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HEY, "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST VIDEOS" IS ON.
OKAY, BACK HER UP.
BETTER PARK IT AND GET INSIDE.
OKAY, GO BACKWARDS.
HEY.
TONIGHT ON...
WE'RE SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE.
DO WE WANT SURF...
OR TURF?
I GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU...
IT ALL LOOKS GOOD.
SO SAY, "I DO," AND JOIN US.
ON...
HEY, LOOK, IT'S TOM BERGERON.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. VERY NICE.
OH, NO. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
NO, REALLY. NO, SAVE THAT ENTHUSIASM.
LATER IN THE SHOW, I MAY DESPERATELY NEED IT.
BUT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY AT HOME.
TV HAS BEEN CALLED -- MAYBE UNFAIRLY --
A VAST WASTELAND,
BUT IT CAN BE VERY EDUCATIONAL.
FOR EXAMPLE, OUR SHOW --
IF YOU'VE WATCHED WITH ANY REGULARITY,
YOU KNOW, IF YOU SEE SOMEONE WEAR A TUXEDO
NEAR A SWIMMING POOL, THEY'RE GOING IN.
IF YOU'RE ON A BICYCLE, YOU WON'T BE FOR LONG.
AND THE MOST SENSITIVE PART OF YOUR BODY
IS IN A VERY PRECARIOUS POSITION.
SEE WHAT ELSE YOU CAN WATCH AND LEARN.
HE'S BEEN DOING THIS ALL DAY.
THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PRY HIM OFF THIS THING.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU GOT YOUR FIRST BUCKET?
ALL DAY LONG YOU'D PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK.
REMEMBER THAT 23-YEAR-OLD SWEDISH GIRL
YOU MET ON THE INTERNET?
YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM.
AS SOON AS SHE WAS OLD ENOUGH FOR A PET,
DAD RAN DOWN TO THE RIVER AND GOT HER ONE.
IT WAS KISSING.
KISSING!
THEY GROW UP SO FAST.
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
THEY'RE GONE.
SO, PARENTS, DON'T BE CLINGY.
BUT DON'T LET THOSE YEARS GET AWAY.
YOU KNOW, THE GREAT THING ABOUT SPORTS --
THEY TEACH US TO WIN WITH GRACE
AND LOSE WITH DIGNITY.
YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS WHEN YOU THROW A TEMPER TANTRUM
AND STORM OFF LIKE A BIG BABY.
UNLESS YOU'RE A PRO,
THEN IT'S A SIGN OF COMMITMENT TO THE TEAM.
I SAY IF YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY SPORTS,
AT LEAST BE A GOOD SPORT.
THESE KIDS HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE CHAMPIONS
BECAUSE THEY PLAY LIKE A UNIT.
HE'S ALREADY SHOOTING IN THE 60s.
HE HASN'T LEFT THE FIRST TEE.
IT STARTED AS A GAME OF HOT POTATO.
IT ENDED AS A GAME OF KEEP-AWAY.
SURE, THE IRONMAN HAS BIKING AND SWIMMING,
BUT DOES IT HAVE A DOG?
[ BARKS ]
IT'S A NICE GENTLE HILL,
BUT IT PICKS UP SPEED AT THE BOTTOM.
[ CHILD CRIES ]
HE MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE BEST BABYSITTER,
BUT HE DOES GET THE FLOOR SPOTLESS.
AND HE KEEPS KIDS OUT OF THE GUTTER.
YOU KNOW THE BEST WAY TO GET THAT SMELL
OF FRESH PINE IN YOUR CAR?
I LIVE BACK EAST, SO I DO A LOT OF FLYING
COMING OUT HERE TO THE WEST COAST
FOR "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES" AND "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST VIDEOS,"
AND SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE MAN WAS NEVER INTENDED TO FLY.
THEY SAID IT TO THE WRIGHT BROTHERS,
THEY SAID IT TO LINDBERGH, THEY SAID IT TO ICARUS.
YOU KNOW, ICARUS WITH THE WINGS
AND THE SUN AND --
YEAH, WELL, WITH HIM, THEY WERE RIGHT.
