND OF THINK
ABOUT THIS IN YOUR HEART. IF
WHEN YOU SAY TO YOUR SPOUSE, "I
LOVE YOU," WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY
THAT? I MEAN, REALLY. WHAT ARE
YOU TRYING TO SAY WHEN YOU TELL
THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM? IF
THE ANSWER IS "NO," WHAT DO YOU
MEAN BY THAT? IF YOU'RE SAYING,
"I DON'T REALLY THINK I" YOU
KNOW, 'CAUSE SOME PEOPLE WOULD
SAY, "I DON'T THINK I EVER LOVED
LOVED YOU." THIS IS A REAL
COMMON THING WHEN PEOPLE ARE
DIVORCING. A LOT OF TIMES,
THEY'LL SAY, "WELL, I DON'T LOVE
YOU, AND I DON'T KNOW THAT I
EVER LOVED YOU." WELL, ALL
RIGHT. IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR
SPOUSE, I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE SAYING
THAT YOU DON'T LOVE THEM? AND IF
YES IF YOUR ANSWER IS YES AND
I'M SAYING, "DO YOU LOVE YOUR
SPOUSE?" AND YOU SAY, "YES,
JIMMY, I LOVE MY SPOUSE," OK,
WELL, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN LOVING THEM AND LOVING
HOT DOGS? OR LOVING YOUR POODLE?
OR LOVING YOUR NEW PAJAMAS OR
YOUR NEW CAR? SHOULDN'T THERE BE
A DIFFERENT WORD? DON'T YOU
REALLY THINK THAT WE OUGHT TO
DISTINGUISH BETWEEN ANIMALS AND
HUMANS, OR OBJECTS AND HUMANS?
BUT WE DON'T. THE WORD "LOVE" IS
A VERY INEFFICIENT, SLOPPY,
OVERUSED WORD IN THE ENGLISH
LANGUAGE, BUT NOT IN THE GREEK
LANGUAGE. THE BIBLE WAS
ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN GREEK, OR
TRANSLATED IN GREEK. AND GREEK
IS A VERY POWERFUL LANGUAGE. AND
WHEREAS WE HAVE ONE BASIC WORD
FOR THE WORD LOVE, THERE ARE
5 BASIC WORDS FOR THE WORD LOVE
IN THE GREEK LANGUAGE. SO IF WE
WERE SPEAKING GREEK SOMEONE
SAID ONE TIME IN THE NEW
TESTAMENT, THERE ARE 20,000
GREEK WORDS,
BUT ONLY 5,000 ENGLISH WORDS.
THAT'S HOW EXACTING
THE GREEK LANGUAGE IS. AND MANY
MORE WORDS. SO WHEN YOU'RE
TELLING A PERSON IN THE GREEK
LANGUAGE THAT YOU LOVE THEM, YOU
CAN TELL VERY SPECIFICALLY THAT
YOU LOVE THEM. SO LET ME GIVE
YOU 5 KINDS OF LOVE, 5 WORDS FOR
LOVE FROM THE GREEK LANGUAGE, SO
THAT WE CAN BE VERY SPECIFIC,
NOW, ABOUT WHAT WE MEAN WHEN WE
SAY WE LOVE SOMEONE. THE FIRST
WORD IS THE WORD EPITHUMIA, OR
THE WORD THUMOS. IT'S A GREEK
WORD THAT'S WHERE WE GET OUR
WORD "THERMOS," BY THE WAY AND
IT MEANS PASSION. IT MEANS
EMOTION. I FEEL HOT. I FEEL
PASSIONATE ABOUT THAT. SO WHEN
WE'RE TALKING SOMETIMES ABOUT
THE DALLAS COWBOYS...
[ CHEERING ]
I'M POINTING AT ALL THE OTHER
TEAMS ACROSS AMERICA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU'RE IN FOR IT THIS YEAR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE'RE GOING TO WIN THIS YEAR.
BUT WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
YOUR YOU KNOW, YOUR FOOTBALL
TEAM, OR YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE YOU'RE
PASSIONATE ABOUT, THAT'S
THE WORD EPITHUMIA IN THE GREEK
LANGUAGE. SO THEY CAN GET REAL
PRECISE ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN JUST AN EMOTION OR
A FEELING AND SOMETHING ELSE.
THE SECOND WORD, THE GREEK WORD
FOR LOVE, IS THE WORD EROS. AND
OF COURSE, WE KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS. THAT MEANS *** DESIRE.
