Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
>> HELLO...
>> DR. ORPHEUS AND TEAM.
>> YOU HAVE BEEN APPROVED FOR
YOUR VERY OWN GUILD-CERTIFIED
SUPERVILLAIN.
>> HERE AT THE GUILD OF
CALAMITOUS INTENT, YOUR NEMESIS
IS OUR BUSINESS, BUT DON'T TAKE
OUR WORD ON IT, RIGHT,
SOVEREIGN?
>> THAT'S RIGHT, WARD.
SINCE 1910, THE GUILD HAS BEEN
PROVIDING FIRST-RATE
PROFESSIONAL MENACE TO ALL WHO
QUALIFY.
>> WOW. 1910.
>> THAT'S A HISTORY YOU CAN
TRUST.
>> THE GUILD IS THE RECOGNIZED
LEADER IN ORGANIZED HAVOC.
JUST LOOK AT THESE NUMBERS.
>> WOW. THOSE ARE SOME
IMPRESSIVE FIGURES, SOVEREIGN.
WHY WOULD A HERO LOOK ANYWHERE
ELSE FOR A VILLAIN?
>> HOLD ON A MINUTE, WARD.
WHY DOESN'T...
>> DR. ORPHEUS AND TEAM...
>> JUST GET HIS OWN COSTUMED
ENEMY?
>> OH, WATCH, WILL YOU EVER
LEARN?
I THINK THIS LITTLE FILM MAY
HELP YOU UNDERSTAND.
>> [GOBBLE GOBBLE]
>> EHH...UH! UH!
>> AAH!
>> PUMPKIN, WHO DELIVERED THIS?
>> SOME GUY IN A WINTER COAT AND
TECHNO GOGGLES, ONLY HE HAD,
LIKE, PIPES COMING OUT OF THEM.
WHY, IS THE MOVIE BUSTED OR
SOMETHING?
>> NO. IT'S JUST THAT--
>> IF IT'S "SPLASH," I PUT IT ON
YOUR NETFLIX LIST.
>> NO, NO, NO. IT'S NOT THAT.
"SPLASH"?
>> I JUST WANTED TO SEE IT
AGAIN.
>> WHY WOULD YOU WANT--HOLD ON.
>> YOUR SCHEDULED SCREENING WILL
TAKE PLACE AT THE TIME
SPECIFIED, AND THANK YOU FOR
SELECTING THE GUILD OF
CALAMITOUS INTENT AS THE
INSTRUMENT OF YOUR DEMISE.
>> "TEAM"? "LAIR"?
I DON'T HAVE--
TODAY? TODAY?!
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
>> COOL BEANS. WHAT IS IT?
>> IT'S A WALKING EYE, HANK, AND
THE GOVERNMENT LOVES THEM.
>> WHAT DOES IT DO?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
WALKING-EYE STUFF, WHATEVER.
THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE.
ALL RIGHT.
IT COULD BE CONSIDERED A BRANCH
OF ROCKET SCIENCE.
>> CAMERA IN THE EYE?
>> COMPLETELY.
>> SO, IT SHOOTS LASERS AND
STUFF?
>> DADDY'S LITTLE MAN.
>> PROBABLY, LIKE, A BUCKET
COMES DOWN FOR, LIKE, WATER OR
EVEN, LIKE, MONKEYS THAT COULD
TOTALLY DRIVE IT.
>> THANK YOU, HANK. WAY TO GO.
>> I GUESS IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR
STEALTH RECONNAISSANCE.
>> WELL, OF COURSE IT WOULD BE
GOOD FOR RECONNAISSANCE
APPLICATIONS.
>> WELL, WHAT DOES IT DO?
>> WALKING EYE. IT--
WELL, IT HAS A CAMERA,
IRIS-MOUNTED LASERS, MONKEYPROOF
WELDING, AND SILENT STEALTH
DESIGN THAT MAKES IT PERFECT FOR
RECONNAISSANCE APPLICATIONS.
>> YOU GOT THAT FROM US.
>> WALKING EYE, HANK.
THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.
I HAVE IT WRITTEN DOWN FROM
YESTERDAY.
[ALARM SIREN]
WHAT WAS THAT?
>> GOT A MASSIVE BREACH AT THE
MAIN GATES.
