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Hi guys! Here I am again with this new video, which is also a vlog.
It is not quite related with the current painting, just a little.
Well the picture was made in January for a Hungarian contest,
in the subject of New Year’s Eve, and promises.
It wasn’t easy to find a great idea for it, because I already saw so many funny jokes
and artworks related to this, it was hard to get a new angle.
But I was thinking of it a lot, and came up with this idea with worms.
Without the armageddon.
Wow, I just loved that game so much when I was little.
So, I had actual resolutions to this year.
First of all, the usual: losing weight, which I have every year, but I couldn’t ever do it.
After a while, the *** always goes away
when some event strikes (illness or something), and I can’t go back to the habit.
Now I almost had it, but it’s still really hard.
I can feel how much you are interested in the subject, so I’m putting it away.
So, going back to the main subject: new year resolutions.
In fact, my other wish is related to graphics:
I want to learn more in this year, fight for the knowledge I seek.
The main target is to create my ideas without using any reference photos,
or just very few. For this, there is so many things to do…
first of all, I need better anatomy knowledge, and some other things too.
And why did I decide this way?
You may know my earlier works from the time
when I made mainly photorealistic pencil drawings.
Many of you really like these works of mine, which makes me really glad,
and some of you think that those are the bests of my works.
This can be really motivating,
I really appreciate every kind word from you guys, and who wouldn’t feel the same?
For these works I had so many nice comments, support,
I can’t understand how could I deserve this.
All right, I already hear from the audience that little laugh
and I understand that you really can’t stand works like this
- not just mine, but other's too
I totally understand, but let’s put away this for a while, we will come back to this later.
So, here’s the story.
In the beginning, it was a big challenge to me,
I had to pay attention with my newbie hands to so many things,
I never really drew that seriously.
First thing was to make it correctly, then use soft and hard tones
in the right way, and on the top of this, I was looking for details,
to make my drawings more lifelike.
The next desire came about slowly, and I couldn’t figure out, what it could be.
After I felt that I have reached my goals in photorealism,
I had this itchy feeling.
I didn’t know, what I should do with it, but I understood that I want to depart from reference photos.
There was a lack of satisfaction in my work,
I lost my respect to my drawings, and in the end, I kinda started to hate them
- not with my whole heart, just a little bit, but it was not a pleasant feeling.
I couldn’t name the source of it for a very long time, moreover,
I didn’t notice the real feelings I had.
I'm simply burned out.
It was the time for change.
I always loved digital painting, photoshop wasn’t unfamiliar to me,
I had a tablet, I could use it, but so many thing was still missing.
I had an audience -- if I can say that --
whom loved my photorealistic drawings, and my skills were better in that style.
There was this problem then:
for learning, more time was necessary,
but next to this, I had to earn my living, which could be done
by doing photorealistic drawings for commissions.
My hands were tied.
This is how it could happen that I only had 2 or 3 serious pictures in 2014,
which I made for myself,
and those works weren’t only digital arts.
The only change was that I had the opportunity to paint digitally more,
because many of the commissions were digital arts.
In May 2015 I reached the point when I couldn’t stand this anymore,
I feared I would never reach my dreams.
So for a short time, I accepted less commissions.
That year was about to make progress with
all of the “ah, I want to do this and that” things,
trying out new things, making new, simple designs for my society6 shop,
which went really great in that year.
The only problem was that I still had that image in my head,
which things can be more sellable, that’s why the calendar project started and in the end,
I had creative block for months.
To find my motivation, I started over: I accepted commissions again.
Christmas came again, and
-- while it’s so great when so many people find me to make them commissions,
this season was a disaster for me:
I worked really hard even on weekends, I had no time for anything else,
and I couldn’t enjoy the time, which I usually really like.
The realization came:
I’m just like a bad addict, which means I want to satisfy other’s wishes via my artworks.
This way the voice inside my head was held down,
the voice that’s always in the background saying : and what about your dreams?
That’s how I got to the point to decline every commission for a while,
so I can have time for actual learning, and if I have less money by this,
I won’t care that much.
I understand now that to be happy with my job I have to push down the urge,
to constantly find new ways to have more money.
I think money is just a secondary thing, I’m not doing my job to have more cash.
I’d rather be a programmer in a cool company for that.
It was a great feeling to copy photos without any concern,
when I desired nothing more than this.
It was great and really bad in at the same time:
I learnt a lot from it, I got more patient when I drew,
I peeked at a whole bunch of ideas, how can a drawing be more effective,
but next to this, the basics were unstable.
Here I am now again, standing on the brink of changes,
and these will be hard, sometimes I’m really nervous because of this,
but to know that I’ll be more happy in the end it’s always a great calming factor,
that’s why learning a lot now is necessary.
Oh, yes, for those, who write down photorealist creators:
there is no need for this.
Every single graphical branch has it’s own purpose,
and there is no problem when someone likes to create photorealistic drawings.
Don’t need to blame them for something they just want to do for their happiness.
Okay, maybe it’s not art, but a great technical challenge,
which needs a big amount of practice.
It’s honourable, when someone has the endurance to do this for decades,
and they can be happy with this and be better with time
I couldn’t do this.
I couldn't.
I need change, that’s who I am.
Maybe some day I will stop changing my style, but the way to that is long.
In the next month certainly one more video will be submitted from last year,
because I have the footage recorded for it.
Also there was a wish to make videos about photorealistic drawing techniques,
so I’ll make at least one -- when my time and mood allows for that.
There are plans for new tutorial videos related to digital painting.
But I’m always happy to listen your wishes and ideas,
so don’t hesitate to write those.
And now, it's time to thanks for watching. So, thanks for watching.
Thanks fooOOoor watching
As you may already know, I made my patreon site,
where in exchange for some support, I can offer various contents.
If you interested in this, please, help me with a few dollars, and maybe I’ll have more time to make tutorials too.
If you have any question, just let me know,
I’m happy to answer!
Bliblublu music. Trallala