AND SO, IF SOMEONE'S TALKING
ABOUT SEX AND THEY'RE SAYING
THAT, YOU KNOW, "I'M SEXUALLY
ATTRACTED TO YOU,
I WANT TO HAVE A ***
RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU," WE CALL
"MAKING LOVE." YOU KNOW, I CAN
JUST TELL YOU, YOU CAN'T MAKE
LOVE BY HAVING SEX. YOU CAN
EXPRESS LOVE BY HAVING SEX, BUT
YOU CAN'T MAKE LOVE BY HAVING
SEX, EVEN THOUGH IT CAN ENHANCE
YOUR RELATIONSHIP. BUT A LOT OF
PEOPLE, HONESTLY, WHEN THEY'RE
TELLING THEIR SPOUSE OR SOMEONE
THAT THEY LOVE THEM, THEY'RE
REALLY TALKING ABOUT A ***
FEELING, OK. THE THIRD WORD FOR
LOVE IN THE GREEK LANGUAGE IS
THE WORD PHILEO. THAT'S
P-H-I-L-E-O. PHILEO. THE CITY
PHILADELPHIA, AS WE KNOW,
THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE.
IT'S PHILOS AND DELPHIA.
DELPHIA MEANS BROTHER.
PHILOS MEANS FRIENDSHIP, A FOND
AFFECTION, LIKE THAT. SO I CAN
SAY TO MY FRIENDS, YOU KNOW, MY
GUY FRIENDS YOU KNOW, I TELL
THEM I LOVE THEM, YOU KNOW? I'VE
HAD A LOT OF FRIENDS FOR 30 OR
40 YEARS. I LOVE THEM. AND I'LL
SAY, "I LOVE YOU," YOU KNOW.
AND THEY LOVE YOU, TOO. WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT THIS. I'M SAYING,
"I LOVE YOU AS A BROTHER IN
THE LORD. I LOVE YOU LIKE
A BROTHER." SO THAT'S
A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE.
THE NEXT WORD FOR LOVE IN
THE GREEK LANGUAGE IS THE WORD
STORGE, WHERE IT'S A FAMILY
BOND. AND SO, I LOVE MY
MOM AND DAD. I LOVE MY SIBLINGS.
I LOVE I HAVE BLOOD KIN, AND
THERE'S JUST A BLOOD BOND AMONG
FAMILY. SO IT'S JUST A FAMILY
KIND OF A BOND. BUT HERE'S
THE FIFTH WORD AGAPE. THAT'S
GOD'S LOVE. AND HERE'S
THE UNIQUE THING ABOUT AGAPE
LOVE. IT IS THE ONLY NON-EMOTION
BASED LOVE. EVERY OTHER TYPE OF
LOVE REQUIRES THE FEELING,
EXCEPT FOR AGAPE.
SO WHEN THE BIBLE
SAYS THAT "GOD SO LOVED
THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY
BEGOTTEN SON," HE'S NOT TALKING
ABOUT A FEELING. IT DOESN'T MEAN
THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE A FEELING,
BUT HIS LOVE IS NOT BASED ON
FEELINGS, AND WE ALL NEED TO BE
THANKFUL FOR THAT, BECAUSE GOD'S
LOVE IS A VERY, VERY STABLE
LOVE. WHEN GOD COMMANDS US TO
LOVE EACH OTHER, HE'S NOT
TALKING ABOUT A FEELING. YOU
KNOW, THEY CAME TO JESUS AND
THEY SAID, "LORD, WHAT IS
THE MOST IMPORTANT COMMANDMENT?"
AND JESUS SAID, "LOVE GOD WITH
ALL YOUR HEART, SOUL, MIND, AND
STRENGTH, AND LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR
AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF." WE CAN'T
MANIPULATE OUR EMOTIONS. WHEN
GOD TELLS US TO LOVE OUR
NEIGHBOR, HOW CAN WE LOVE OUR
NEIGHBOR IF WE DON'T LIKE OUR
NEIGHBOR? YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ASK
ME THEY SAY, JIMMY, DO PETS GO
TO HEAVEN? DO PETS TO GO
HEAVEN? AND, YOU KNOW, I TELL
PEOPLE I THINK SO, YOU KNOW. AND
IT'S LIKE GOD THAT THERE WOULD
BE ANIMALS IN HEAVEN. THE LION
LAYS DOWN WITH THE LAMB AND, YOU
KNOW. WHY DO I BRING THAT UP?
WELL, MY NEIGHBOR'S DOGS ARE
GOING TO HELL. YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEY GOT BARKING
DEMONS AND THEY'RE LOST. THEY
NEED A LITTLE DOGGIE EVANGELIST
TO COME THROUGH AND GET THEM
SAVED.
AND SO, HOW DO I LOVE MY
NEIGHBOR IF MY NEIGHBOR'S
IRRITATING ME? WHAT IF I HOW DO
I LOVE MY NEIGHBOR IF I DON'T
EVEN KNOW MY NEIGHBOR? BECAUSE I
CAN MAKE A DECISION TO DO WHAT'S
RIGHT FOR THAT PERSON AS GOD
WOULD, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE
A GOOD EMOTION FOR THEM. I DON'T
HAVE TO LIKE YOU TO LOVE YOU
THE WAY GOD DOES. I DON'T HAVE
TO AGREE WITH YOU TO LOVE YOU
LIKE GOD DOES. GOD'S LOVE IS
THE ONLY LOVE THAT DOES NOT
REQUIRE AN EMOTION TO FUNCTION.