>> WELL, OF COURSE.
THAT IS A WALKING EYE.
WELL, ARE YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING
ABOUT IT, OR DO YOU WANT TO
FINISH YOUR LITTLE GAME OF
TETRIS FIRST?
>> DO SOMETHING? YEAH.
I'M OPENING THE SECONDARY GATES.
>> WHAT THE--
IT'S LIKE HELL ON EARTH OUT
THERE.
>> YO, CHECK IT.
THAT CAR IS TOTALLY SHAPED LIKE
A DRAGON.
>> CHOPPERS!
>> GUILD WASPS.
I GOT TO GO DEAL WITH THIS.
THEY'RE LANDING IN MY HERB
GARDEN.
>> TIME TO DIE, JEFFERSON
TWILIGHT.
>> SORRY, MAN.
I JUST DROPPED OFF MY LAUNDRY
TODAY.
MAYBE WE CAN DO THIS NEXT WEEK.
>> IT WON'T HURT A BIT.
I RECALL THE PROCESS AS BEING
QUITE UNPLEASANT, BUT IT'S
GETTING HARD TO REMEMBER.
IT'S BEEN A WHILE--200 YEARS.
[HISS]
>> DUDE, THIS IS GONNA--
MAN, THIS IS GONNA WICKED, LIKE,
REALLY HURT.
>> PLEASE DON'T!
>> NEED THEM FOR MY NECKLACE.
YOU WANT ME TO WAIT TILL AFTER I
TAKE YOUR HEAD OFF?
>> AAH!
>> AAH!
>> TOLD YOU.
I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU IN, LIKE
16 YEARS.
YOU SUDDENLY SHOW UP AND
RESCUE MY--
WHAT GIVES?
YOU RESCUED MY SITUATION.
>> THAT WAS A COINCIDENCE, DEAR
FRIEND.
I AM HERE TO EXTEND AN OFFER
FROM THE GUILD OF CALAMITOUS
INTENT.
>> GET OUT. APPROVAL?
A NAME-BRAND ARCHENEMY?
THAT TOOK LONG ENOUGH, BUT,
WHOA, THIS IS SO--
THAT IS, WHOA!
BUT, MAN, YOU HAD A KID, GOT
MARRIED, AND GOT INTO THAT
"BALANCING GOOD AND EVIL" KIND
OF CRAP.
>> MY WIFE LEFT ME.
MY DAUGHTER HAS A DRIVER'S
LICENSE, AND KEEPING THE COSMOS
FROM CHAOS LACKS SO MUCH OF THE
RAZZLE-DAZZLE, MY PEERS PERCEIVE
ME AS A LAYABOUT.
>> NO, MAN.
YOU HAVE A SECRET IDENTITY.
THAT'S CLASSIC COMIC STUFF.
YOU'RE LIKE CAPTAIN--
YOU'RE ALL AQUAMAN.
>> AQUAMAN DOESN'T HAVE A SECRET
IDENTITY.
HE'S ALWAYS AQUAMAN.
>> OK. BAD EXAMPLE.
>> NOBODY BELIEVES THAT AQUAMAN
IS A STAY-AT-HOME DAD.
EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT AQUAMAN
DOES.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT AQUAMAN
DOES.
DOESN'T HE, LIKE, PROTECT SOME
LAME, FAKE-*** KINGDOM?
>> I THOUGHT HE FOUGHT BLACK
MANTA.
OH, COME ON!
WHY WON'T HE JUST DIE?
>> YOU GOT TO REMOVE HIS HEAD,
BUT I GET THE TEETH.
>> BOO!
>> OH! DUDE, I WAS ABOUT TO KILL
YOU.
I HAVE DANGEROUS CATLIKE
REFLEXES.
>> OH, YEAH.
YOU WERE TERRIFYING WHEN YOU
CRAPPED YOUR PANTS.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE?
>> THIS, MY FRIEND, IS OUR
FUTURE.
CHECK IT OUT.
SECOND-CLASS ARCHING LICENSE AND
REASSIGNMENT PASS.
>> YOUR 6 FEET AND 135 POUNDS?
>> NOBODY READS IT.
YOU JUST FLASH IT.
>> YOU'RE JOKING.
