Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
[Music]
One of the most challenging positions I ever held
was years ago; I was working as a trainer
for one of the largest career consulting companies in the world.
One of my responsibilities was to teach managers how to terminate employees.
Well, as that suggests, this is a difficult event.
I don't know too many managers who look forward to
delivering messages to people that they know are going to dramatically change
their life, regardless what the reason is for the termination.
And as we were going through the proper way to do this,
how to terminate somebody with courtesy,
with respect, with dignity,
I recall telling them, always remember,
how it happens lingers longer with them
than what happens.
Once they've come to grips with the fact that they lost their job,
they've got to pick up the pieces, find another job.
Once they've got their arms around that emotionally and mentally,
what's going to stay with them is how this event unfolded.
And I remember sharing stories with them, from people I'd stayed in touch with,
who years later would tell me, "Craig, I understood
that my performance wasn't up to par
and I was probably going to lose my job because of that."
Or other people would say, "Craig, I realize that we were outsourcing
my piece of business, and that was going to affect me."
Or, "the company was in trouble.
I was the last person hired.
I was probably going to be the first person fired."
They understood the reason for it.
And then they went on to say, "but the way they treated me through that
process was..." and at that point, the stories
separated and I got two very different takes
on the event.
It was either "...and the way they treated me through that
process was so disrespectful,
so discourteous, that by the end of it,
they made me feel about this big, and I still remember that feeling today."
Or for companies that did it properly, "...and the way they treated me through that,
Craig, I can't say I felt good about it because let's
face it, I didn't feel good,
and I know was difficult for the manager, but I felt as good about it
as I could, under the circumstances, because
they treated me with dignity and respect and it was a very dignified way
to go through that process."
Now, if in fact, we take into account then, because of stories like that,
how it happens lingers longer than what happens,
can't we then apply that very same principle to other interactions that we have in life?
For instance, the simplistic ones like somebody calls you during dinner
and interrupts your dinner.
You choose to answer the phone, and now there is nothing they're gonna say
where you're gonna say I'm gonna buy.
So your answer is going to be, "No, I don't want any of what you're selling."
There's a lot of ways to say "no."
One is, "Ah, excuse me,
yeah, you interrupted my dinner.
What's your problem fool?
You need to get a life" and hang up on them.
Another way may be,
"Well, I know you're probably working on commission, and you're making commission
through sales.
I'm not going to buy so I would suggest
that you call somebody else and good luck with making sales to somebody
else.
Have a nice evening," and also hang up.
In those two events, what happened was the same.
You said, "no."
The way it happened, however, was very different
and the effect on the other person was very different.
We could also talk about this same principle, as it applies to you've got a message,
maybe a difficult message, to deliver to a family member,
a colleague, a friend.
Now you could choose to do it in front of
everybody else and embarrassed them.
Or you could choose to courteously pull them away from the group
and do it one-on-one.
Again, in both cases, what happens is the same.
You're delivering a difficult message, but how you're going about that
is gonna have a very different effect on the person.
How it happens lingers longer with people than what happens
and as much as I've been talking up to this point
about the effect on the receiver, how would it feel on us
if we were the receiver of the message?
Folks, isn't this really about how we choose to treat other people?
Is this not a matter of being able to look at ourselves in the mirror
and be proud of the way we interact with other people?
Can we think about in advance,
if I were on the receiving end of the very same message I'm getting ready
to deliver, what would be the easiest way
for me to manage this, to receive this?
There may not be an easy way; it may not be good,
but what's the best way and then take that into consideration
as we design on how to say or do this.
So, please remember,
how it happens lingers way longer
than what happens and if we can take that into consideration,
as we design what we're going to say, we're gonna have a much better chance of looking
at ourselves in the mirror and being proud
of the person that we have become.
Folks, that's my perspective, what's yours?
Swing by our website and leave us a comment
or a question.
Check out other videos like this one, and if you like this one,
please pass it on.
It has been a pleasure being with you, 'til next time,
see ya.