BUT HE JUST GOT COCKY.
SOMETIMES IT'S BEST TO BE GROUNDED.
WHEN THEY SAY, "GO FLY A KITE,"
I DON'T THINK THEY MEAN YOU SHOULD BE ON IT.
THIS BOY LEARNED ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT FLYING
FROM WILE E. COYOTE.
PETER PAN'S BEEN DELAYED FOR MECHANICAL REASONS
AND WILL BE RETURNING TO THE TERMINAL.
MAYBE THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT NEVER NEVER LAND.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I LIKE THE ORIGINAL RECIPE.
YOU WILL BELIEVE A BOY...
CAN WALK.
NOW, HERE'S SOMETHING THAT CAN FLY.
IT JUST CAN'T LAND.
DID YOU KNOW
THERE IS A CLOWN COLLEGE
WHERE AVERAGE PEOPLE GO TO BECOME CLOWNS?
SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW IT AS CONGRESS.
BUT I KID.
WHERE DO THESE CLOWNS GO ON SPRING BREAK
TO LET OFF A LITTLE STEAM?
SAME AS THE REST OF US -- TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK.
KEEP YOUR HEADS BACK.
HA HA HA HA!
3, 2, 1...
OH, MY GOD.
COMING UP -- A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE,
WHEN "AFV" RETURNS.
COMMUNICATION TODAY -- IT IS SO SOPHISTICATED.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE GOT ALL THIS STUFF,
BUT FIRST, I GOT A CORDLESS PHONE,
THEN A CELL PHONE, A PAGER,
VOICE MAIL, E-MAIL,
AND THEN I REALIZED I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY
TO ANYBODY.
I JUST LIKE TO WATCH.
I GUESS THIS EXPLAINS WHY THEY NAMED HIM "CHOPPER."
THEY'VE ALL COME TO PAY THEIR LAST RESPECTS.
HE WAS SO YOUNG,
BUT SO TASTY.
YOU DON'T SEE STEAM ENGINES MUCH ANYMORE.
AS SOON AS YOU CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THEM, THEY'RE GONE.
ONE THING ABOUT TODAY'S STOCK MARKET,
WHEN THE BULLS TAKE OVER,
YOU GOT TO RIDE 'EM TILL THE END.
SHE HASN'T BEEN HITTING TOO WELL THIS YEAR.
SHE'S HAVING A BIT OF A DRY SPELL.
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS,
BUT THE AVERAGE HOLLYWOOD MOVIE TODAY COSTS $50 MILLION.
WELL, NOT HERE.
AT "AFV," WE GIVE YOU CLASSIC FILMS
FOR THE COST OF A CAMCORDER.
OOH.
ALL RIGHT.
EVERY PARENT KNOWS THAT KIDS GO THROUGH STAGES.
THERE'S THE HITTING, THE BITING,
THE LYING, BACK TO THE BITING.
THE ONLY CONSOLATION IS KNOWING THAT ONE DAY,
THEY'LL GROW OUT OF IT
AND, HOPEFULLY, BEFORE THEY GO TO COLLEGE.
SO JUST KEEP REPEATING TO YOURSELF,
IT'S JUST A PHASE, IT'S JUST A PHASE...
FOR A KID TO LEARN,
THEY'VE GOT TO BE ABLE TO EXPLORE.
IT'S ALL ABOUT TRYING NEW THINGS.
IMAGINE, SOME KIDS WON'T EVEN EAT THEIR VEGETABLES.
YOU CAN'T GET IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERY LITTLE ARGUMENT.
SOMETIMES, YOU JUST HAVE TO LET THEM WORK IT OUT
FOR THEMSELVES.
SHANNON, CINDY, STOP.
TO THE VICTOR GO THE SPOILS.
COME ON, REESE, KEEP GOING.
WHOA. TALK ABOUT BED HEAD.
I DON'T KNOW WHICH PARENT IT TAKES AFTER,
BUT THEY SHOULD STOP HAVING KIDS.
OKAY, NOW, JUST GRAB ON TO THE STICK
AND WHACK THE LITTLE WHITE DOG.