YOU WOULD SUCK AT ARCHING ON
YOUR OWN.
>> THAT'S WHY I MADE YOU ONE.
YOU CAN'T SAY NO TILL I SHOW YOU
THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE.
HERE'S A HINT--FLYING CHICK
MAGNET.
>> OH, LET ME THINK ABOUT TH--
NO! I ALMOST DIE EVERY DAY DOING
THIS JOB.
>> OH, COME ON. YOU GOT TO.
YOU'RE TELLING ME WE CAN'T DO
THIS BETTER THAN THE MONARCH?
>> YES! EXACTLY THAT.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW
RUTHLESS THE MONARCH IS?
>> I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR
DESIRING ME.
THE MONARCH IS DELICIOUS.
NOW SAY IT.
>> I NEED MY KING BUTTERFLY.
>> DEEPER.
>> I NEED MY--
>> DEEPER.
>> I NEED--
>> NO. DEEPER.
>> BUTTERFLY.
>> DEEPER, WAY DEEPER.
>> BUTTERFLY.
>> DEEPER.
>> KING...
>> DEEPER.
>> BUTTERFLY.
>> IT'S DEEPER.
>> I NEED MY BUTTERFLY.
>> KING BUTTERFLY!
>> I NEED MY KING--
>> DEEPER, DEEPER THAN THAT,
WAY DEEPER.
>> MM-HMM. SO, YOU SHARE A LAIR
WITH DR. ORPHEUS?
>> HARDLY. HE RENTS AN APARTMENT
FROM ME.
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WE ARE
STANDING IN THE SAME CONFERENCE
ROOM THE TREATY OF TOLERANCE WAS
SIGNED IN.
>> YES. SO COOL.
YOUR FATHER IS A LEGEND AT THE
GUILD.
>> YEAH. LEGEND.
HE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR STEALING MY
FATHER'S LEG.
>> DON'T START ME.
THE REAL DR. VENTURE IS WHY I
GOT INTO THIS BUSINESS.
>> HEY, JUST KEEP THE NUTS AWAY
FROM MY LAB BECAUSE I HAVE SOME
PRETTY IMPRESSIVE THINGS GOING
ON IN THERE.
>> [STIFLING LAUGHTER]
>> NO. SHUT UP.
OH, YEAH.
WE'LL DO OUR BEST TO KEEP HIM
AWAY FROM YOUR--
>> OH, IMPRESSIVE.
>> YEAH. IMPRESSIVE STUFF.
>> YOU BETTER.
WHERE'S MR. MAGIC?
HOW COME THE PROM QUEEN ISN'T
HERE TO CROWN HIS KING?
>> HE'S ASTRAL-PROJECTING,
I THINK...
>> SHOWOFF.
>> TO ASSEMBLE HIS TEAM.
>> A TEAM?
YOU MEAN, HE WAS APPROVED AS A
TEAM?
WHAT A WUSS. HA HA!
>> AHEM. JEALOUS. AHEM.
>> THE ALCHEMIST, I PRESUME.
>> BYRON ORPHEUS, YOU OLD BAG OF
SALT CRACKERS, HOW LONG HAS IT
BEEN?
>> TOO LONG, MY FRIEND.
>> LET ME IN.
I CAN'T ASTRAL-PROJECT BECAUSE
I'M NOT MAGIC.
KNEW IT.
STILL ALL ON THAT STOOL AND
LOOKING FOR THE PHILOSOPHER'S
STONE.
I SEE THAT, MM-HMM, RIGHT THERE.
>> THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE IS A
METAPHOR FOR ENLIGHTENMENT, SO
IN A WAY, YES, I AM SEARCHING
FOR IT...IN THE CURE FOR AIDS.
>> NOBLE. NOW I FEEL A LITTLE
STUPID FOR ASKING YOU THIS.
>> SO YOU'RE STILL, UM--
YOU KNOW.
>> NAH. I GREW OUT OF THAT.
YEAH. YOU KNOW, IT WAS JUST A
PHASE, AND I--
NO. OF COURSE I AM. HELLO?
>> HEY, JUST ASKING.
>> WE'RE THINKING OF REFORMING
THE ORDER OF THE TRIAD.
