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I walked into my first day of school on a cold, rainy morning. I was wearing a sweater,
even though it was early fall, and much too warm for sweaters. I had to hide the bruises.
My parents had fought again. I decided to attempt to break it up. It hadn't gone very
well. I sneaked my way through the crowded hallways, praying I didn't bump into anyone
and hit my bruises. Someone would notice if I winced. I reached my small locker and opened
it. I was surprised to find a note in it. It read;
"What's it like, to be all alone in the world?" "The hell?" I muttered, crumbling up the paper
and tossing it into my bag. I heard snickers from what sounded like a girl behind me.
"What do you want?" I groaned, spinning around to face her. Ariella. The only girl who knew
about my parents. Who knew my pain, my troubles. Who WAS my best friend. But we grew apart.
She became my tormentor. Bullied me, harassed me constantly.
"Hi, Ari." "Hey fat-***. How's your miserable life going?"
She grabbed my arm and I winced in pain. She pulled up my sleeve.
"I see your parents are treating you well. Why do you stay with them? Why don't you go
stay with one of your friends- Oh wait," her voice was laced with false sympathy," you
don't have any friends. You're all alone."
She pouted, and pretended to wipe a tear from her eye.
"Poor little Cassi, all alone in the world," She smirked, her eyes filled with a venomous
sparkle. She laughed, and her group of worshipers behind
her did the same.
She then walked away. At this point I was late to class. But I didn't care. I walked
back down the now empty hallway. Went straight for the door, and went home. My mother was
on the couch, watching TV. She payed me no mind as I slipped up the stairs, and into
my small, dark room. I curled up on the floor (I didn't have a bed). I cried. And cried.
And cried. I cried until I ran out of tears. I cried until I was just sitting in silence.
All alone. Like I always was.
I sat there for a long time, until I heard yelling downstairs. My parents were at it
again. I got up, grabbed my purse, and my backpack,
and walked calmly downstairs. Then I threw open the front door, slammed it behind me
as hard as I could, and ran. I don't know how long I ran for.
When I came to a stop, I stood there for a moment, breathing in the crisp air. I looked
up, and found I was at the park. The one my parents used to take me to. I sat on the swing
set, and set my bags down beside me. Eventually I began to drift into sleep. I took my purse,
and felt around until I found it. The paper. What's it like to be all alone in the world?
I fell asleep, holding the wrinkled paper in my hand, clutching my bag to my chest.
"What does it mean to be alone?" I whispered as I closed my eyes, and slowly faded into
unconsciousness.
When I awoke the next day, I walked to school. I opened my locker, and there was another
paper in it. I pulled the paper out and managed to shove the rest of the things into my locker.
I unfolded the paper, and read it; "What does it mean to be alone? What's it
like being all alone in the world?" I turned to find Ari and her "posse" standing
behind me again. "Well, Cassandra?" She said, her voice echoing
through the now empty hallway,"What?" "What do you want?" I asked, prepared to run
away again... "I want to know what it's like. What does
it mean to be TRULY all alone in the world. What does it feel like?" Her enjoyment in
my torture was evident, from the wicked glint in her eye to the evil smirk on her face.
"It's painful." I began. Her smile wavered slightly, not expecting me to answer. "It
feels like I have nothing. Like there's this-" I paused for a moment, trying to think of
the right word, "void. Like there's a void inside me, that will never be filled."
"It feels like I'm empty inside. It feels like I'm lost. Like my soul is just gone.
It makes me feel like there's no point to living. Like I'm a waste of space. It makes
me feel like no one will ever love me. Like no one understands. Like there's no one I
can talk to, or trust." By now her smile had vanished, and she looked like she was going
to cry. "It feels like I'm never going to be happy."
"We had no idea..." One of Ari's followers whimpered. "Shut up!", Ariella hissed. They
all looked to be on the brink of tears. "Ari?"
She swung around to face me once more. "Y-yeah, Cass?"
"I'm sorry." She began to cry silently. I already was.
"Wh- why the hell are you apologizing to me? I'm th-the one who w-was so mean..."
"I'm sorry for whatever I did that ended our friendship. If I was too clingy, or annoying,
or-" "No!! You were never..."