YEAH, YOU ATE THE CANDY, HUH?
YOU DIDN'T EAT THE CANDY?
I THOUGHT YOU ATE CANDY.
OH, NO.
OKAY, MAYBE MOMMY'S JUST MISTAKEN.
ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T EAT NO CANDY?
NO CANDY?
I DON'T KNOW, BABE.
I KIND OF BELIEVE THAT YOU MIGHT'VE HAD SOME CANDY.
DECEMBER 24, 2000.
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU GET A CAN OF MIXED NUTS,
AND EVERYBODY GRABS FOR THEIR FAVORITES?
WHO ARE THE CASHEWS PEOPLE OVER HERE?
A LOT OF CASHEW HERE? CASHEWS!
WALNUT PEOPLE!
ALL RIGHT, THE LOWLY SALTED PEANUT PEOPLE!
ALL RIGHT,
A SURPRISING RESURGENCE OF INTEREST
FOR THE LOWLY SALTED PEANUT.
WELL, WE HAVE PLENTY OF YOUR FAVORITE NUTS
RIGHT HERE.
THAT'S ACTUALLY A DIVINING ROD.
HE'S LOOKING FOR WATER.
HE FOUND IT.
HERE, CINDY AND MINDY AND HOLLY AND JODY AND DAISY
AND POOCHIE AND SABLE AND MUFFIN AND ANGEL
AND SCRUFFY AND -- WHERE'S SPOT?
[ BARKING ]
NO, I SAID SPOT.
GOOD.
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HANG A PAINTING
AND YOU JUST CAN'T FIND THE STUD?
[ ALL SINGING ]
I GOT TO ASK,
IS IT THE MUSIC OR THE CANDY?
WELL, GUESS WHO'S GETTING TRADED IN FOR A CAT.
HERE'S A DRAMATIC WEIGHT LOSS SYSTEM.
ABRASION.
WE HAVE ALL HAD THOSE EMBARRASSING MOMENTS
WHERE YOU WISH YOU COULD JUST DISAPPEAR.
I WAS TALKING TO CRYSTAL HERE,
AND WHAT WAS YOUR EMBARRASSING MOMENT?
I WAS ON A TV SHOW,
AND WE HAD TO BE ON ICE SKATES
AND CHASE GIANT TURKEYS AND PULL OFF THEIR FEATHERS
AND POP BALLOONS WITH THEM.
AND THAT -- THAT WAS ON "WASHINGTON -- WEEK IN REVIEW."
GO FIGURE. DURING THOSE KIND OF MOMENTS,
AREN'T YOU GLAD THEY'RE HAPPENING TO SOMEONE ELSE?
CHECK IT OUT.
UNDERSTANDING OR SEEING CLEARLY...
Tom: BEING A MINISTER
IS A LOT LIKE BEING A STAND-UP COMIC --
YOU WANT TO OPEN WITH A JOKE.
I'M OKAY.
I THINK.
THERE'S TAI CHI AND...
WEDGIE.
[ MAN SHOUTING COMMANDS ]
I THINK HE'S GOING FOR HIS BROWN BELT.
HOW HAROLD GOT HIS GROOVE BACK.
HE'S NOT GOING HOME ALONE TONIGHT.
THANK YOU.
OH, A LOVELY SWEATER,
AND GRAMPS GOT EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED, TOO.
THIS IS AN INTERESTING GAME OF TAG.
THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE IT.
YOU ARE SO IT.
NOW, THIS IS EMBARRASSING.
I MEAN, WHO WOULD WEAR THAT PANTSUIT?
AAH!
HA HA. WE HAVE IN THE AUDIENCE A NUMBER OF COLLEGE STUDENTS
FROM AREA COLLEGES HERE.
AND, NICOLE, WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR?
BIOPSYCHOLOGY.
AND WE DIDN'T ASK BEFORE. WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR?
I'M A COMMUNICATIONS MAJOR.