I--WE HAVE BEEN APPROVED FOR AN
ARCHVILLAIN.
>> GREAT. I'M IN.
>> BUT WHAT OF YOUR MOST
IMPORTANT WORK?
>> I NEED THE PUBLICITY.
YOU KNOW, NOTHING GETS THE
PEOPLE IN YOUR CORNER LIKE THAT
HERO CRAP.
>> SEE?
>> WHAT? I'M HERE, AREN'T I?
>> PLUS, I COULD USE THE
EXERCISE.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT
I'M GETTING A LITTLE PAUNCHY.
>> TELL ME ABOUT IT.
AT LEAST YOU HAVE A ROBE TO HIDE
IT.
>> OH, COME ON.
SLACK IS SLIMMING. NO. NO.
I MEAN, BLACK CLOTHING IS
SLIMMING.
>> YOU GENTLEMEN SHOULD SWITCH
TO PINSTRIPES.
IT LEADS THE EYE DOWN.
>> HMM.
>> HANK, I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOUR
BROTHER ALONE.
>> YOU TOLD US WE CAN'T LEAVE
OUR ROOM.
>> WELL, GO SIT IN THE BATHROOM.
>> AND DO WHAT?
>> WASH YOUR FACE OR SOMETHING.
YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR
PIMPLES NOW, YOU'LL END UP LIKE
F. MURRAY ABRAHAM OR EDWARD
JAMES OLMOS.
DO YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE
SOMEBODY MADE YOUR FACE OUT OF A
BEIGE ORANGE PEEL?
ALL RIGHT, DEAN.
I NEED TO TALK ABOUT A FEW
THINGS WITH YOU.
>> HANK DID IT.
>> NOT THAT.
DR. ORPHEUS HAS ASKED ME TO
WATCH HIS DAUGHTER, WHICH YOUR
FATHER CAN'T DO BECAUSE HE
DOESN'T CARE TO, SO I WANT YOU
AND HANK TO ENTERTAIN HER TODAY.
>> TRIANA? SO YOU WANT US TO PUT
ON A SHOW FOR HER?
SHOULD WE WRITE A SCRIPT, OR
SHOULD WE DO SOMETHING SHE
KNOWS?
OH, MY GOODNESS.
OH, WE NEED COSTUMES!
>> I THOUGHT YOU WOULD REACT
THIS WAY.
NOW SIT DOWN AND LET ME EXPLAIN
SOMETHING THAT EVERY BOY YOUR
AGE HAS KNOWN FOR, LIKE,
5 YEARS.
AND THERE SHE IS.
YOU CAN SEE HER RIGHT THERE,
JUST WRITHING ON THE HOOD OF THE
CAR.
WHAT WAS DAVID COVERDALE TO DO?
>> BREAK UP, UM, WHITE LION?
>> THAT'S WHITESNAKE, DEAN,
AND YES.
BOTH BROCK AND I LAY THE BLAME
SQUARELY ON TAWNY'S HOT, SILKY
SHOULDERS.
NOW, LET THAT BE A LESSON TO
YOU.
>> ABOUT WHAT?
>> AHH. I'M SO GLAD WE HAD THIS
TALK.
>> ARE THOSE WHAT I THINK THEY
ARE?
>> ONLY IF YOU THINK THEY'RE JET
PACKS BECAUSE THOSE ARE JET
PACKS.
>> WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE?
>> SPOILS OF WAR, MY FRIEND.
YEAH. SERGEANT HATRED'S, I
THINK.
>> PLEASE TELL ME YOU FILED THEM
WITH SUPPLIES.
>> OH, MY GOD, WHEN DID YOU
BECOME SUCH A DAINTY LITTLE
FLOWER?
>> WHEN THE IDIOT I WORK WITH
FORGED DOCUMENTS AND STOLE JET
PACKS.
>> OK. LOOK.
YOU TELLING ME YOU DON'T
WANT TO FLY INTO SOME CHICK'S
WINDOW ALL SUPER COOL WITH,
LIKE, A 3-DAY BEARD AND A
[BEEP]ING JET PACK?
>> GRANTED, THAT IS KIND OF
SWEET.
>> IT IS SO SWEET.
>> WE'LL NEED COSTUMES.
>> GOT THEM, AND THEY ARE SO
LEATHER.