SO I WANT TO GO BACK AGAIN TO
SOME QUESTIONS, OK? DO YOU LOVE
YOUR SPOUSE? DO YOU LOVE YOUR
SPOUSE? IF SO, ARE YOU PRIMARILY
MEASURING THAT BY AN EMOTION OR
A DECISION?
AND I'M JUST SAYING THIS TO GET
YOU TO THINK ABOUT THIS. IF NO,
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? IF YOU
SAY, "NO, I DON'T LOVE MY SPOUSE
ANYMORE," ARE YOU SAYING YOU'VE
LOST YOUR DESIRE, THE EPITHUMIA,
THE THUMOS? ARE YOU SAYING
SEXUALLY, THEY'RE YOU KNOW,
THE LIGHTS ARE OUT THERE AND
IT'S NOT HAPPENING, THAT YOU'VE
LOST THE EROS? THAT YOU'RE OUT
OF LIKE? YOU JUST DON'T HAVE
A DESIRE TO BE AROUND THEM?
YOU'RE OUT OF PHILOS, OR PHILEO?
WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU SAYING WHEN
YOU SAY THAT YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR
SPOUSE? YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT
THAT, OK? AND HERE'S ANOTHER
QUESTION. WITH WHAT TYPE OF LOVE
DO YOU WANT TO BE LOVED? IF YOU
WERE GOING TO ANOTHER
INDIVIDUAL AND YOU WERE
CHOOSING HOW THEY WERE GOING TO
LOVE YOU 'CAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS
THAT WE'RE TO DO FOR OTHERS AS
WE WOULD WANT DONE FOR US,
THE GOLDEN RULE, OK? SO HOW DO
YOU WANT TO BE LOVED? DO YOU
WANT TO BE LOVED BASED ON
FEELING OR BASED ON A DECISION?
AND WE TELL PEOPLE THAT WE LOVE
THEM, THAT WE'RE PASSIONATELY IN
LOVE WITH THEM, AND WE STAND IN
FRONT OF A PREACHER, AND WE GET
MARRIED WITH ALL THE HIGHEST
HOPES IN THE WORLD, AND SEVERAL
YEARS LATER, WE'RE STANDING IN
FRONT OF A JUDGE AND WE HATE
EACH OTHER? THERE'S SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THAT KIND OF LOVE.
YOU CAN'T BUILD A LIFE AROUND
IT. YOU CAN'T BUILD A FAMILY
AROUND IT. IT IS NOT DEPENDABLE.
IT IS NOT GOD'S KIND OF LOVE.
GOD'S KIND OF LOVE IS A LOVE
THAT IS NOT BASED ON EMOTION.
AND IT DOESN'T MEAN THERE AREN'T
EMOTIONS THERE. IT'S BASED ON
A DECISION. SO HERE'S
THE DIFFERENCE THAT AGAPE LOVE
MAKES AS THE FOUNDATION FOR OUR
MARRIAGE. AND FIRST OF ALL,
AGAPE LOVE IS CONSISTENT. IT IS
CONSISTENT AND KEEPS THE TRUST
AND GOODWILL OF THE RELATIONSHIP
STRONG, OK? LET ME SAY THIS. IF
YOU'RE RULED BY YOUR EMOTIONS,
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A DIFFICULT
LIFE, I CAN JUST TELL YOU RIGHT
NOW. BECAUSE I CAN'T PREDICT MY
EMOTIONS. LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
OK. SO YOU'RE ASKING ME, "JIMMY,
ARE YOU GOING TO LOVE KAREN
TOMORROW?" IF YOU'RE ASKING ME
THAT BASED ON MY EMOTIONS, I'M
GOING TO GIVE YOU ONE SURE
RESPONSE I DON'T KNOW."
I DON'T KNOW. BECAUSE YOU KNOW
SOMETHING? I NEVER KNOW WHAT MY
EMOTIONS ARE GOING TO DO. MY
EMOTIONS COME AND GO. SOMETIMES
THEY'RE GREAT, SOMETIMES
THEY'RE NOT GREAT. SOMETIMES
THEY'RE NEGATIVE, SOMETIMES
THEY'RE POSITIVE. I HAVE NEVER
IN MY LIFE BEEN ABLE TO PREDICT
WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE GOING TO
BE. BUT HERE'S WHAT I CAN
PREDICT I AM 100% IN CONTROL OF
MY WILL, AND I CAN DECIDE AT ANY
TIME, REGARDLESS OF MY EMOTIONS,
TO TREAT KAREN RIGHT AND TO LOVE
HER THE WAY THAT CHRIST WOULD.