COMMUNICA-- OH, ONE THING, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS THAT REALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
DRIVES ME CRAZY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING,
IS, LIKE, WHEN -- WHEN PEOPLE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING,
THEY'RE TRYING TO GET TO A POINT, YOU KNOW?
THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE A POINT? I UNDERSTAND.
AND THEY KEEP, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, PUTTING,
LIKE, THAT SPEECH STATIC, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
AND IT'S REALLY ANNOYING, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
CHECK IT OUT. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
I'M A DANCER, SO IF SOMEBODY SAYS, "DO YOU SING?"
I SAID, "YEAH, I SING. VERY BADLY, BUT I SING."
HA HA HA. OH, DEAR.
SPEAKING OF TALENT --
[ AUDIENCE LAUGHS ]
WHAT WAS THAT?
I'LL TALK TO YOU GUYS WHEN THE SHOW IS OVER.
HA HA HA HA. OH, DEAR. SPEAKING OF --
[ LAUGHTER ]
I THINK I'M MISSING SOMETHING.
HA HA HA HA.
WATCH IT.
OH, DEAR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO THROW AT YOU.
I DON'T GET EMBARRASSED VERY OFTEN,
SO YOU'VE DONE A PRETTY GOOD JOB.
DON'T WORRY. HA HA HA. OH, DEAR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
CAN SOMEBODY LET ME IN ON THE JOKE?
Audience: OH, DEAR!
OH, DEAR!
I'M SORRY?
[ Shouting ] OH, DEAR!
OH, DEAR!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I STILL DON'T GET IT.
COMING UP, SOME THINGS THAT AREN'T QUITE KOSHER...
[ SNORTS ]
WHEN "AFV" RETURNS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE? I LOVE COOKING SHOWS,
WHERE THEY TAKE A RAW FISH, THEY STICK IT IN THE OVEN,
THEN THEY OPEN THE OVEN RIGHT BESIDE IT,
AND THEY PULL OUT THE FINISHED FISH
BAKED TO PERFECTION.
DON'T YOU WISH LIFE WAS LIKE THAT?
YOU COULD TAKE A LOOK INTO YOUR FUTURE
AND SEE WHAT YOU'LL BE LIKE WHEN YOU'RE BAKED TO PERFECTION.
AROUND HERE, YOU CAN.
WHEN MIKEY WAS A LITTLE BABY,
HE COULD SLEEP ANYWHERE.
NOT MUCH HAS CHANGED.
ARTIE DEVELOPED A CRAVING FOR KIBBLE EARLY ON.
HE'S STILL PAYING THE PRICE.
[ GIBBERISH ]
AMY COULD TALK AND TALK AND TALK.
[ GIBBERISH ]
LOOKS LIKE SHE'S FINALLY LEARNED TO LISTEN.
AND CAITLIN WAS ALWAYS CONCERNED WITH JUST TWO THINGS.
CAITLIN, SHOW US YOUR NEW BOOTIES.
NO! BOOTIES, CAITLIN.
HER CONCERNS HAVE GROWN.
SOME PEOPLE -- SOME PEOPLE, THEY DON'T FOLLOW CONVENTION.
THEY THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.
OCCASIONALLY, THEY GO ON TO BRILLIANT CAREERS.
USUALLY THEY END UP LIVING IN THEIR PARENTS' BASEMENT,
EATING OLD PIZZA, AND SURFING *** WEB SITES,
BUT SOME FOLKS JUST HAVE TO DO THINGS THEIR OWN WAY.
CRACK THIS EGG WITH HER BUTT MUSCLES,
SO WE'RE GOING TO LET HER TRY.
OKAY, MARIE.
OH, I THINK I'LL HAVE THE FRENCH TOAST.
OH, IT LOOKS LIKE SHE MIGHT NEED A LITTLE HELP.
WHAT? WHOA!
UM, CLOWN OF THE YEAR THIS YEAR IS WAYNE HAINES.
[ CHEERING ]
THE MALE.
AND FOR THE CLOWN OF THE YEAR,
THIS YEAR RECEIVES A BEAUTIFUL --
THIS IS FOR ALL YOU CYNICS OUT THERE
WHO THINK THAT ROMANCE IS DEAD.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
WHAT?