I'M GONNA BE TOTALLY FLYING INTO
SOME HOT CHICK'S BEDROOM.
>> OH, TOTALLY, AND SHE'D BE
LIKE, DATING THE GOOD GUY, AND
I'LL COME IN, AND I'LL BE ALL,
"I'LL SPARE HIS LIFE BUT ONLY
FOR YOU, SUGAR PANTS."
>> DUDE, AND THEN YOU WILL HAVE
SEX.
YOU WILL BE HAVING SEX. SEX!
>> OH, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.
THE MONEY IS ON THE BED STAND.
YOU'LL FIND ITS AMOUNT MORE THAN
GENEROUS.
>> THANKS, SUGAR.
THINK YOU CAN GIVE ME DIRECTIONS
BACK TO LIBERTY STREET?
>> LISTEN AND LISTEN WELL.
THE ROAD BEFORE YOU IS BESET
WITH MANY PERILS.
EVERY TURN YOU MAKE WILL BRING
YOU CLOSER TO THE COLD, WAITING
HANDS OF SISTER FATE.
>> OR JUST THE CENTER OF TOWN?
DO YOU HAVE A PEN?
MAYBE I SHOULD--
>> BEAR ME, THESEUS, FOR I AM
THE MIGHTY MINOTAUR!
THIS COCOON HAS WITNESSED YOUR
SINS, AND SHE SEEKS VENGEANCE.
THE COCOON WILL PUNISH THE
WICKED.
THE COCOON WILL REWARD THE
RIGHTEOUS.
YOU MUST ESCAPE FROM HER GRASP.
YOU MUST EARN YOUR FREEDOM.
>> DUDE, I REALLY DON'T HAVE
TIME.
AAH!
>> HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?
>> LOOKS LIKE WE'RE UP FOR THE
SAME ARCH.
I'M THE INTANGIBLE FANCY.
>> TORRID.
>> FIRE THEME. LUCKY DUCK.
LOTS OF COSTUME OPTIONS WITH A
FIRE THEME.
GUYS LIKE ME, WE CAN'T EVEN WEAR
COSTUMES.
>> UH, DO YOU HAVE...
>> GENITALS? NOT ANYMORE.
>> WHY, ISN'T THAT DR. VENTURE'S
LAB?
>> YES. I BELIEVE IT IS.
>> SAVE MY PLACE IN THE QUEUE.
THERE'S SOMETHING I FEEL I MUST
DO, SOMETHING TORRID.
>> WELL, WE'LL KEEP YOUR RESUME
ON FILE, AND WE'LL GET BACK TO
YOU.
>> OH. OK. THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.
>> WAIT. I HAVE A QUESTION.
WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR HEAD?
THAT LIKE A RUDDER?
>> YEAH. RIGHT.
WHAT, DO YOU STEER WITH YOUR
HEAD OR SOMETHING?
THAT'S JUST DUMB.
>> EW! COMES OUT LIKE EASY
CHEESE.
GOT TO GET BACK ON THE
BENZOYL-PEROXIDE TRAIN.
>> DON'T BOTHER TO KNOCK OR
ANYTHING.
OH, BLOODY HELL.
>> WHOA!
[SNIFFS]
OH, DEAN!
>> DUDE, YOU SAID YOU HAD
LEATHER COSTUMES.
>> THE PADS ARE LEATHER...
LEATHERLIKE.
>> WHERE DID YOU GET THESE
THINGS, AND WHY IS THERE A BALL
ON MY HELMET?
>> YEAH. I WAS ON "FAMILY DOUBLE
DARE," TOTALLY SWIPED IT.
>> YEAH. WELL, THAT MAKES ME
FEEL BETTER ABOUT ALL THE
STAINS.
>> OH, YEAH. THAT'S GAK.
YOU KNOW, PHYSICAL CHALLENGE?
ALL RIGHT. LET'S DO THIS. READY?
>> THANK GOD.
A GUY CAN ONLY WEAR A JET PACK
FOR SO LONG WITHOUT USING IT.
DUDE! MY SHOE IS ON FIRE!
I JUST LIT MY SHOES ON FIRE!
>> WAIT UP.
UH! UH! IT'S NOT WORKING.
