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Welcome to Bromaster DJ Dating Assistant 2003 Platinum Edition Trial Version,
Brought to you by Axe body spray.
User, please state your name.
Alright, your nickname for this session shall be PHIL BALLS
Is that cool?
Great! Alright, BALLS PHIL,
Prepare to get your *** Wet
*** WET *** WET *** WET *** WET *** WET
First step: Approach the chick. Give her an opening line.
WHO CARES. Try again.
Sorry, BALLS MASTER, that's too timid.
We'll do this from here on out. Approach the Chick.
"Hey Idiot"
Now she likes you, way to go!
Follow it up with -
This is the trial version of Bromaster Dating Assistant.
For more pick-up lines such as
"You look kinda fat"
"Hey let me get you drunk"
AND
"yeah, ***"
Download the full version at
axe.com/***/bromasterdating.
Now it's time to see if you have anything in common.
Tell her your interests, we'll tell you if you're headed in the right direction.
Sorry, BALLSTRAVAGANza, those won't work.
We'll take it from here.
"I like punching"
"SUM 41"
"and I like Snowboard"
Now ask her what she likes. Remember, it doesn't matter.
That's done.
Alright, PHIL BALLSBERGER,
time to seal the deal and get in her pants.
Take it away.
Sorry, CAPTIAN BALLSLUDGE, that didn't work.
We'll do it for you.
"Hey, come back to my dorm and have sex with me".
Congratulations, you're gonna get laid.
If you've been dating for a while, you might wanna think about marriage.
And that can be a hard thing to ask for.
Luckily, this program also includes the Bromaster DJ marriage proposal assistant.
Would you like to run that program now?
Great! Starting Process.
User, get on one knee.
Look at CHICK in the eye
We've been together a while now
We've seen a lot
We've both lived through 911 with the twin towers
Radiohead's Amnesiac, and
INSERT EVENT
"Uh, the Superbowl?"
At first I didn't believe in love, but then you came along, with your
CHOOSE FROM THE FOLLOWING:
HOT BOD
BUSINESS CONNECTIONS
You showed me what true love could be.
It doesn't matter if I'm smart
SHOW HER YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA,
Rich
SHOW HER ALL YOUR MONEY
Or totes ripped
FLEX YOUR MUSCLES
What matters is that I have heart. Every day, I look to
CHOOSE FROM THE FOLLOWING:
JESUS
For guidance. But I learned recently that I need to look inside myself.
Because that's where love is. And I love you!
I want to spend the rest of my life with you!
I know that sounds weird coming from
DIE BALLMEISTER
But it's true! Will you take my hand of marriage?
Great job! You're now married.
For more help with important life decisions,
including divorce, surgery, and hostage situations,
visit axe.com/***/bromasterlifechoices.
Well
BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS
looks live you've reached the end of the program.
For research purposes, please say what you think about Bromaster Dating.
Great! Let's play that back, just to make sure we have it right
"Where was all this *** before?
My *** is drenched!
Chicks can't get enough!
Thanks bromaster for giving me the skills and confidence
it takes to get laid 24/7
Now it's time to hit the slopes
Wazzzzzuuuhhh!!"
Is that right?
Great.
Time to put your *** into action
Sayonara, for now.