WHAT?
IF YOU REALLY WANT SOMEONE TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY,
PUT IT IN WRITING.
WHAT?
NOW IT'S OFF TO VACUUM THE BATHROOM FLOOR.
HERE IT'S NOT THE MAN WHO'S THINKING DIFFERENT,
IT'S THE DOG.
YEAH, PULL.
[ CHAIN SAW BUZZING ]
THEY FINALLY GOT THAT GIRL WHO LIVED IN THE TREE DOWN,
BUT NOW THEY HAVE NO WAY TO GET HER HOME.
ONE OF A PARENT'S MOST IMPORTANT JOBS IS
TO TEACH THEIR CHILDREN ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
THE BIRDS AND THE BEES,
THAT THE PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN
IS A NATURAL AND BEAUTIFUL THING
AND TO INSTILL IN THEM THE SENSE OF GUILT AND SHAME
THAT OUR PARENTS PASSED DOWN TO US.
HERE ARE SOME PEOPLE DEALING WITH THE FACTS OF LIFE.
DON'T LET YOUR KID GET HIS INFORMATION
OFF THE STREET CORNER.
TAKE HIM TO THE MALL.
EVEN AT THIS AGE, THEY CAN'T AGREE.
SHE WANTED A FORMAL WEDDING, HE WANTED IT CASUAL.
YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE.
BLEAH! BLEAH! BLEAH!
OF COURSE, SOMETIMES LOVE IS BLIND.
[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYING ]
AND LOVE IS NOT JUST WASTED ON THE YOUNG.
HEY, IF YOU GOT IT AND IT STILL WORKS,
FLAUNT IT.
AND THE RESULT OF ALL THIS LOVE?
THE NEXT GENERATION.
WHAT IS THAT, DEBBIE?
OH, NO! OH, NO! I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!
I KNOW WHAT THAT IS! I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY! THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY! MY BABY! MY BABY!
I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT! I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! PUT THAT CAMERA AWAY!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD. I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT.
VIDEO CAMERAS TODAY HAVE SO MANY FEATURES.
IT'S NOT JUST POINT AND SHOOT ANYMORE.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO
IF YOU'RE SHOWING SOMEBODY YOUR NEW CAMERA
AND YOU DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW EVERYTHING WORKS?
IT'S EASY. LIE THROUGH YOUR TEETH.
YOU SEE NOW, BRIAN?
OKAY, OKAY.
YOU SEE NOW? YOU SEE HOW IT'S FULL?
UH-HUH. I'M LOOKING AT THE BOTTOM PART OF IT,
I GUESS, BEFORE YOU GET TO THAT.
OH, NO, THE BOTTOM PART'S GOING TO LOOK LIKE THAT.
YOU JUST LOOK OUT HERE,
AND IT LOOKS ALMOST LIKE A LITTLE MINI TV.
OKAY. IT LOOKS BLACK AND WHITE, RIGHT?
BUT WHEN YOU PUT IT IN THE VCR,
THAT THING SHOWS UP IN COLOR.
IT'S ALREADY GOT AN AUTOMATIC COLOR FINDER,
SO WHATEVER YOU LOOK AT IN COLOR,
IT'LL BE THE SAME THING,
UNLESS YOU WANT IT ON BLACK AND WHITE.
BUT I DON'T THINK YOU WANT IT ON BLACK AND WHITE.
BUT HOW YOU COULD YOU GET BLACK AND WHITE
IF YOU WANT IT BLACK AND WHITE AND NOT THE COLOR?
OKAY, WELL, THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN DO THAT
IS IF YOU'RE LOOKING IN A ROOM THAT'S BLACK AND WHITE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
IF THE FILM YOU'VE GOT IS IN COLOR,
HOW CAN YOU MAKE IT COME OUT IN BLACK AND WHITE?
THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN DO THAT IS IF YOU BUY
A BLACK-AND-WHITE BLANK TAPE.
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN DO THAT.
I THOUGHT YOU MEANT IF YOU WANTED --
THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN DO THAT IS IF YOU BUY A TAPE
THAT'S BLACK AND WHITE.
AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, ON THE INTERNET,
THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH CAMERAS TRAINED ON THEM
24 HOURS A DAY. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
MOST PEOPLE AREN'T THAT INTERESTING.
THE AVERAGE PERSON IS GOOD FOR ABOUT 20 SECONDS A DAY.
THE REST OF IT REALLY IS JUST FILLER.
WELL, WE HAVE FOUND THOSE INTERESTING SECONDS
AND PUT THEM TOGETHER JUST FOR LITTLE OL' YOU.
THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE TELLS ME THEIR WALLS ARE PAPER THIN,
I'M GOING TO BELIEVE THEM.
KIDS, LET THIS BE A LESSON.
WHEN YOU FIND A JELLYFISH IN THE YARD,
DON'T TOUCH IT.
DAHLIA IS 26 MONTHS OLD.
SOME PARENTS MAKE THEIR KIDS JUMP THROUGH HOOPS.
HEY, PAPA, COME HERE!
NO SPOTTER, 220 POUNDS,
FOR YOU.
I MIGHT BE A PUNK...
TO ALL YOU WOMEN, I'M A MAN.
WHOO!
GUESS YOU CAN TELL I DID NOT GET IT.
WHO DOESN'T WANT A MINI-ME?
THIS LITTLE PIGGY'S READY FOR HIS CLOSE-UP.
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE SAFE ON A TRAMPOLINE,
AVOID THEM.
WE LIKE TO THINK WE'RE THE DOMINANT SPECIES,
ALTHOUGH WE USUALLY HAVE VIDEO EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY.
WE HAVE TO SHARE THE PLANET WITH ALL THE OTHER ANIMALS,
AND SOMETIMES, WE'RE NOT A VERY GOOD ROOMMATE.
WHEN THEY GET TIRED OF BEING RIDDEN OR MILKED
OR MADE INTO A PAIR OF SHOES,
THEY LET US KNOW.
JUST WAVE TO THE CAMERA.
THE CAMERA'S GOING TO RECORD ALL THIS.
DO THAT TO THE HORSE.
OH, SORRY.
AREN'T YELLOW AND BLACK THE INTERNATIONAL COLORS
FOR HAZARD?
I DON'T WANNA RIDE.
HORSES DON'T LIKE ANYONE GETTING BETWEEN THEM
AND THEIR RIDER, ESPECIALLY IF IT'S ANOTHER STUD.
YOU EVER WONDER HOW THEY GOT THE FOOD
FOR THE KIDS' MENU?
KIDS CATCH IT.
IN A HEAD-TO-HEAD CONFRONTATION, USE YOURS,
BECAUSE HIS WILL GO RIGHT THROUGH YOU.
YOU KNOW, AT THIS POINT,
I'D LET THE HAT GO.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT I'M ROOTING FOR THE ELK.
JUST IN CASE YOU THINK YOU'RE INDISPENSABLE,
DON'T EVER FORGET YOU CAN REPLACED BY A DRIVEWAY.
OH...SWEET, SWEET DRIVEWAY.
GET RID OF IT.
IT USED TO BE THAT TO END A GAME OF FETCH,
YOU'D JUST THROW THE BALL AWAY,
BUT SOME DOGS JUST WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
THIS NEXT CLIP DIDN'T JUST WIN $10,000,
IT WENT ON TO WIN $100,000.
UNTIL CONSTRUCTION IS FINISHED
AT THE "AFV" $100,000 CLUB,
WE THOUGHT WE'D INVITE YOU TO GO SLUMMING WITH US
AT THE "AFV" $10,000 CLUB.
WE WOULD LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS NEXT SEGMENT
TO RAISING AMERICA'S CULTURAL AWARENESS.
ONE OF THE GREATEST PIECES OF MUSIC OF ALL TIME
IS TCHAIKOVSKY'S "1812 OVERTURE."
IT'S DRAMATIC, IT'S INSPIRING.
TO FULLY APPRECIATE THIS WORK OF ART,
PLEASE STAND AND DROP YOUR PANTS.