HOLD ON. TIME.
>> YES. I ONLY HUNT BLACKULAS.
>> OH, SO YOU ONLY HUNT
AFRICAN-AMERICAN VAMPIRES.
>> NO. SOMETIMES I HUNT BRITISH
VAMPIRES.
THEY DON'T HAVE
AFRICAN-AMERICANS IN ENGLAND...
>> OH, YEAH. YEAH. GOOD POINT.
>> SO I HUNT BLACKULAS.
>> I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE--
>> MAN, I SPECIALIZE IN HUNTING
BLACK VAMPIRES.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PC NAME
FOR THAT IS.
>> IS THAT A MASK?
>> OH, MY GOD, I WAS JUST GONNA
ASK THAT.
♪ HOOOO! ♪
>> OH, WHAT A FASCINATING
PURITAN YOU ARE, LADY
WINDERMERE.
>> THE ADJECTIVE WAS
UNNECESSARY, LORD DARLINGTON.
>> I COULDN'T HELP IT.
I CAN RESIST EVERYTHING EXCEPT
TEMPTATION.
>> YOU HAVE THE MODERN
AFFECTATION OF WEAKNESS.
>> IT'S ONLY AN AFFECTATION,
LADY WIN--WINDER--
WINDERMERE.
>> HANK, COME ON.
ENTER THE DUCHESS OF BERWICK.
>> I'M IN THE BATHROOM, AND YOU
GOT TO GET IN HERE.
IT SMELLS LIKE GUNPOWDER
THROW-UP POO-POO EGGS.
>> OH, THAT'S MY EXIT.
DEAN, YOU OWE ME ONE.
TRIANA, YOU FEEL LIKE PLAYING
LORD WHATEVER-THE-HELL?
>> HUH? OH. NO, NOT REALLY.
>> BROCK, YOU CAN'T GO.
YOU'RE ALSO LADY AGATHA.
>> NO, DEAN.
FOR SERIOUS, COME SMELL THIS
ALREADY.
>> OK, CURSE.
WAS IT CURSE OR CHRIS?
>> CURSE. WE CAN USE MAGIC,
RIGHT?
THAT'S KIND OF MY BAG.
>> OF COURSE.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> OH, YEAH, CURSE.
COME ON. BRING IT ON.
>> MAGIC IS A PLUS.
>> ON 3, WE GIVE HIM THE OLD
ROCHAMBEAU.
>> ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS?
>> WHAT DOES A GENERAL FROM THE
AMERICAN REVOLUTION HAVE TO DO
WITH THIS?
>> AMERICAN REVOLUTION?
"ROCHAMBEAU" SOUNDS FRENCH TO
ME.
>> WELL, YES.
THE FRANCO-AMERICAN FORCES--
>> THEY FOUGHT WITH SPAGHETTIOs
AND MEATBALLS?
>> WHY WOULD A COMPANY CALLED
FRANCO-AMERICAN MAKE ITALIAN
FOOD?
>> DIJNAM STOPEUS.
>> O SPIRITUS SANCTI.
>> YEAH.
>> OW! OK, GENTLEMEN.
THAT RULED.
>> WAS THAT THE ROCHAMBEAU?
>> NO.
>> OH, IT REALLY SHOULD BE.
>> [PANTING]
>> OH, BUT WHICH DOOR TO CHOOSE?
THAT ONE COULD HAVE FUN
SURPRISES AND A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF
TURTLE WAX BEHIND IT...
OR THE POLAR BEAR FROM "LOST."
>> PROBABLY NOT THE BEST IDEA,
DOC.
>> YOU SAID EVERYTHING IS
RUNNING ITSELF OVER THERE.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER TELLING ME
THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT MY
WALKING EYE?
>> WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU
TO TAKE IT OUTSIDE.
>> NEEDS AIR.
>> OH, ALL RIGHT.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.
>> WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR OUTFIT?
DID YOU HAVE AN AWAY GAME TODAY?
>> HELPING DEAN PUT ON THE WORST
VERSION OF "LADY WINDERMERE'S
FAN" TO IMPRESS TRIANA.
SAID IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
>> HARDLY. I WAS TRYING TO TELL
HIM ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE
BEES.