"And," I continued, " I'm sorry for being such a waste of space. I'm sorry for being
worthless... I should've tried harder to be a good person. To be one people liked. One
people wanted to be friends with. I wouldn't have stayed if I knew you all hated me so
much." "Cassi-"
"Bye, Ari."
I turned and walked away. I walked down the empty hallway. Out the front door.Back to
my house. I could hear my parents yelling inside. I threw open the door. My parents
looked up in surprise, but only for a moment. My father had a knife in his hand. He went
back to yelling. He lunged for my mother. I jumped between them, and immediately felt
a sharp pain in my stomach. My father looked at me. His jaw dropped, and he quickly backed
away. I fell back, and my mother caught me. And they both just stared in shock. They didn't
call a hospital. They didn't try to take the knife out. They didn't try to save me. I felt
my mother slowly sink to the floor, still holding me in her arms. We sat like that for
a few minutes.
Something wet hit my forehead. I looked up to see my mother, crying. Her head ***
up, and she glared at my father. I could hear her yelling, but it sounded so distant. So
far away. I think she told him to call an ambulance. I could feel myself slipping away.
I looked up at my mother once more. She was sobbing. I looked over to where my father
was screaming into the phone. I watched him slam the phone down then run over to me. He
fell to his knees and cried. I could hear him moaning, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry" Over and over. And it got more and more quiet. More faint. Until I couldn't
hear at all. My vision continued to blur. Finally I'm free. Maybe I won't be all alone
now. I smiled weakly as I closed my eyes, and drifted off, into the darkness.
When I woke up, there was a boy waiting there. He looked like he was my age. Kinda tall,
thin. He was sitting at the end of the bed I was in. He was shaking slightly, and it
actually looked like he was... crying. I looked around me. I was in a white room. There was
a small, old looking door on the wall opposite from me. I sat up, groaning slightly, and
put a hand over my stomach, where I'd been stabbed. The boy *** his head up, and stood
up. He turned around to face me, then quickly slid over to the side of the bed and sat on
the ground. He had bright, kind brown eyes and shaggy brown hair. "Are you okay?!" his
voice was full of concern, and it was reflected in his eyes.
"I- ... I think so, yeah. Where am I?" "This place has no name."
"Oh." We sat in silence for a few moments, then
he spoke. "My name's Ethan."
"My name's Cassandra. But everyone calls me Cassi."
"I know your name, but It's nice to finally meet you, Cassi." He said, smiling slightly.
But then he started to cry again. "What's wrong?"
"I'm so sorry..... I never thought it would end like that..... If I had known maybe-"
"What? You aren't making any sense. What's ended? What are you apologizing to me for?"
"I'm...." He sighed, wiping tears from his eyes.
"I'm your, uhh, "Guardian Angel"" "So... I did die."
He immediately began sobbing again. "Yes! And it's all my fault! I'm a terrible
angel! I should've never let that happen to you! I'm so sorry!"
He jumped up onto the bed and tackled me in a hug. He sobbed into my shoulder.
"I'm so, so sorry." he whispered. "I didn't know it would end like that..."
"You don't have to be sorr-" "YES I DO!" He sat back, so he was sitting
at the end of the bed again. "I'm you angel. I was supposed to protect
you... I was supposed to keep you safe." "It's not your fault I died," I whispered.
"I'M the one that took that knife for my mother, even though my parents treated me horribly.
I KNEW I was going to die if I did... And it's okay. I... I wanted to die."
"No. You shouldn't say that..." He grabbed my hand in both of his, his eyes
still brimming with tears. "But I did. I was all alone in the world.
I had no one. Nothing to live for." He looked up, and my green eyes met his brown
ones. "Neither did I. That's why when I saw you,
I signed up to be your angel. I wanted to try to make sure you were safe and happy...
I didn't want you to suffer like I did. But I've failed you..."
I hugged him tightly. "You didn't fail me. Thank you. So much. For watching over me."
He pulled away and looked at me. He smiled, then got up. He walked towards the door, then
said, "Well anyway, we should get going..." "Where?" I asked, getting up and walking towards
him. "Home. Will you come with me?" He held out
his hand. I stared into his eyes uncertainly, not sure
what to do. Finally, I grabbed his hand, and he pulled me into a hug once more.
