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>> Dr. Erica Miller: I am Dr. Erica Miller, author of Thanks for my Journey.
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When I decided to go back to graduate school, with a husband and two children,
I was very much alone because my peers, my family thought it was horrible that I am going
to be away from the family, going to school, and leaving the burden
of the children at home with my husband.
So I did not - I knew I had to follow my passion.
I had to become a healer.
I wanted it all my life.
But I felt - at the same time I felt a little guilty.
And I felt confused.
It's like, "Am I a bad person?"
I researched the literature to see what about women that are working mothers
and they have children and a husband,
what goes on there?
And I stumbled upon that book that gave me peace, that assured me that I am OK.
The name of the book is The Art of Selfishness by David Seabury.
And there he made a case for before you can take care of other - others,
you have to take care of yourself.
Self-ish means take care of yourself.
That's not bad.
On the airplane they tell you before you strap yourself in with a mask - oxygen mask,
you have to do it yourself first before you attend to your child.
Before you can give to others, you have to have self.
So it gave me peace that I am an OK person, and I pursued my career.
And as a family it was very hard, but we blossomed.
And I feel very strong that you have to follow your heart no matter what.
Over time I altered - right now I changed my mind just a little bit.
It's still really important to be self, to have a self,
to be contributing person to your family, to society.
But again, there are some times when the family, the society, takes precedence
and they are more important than you.
A case in point: If somebody gets restless, midlife crisis --
we all heard about midlife crisis -- leaving the nest with young children,
when it's just boredom or restlessness.
Well, that is a selfish act.
But I am questioning now.
It's not either/or under certain circumstances.
I try very hard not to be in - standing in judgment, but it's like, take a look.
Look at your family.
Do you want to leave and abandon and break up your family for that I deem,
it is not a life-threatening situation?
So as you see, it's not either/or.
I altered my mind just a little bit because we here in America, we are a "me, me" society.
And sometimes the interest of others has to come before ours.
So do I speak from both sides of my mouth?
Maybe. But again, it's not either/or.
It is a challenge.
Life is a challenge, as is the subject of selfishness.
It's not - it's good, but it can be not so good some other times.
So we all have to deal with it our own way.