>> YEAH. HOW DID THAT WORK OUT
FOR YOU?
>> HE STAGED "LADY WINDERMERE'S
FAN."
>> YOU SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR.
IT SMELLS LIKE YOU POUNDED
GARBAGE INTO YOUR BUTT.
>> KNOCK IT OFF.
WE HAVE A MYSTERY IN OUR
BATHROOM.
QUERY--CAN FLAMES COME OUT OF A
TOILET?
>> HANK, IF YOU DID THIS--
>> I DIDN'T.
DUDE, IF I DID THIS, I WOULD
TELL YOU.
I WOULD BE, LIKE, ALMOST PROUD
OF THIS.
>> YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN IN THERE
FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN TH--OH!
HANK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
>> RIGHT. IT SMELLS LIKE A BIBLE
STORY IN HERE.
>> DID MY GRANDPA TEACH YOU TO
CRAP?
>> WE SHOULD GET BROCK.
>> D'OH, EVERY TIME THERE'S A
SUPER COOL MYSTERY TO SOLVE, YOU
GO GET A GROWNUP.
LAME.
>> THANK YOU, BROCK.
THANKS FOR HELPING ME WITH THE
WALKING EYE.
OH, LOOK AT THIS WALKING EYE.
IT'S FILTHY.
OH, GUESS I SHOULD WASH OFF MY
WALKING EYE.
>> OH.
>> OHH...
AHH...
>> OHH.
>> OOH, OOH.
>> WELL, JUST RETRACE YOUR
STEPS.
>> YEAH. RETRACE YOUR--
MAN, SHE IS GOOD.
>> I WAS STANDING OUT HERE, AND
I THINK SOMEBODY WAS ON THE
TOILET.
THEN I OPENED THE DOOR.
>> HEY!
>> DUDE, I KILLED YOUR
GIRLFRIEND.
>> SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND?
>> PROBABLY...
BEFORE I KILLER HER.
>> AWW!
>> WHY IS HE DOING THIS?
>> "DOWN -- STILL UNCEASINGLY --
STILL INEVITABLY DOWN!
STILL I QUIVERED IN EVERY NERVE
TO THINK HOW SLIGHT A SINKING OF
THE MACHINERY WOULD PRECIPITATE
THE KEEN, GLISTENING AXE UPON MY
***."
>> MM, I COULD CHASE THAT
AROUND.
OH, YEAH.
>> TEAM OF 3, IMPRESSIVE RESUME.
YOU SEEM PERFECT, BUT I CAN'T
STOP THINKING THAT I KNOW YOU,
MISS--
>> AU PARE. IT'S LADY AU PARE...
>> OH, MY. GRACIOUS.
>> WOW. FEMININE.
>> AND THESE ARE MY MURDEROUS
MOPPETS, AND YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
>> THAT'S A VOICE.
DO YOU SMOKE CIGARETTES, OR DO
YOU EAT THEM?
>> OH, FORGET IT. ALL RIGHT.
I'M--GOOD-BYE.
ANYBODY WANT A MOPPET?
>> WE HAVE TO GET DR. O.
>> YEAH. GOOD PLAN.
"OH, HEY, 'SUP, DR. O.?
SO, YEAH, WE, UH, ACCIDENTALLY
KILLED TRIANA."
COME ON, DEAN.
WE HAVE TO DO THIS.
>> YOU'RE RIGHT.
LIST OUR CLUES AGAIN.
>> ONE--GOTH CHICK CATCHES FIRE
AND DISAPPEARS.
TWO--NO SMOLDERING BODY BEATING,
"KILL ME. KILL ME,"
IN MORSE CODE WITH WHAT IS LEFT
OF HER HEAD.
>> STOP IT.
>> 3--THE SMELL OF A DUMPSTER
FULL OF BURNING DIAPERS, AND 4--
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
RUN THE SHOWER AND ONLY THE HOT.
JUST AS I THOUGHT.
>> YOU'RE A GENIUS.
IT'S TRIANA'S HANDWRITING.
>> HOW CAN YOU TELL?
>> SHE DOTTED HER "I" WITH A
BIG CIRCLE.
THAT'S A TOTAL CHICK MOVE.
IT SAYS, "I'M IN THE TORRID
ZONE.