SO IF YOU'RE ASKING ME, WILL I
LOVE KAREN TOMORROW BASED ON
A DECISION, THERE WILL NEVER BE
A DAY IN MY LIFE I DON'T LOVE
KAREN EVANS. I'VE MADE MY MIND
UP ONCE AND FOR ALL, AND I'LL
NEVER CHANGE IT. SHE IS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
AT 105, SHE'LL THE FOXIEST, MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
AND THE OLDER SHE GETS,
THE EASIER SHE IS TO CATCH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO, I'M SAYING, ARE YOU GOING
TO LOVE YOUR SPOUSE TOMORROW?
WELL, IF YOU'RE BASING THAT ON
AN EMOTION, YOU ABSOLUTELY DON'T
KNOW. AND IF I'M ASKING YOU IF
YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH YOUR SPOUSE
RIGHT NOW AND YOU'RE BASING IT
ON AN EMOTION, WHO KNOWS? WHO
KNOWS HOW YOU WOKE UP THIS
MORNING? BUT I WANT TO ASK YOU
THIS QUESTION, AND THIS IS
A REAL SIMPLE THING, AND I WANT
YOU TO LISTEN TO WHAT I'M
SAYING. WHAT IS THE THERMOSTAT
IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? WHAT IS
THE THERMOSTAT OF YOUR
RELATIONSHIP? AND THIS IS
A SIMPLE ANALOGY. IN YOUR HOME,
YOU HAVE A THERMOSTAT, AND YOU
HAVE A THERMOMETER, OK?
THE THERMOSTAT REGULATES
THE TEMPERATURE OF YOUR HOME.
THE THERMOMETER REFLECTS WHAT
THE THERMOSTAT IS DOING, OK. BUT
THE THERMOSTAT IS THE REGULATOR,
IT'S THE CONTROLLER, OK. WHAT IS
THE THERMOSTAT IN YOUR
RELATIONSHIP? IS THE THERMOSTAT
IN YOUR MARRIAGE EMOTION OR
DECISION? BECAUSE HERE'S WHAT'S
GOING TO HAPPEN. WHAT I SAID
HERE IS AGAPE LOVE WHAT IS SO
PHENOMENAL ABOUT AGAPE LOVE IS
IT CREATES STABILITY AND TRUST
IN A RELATIONSHIP. WHEN I'M
WHEN THE THERMOSTAT
OF MY LOVE FOR YOU
IS A DECISION, IT MEANS I
SET THE TEMPERATURE HIGH AND I
LEAVE IT THERE. AND WHEN MY
FEELINGS COME AND GO, I DON'T
CHANGE THE TEMPERATURE. I DON'T
CHANGE HOW I'M TALKING TO YOU.
I DON'T CHANGE HOW I'M TREATING
YOU. I DON'T PUNISH YOU. I DON'T
BROWBEAT YOU. I DON'T WITHDRAW.
I DON'T FREEZE YOU OUT. I DON'T
CUT YOU OFF. I SET
THE TEMPERATURE HIGH AND I
LEAVE THE TEMPERATURE HIGH. AND
WHAT HAPPENS TO THE THERMOMETER
IS THE THERMOMETER STAYS HIGH.
IT STILL GOES UP AND DOWN
A LITTLE BIT. SEX IS BETTER,
FRIENDSHIP IS BETTER, PASSION IS
STRONGER WHEN DECISION SETS
THE THERMOSTAT OF YOUR LOVE.
BECAUSE YOU BUILD TRUST. I AM
A STABLE INDIVIDUAL, AND I'M NOT
GOING TO LOVE YOU BASED ON MY
EMOTIONS. NOW, WHEN FEELINGS ARE
THE THERMOSTAT, HERE'S WHAT
HAPPENS. OH, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE
YOU. YOU'RE SO CUTE. YOU'RE
JUST YOU'RE ADORABLE. OH, I'M
GOING TO TURN THE TEMPERATURE
UP. YOU'RE HOT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU'RE A HOTTIE. THEN THE NEXT
DAY YOU MADE ME MAD? WELL, LET
ME JUST SHOW YOU HOW COLD IT CAN
GET AROUND HERE. AND I'M GOING
TO TEACH YOU NOT TO MAKE YOU
MAD. AND I'M GOING TO YELL AT
YOU, AND I'M GOING TO BROWBEAT
YOU, AND I'M GOING TO DO ALL
THIS KIND OF STUFF LIKE THAT
UNTIL YOU MAKE UP. AND SO THEN
YOU MAKE UP. WELL, I'M GOING TO
TURN IT UP A LITTLE BIT. NOT AS
HOT AS IT WAS, BECAUSE YOU DON'T
DESERVE IT YET. OH, YOU JUST
MADE ME MAD AGAIN. HERE WE GO.