"I promise, you'll never be alone again. Not in this world, or in any other."
I remember the day I first met you. I remember the first word you said to me. I remember
it all, but I bet you don't remember. I remember the conversation we once had about doughnuts.
I even remember the first time you said I love you. But I also remember how we fell
apart.
We had been together almost 5 months. It was the first day of school but it was also the
day my heart died. I woke up feeling happy making sure to send you a good morning text
and to remind you how much I love and care for you. Getting on the bus to find a seat
was ok. I got to the school slowly feeling the dread of last year's demons coming back.
Me getting called fat and ugly while wishing and hoping for someone to hold me to help
me fight my demons with me. Getting picked on by people because of false rumors. Oh how
I longed for someone to love and to give love back to me. I closed my eyes trying to erase
the memories but they stayed in my head like an annoying song. I somehow found my classroom
to get my schedule. My locker got jammed no one could get it opened so my stuff had to
stay in the office.
I got to see my friends again, but also learning who the real friends were and who the fake
ones were. I sit there telling my friends how great and loving you are. Little did I
know that at your school you were having lunch with another girl sitting on your lap feeding
you food and kissing you. I wasn't even thinking about you ever cheating on me. At my school
during lunch I had to sit there getting food thrown at me by stupid jerks. When I heard
the finally bell ring I ran out of the school I immediately start texting you. I tell you
I love you but instead of an I love you too you texted me saying yea. I felt a pain but
it went away when I thought maybe you had a rough day too and that you didn't feel in
the mood to talk. I called you but you ignored my call. Then I got a text from you. I started
to smile but then I opened the text. My smile vanished.
As I kept on re-reading what you texted me not believing it. Tears that I tried holding
back but I couldn't as a rush of pain attacked my poor aching heart. As I read the words.
"I think its best if were just friends. I met someone new today and we did a few things
I think it would just be best if we kept little contact as possible. I know how much you love
me but as I was kissing the other girl my love for you left."
I couldn't take it anymore. The rejection, un-returned love, unfaithfulness, lies and
heartbreak. I ran as fast as I could away from it all. I never stopped running. Till
one day my heat couldn't take it. I fell to the ground tears on my face a broken heart
I was desperately trying to repair by myself. One thought on my mind 'I forgive you.' Now
as I look down at everyone's tear stained face. Their eyes full of different emotions.
One pair of eyes stood out the most his. I watched as he walked up to my tombstone and
read the words. I met this guy over the internet in 2011 and
we started talking for about a week and then we just stopped. I didn't really think much
of it until we talked again in July last year. We kept talking and in August he admitted
he loved me and I said it back because I didn't know what to say. There was this one day in
August when I found out he was doing things with another girl (let's call her Sarah*,
I'm not actually going to use her real name) behind my back. I told him that I knew and
he kept apologizing and saying he loved me and everything and I believed him. He then
asked me to become his girlfriend, and I said yes.
The thing was we have never met each other. We skyped all the time, but because we lived
3 hours away he decided to come and visit me and that was when we met. I then realized
I did actually like him. We became so close and I eventually fell in love with him. In
late September, he admitted he was also in love with Sarah* I was so gutted. We kept
dating for a week until he called it off.
I felt my heart getting crushed. I was happy with my life until he told me that. We still
talked until late December, but at the same time he was talking to Sarah. I got so jealous,
but I had to hide my feelings. He then told me we couldn't talk anymore. I deleted his
number, his Facebook, everything. I was so in love with him and I just couldn't face
reality. Anyways, about two weeks later he and Sarah were dating. Seeing the guy you
love with another girl is heart wrenching. I gave up and tried to forget about him, but
deep down inside, I still loved him.
In April, we started talking again. He said he was sorry and that it was a mistake and
he loved me still. I believed him and you know what? In May he told me the same thing;
we can't talk anymore and went back to Sarah*. I still love him, but a part of me knows that
we will never be together again. I get told a lot that there are plenty more guys out
there that will actually treat me right, I just have to be patient and he will come along
soon enough.