TELL MY FEATHER."
WE HAVE TO FIND HER FEATHER.
>> GIVE IT UP ALREADY.
YOU COULD TAKE A BUS.
>> DUDE, JET BOY AND JET GIRL DO
NOT TAKE BUSES.
>> LAST TIME, WE ARE NOT JET BOY
AND JET GIRL.
I DON'T CARE IF I GET TO BE JET
BOY.
THOSE NAMES SUCK.
>> BUT IT'S A FRENCH SONG,
STREET CRED WITH THE INDIE
CROWD.
THE DAMNED TO A COVER OF IT.
>> THEN WE SHOULD BE THE DAMNED.
THAT IS A WAY COOLER NAME.
>> YOU MAY SIT DOWN, IF YOU
WOULD BE MORE COMFORT--
>> I SHALL STAND.
SITTING IS FOR THE WEAK AND
FEEBLE.
>> I LIKE THIS GUY.
HE'S ALL FULL OF--
>> WHAT? I FEEL LIKE STANDING.
>> FULL OF BEANS...
>> I HAPPEN TO HAVE BACK PAIN.
>> AND ANTS, FIRE ANTS.
>> AHEM. SO, WHAT KIND OF MENACE
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD OFFER THE
ORDER OF THE TRIAD?
>> I KIDNAPPED YOUR DAUGHTER.
>> WOW.
>> BALLS, BRASS BALLS.
>> YOU KIDNAPPED MY PUMPKIN!
>> WE HAVE A WINNER.
>> THE GUY IS NOT EVEN A
BLACKULA.
>> RIGHT. THAT EYE IS CRAWLING
WITH VILLAINS.
YEAH. THEY GIVE UP ON ORPHEUS
AND HIS LITTLE KAFFEEKLATSCH.
OH, THEY KNOW A REAL ARCHRIVAL
WHEN THEY SEE ONE.
YOU WANT A SANDWICH?
>> NO. I ATE ALREADY.
YOU, UH, WANT ME TO RESCUE IT OR
SOMETHING, PULL THEM OFF IT?
>> WHATEVER. THERE'S GUILD
SECURITY OUT THERE SHOOTING FOAM
AT THEM.
YOU KNOW, BETWEEN YOU AND ME,
THE STUPID THING HARDLY WORKED,
ANYWAY, BUT WHEN WORD OF THIS
GETS OUT, BUSINESS WILL PICK
RIGHT UP.
>> WELL, I'M GONNA GO OUT THERE
AND GET SOME OF THAT ACTION.
>> DON'T YOU WANT TO CHANGE?
>> NO WAY.
I LOVE WEARING A TUX WHEN I KILL
GUYS.
MAKES YOU KIND OF FEEL LIKE
JAMES BOND.
>> SO, WHO'S THE LUCKY WINNER?
>> A FETID LITTLE FIREBRAND
NAMED TORRID.
>> YEAH. THE SON OF A ***
KIDNAPPED HIS DAUGHTER TO THE
TORRID ZONE.
>> OOH, TORRID ZONE--SO BUTCH.
>> I SOLVED THAT MYSTERY.
>> YES, YOU DID.
YOU SEE, THE TORRID ZONE IS
MERELY THE AREA BETWEEN THE
TROPIC OF CANCER AND THE TROPIC
OF CAPRICORN.
I OWN AN ISLAND THERE IN THE
GREAT BARRIER REEF.
>> SO, TRIANA IS SAFE ON ORPHEUS
ISLAND SUNNING HERSELF IN A
BIKINI AND OILING HER SKI...
HER SKIN DOWN IN HER BIKINI.
>> DUDE, WHAT THE--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?
OK. TIME TO GET OFF MY
SHOULDERS.
>> I JUST WANT TO COMMEND YOU ON
ACCEPTING HANK FOR WHO HE REALLY
IS.
>> LET'S SHOW MR. VENTURE OUR
THING.
>> THE ORDER OF THE TRIAD, GO!
>> GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN.
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--]
>> WE CAN STILL DO THIS,
JET BOY.
>> I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE I
HATE YOU.
YOU COMING, JET GIRL?
>> NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT ***
STOLE MY STANZA.
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT ***
MADE IT THROUGH THE LAKE OF
ACID.