SUB-ZERO. FREEZE YOU OUT. AND
THAT THERMOSTAT'S JUST LIKE
THIS. AND AFTER A WHILE, YOU'VE
HURT EACH OTHER SO MUCH, YOU'VE
REACTED, YOU'VE VERBALLY ABUSED,
YOU'VE WITHDRAWN, YOU'VE DONE
ALL THESE THINGS BECAUSE YOUR
THERMOSTAT IS AN EMOTION, AND IT
CAN NEVER BE FAITHFUL. IT CAN
NEVER BE DEPENDABLE. YOU'RE UP,
YOU'RE DOWN, YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE
THERE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
GOING TO DO TOMORROW. SO WHAT
I DECIDED TO DO AROUND YOU IS
GUARD MY HEART, 'CAUSE I CAN'T
TRUST YOUR MOUTH, I CAN'T TRUST
YOUR COMMITMENTS, I CAN'T TRUST
YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT
A DEPENDABLE INDIVIDUAL, BECAUSE
YOU'RE RULED BY YOUR EMOTIONS.
AND SO, IF THIS I WAS RULED BY
MY EMOTIONS. IF KAREN MADE ME
HAPPY, I WAS NICE TO HER. IF SHE
DIDN'T, I PUNISHED HER. I WAS
VERBALLY ABUSIVE. I WAS NEVER
PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE, BUT I WAS
VERBALLY ABUSIVE, I WAS SELFISH,
I WAS SELF-CENTERED. KAREN HAD
NO TRUST FOR ME WHATSOEVER. AND
ON THE NIGHT THAT I REPENTED TO
KAREN AND I SAID TO HER, I'M
SORRY. I'M JUST SORRY FOR
THE WAY I'VE TREATED YOU, SORRY
FOR THE WAY THAT I'VE BEEN, SHE
SAID TO ME, YOUR MOUTH HAS
DEVASTATED ME, AND THE HARDEST
THING FOR ME TO DO IS GOING TO
BE TO GET OVER WHAT YOUR MOUTH
HAS DONE TO ME. AND I SAID,
"I UNDERSTAND," BECAUSE WHEN
I GOT ANGRY, WHEN I GOT UPSET,
WHEN I WAS FEELING INSECURE,
WHEN SHE DIDN'T DO WHAT I WANTED
HER TO DO, I'D JUST START IN
WITH MY MOUTH. WE HAD NO OUR
HOME WAS UP AND DOWN. AND WHAT
HAPPENED WAS THE MORE UP AND
DOWN IT WENT, THE MORE DOWN IT
STAYED. AND OUR SOCIETY IS RULED
BY THIS *** LOVE, THIS
PASSION LOVE, THIS
EMOTION-BASED LOVE. AND WHAT
YOU'LL NOTICE IS, THE MORE YOU
BASE YOUR LOVE ON EMOTION,
THE LESS LOVE YOU HAVE AND
THE MORE INCONSISTENT YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS ARE. WHEN YOU PUT
AGAPE LOVE AS THE FOUNDATION OF
YOUR MARRIAGE, SEX IS MUCH
BETTER, BECAUSE I TRUST YOU. YOU
TREAT ME NICE WHEN I DON'T
DESERVE IT. YOU'RE CONSISTENT.
YOU'RE NOT MOODY. YOU DON'T
PUNISH ME AND BROWBEAT ME. YOU
LOVE ME WHEN I DON'T DESERVE IT.
AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS BETTER.
THE PASSION IS BETTER.
THE FEELING OF FAMILY IS BETTER.
EVERY OTHER KIND OF LOVE
FLOURISHES ON THE FOUNDATION OF
AGAPE LOVE. WHEN YOU REMOVE
AGAPE LOVE, EVERY OTHER KIND OF
LOVE IS TOO UNSTABLE TO SUSTAIN
THE RELATIONSHIP. YEAH, YOU MAY
HAVE GREAT SEX FOR A WHILE, BUT
IT'S GOING TO COME AND GO. YOU
MAY HAVE STRONG EMOTIONS, BUT
IT'S GOING TO COME AND GO. BUT
WHEN AGAPE IS THERE, IT'S GOING
TO COME AND STAY. THE GREATEST
MARRIAGES ARE WHERE TWO VERY
DIFFERENT PEOPLE GET MARRIED AND
GO THROUGH VERY DIFFICULT TIMES
TOGETHER. AND YOU'VE GONE
THROUGH BATTLES, YOU'VE GONE
THROUGH TRIALS, YOU'VE GONE
THROUGH THE FIRE, YOU'VE GONE
THROUGH THE WATERS, YOU'VE DONE
EVERYTHING. AND THERE WERE TIMES
THAT YOUR MARRIAGE WAS GREAT,
BUT THERE WERE TIMES THAT YOU
WENT THROUGH TIMES OF STRESS AND
DIFFICULTY THAT YOU HAD TO LOVE
EACH OTHER IN SPITE OF. AND ONE
PERSON HAD TO CARRY THE OTHER
PERSON THROUGH. AND THE GREATEST
MARRIAGE IS WHEN YOU WALK
THROUGH THOSE TIMES AND YOU GET
ON THE OTHER SIDE AND YOU TURN
BACK AND SAY...