TCHAIKOVSKY WOULD'VE WANTED IT THAT WAY.
[ TCHAIKOVSKY'S "1812 OVERTURE" PLAYING ]
OKAY.
WE'VE SEEN A LOT OF CLIPS TONIGHT.
NOW YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THREE OF THEM AGAIN
BECAUSE THEY'RE OUR NOMINEES.
AND THEY ARE "PEDAL PUSHER"
SENT IN BY STEVEN AND MICHELE MAHER
FROM QUEEN CREEK, ARIZONA.
MAKE HER GO BACKWARDS.
"NOT A PIÑATA"
SENT IN BY BY NICKIE BILLY FROM NAPLES, FLORIDA.
OKAY, NOW, JUST GRAB ON TO THE STICK
AND WHACK THE LITTLE WHITE DOG.
AND "HOOP DREAMS"
SENT IN BY NG JUNG AND CHANG HA FROM GERMANTOWN, MARYLAND.
LOOK AT DAHLIA WITH HER DIAPERS ON!
SOME PARENTS MAKE THEIR KIDS JUMP THROUGH HOOPS.
ALL RIGHT, TO OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE,
YOU ONLY GET ONE CRACK AT THIS,
SO MAKE IT YOUR BEST CHOICE. TIME TO VOTE.
THREE GREAT VIDEOS VYING FOR ONE BIG PRIZE...
WILL IT BE "PEDAL PUSHER"...
"NOT A PIÑATA"...
OR "HOOP DREAMS"?
WE'LL FIND OUT WHEN "AFV" RETURNS.
ALL RIGHTY. RIGHT HERE.
IT'S RIGHT HERE, THE RESULTS OF OUR AUDIENCE VOTING.
THE SECOND PLACE $3,000 WINNER IS...
"HOOP DREAMS"
SENT IN BY NG JUNG AND CHANG HA FROM GERMANTOWN, MARYLAND.
AND THE WINNER OF THE $10,000
AND TONIGHT'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO IS...
"PEDAL PUSHER"
SENT IN BY STEVEN AND MICHELE MAHER
FROM QUEEN CREEK, ARIZONA!
CONGRATULATIONS!
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU TWO!
THANKS.
THIS IS NOW -- THIS IS STEVIE AND ASHLEY.
ASHLEY, HOW YOU DOING?
GOOD.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MEMORY OF THAT AT ALL?
NO.
OF BEING KNOCKED OVER?
YOU KNOW, IT'S CALLED TRAUMATIC AMNESIA, I THINK.
BUT YOU'RE OKAY NOW, RIGHT?
YES.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, STEVIE, I GOT TO ASK YOU,
WHEN DAD SAID, UH, YOU KNOW,
WHAT WAS THE EXACT WORD, DAD, YOU SAID TO HIM?
MAKE HER GO BACKWARDS.
MAKE HER GO BACKWARDS. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
GO PUSH HER BACKWARDS.
YEAH.
DO YOU THINK HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING THERE?
NO.
NO!
DID YOU KNOW YOU DID THE WRONG THING RIGHT AWAY?
YES.
YEAH. THAT'S WHY YOU MOVED VERY FAST, RIGHT?
YEAH.
WELL, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY TO KNOW
THAT THROUGH ALL OF THAT TRAUMA,
YOU WON $10,000. NOT BAD, HUH?
AND YOU'RE ELIGIBLE FOR OUR $100,000
LATER IN THE SEASON.
AND HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN BACK AT HIM FOR THAT?
NO.
PAYBACK -- IT'S COMING.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU GUYS. IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE.
WELL, THAT IS OUR SHOW FOR TONIGHT.
NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE YOUR HAND OFF YOUR REMOTE
AND PUT IT ON YOUR MOUSE.
LOG ON TO abc.com, KEYWORD "AFV,"
AND SEE SOME VIDEOS TOO COOL FOR TELEVISION.
UNTIL NEXT TIME, REMEMBER,
IF YOU GET IT ON TAPE, YOU COULD GET IT IN CASH.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. TAKE CARE.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. TAKE CARE.