YOU HAD EVERY REASON TO LEAVE
ME AND YOU DIDN'T. AND WHEN I
WAS NOT WILLING TO GIVE TO YOU,
YOU GAVE TO ME.
I LOVE YOU.
AND I'M SO GLAD THAT WE'RE
MARRIED. THE DEEPEST TRUST,
THE DEEPEST INTIMACY,
THE DEEPEST BOND. AND WE'VE GOT
TO BATTLE THESE ROMANTIC
MISCONCEPTIONS THAT WE HAVE IN
OUR MINDS THAT GREAT MARRIAGES
COME FROM CHEMISTRY, OR GREAT
MARRIAGES JUST COME FROM GREAT
SEX OR GREAT EMOTIONS OR THINGS
LIKE THAT THAT JUST HAPPEN EVERY
DAY. IF YOU MARRY YOUR RIGHT
SOUL MATE IT JUST HAPPENS ALL
THE TIME. IF YOU MARRIED YOUR
RIGHT SOUL MATE, THEY'RE TOTALLY
MESSED UP, AND YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE SOME DIFFICULT TIMES, AND
YOU NEED TO GET YOUR MIND ON
STRAIGHT. AND I'M NOT SAYING
THAT THERE ARE NO GOOD TIMES IN
MARRIAGE. THERE ARE WONDERFUL
TIMES IN MARRIAGE. BUT
SOMETIMES, WHEN WE GO THROUGH
DIFFICULTY AND OUR SPOUSE CAN'T
GIVE TO US AND I'M GOING TO SAY
KAREN AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH
DOZENS OF THESE KIND OF TIMES.
AND I'M NOT SAYING THEY LAST FOR
YEARS, BUT THEY MAY LAST FOR
WEEKS, OR A FEW MONTHS, WHERE
YOU'RE JUST NOT ABLE TO MEET
A NEED IN ME THAT I NEED MET.
BUT I'VE MADE MY MIND UP. I'M
GOING TO MEET YOUR NEEDS, AND
I'M NOT GOING TO TURN MY BACK ON
YOU, AND I'M NOT GOING TO GO
ANYWHERE ELSE.
I LOVE TO TELL PEOPLE THE GOOD
NEWS THAT THEY CAN SUCCEED IN
MARRIAGE. IT'S JUST WONDERFUL
THAT GOD CREATED MARRIAGE TO BE
SUCCESSFUL. AND WHEN YOU DO IT
PROPERLY, IT'S INDESTRUCTIBLE.
AND SO, WHAT YOU SAW ON TODAY'S
PROGRAM IS JUST A SMALL PART OF
AN 8-PART SEMINAR THAT I DO
CALLED "THE INDESTRUCTIBLE
MARRIAGE," TALKING ABOUT
AFFAIR-PROOFING,
DIVORCE-PROOFING, RUST-PROOFING,
HOW TO HAVE INDESTRUCTIBLE LOVE,
INDESTRUCTIBLE COMMUNICATION,
*** FULFILLMENT IN YOUR
MARRIAGE A BIG SEMINAR TO HELP
YOU SUCCEED IN EVERY AREA OF
MARRIAGE. AND WE WANT TO PUT
THE FULL RESOURCE INTO YOUR
HANDS, THE FULL MESSAGE THAT YOU
SAW PART OF TODAY, ALONG WITH
THE REST OF THE SEMINAR, RIGHT
NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT
TO SUPPORT US HERE AT
"MARRIAGETODAY."
WE'RE A MISSION. WE GO ACROSS
AMERICA AND AROUND THE WORLD
HELPING FAMILIES IN THE AREA OF
MARRIAGE. FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY
AMOUNT, WE WANT TO SEND YOU MY
BOOK, "7 SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL
FAMILIES." FOR YOUR GIFT OF $55
OR MORE, I WANT TO SEND YOU
THE FULL 8-PART CD SERIES
"INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE," ALONG
WITH THE BOOK. AND FOR YOUR GIFT
OF $90 OR MORE, IT'S THE DVD
SERIES ALONG WITH THE BOOK,
"7 SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL
FAMILIES." THIS CAN SAVE YOUR
MARRIAGE. THIS CAN CHANGE YOUR
LIFE, TRULY. IT CAN CHANGE
GENERATIONS IN YOUR FAMILY.
MAYBE YOU KNOW OF SOMEBODY
GETTING MARRIED OR SOMEBODY THAT
NEEDS THIS KIND OF RESOURCE.
FOR YOUR GIFT RIGHT NOW TO
"MARRIAGETODAY," WE WANT TO PUT
THESE IMPORTANT RESOURCES INTO
YOUR HANDS, AND HERE'S HOW YOU
CAN GET THEM.
>> SUPPORT "MARRIAGETODAY"
WITH YOUR BEST GIFT AND RECEIVE
THE SERIES "THE INDESTRUCTIBLE
MARRIAGE." WE'LL ALSO INCLUDE
THE BOOK "7 SECRETS OF
SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES." THE CD
SERIES AND BOOK ARE YOURS FOR A
GIFT OF $55 OR MORE. THE DVD
SERIES AND BOOK FOR $90 OR MORE.
"THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE"
SERIES WILL SHOW YOU THE
DIFFERENT KINDS OF LOVE AND WHY
ONLY ONE KIND WILL LAST.
KEYS TO DIVORCE-PROOF AND
AFFAIR-PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE.
HOW TO BE ROMANTIC IN YOUR
SPOUSE'S LANGUAGE. AND MUCH
MORE.
Jimmy: WE'RE CALLING THIS "THE
INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE" SEMINAR
BECAUSE WE MEAN IT. YOU HAVE A
100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN
MARRIAGE WHEN YOU DO IT GOD'S
WAY. AND A LOT OF PEOPLE TODAY
FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T
KNOW IF THEY'RE GONNA SUCCEED
OR NOT. YOU'RE GONNA SUCCEED IN
MARRIAGE.
>> SUPPORT "MARRIAGETODAY" WITH
YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT AND
RECEIVE THE BOOK "7 SECRETS OF
SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES." EXPERIENCE
THE "INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE"
SERIES TODAY.
Jimmy: I HAVE A FRIEND OF MINE
WHO SELLS JEWELRY TO THE RICH
AND THE FAMOUS, AND A LOT OF HIS
CLIENTS ARE VERY WEALTHY PEOPLE.
AND HE WAS TELLING ME ONE TIME
THAT HE HAD 3 CLIENTS, AT THAT
TIME, SPENDING OVER $1 MILLION
EACH ON THEIR WEDDINGS THAT THEY
WERE ABOUT TO HAVE. AND HE SAID,
"JIMMY, TRULY, I DON'T BELIEVE
THAT ANY OF THESE PEOPLE, THEIR
MARRIAGES WILL LAST OVER
90 DAYS." AND HE WAS SAD.
I MEAN, HE'S JUST A GREAT GUY,
AND HE WAS SAD OVER THE FACT
THAT THEIR MARRIAGES WEREN'T
GOING TO LAST THAT LONG,
ACCORDING TO HIM, AND HE KNEW
THESE PEOPLE WELL. WE HAVE
A PHOTOGRAPHER THAT WE KNOW HERE
AT "MARRIAGETODAY" WHO DOES
A LOT OF WEDDINGS AND
PHOTOGRAPHS A LOT OF WEDDINGS.
AND HE SAID INCREASINGLY, WHEN
HE DELIVERS THE PICTURES,
THE WEDDING PICTURES TO
THE COUPLE, THEY'RE ALREADY
DIVORCED. ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
DID YOU KNOW THAT AT THE ALTAR,
ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING THAT
THEY LOVE EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW.
MOST OF THEM ARE SAYING VOWS
THAT SAY "TILL DEATH DO US PART,
TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH," AND ALL
THOSE KINDS OF THINGS. THE WORD
"LOVE" HAS BECOME SO CHEAP, IT'S
REALLY ALMOST MEANINGLESS. AND
YOU THINK ABOUT COUPLES THAT
JUST SO PASSIONATELY SAY "I LOVE
YOU," AND THEN, WHEN SIGNIFICANT
PROBLEMS HAPPEN IN THEIR
RELATIONSHIP, THEY'RE GONE.
WHEN GOD SAYS THAT HE LOVES US,
IT MEANS LOVE. IT MEANS, I WILL
NEVER LEAVE YOU, AND I WILL
NEVER FORSAKE YOU. YOU NEED TO
KNOW THAT ABOUT YOUR GOD. WE'RE
IMPERFECT PEOPLE. GOD HAS SO
MANY REASONS TO THROW US AWAY
AND TO FIND SOMEBODY BETTER, AND
WE ALL KNOW THAT. BUT HE
DOESN'T. THAT'S JUST NOT
THE KIND OF GOD THAT WE SERVE.
WITH ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS, WITH
ALL OF OUR FAILURES AND
FRAILTIES, GOD IS SUCH
AN INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE GOD TO
MAKE A FLAT-OUT STATEMENT, "I
WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE
YOU." WHEN THE BIBLE SAYS THAT
GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD, IT MEANS
GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD. HE LOVED
THE WORLD. HE WENT TO THE CROSS
FOR THE WORLD. IF YOU BELIEVE
THAT THERE'S SOME PERSON OUT
THERE THAT'S YOUR PERFECT
SOUL MATE, THAT YOU WOULD NEVER
HAVE TO GO THROUGH DIFFICULT
TIMES, AND THE EMOTIONS WOULD
ALWAYS BE PRESENT, IF YOU
BELIEVE THAT THAT PERSON IS OUT
THERE, YOU'RE MISTAKEN. IT'S NOT
TRUE. IN EVERY MARRIAGE, THERE
ARE GOING TO BE TIMES WHERE
THE EMOTIONS ARE NOT PRESENT, OR
THAT EVEN THE EMOTIONS ARE
NEGATIVE. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO
DO? ARE YOU GOING TO SAY, "I'M
OUT OF LOVE AND I NEED TO GET
ON THE INTERNET AND FIND MY
SOUL MATE"? ARE YOU GOING TO
BAIL OUT? ARE YOU GOING TO GET
LAZY AND WITHDRAW? OR ARE YOU
GOING TO CONTINUE TO WORK AT
THE RELATIONSHIP AND LOVE YOUR
SPOUSE? YOU CAN LOVE YOUR SPOUSE
WHEN YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR SPOUSE.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN BE OUT OF
LIKE, BUT YOU CAN STILL BE IN
LOVE, BECAUSE GOD'S LOVE, AGAPE
LOVE, IS THE MOST POWERFUL FORCE
IN THE UNIVERSE. IT WILL WORK
FOR YOU TODAY. DON'T YOU GET
DISCOURAGED. DON'T LET THE DEVIL
DECEIVE YOU. THE POWER OF GOD'S
LOVE IS IN YOU RIGHT NOW. YOU
TURN IT TOWARDS YOU SPOUSE, AND
YOU LOVE THEM, AND YOU SEE
THE DIFFERENCE IT WILL MAKE. AND
I WANT TO THANK YOU TODAY FOR
TUNING INTO THIS PROGRAM. WE
HOPE THAT IT'S BEEN
AN ENCOURAGEMENT TO YOU. WE WANT
YOU TO BECOME A PARTNER WITH US
HERE AT "MARRIAGETODAY."
OUR MONTHLY PARTNERS ARE
THE BACKBONE OF OUR MINISTRY.
HERE'S HOW YOU CAN PARTNER WITH
KAREN AND ME.
>> EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK,
MARRIAGES AND FAMILIES ARE UNDER
ATTACK. WHAT GOD INTENDED AS A
FUNDAMENTAL BLESSING TO SOCIETY
HAS BEEN REDUCED TO A COIN FLIP,
WITH 50% OF MARRIAGES ENDING IN
DIVORCE.
CHILDREN ARE BEING RAISED IN
BROKEN HOMES. YOUNG MEN AND
WOMEN ARE QUESTIONING THE VALUE
AND PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE.
THESE ARE OUR NEIGHBORS, OUR
FRIENDS, OUR FAMILY. WE ARE ALL
AFFECTED BY THIS STARK REALITY.
BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS
WAY. GOD DID NOT CREATE MARRIAGE
TO FAIL. AND REGARDLESS OF HOW
DARK, HOW DIFFICULT IT MAY SEEM,
WITH THE RIGHT TEACHING, THE
RIGHT TRAINING, THE RIGHT
COMMITMENT, EVERY MARRIAGE HAS
A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS.
"MARRIAGETODAY" IS COMMITTED
TO SHARING THIS MESSAGE OF HOPE
WITH MEN AND WOMEN AROUND
THE WORLD, PROVIDING A WEALTH OF
BIBLICALLY-BASED RESOURCES
THROUGH SEMINARS, CD AND DVD
SERIES, TELEVISION BROADCASTS,
AND MUCH MORE. JOIN US BY
BECOMING A ROCK SOLID PARTNER
TODAY. TOGETHER, WE CAN HELP
SHAPE THE FUTURE OF MARRIAGE IN
AMERICA AND ACROSS THE GLOBE.
CHOOSE THE PARTNERSHIP LEVEL
THAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU. FOR $14,
$28, OR $56 PER MONTH, YOU CAN
GET THE TOOLS YOU NEED TO
SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE, INCLUDING
ONLINE ACCESS TO THE "DREAM
MARRIAGE" LIBRARY, CD AND DVD
LESSONS SHIPPED TO YOUR DOOR,
AND EXCLUSIVE PARTNER PERKS.
AND IF YOU BECOME A ROCK SOLID
PARTNER AT THE $28 OR $56 PER
MONTH LEVEL, YOU'LL RECEIVE THE
"EVERY GREAT MARRIAGE" VIDEO
SERIES AND "THE MOUNTAINTOP OF
MARRIAGE" AS OUR SPECIAL GIFTS.
JOIN US AS WE WORK TO REBUILD
THE FOUNDATION OF FAMILY. BECOME
A ROCK SOLID PARTNER TODAY.
>> THANK YOU FOR JOINING US
TODAY. SUPPORT "MARRIAGETODAY"
WITH YOUR BEST GIFT AND RECEIVE
THE SERIES "THE INDESTRUCTIBLE
MARRIAGE."
AND DON'T FORGET, BECOME
A ROCK SOLID PARTNER AND RECEIVE
THE "DREAM MARRIAGE" LIBRARY.
THERE'S A ROCK SOLID PARTNER
LEVEL TO FIT EVERY NEED.